| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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I would of listened to my mother about being to young to get married as I am sitting here with my second husband..I would of finished college and had my children at a better point in my life..but if our destiny's are already planned then I guess my life is going as scheduled. |
Regrets.... hummm.... sounds like a mid-life crisis to me... but im young and know everything, so dont listen to me... |
tomorrow. |
today. |
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I'm going through a quarter-life crisis. |
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being 25-27 sucks major ass. worst years ever, besides adolesence. |
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apparently. |
I can only tell you what happened to me. It might help, we have some of things in common. Anyway, I had a kind of an image of myself as being the "brain in the jar"...someone who was just kind of there for witty social commentary and amusing personal anecdotes, that my friends were the attractive ones and I was the funny geek. I really and truly thought that once I got back to school I would be absolutely happy and fulfilled because that is where weirdo brain people like myself belong. Wrong. I had to learn that it okay to want someone to love you and think you're the most beautiful woman in the world, and that didn't make you weak and needy. I also got over most of the body image crap...and not just on the level of the intellectual "I know I'm not ugly" but on a much deeper level. That's all I can think of. It wasn't easy. It was a slow and sometimes painful process because I also had to deal with all the things that had contributed to my feeling that way...you know when you actually acknowledge how your interactions with other people have helped shape you and everyone thinks you're blaming them. Well, sometimes it needs to be done. I also had an excellent therapist, probably one of the best I'd ever had. |
and yeah, they are important years, maybe because they are so hard. i thought they were just awful. and i know a few other people in that age range right now who are having quarter-life crises. 25-28 is like some sort of limbo. that's why i compared it to adolesence. you're like too young to be taken very seriously in the adult working world, and quite possibly rightly so, because you just don't have that much life experience in that realm. you may be very intelligent and well-educated, but nothing replaces or makes up for having experience. but you're finally old enough to care about wanting to make something out of your life and are worrying about turning 30 and not having accomplished anything, like you're sort of spinning your wheels. you're like play-acting adulthood. i don't know if i have any advice except hang in there. when i was that age, i was just wild. lots of drugs, lots of partying, lots of directionless behavior and attitudes. i was in hawaii then, and those years are just a blur or sand and salt water and ecstacy and acid and summer road trips on the mainland. i dreaded 30. i thought turning 30 would be the equivalent of being dead, or worse, being OLD. all my 30+ friends and family assured me that the best years are after you turn 30, and i would smile and nod politely and think to myself, "they're only saying that because they're over 30 and they're OLD and they have to say that!" but then i turned 30 and everything changed. everything since has just been so, so good. there's beauty and confidence and youth and experience and confidence. did i mention confidence? even when things are bad, they're never as bad as the bad times between 25-28. |
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I spent those years learning how to handle what was in front of me, learning how to say no when people asked too much of me, learning how to make decisions to do things and actually follow through with them. I spent that entire time redefining myself, reprioritizing my life, and finally finding a me that I can be happy with. Even though I know that the person I have become would be a huge dissapointment to some who love me, I am happy just being me, small boobs, huge ass, messy house, crazy kids, and all. |
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Remember that you were working full time to support us since I had to stay home with Micki and then take care of Grandma too, and you were going to school full time at night. We hardly saw each other then and then it was just to sleep and bitch and try to let the kids have some fun time. We didn't have outlets for stress (partly due to my health problems) or ways to just have fun for a little while then. Everything was a struggle back then. Moving to Texas was one of the best moves we ever did. We might still struggle but it isn't constant, and we do have free fun available here so that we have a good balance in our lives finally. Then again, maybe it was just our changes with our age and growing with the life lessons we have learned and continue to learn. Who knows? I like things now, much better than my mid-20's. When I hit 30 I want a huge fucking over the hill party!!!!!! |
Thanks, guys! Kazoo, I totally grok the "brain in the jar" feeling. The other day I was listening to a Pulp song that has the line, "Why live in the world when you can live in your head?" and I thought, "shoot, that's me." And I have body image issues, too. Sarah, I do feel like I'm in Limbo -- right on the threshold of something scary: being a responsible adult. The scary part comes from my thinking that I would have to change a lot to get to the Responsible Adult level, and I don't want to do that. But I'll be 25 next month, and I have nothing to show for it. I look at people who are my age, and even younger, and they seem composed and together and sophisticated, while I'm still a 17-year-old goofball in my head. Another line from a song that hit me recently was "I'm not living, I'm just killing time." That's exactly how I feel, and I hate it. But I'm killing time while I wait for....what? I do believe that going back to school will help a lot, though. Right now, I feel like I'm not going anywhere, and I don't have anything to show for the past 2.5 years I've put into my job. School has goals and checkpoints to pass. The problem is, as I've said for years, I don't know what I want to study, because I have only mild interest in lots of different areas. That's true when it comes to looking for another job, too....I could do a number of things, but I don't think I would want to make a career out of anything. It's funny because I think, "Hell, maybe I should just..." and then I can't think of anything! Not even as an escape. God, I feel like I'm squandering my life away. But enough self-pity. I know something will come up, or I'll think of something, and then I'll have a purpose. |
