why does cyst call herself cyst? why does bagpuss call himself bagpuss? why does rhiannon call herself spider and only sometimes? what is a semillama? is it half a whole llama? what does r.c. stand for? is blindswine and swine the same person? why the nickname? i take it gee calls herself gee because she watches homicide. that's one question answered.

Rhiannon is my real name. (And NO I wasn't named after the Fleetwood Mac song) Spider is a family nickname. I don't know why I switched to using my real name. If you're *really* curious, I'm called Spider mostly by my sister. I'm pretty small but I have comparatively large hands, with long boney fingers, and my sister used to say my fingers looked like spiders' legs.

R.C. is short for Radical Consequences/which is the name of my production co. Which only exists inside my house at present. But still -- it's mine. Swine is short for Blindswine. He had a website on AOL under that name/but it's been defunct for a while now. I have no idea what the name means. Waffleboy had another name when he 1st showed up here -- Accustat. Which I thought sounded too much like a urine test. So when he professed his great love for waffles/I renamed him Waffleboy. Nate is short for Nefarious Alien Terrestrial Entity. He's basically a body-snatcher from a distant galaxy (& quite a cute bod he snatched for hisself!) sent here to report on human cyberspace interactions & heterosexual intercourse. He can consume mass quantities of drugs & booze becuz aliens/try though they might/can't get high within earth's atmosphere. I think Agatha's real name is something else/but I'm not sure what. But (her) Dave is really Dave. Markus is really named Markus (I think). PJBoy is an alias. I think becuz he liked to wear pyjama's to work at his old job. (He was formerly a Keebler Elf.) J & H were formerly part of the band GHIJK /which suffered a nasty break-up after their last world tour. (They don't like to talk abt it...) As for the rest of them/I have no clue.

rhiannon - do you like having long, bony fingers? supposedly, you have average-length fingers if, when you wrap your thumb and index finger around your other arm's wrist, the tips of your thumb and finger touch. if they can't reach, you have short fingers. I have the longest, boniest fingers I've ever seen. when I wrap my right-hand thumb and index finger around my left wrist, my thumb reaches past my fingernail and past the first joint. I was able to palm a fully inflated basketball in junior high (haven't tried since then). in that spain underwear photo I've already encouraged everyone to look at, you can see how freakish my hands are. but I like them. sometimes weird strangers tell me I should be a hand model. I would love my hands if I could find a pair of leather gloves to fit them. when I first got internet access in 1989, I was a pretentious teenager and had just read jean anouilh's WWII revision of sophocles, and signed up as "antigone." then I started feeling less intellectual and more pustulent, so I picked the name "cyst." because it's repulsive, easy to type and it sounds good aloud.

I call myself cyst because I'm an irritant. like posting a self-referential url three times in one week. just in case you want to see freak-show hands without going to another thread. http://www.geocities.com/ResearchTriangle/Node/7814/spain/spainindex.html every time I find some new online community to join, I always think, ok, this time I am going to pretend to be interesting and not say too much but only post worthwhile commentary. then every time I end up being myself. oh well, too late now.

Cyst -- our hands look alike! I've never tried the basketball trick, but on the piano I can span an octave plus two with no problem and an oct. + 3 if I stretch a little. Gloves that fit are nearly impossible to find - women's are too short in the fingers and men's are too loose. I would like them if they didn't look so freakish. You look long and thin everywhere and so your hands fit with the rest of you, but I'm short and compact. So my hands look like they belong to someone else entirely. And they're clumsy (or rather, I'm clumsy with my hands). I was (sort of) a hand model in high school, when friends of mine made me curl and clench them in weird positions and then spent hours sketching them. My thumb and index finger just touch at the tip with the smallest of overlap when I circle my wrist, but I have wide bones (wrist = 6 1/2" circumference) so that interferes with things.

wow. an octave plus 3. that is impressive. as I recall, I can only reach an octave because my pinkie won't stretch out to the side very far for some reason. I gave up piano early, as my teacher used to hit my hands with a stick when I'd let my wrists drop a little. she was so mean that sometimes she made me cry. if you ever find gloves that fit, you must let me know. I promise to do the same. yeah, I have very long limbs. the span of my arms is the same as my height, I think -- about 6'3.

