Lack of ambition

sorabji.com: Do you have any regrets?: Lack of ambition
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).
By Puzzled in Punxatawney on Monday, July 20, 1998 - 07:34 am:
    As a result of bad parenting (mixed with my reaction to it) I am not as ambitious as my abilities dictate I should be. I have a brother that practises law...another makes a fantastic living working for a software company...my sister is a teacher...I don't have 6 weeks of college.

    This has caused me great grief. I am an intelligent guy. I am beloved by, honestly, everyone that knows me. But, I have a hard time motivating myself to action. I tend to be slow to act...I procrastinate...I observe things instead of taking the initiative...

    After 39 years, you'd think I would learn to be content with myself. I don't hate myself, I'm just a little disappointed.

    THAT'S BECAUSE MY DAD LIVES IN MY HEAD, HOW BLEAK.
By Blindswine on Monday, July 20, 1998 - 12:28 pm:
    the devil made me do it.
    my mom didn't love me enough.
    the man kept me down.
    the man fucked me up.
    my dog ate my homework.

    welcome to the culture of victimization.
By Starchy on Monday, July 20, 1998 - 01:47 pm:
    I can't help it, man - I was born into it.

    Grab a (metaphorical) plunger and get the fucker out. Sheesh.
By Puzzled at Protests on Tuesday, July 21, 1998 - 10:26 am:
    There are reasons and there are excuses. You will notice that I used the pronoun "I" when telling of MY shortcomings ("I procrastinate" not "my dad makes me procrastinate"). I never said that, as an adult, it was my parents responsibility that I am not ambitious...but it certainly is a consequence of MY REACTION to my upbringing.
    I made that pretty clear.

    Just as your ULTIMATE PERFECTION and SELF-SATISFACTION is a result of yours.

    Whether you realize it or not, deep-seated feelings of worthlessness are not easy to overcome(god knows I do my best).

    My hope was that people like yourselves who do not have this problem could offer some suggestions...not moralize ala GINGRICH.

    Thanks alot.
By Chordata on Tuesday, July 21, 1998 - 03:47 pm:
    I don't think you need our advice because you already know what to do. There's nothing we can say to get you to pick up the phone, call a community college, and get into some classes. There's nothing we can do to get you to call a psychologist to help you work past your childhood issues and investigate your lack of amibition (often stemming from depression).

    You know what you need to do. Stop talking about it and just do it.

    By the way, I find it strange that you blame bad parenting but your siblings turned out really well.

    I wish you luck.
By Repuzzlement on Wednesday, July 22, 1998 - 07:25 am:
    Here is the distinction...they turned out more ambitious (less depressed, I guess), but the fact is that no one escapes bad parenting. ALSO, I stated that it was MY REACTION to the bad parenting that resulted in my feeling like "what's the use?" ,not the bad parenting itself. I realize that many people, from much worse circumstances than I come from, do well ambition-wise. I also see those same folks, while they DO well...often have problems that present themselves in other ways, much like my siblings.
    I do love life, and have a comfortable sort of lower middle-class life and have no complaints, really. I just can't help but feel that I have not lived up to my potential.

    This is all a result of comparing myself to others. Another bad habit.
    C'est la vie.
By Starchy on Wednesday, July 22, 1998 - 12:44 pm:
    My apologies. I misinterpreted, end of story.

    I would agree with Chordata - you do have a fairly good attitude towards this. To escape your past, you just have to accept that it's the past and only the past - the only bearing it has on you now, is that you can learn from it.

    Yeah, looking back on yr original post, I now smell a tinge of sarcasm I somehow missed the first time, which changes things lots. I don't apologise for what I *said*, and I really don't think it was moralising, but the tone I used was worthless.

    *shrug*
By Starchy on Wednesday, July 22, 1998 - 12:44 pm:
    My apologies. I misinterpreted, end of story.

    I would agree with Chordata - you do have a fairly good attitude towards this. To escape your past, you just have to accept that it's the past and only the past - the only bearing it has on you now, is that you can learn from it.

    Yeah, looking back on yr original post, I now smell a tinge of sarcasm I somehow missed the first time, which changes things lots. I don't apologise for what I *said*, and I really don't think it was moralising, but the tone I used was worthless.

    *shrug*
By Antigone on Tuesday, July 28, 1998 - 12:20 am:
    Don't think "I'm 39 and I've fucked around all my life."
    Think "I'm 39, and when I'm 49 I'll be an M.D."
    Drop everything now and do it!
    Make impossible goals, and get half way there!
    Fuck the past. It's dead. YOU'RE NOT.
    Act like it.
    Now.

    This might sound trite, but it works for me.
By -Grateful Guy- on Tuesday, July 28, 1998 - 07:55 pm:
    Thank you for your posts. Every little bit helps.

    I find certain people here (at sorabji) to be human, reasonable, willing to listen and jump on someone when they are wrong, but at the same time acknowledging the validity of the individual.

    This is helpful.

    Pomposity, egotism, sneering smarmy attitudes and viscious attacks only reflect a shallow, small mind.
By Starchy on Wednesday, July 29, 1998 - 11:23 am:
    At times, though, they can also reflect aspects of the chaos in the life of those who make them.

    All is transient, even the persona one displays (intentionally or otherwise) outwards through the net... <g>
By Shigersham on Wednesday, July 29, 1998 - 11:09 pm:
    Was that a regret or an accusation?
By Starchy on Thursday, July 30, 1998 - 10:48 am:
    I don't think I'd call it either, but "regret" comes closest.
By Mark on Thursday, August 6, 1998 - 09:43 pm:
    Puzzled(or whatever name your using) Pardon the
    language,but fuck the assholes who posted early
    in this board trying to slam you. You were being
    honest and sincere and those self-rightous fools
    sound like they were quoting some article they
    read in the lifestyle section of the Sunday paper.
    Your probably more normal than your "driven" siblings.
By A. Landers on Wednesday, January 6, 1999 - 04:15 pm:

    Maybe you never had a single thing that captured your interest like it did your siblings? My advice is to ignore your siblings and focus on what makes you happy, if just getting by makes you happy, fine, what is the point of life otherwise? Who said you can't be happy unless you are rich, a doctor, a politician, etc? Is being a miserable but well paid lawyer considered a succesfull life?

    However, if you have an idea of what makes you happy and aren't acting on achieving it that is a different matter. Never write yourself off, usally your biggest enemy is yourself. Set short term goals that are achieveable and leads towards your long term goal. Don't say "I didn't get a degree today so I'm a failure" say "I'm going to do well in this class...which will lead towards a degree", you get alot more positive feedback that way. And if you need more encouragement just look around, those people certainly aren't any better than you and if they can do it you sure as hell can.

By The Narcolpetic on Thursday, April 8, 2004 - 09:59 pm:

    Antigone I really liked your comment - "F**k the past. It's dead. YOU'RE NOT.
    Act like it.
    Now."
    I'm 29 - have a degree but feel like the slacker that I have been acting like. I too have a super successful (and younger) brother who is earning 6 figures while I seem to keep getting jobs the pay crappy and are awful. I am setting new (and obtainable) goals for tommorrow. No more of this "someday" shit. For me - finishing my grad application and working out for 30 minutes.
    I think there are several cliches that can apply here - 'a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step' ...or the one my mom likes to use "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time". I think Landers has it right - follow your passion - one reason I am going back to school - to be in a field I enjoy.
    God bless.

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