Berma Lou


sorabji.com: Do you have any regrets?: Berma Lou
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By J on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 02:44 pm:

    Czarina and Brucifer took me to meet her,they warned me ahead of time.Berma was about my age now,but time had not been good to Berma,time or the booze.Berma was from Tuscon,but was living in Phoenix with her elderly dad.Her mother was hit by a car and killed crossing Speedway trying to get her out of a bar when Berma was in her early 20's. Berma was a mess,fat,ugly,and she would fart all the time,only sometimes it wasn't a fart and you could see that she shat on herself,then she would say"kids,kids, your mother's not well".We would get hysterical.We use to visit Berma all the time,but we weren't laughing with her,we were laughing at her.One time we were all there,Jimmy Sue,too.Berma was flipping out because her Dad wouldn't come out of the bathroom.She was pounding on the door"daddy you alright".We all took turns listening at the door,we could hear him muttering and he kept saying "oh God"but he wouldn,t answer Berma.She finally talked Jimmy Sue into busting down the door,the crazy old fucker was masterbateing into a coffee can.We just all freaked,and took off.That was the last time I ever saw Berma,but Czarina and Brucifer took her out for her B-day,asked me if I wanted to go.I said no,how are you going to take her out in public?That made them think,so they went to a thrift store and got her a whole get up shoes too.Poor Berma,I bet she's dead.


By Editor nate on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 04:48 pm:

    Czarina and Brucifer took me to meet her,
    they warned me ahead of time.

    Berma was about my age now,
    but time had not been good to Berma,
    time or the booze.

    Berma was from Tuscon,
    but was living in Phoenix
    with her elderly dad.

    Her mother was hit by a car
    and killed crossing Speedway
    trying to get her out of a bar
    when Berma was in her early 20's.

    Berma was a mess,
    fat,ugly,
    and she would fart all the time,
    only sometimes it wasn't a fart
    and you could see
    that she shat on herself,
    then she would say
    "kids,kids,
    your mother's not well".

    We would get hysterical.

    We use to visit Berma all the time,
    but we weren't laughing with her,
    we were laughing at her.

    One time we were all there,
    Jimmy Sue,too.
    Berma was flipping out
    because her Dad wouldn't come out
    of the bathroom.

    She was pounding on the door
    "daddy you alright".

    We all took turns listening at the door,
    we could hear him muttering and he kept saying
    "oh God"
    but he wouldn,t answer Berma.

    She finally talked Jimmy Sue
    into busting down the door,
    the crazy old fucker was masterbateing
    into a coffee can.

    We just all freaked,
    and took off.

    That was the last time
    I ever saw Berma,
    but Czarina and Brucifer
    took her out for her B-day,
    asked me if I wanted to go.

    I said no,
    how are you going to take her out in public?

    That made them think,
    so they went to a thrift store
    and got her a whole get up
    shoes too.

    Poor Berma,
    I bet she's dead.


By Nate on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 04:48 pm:

    i knew it. you're a poet J.


By Mavis on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 04:49 pm:

    that is just brilliant.

    wow


By agatha on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 05:10 pm:

    i was thinking the same thing. that was straight out of a harry crews novel, or something.


By semillama on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 07:52 pm:

    Damn, that's beautiful.

    Surprised, J?


By Antithesis on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 08:58 pm:

    *claps loudly from the back of the audience, whistling catcalls from three places at once* ENCORE!


By Nate on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 10:40 pm:

    you know, swine would always say we were a bunch of fucks... except J.


By dbone on Tuesday, August 22, 2000 - 11:37 pm:

    we are a bunch of fucks...except J.

    whom i have long considered to the poet laureate of this place


By J on Wednesday, August 23, 2000 - 02:05 am:

    Oh shit,this is scarey,hahahaha!!


By semillama on Wednesday, August 23, 2000 - 09:32 am:

    J, Poet Sorabjiite!

    Start the ticker tape parade and free whiskey!


By patrick on Wednesday, August 23, 2000 - 12:33 pm:

    anybody that hangs around the house, has shit paid for and gets more loaded before noon than most of us do on Friday and Sat. combined is the target of my envy......

    sort of like Bukowski meets June Cleaver


By moonit on Thursday, August 24, 2000 - 02:16 am:

    I love J. and I loved that story.


By J on Thursday, August 24, 2000 - 11:45 am:

    I love you too Moonit:) I wish Czarina would get her ass back on the board,she has pictures of Berma Lou,with her soiled pants and all.


By Zephyr on Thursday, August 24, 2000 - 12:17 pm:

    wow.

    I didn't read that until just now.

    Strange, but beautiful.

    Just like all of us.


By J on Thursday, August 31, 2000 - 12:35 pm:

    Tell them Czarina,don't you have some pictures?


By Czarina on Thursday, August 31, 2000 - 01:04 pm:

    Its all true.She was such a wretched soul.She was mortified when we all saw her dad wacking off in the coffee can,he just keep muttering "Damn kids" when he saw us looking in at him.Her name was Berma-Lou,but we called her Sperma-Lou.And we did take her out for her birthday,to Montes,an expensive steakhouse,and she cried most of the meal,she just couldn't believe someone would do something nice for her.It was embarrasing,but I'm not sorry we did it.I can still hear her saying "Kids,I'm not well", with her twangy southern accent.She was a fag-hag,hopelessly in love with a guy we called Shot-gun Johnie[he'd tried to kill himself by shooting himself in the head with a rifle]but he didn't do such a good job,and survived,and amazingly, he wasn't unattractive,but quite disfunctional.Berma really loved him,but he always picked up cheap tricks,and brought them to her hovel of a home.God,the times we heard her pitiful wailing,drunk as a skunk, she'd sing that "Frankie and Johnie" song.[ALOT]She tried to act like her home and father were just like anyone elses while we we there,I don't think she ever realized we accepted her just like she was and it was "okay".A truley sad example of human existence.I hope she's finally at peace,maybe with Shot-gun Johnie.


By J on Thursday, August 31, 2000 - 02:11 pm:

    I felt sorry for her,but I still didn't want to be seen in public with her,that was sweet of you two to do,I bet she never forgot it.


By Czarina on Friday, September 1, 2000 - 08:33 am:

    I know I never forgot it,or the look on the poor waitress's face when Berma kept farting and crying.


By Dougie on Friday, September 1, 2000 - 08:35 am:

    Might want to invest in some Beano for Berma.


By J on Friday, September 1, 2000 - 10:43 am:

    I think she's gone to that big outhouse in the sky.


By Dougie on Friday, September 1, 2000 - 10:47 am:

    Oh, sorry J.


By J on Friday, September 1, 2000 - 11:21 am:

    Maybe her next life will be better,I hope.


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