I have long bony hands but small palms. I can span an octave plus, also. Alas, it never did anything for my parents, who refused to get me piano lessons, because they had both hated theirs so very, very much. No problem palming a basketball, but I can't PLAY basketball. I'm not even very good at horse. I use them to measure things. I know the span (extended) between tip of thump to tip of pinky and so I make accurate estimations of things' lengths all the times. I am not quite 6" tall, but like Cyst I am tall. Taller than Nate, anyway.

I can't play basketball, either. much to the surprise of countless nosy strangers.

I,m a freak,I have hands about the size of an 8 year old.My ring size is 4and a half,but it,s good if something is stuck in the garbage disposeal.

Whoa, that's small. But how small are they compared to the rest of you? (that's the REAL test of freakishness) I can't play basketball, either, but at 5'4" no one ever asks me to.

I,m tall,have long arms and legs,so my hands are wayyy out of proportion,once that slut I have to put up with,and I dropped some acid.She is a real asshole and she started making fun of my hands,then my ass,then my ears,while she was playing some Holloween sound effects on the stereo.I finally flipped out and left the house and went to the House of Pancakes,ended up with some cowboy who said he was a stuntman out in the middle of the desert.He turned out to be real nice,but later,when I came down,I thought what the fuck was I doing hitchiking on acid and going out in the desert with some strange man?And it just made me hate the slut even more.

i have tiny hands. but i can still do an octave +2. C to F on the fat string.

"Sorabji" is the name of a composer who wrote unbelievably difficult and obtuse piano music -- Kaikhosru Shapurji Sorabji. I chose the name as my login id when i first got online 1991, and have used it ever since. I was very interested in his music and music criticism during college, but have since come to the conclusion that he was just a big gasbag. Sorabji was, to me, the ultimate in obscurity, because he wrote music that no one could possibly ever play, much less have any desire to listen to. I've also had an on-again/off-again friendship with a man who was good friends with Sorabji in the late 1980s before he died at the age of 98. i met that guy after i played a concert in new york that included a couple of very short pieces by Sorabji. And i used to be in touch with the Sorabji Archive in Bath, England, but long ago lost interest in paying hundreds of dollars for unreadable manuscript scores i would never have any desire to learn. Very occasionally, like once every 7 or 8 months, someone writes to ask what this site has to do with Sorabji the composer. i don't usualy bother to answer any more, since the only reason people ask is to show off the fact that they are familiar with this composer. i don't think the composer will ever rise from obscurity, and that would seem to be the way he wanted it. i have performed some of sorabji's music. here is a realaudio copy of a tape from a concert in new york where i played In The Hothouse, definitely one of Sorabji's easy pieces, for both the performer and the audience. it's actually not a bad pieces, though -- i keep meaning to make an .mp3 of it. my hands are typical pianist's hands, with puffy yellow muscles in that part of the hand between the bottom of the fingers and the palm. a high school piano teacher once pointed these muscles out to me, syaing puffy yellow muscles there are unique to pianists and other musicisns, and i've been proud of them ever since, even though i'm not sure if she was telling the truth or not. since the 7th or 8th grade i've been able to do "the vein trick" with my hands and arms. by gyrating my right index finger i can cause one of the veins to slide over the bone, and it's quite visible to anyone who can stand to look at it. it made grade school and high school girls scream. i can also cause all the blood in one bulging vein in my inner right arm to empty and fill up again, and it's weird to see happen. last week, while driving from tampa through the southern states, i stopped in Jacksonville to see a friend from high school, and was surprised when he told me "remember your vein trick? i do that for all my students now, they love it!" i used to be so skinny that the veins just bulged like exposed plumbing, and i'm still pretty below-average weight, so the veins are still pretty pronounced. not that anyone cares, but playing piano does not require big hands. josef hoffman had tiny hands which could just barely reach an octave but he ripped through all the repertoire. i can reach a 10th.

I am a freak, 6'2" with the longest god damned hands and legs. I have girly wide hips and big-ass feet and nose to match. My name was assumed when i was doing open mike night poetry and on the spot i called my self "waffleboy". I actually hate waffles, they make me sick.

the physical freaks of the universe all congregating on a computer bulletin board. imagine that.

I was skinny,I care.I took up tuba in 6th grade till Mr.Ryan kicked me out,a skinny kid with asthma don,t cut it on the tuba,I was going to ask something nasty,but decided to be proper.It only had three valves,I thought it would be easy.

Cyst, i hardly doubt you and your "meatmobile" qualify as "freaky" but you can be our civilized, humanoid sympathizer, kinda like Elliot to ET, you can fight with us and gain us the recognition we may not otherwise attain with our freakish ways.

