It would be swell if I could not regreat anything I've ever done, and most of the time I can actually Think that and Believe it. I think: I don't regreat anything I've ever done, because if I'd done anything different, I wouldn't be the person I am today, and I'm not such a bad person! Think a little more, and it's: on the other hand...There are these people I love more than life or myself or anything else, that I have in some way or another caused a great deal of pain to. If I had the chance, wouldn't I want to take back some Thing I did to hurt them and spare them the pain of that? Repair our damaged relationship? Even if it meant sacraficing the person I am today? And what about the pain I've caused myself? What about the faith I used to have in certain spiritual and emotional aspects of my life that I would give Anything to get back? Wouldn't I change the things I've done that resulted in me losing such faith? The third (fourth, fifth, whatever) hand wants to know if I'm even such a great person, anyway. I'm not pondscum, I know that, but maybe I could be better. Maybe if I did things a little differently, I could be a better person than I am, and happiness would follow. Is not being unhappy the same as being happy? Right now I'm on the verge of regreating that I ever came to this BB (because I just can't force myself to type "BBS") in the first place. It's pretty early in the morning, and waking up to find you fell asleep watching a Really groovy movie you're dying to know the ending to (regreat?) and Codco (which would be a lot funnier if it had a laugh track. lamb that I am.) has taken its place so here I am reading a bunch of notes from a bunch of people I don't know, but you know, this style of ranting and babbling appeals to me. From past expearience (sp?) I've learned to be unsure about new people...especially those on-line, who always seem so territorial (sp? again) and either ignore or respond rudely to new people, which doesn't offend me, but usually succeeds (grr. sp?) in making me go away since if I'm not having fun, what's the point? I never had this problem on Prodigy (after ren), but they kicked me out a long time ago for being born on the wrong side of the border, and nowhere on the whole worldwideweb have I seen another bunch of people who can be as sassy and sweet in the same breath as my little C3 chums. Putting aside the odd moment of sappiness that I can't say I didn't give in to at times. Nothing like a great big old cyber-hug to wish someone a happiness on their "Birfday BB"! Sorry, I got away from myself...what was I saying? Right. Pointing out why I'm on the verge of regreating this whole note/BB/7am on the web thingy. I think I'll lean towards the "no" side of the line on that one, since I always have a heck of a time getting lost in thought like that...it's fun, you know? Let's say "no regreats", since the sixthorso hand has just pointed out that if I could have been a better person with different choices, I also could have been a Worse person. Maybe it's better to just not Dwell. ps...if you're gonna give me back a smart reply, at least let it be that much - smart. Make me laugh, y'know?

damn. I like BB too... BBS makes me think it stands for bullshit... and I have no idea why but whenever I see BBS i read it as bullshit... and I've got this rambling problem today..

and that didnt actually answer your questions or fit anywhere and I blame this on the fact that it is Friday 43.7pm on my side of the planet and I cant wait to go home and start the WEEKEND

shit that would be 4.37 arghhhhh