just like the chumbawumba song! or that pulp song that goes the trouble with your brother he's always sleepin with your mother and i hear that your sister missed her time again this month am i talking too fast? are you just playin dumb? if you want i can write it down it shouldn't matter to you cuz aren't you the one with your razamatazz and the nights on the town? ah yeah, i freak that one out with a little whiskey and all up in the barre chords Dm G Em Am. i play it like i just don't care, because i don't care, because no one ever hears me, and when they do they say things like "oooo nate, your voice is soooo sexy like lice fucking in pubic hair forests and please take your pants off i want you inside me and please let me swallow all that you make for me" you know. typical tuesday night. |
I discovered this weekend that while A Different Class used to be my favorite Pulp album, I can now listen to only about 4 songs through to the end. You can tell me lies about the good times that you've had / but I've kissed your mother twice and now I'm working on your dad. |
one of my biggest realizations is that adults don't know what the fuck they are doing, either. there is no magic change and suddenly you are responsible and wise. you are constantly faced with things you haven't seen before, and you have to figure out how to pass through them the best you can. my mom once said "you look in the mirror and you see this older person, but you're still you inside. it doesn't make sense that you'd be in this body. you still don't know shit about anything." ok, that's a paraphrase, but the gist is there. if you're anxious because you have no milestones, make some. they don't have to be career related. you've always wanted to learn PERL? learn PERL! you've always wanted to throw pots? throw pots! it's just life. if people reached an age and had things figured out, philosophy would be a quick read. |
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yeah, exactly what nate said. when i turned 30 it happened shortly after i started working at the Evil Bank. and i had had this idea that adults knew what was going on, or at least serious business people, that there was like something they learned in school or a Rule Book that they followed to help them make important decisions. that's a load of crap. everyone, even the people handling YOUR MONEY, are winging it. everyone is winging it all the time. we only know so much, and the rest is trial and error. and yeah, the people who seem composed are the ones who are good at faking it. some of them maybe even think they do know what's going on, but they don't. spider, you're going to be just fine. have fun, be young, drink, fuck, pray and just get up and do the best you can. also: never forget the power of chocolate. |
spider......relax and stop worrying. if you let up a bit life flows a little easier. id say put your religious hang ups on the closet shelf for a year but i know thats not right for you, and at the same time you know i have to say it. people ask me if im "freaked out" being a dad and i have to say no. does that make me composed or subsequently a "faker"? no. it just means i've have come to grips with the situation at hand. this is what it is and if anything, having a shorty has made me more of a relaxed individual because my daily structure has taken a knock. the only absolute i have is, i have a beautiful brilliant wife and a daughter who proving to be a terribly bright, strong, mellow, patient and sophisticated girl. the only sure thing and even thats not so sure, are the two faces smiling at me when i get home. you need to sull your oats spider....even if its in a G-rated manner. |
And I have not just a child, but CHILDREN. It freaks me out |
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flowers. for a mere $3-5 a week i pick up a bunch of ...whatever is onsale at trader joes. mums, daisies, tulips...whatever. place them around the house in numerous vases. i've been doing this sense the 8th month of pregnancy and man does it drastically change the mood in my house. i make sure nico has some sort of flower on her desk, in the bathroom, on the coffee table, dining table and in the bedroom nightstand. its an understatement how much it improves our general mood. |
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We had a spectacular row of daffodils all up along the driveway, but they're fading fast. The tulips are just coming out as well as the lilacs. I love Spring. |
26% of all house fires are caused by unattended lit candles. (3% of all house fires are caused by wildflowers) |
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Yeah, and? I don't recall saying that my candles were unattended after being lit. Silly fools. You have to be careful where you put flowers here, too, cuz Punkin likes to eat them. That is why my rosebush is outside now. |
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every passing year since i hit 20 has been filled with terrifying and silly events, each one reminding me that no one knows what the hell they're doing, we are all just making it up as we go. It's funny, and scary as hell. It started when i went to college and the bank gave me a credit card as part of the student account. Just handed it to me. Me? a credit card? for real? That's what tipped me off to the whole scheme. I have a credit card in my wallet. That's not right. Apparently i'm doing well with it because they keep raising my limit. I have good credit. Not right, not right at all. Even more confusing was renting my first house. A house? who's going to let me do that? be serious. But they did. Get this- i phoned up real estate agents and they not only talked to me (ME!) but set up appointments with me to show ME houses. They dressed up too. Gave it the big sell. Let me have one. I signed a lease and everything. Were they nuts? I'm just me. Little silly me. With a townhouse. Thats FUCKED UP. What a grand joke i thought it all was. I had actually convinced these people that i could handle a house and a credit card? The fools! Couldn't i just have half a lease to start with, and then later move on to all this grownup stuff? Who will teach me? It keeps getting funnier, as i never age, i'm always 16 in my head. I own a car. That's funny. The only bad thing is that it's made me realize that my parents are making it all up too, and that would keep me up at night if i let it. "You guys have no idea what you're doing, do you?" i imagine that the big CEOs of major companies sit around giggling about their power ties and their huge leather chairs when they are alone in their offices. |
I have come to peace with that part of me. I think that is my growing. I don't fucking care and try to do the best I can and as long as I do that I feel fine. |
The person was somewhat older (i.e. in their late 40's or something like that). They wrote that they had always wanted to become a (doctor, lawyer, take your pick) but that by the time they graduated, they would be, let's say 50 and they were wondering if it would be worth it to go for that degree at such a late stage in life. Dear Abby/Ann Landers replied (with what I thought was excellent advice and something that I try to remember for myself) that this person, upon reaching age 50, would find themselves to be either someone who was actually a doctor/lawyer/take your pick or they would be someone who had always wanted to be a doctor/lawyer/take your pick but never followed through on their dreams. Meaning that you are never too old to teach an old dog new tricks. And you may just find it totally worth your while.... |