Wow. Lesee...my thumb and index finger are about 3/16 of an inch apart when I wrap them around my wrist. I don't have a keyboard handy, but when I put my index finger on the low F on the E-string of my P-Bass, my pinkie can barely make it past the A-flat fret. I have stubby fingers.

dude. I'm a 6'3 asian-looking chick (and most of the year I wear work boots with a 1.5-inch heel). how many of those live on your block? and what the hell is going on with short guys (< 6'0) barking up this tree? goddamn. they're supposed to be all intimidated and embarrassed and shit. whatever happened to the old days, when goils were goils and men were men? "I'm 5'11 on a good day, and I out-mass you by quite a bit, and certainly out-muscle you. I think I'm secure enough that I could date a taller woman and still be the dominant one, which is what I figure the whole tallness issue is about. Frankly, I could pick you up and throw you down on the bed and have my way with you, and that's what matters." hahahhaha.

um OK your in, 6'3"???????? WHOOOOOO

yeah. and you're married.

yeah. and you're married.

i want you in my movie, cyst. i just need a movie now. (no, not that kind of movie.)

um yes I MA VERY HAPPILY MARRIED, and frankly I find 6'3" females uncommon, nothing more....

that was a "WHOOOOOOO" of astonishment not attraction, if I am interpreting your last double-posted comments correctly

i can do those vein things, but i thought everyone could, although come to think of it noone does. i can overlap my thumb and little finger around my wrist. i think this has to do with wrist size not finger size. i wear size 4 rings, and i'm not a freak, unless you count that other stuff. i would love to be as tall as cyst. i've been 5'9" since i was eleven years old, and that was freakish. they wouldn't let me into the movies for kids prices. this confessional stuff is pandemic. i'm scared.

What's with everyone here being all tall and everything? I feel left out. And since we're continuing with the "check out these weird features of mine" idea: I have very short legs. Like, really short. So short that I can't really dress up (you know, like, put on a skirt and heels) without looking like a kid who raided her mother's closet. Plus I have what is politely called a baby face, with round cheeks and big eyes and long eyelashes and a small mouth. I've gotten carded at R-rated movies at least 5 times in the past year. That's sick, all right? Someone wrote about being 15 and getting hit on by older men -- well, I get hit on by men whose faces fall when they find out I'm NOT 15. That's reaaalllly sick. The funny thing is, until I was around 18, people always thought I was older than I really was. Then all of a sudden, it's "what grade are you in?" "Uhhhh, I'll be graduating from college next year. Yes, that's right." I just hope my face catches up with my brain. Or else I'll be like that woman who was fired from that TV show for being 30 instead of 19, or something.

i think all the short people aren't telling their height..is why this seems so uneven.. i'll start... 5'2" and i look seven or so years younger than i am.. hmm..i'm starting to look around fifteen or sixteen now??

I've never been skinny. I have been lean. I used to wrestle and was quite good at it until i got kicked off the team for dipping. I was made an example of and said "fuck you all" and became a punk rocker. Bastards. I once ran a mile in 4:43. I could regularly run them in under 5 minutes. Not totally hardcore but pretty fucking good for a 15 year old smoker. Now, 20 years later, I weigh 270. And, although I carry it pretty goddam well, I could stand to lose 50 lbs. Cyst, I'd love to see you try to throw me on the bed. Agatha once took a self defense class and was feeling pretty badass so I said "try me" and she did and it was a joke which is a sad commentary on self defense classes. I thought about volunteering for a self defense class to be a beat-up dummy and give them a dose of reality. I have double jointed thumbs. I can undulate my stomach in really bizarre ways. I have big feet so when I buy shoes, I have to be careful that the shoes that are usually displayed as a size 8 don't look totally retarded at size 13. That's a problem for us big-footed folk. Ummm. . . I'm 6 feet tall and I could probably kick all of your asses if you were unlucky enough to get me that mad. I rarely get THAT mad. Except for Swine maybe, but I could at least put a serious hurt on him. I also have an uncanny ability to drink beer after beer after beer. . .

Dave -- what's 'dipping'? Izzat steriods? I'm 5'9". With pretty big hands. But my feet are big too (size 10). I cd span 2 octaves + back in my piano-playing days. But maybe my reach has shrunk since then. And the thumb-&-finger round the wrist thing measures yr frame -size/not yr finger size. I can get my thumb & pinkie to touch when I put them around the opposite wrist. But that's just becuz I've got skinny wrists. And I only wear a size 7 ring. So whazzup w/these size 10 feet?! I blame my Da for them -- he's only 5'7"/but he wears a size 9 shoe. My Mom's an Amazon/so there as no hope of getting small feet from her side of the gene pool. Having huge dogs is the only drawback to being tall.

I was at a party and this guy called me and my best friend Jules, units (yup luv that alchol feeling), so when I was looking for a name I thought MoonUnit (my (forgot it was Zappa's kids name) and added LunaChick (Lunatic) cause I'm kinda crazy every so often... hmm body story.. lets see yesterday my mum calls, is trying to bribe me to drop 2 dress sizes (I'm a curvy chick naturally and kinda extra curvy at the mo *sigh*) and she'll buy me something nice.... (seeing as the woman is in debt I can't see how this is gonna work) and I'm trying to decide if I should join the gym or just except my fate...I'm pretty tall tho, so I dont look like I should wiegh as much as I do..

dipping is chewing cope. we did that so we could spit a lot and lose enough weight to make weigh in. Most guys tried to lean down enough to make a lower weight group. I actually went up a weight group so that wasn't my reason.

Bagpuss - Because Emily loves me Hand - fingers just touching around wrist Height - 6' (I know ALL blokes SAY that but I really AM 6') Freakishly proportioned body parts - Only one ;) Since I was asked whether I look like Tom Jones I've been trying to think of a 'merican I look like (pictures of me on the net - NO WAY) and I can't. But I look exactly like the singer of Therapy Question Mark. Curious, why are you called that?

My son is 6ft.4,weighs about 160 pounds and has huge feet,had to get stiches where you don,t usually get them(reminds me of something Waffleboy told us about)after I popped him out.He would be so handsome if he hadn,t got fake I.D.,and got his eyebrows pierced.He,s 19 now,after he turned 18 he got lot,s of tattoo,s,got his nipples pierced,and he looks wierd to me but he,s cut right out of my ass.When I,m out with him in public,if people stare,I just look at them and say"I don,t dress him".that usually takes care of it.My daughters are both taller than me,bigger boned,and beautifull!!!

hey Dave when you say "I'm 6 feet tall and I could probably kick all of your asses if you were unlucky enough to get me that mad." you remind me of the rednecks that used to torment me and my friends in high school because we skateboarded and had punk rock hairdos.....you scare me..... anybody up for some wrasslin and chaawin???

Well Dave I'm glad you put that "probably" in there, cause I'm 6'6" 260lbs ex; wrestler (real not WWF type) football player, rugby player, hockey player and boxer. while I can't out run you I would stand a very good chance if it came down to it. But I don't wanna fight anyone, I've got nothing to prove, so lets sit down and drink the bar dry! If you're ever in Toronto that is. Oh yeah I'm called Tiny cause I'm not. And it was my grandfathers nickname that just got passed on.

i kicka you assa! silly grasshoppas.

oh, btw: i'm 8'7", 420 lbs. i killed apollo creed in a boxing match. i used to travel the "blood sport" style circuits of east asia, until several major organized crime families got together and paid me to quit. i was so goddamn motherfuck good. i've killed 327 men in the ring. the risks of the game, you know. they shouldn't have faced me. I don't punch people. i punch through people. i mix ten high whiskey with motor oil and drink it by liter. i smoke dirt weed rolled in baby flesh and tied off with rubber bands. i've shot draino into my eyeballs to clear up my vision. i eat industrial waste three times a day. i fish for dairy cattle with a flag pole, corn on the cob and huge fucking treble hooks. beef is what's for dinner, even if it had an udder. i go offroading through elementry school playgrounds at lunch. and sometimes recess. i'll drag my nails down a blackboard. sometimes i'll even drag my teeth. i chew aluminum foil. i chew aluminum engine blocks. once i ate a whole goddamn geo metro. on the savana i am feared by all. as a child i was taken in by a pride of lions. i eventually fought my way to the top, but gave up my title because i couldn't impregnate any of the female. though not for lack of trying. i starved an entire band of laplander nomads by eating 40,000 migrating raindeer. i starved an entire pack of alaskan wolves by eating 20,000 caribou. the stream of my urine carves glaciers to form icebergs. my bowel movements are carefully contained and buried in the desert by my personal hazmat team. i think things into existance. i was given the key to heaven. they throw parties for me in hell.

Very impressive. But how big is yr dick?

all hail nate

You guys are really pissing me off! I love how people get all puffed up when somebody mentions ass kicking. "Did I just hear somebody say they'd kick my ass?!" I think if it came down to it, I wouldn't kick anybody in the ass or anywhere else. I'd just try to bite their nose off. I haven't been in a fight since early High School because everybody loves me and would never want to fight me. There are days when I am just aching for somebody to say something to set me off but they only smile or at worst, they ignore me. It's just as well. Fighting is dumb. So relax, okay? It was an intentionally stupid comment.

My $5 is on Dave. Now get in that monkeycage.

"I am just aching for somebody to say something to set me off " masturbation usually curtails the need to go kick somebodies ass Dave, give it a try all hail Nate!

I gave it a try last night. The fam's been gone for a few days so I rented a porno called Zazel. The blue chick was amazing. I want a blue chick. The pink chicks all had way too much hair and implants. I'm thankful that the cameraperson mostly ignored those areas. Waffleboy doesn't like me. He thinks I'm violent or something. Am I the only person who isn't aroused by Nate?

Whacking off is boring. Kicking someone's teeth is always fun cause it never happens the same way twice. Molar to the left, hunk of lip to the right one time...then the opposite the next You can even make teeth shatter if you whach someone with a tire iron. I did it to a cuban refugee once and he was screaming for his fuckin god like he did when the guards back in CUBA used to fuck em in the ass with no oleo.

oh no no I don't hate you, I think your words are silly, but i don't hate you, how bout that monkey cage with you and Mr. Bodyslam here........hey Margret i gots 20 bones on Bodyslam, wanna take it?

"Am I the only person who isn't aroused by Nate?" that's one way to earn my respect. my last fight was in 1984. i am a pacifist by intent, if not by nature.

whoops. that was a contradiction. i am 8' 7" though. at some speed.

If that were true, you should be getting smart-alecky with Body Slam's silly words as well. You seem to have some petty issue with jocks or rednecks that you haven't worked through yet and something I said set you off. That's okay. I'm here to help. But don't bother denying that you don't like me because you're not convincing. I just hope you're not older than say 25 or 26 because it's pretty pathetic when people who are older than that can't accept and/or admit to their own psychological shortcomings. Now, I just wonder if your reply will be some sort of attack, veiled or otherwise, or if it will be a well thought out, logical response. Maybe you'll want to bury the hatchet or maybe you'll change the subject altogether. You may even opt for the "I'm getting tired of this whole thing and I can no longer be bothered" tactic. Of course, you may just stay quiet and let the whole thing evaporate. If I told you that I was waiting for it, would you respond quickly or would you leave me hanging for a couple days? I like it when people put somebody they don't like in the "weeds" thread. That makes for a real party here in Sorabjiland. I guess we'll just see.

i have poked some fun with Bodyslam....check some other threads, i guess i do have issues with jocks and rednecks, all through my schooling the dumb lugs were always harrassing me and my friends because we looked different, the only thing that kept us going was the fact that we knew we had more intelligence in our stool then the whole football and wrasslin teams combined. I have no problem with sports, i played soccer for 12 years and love hockey, but there seemed to be a common mentality amongst the majority of the football team and their peers that if you looked different you didn't deserve any respect. Try taking an empty vodka bottle flying in the air at about 45mph in the stomach, only because we were skating down a the wrong country road in the pathetic suburbs of Atlanta. I never seen anyone spit up as much blood as my buddy did that day. Try not being able to go to the mall or movies without some fuck trying to impress his silly-assed pom-pom-brained girlfriend by berating you "freak!" "were gonna kick yer ass you fuckin punk!!!" "YEEHAW MOTHERFUCKER!" Try being labeled a fag all throughout high school simply because you were seen walking around with a book entitled "Queer" by William Burroughs. (Ironically I am now 24, married to a hottie that all those dumb lugs would now give their bitchin cameros away just to see her naked...) So yeah I have issues, I have issues due to the intolerance and ignorance of my peers growing up. FYI-I am up front, i don't run from a challenge and i enjoy good word play......as far as I am concerned, you are annonymous to me as am I to you so why not be extremely open and have some fun. I meant what i said about not hating you, i just thought your words about kickin ass and chawin were quite amusing so I had some fun, if thats what you like to do in real life, fine, but let me never cross your path (at least not without my 8'7" pal Nate). So relax, take a pock shot at me if you like, I don't care, thats the whole point of these message boards, to say shit we may never get the opportunity to say in reality and also to talk to people we ordinarily may not talk to. When I was old enough to leave the horrible suburbs I grew up in, I did and I never looked back and I have found a better quality of life in large cities so if I want to dye my hair fuckin pink I can and no gives a rats ass. cool?

See? We're more alike than different. Both thin-skinned and both beset upon by our own hang-ups. I was punk when it was dangerous. I hate saying shit like that. It sounds so trite. I was run off the road into a ditch full of water by the "good" kids in their Camaro. We didn't have sidewalks where I grew up. Just the road and the ditch full of rainwater. Anyhoo, now I'm just trying to blend in. Rather than trying to portray an identity for myself, I seek a non-identity. Rather than adopting an appearance that shouts "Look at me! Look at me!" and then getting pissed off when people look at me, I would have them not look at me in the first place. That's one of my issues. I have a wealth of them. Ask anybody who knows me. So stop picking on me you big fucking meanie!

There's WAAAYYY too much testosterone floating around this thread! I mean/why threaten to kick someone's ass on a msg. board? Even as a joke? Dave: I'd like to know what you got Agatha for graduation? And isn't fighting something we're SUPPOSED to outgrow? I've only had 2 knock-down /kick-ass fights in my life. Once when I was 10/& I whacked this girl upside the head w/a baseball bat for calling me a nigger. (Nowadays/they'd arrest you for assault for that shit.) And once in my 20's/which I was ashamed to admit was over a guy. (But hey -- she got in my face & asked me "So are you gonna kick my ass/or what?"). Both times/I was the only one left standing. But what I learned from those experiences was that it's dangerous letting yr anger take you out of the control zone. Because the 1 time in my life I truly needed to be able to kick someone's ass/he had a gun on me . And I cdn't fight him off. So I had to out-think him to survive. And isn't that how it usually ends up? With Brains triumphing over Brawn? If I taught my goddaughters to solve their conflicts by kicking someone's ass/you'd think I was a fucked-up person. (Or are men the only one's who are entitled to throw down?) [And Dave: I wd hope you aren't aroused by Nate. Otherwise/Agatha's got some worries. But for us female types/Nate's is a flesh for our fantasies. Becuz he is so fucking mental w/that adorable little-kid face/we can't help but be turned on. So get off us abt it!] [Besides/if we started getting on yr jock/Agatha wd kick our asses.]

Actually, R.C., it would probably give her an ego boost. Y'see, I'm of the opinion that women aren't attracted to me and when I mention that she gets upset. "So what the fuck does that say about me?", she says. I'm jealous about Nate. So what. Nothing against Nate in particular. I'm jealous of everyone who gets a lot of attention for being attractive. Doors open automatically for beautiful people. I was at Evergreen's graduation ceremony and I was amazed at how many beautiful people were there. Where are all the homely folk? They're all on the other side of town where the nail parlors and the beauty salons are. They're cranking out kids and cashing welfare checks. They're working in a cubicle at the Dept. of Blankety-Blank. That's where. See? It's another issue of mine. And God damn it, The kick your ass comment was MEANT to be stupid. Fuck.

I got it. But I still got $5 on YOU, champ. Shit, when I say stuff like that I know _I'm_ joking, so I assumed you were. Shit.

If the homely people are really cranking out kids, somebody's gotta be thinking they're not bad.

RE: freakishness...I'm 5'6", totally average, typical dumpy Russian peasant stock...but I do have two uvulas (that little thing that hangs down in the back of yr throat), and a pulmonary click (an extremely rare, but totally harmless heart murmer)...I also had 8 wisdom teeth...maybe I should have been twins. I am really annoyed right now with people who try to engage you in stupid dick-waving contests just to prove how punk they are. (& this is not directed at anyone here, just at this guy I ran into about 15 mins. ago) The thing is that you can't afford to be really punk (& thumb yr. nose at the Capitalist system) unless you were born rich b/c otherwise you have to take a straight job to pay the bills....so I have absolutely no respect for these kids. I just had a run in with some guy who talks abt. how east coast he is b/c he's from B-more, longer ago than I am...totally started going off on me for no apparent (or given) reason. I think I've said 2 words to him...ever. The only way to deal w/ assholes like that is to walk away (except in B-more where they're everywhere, which is part of why I moved, and probably part of why I walked away so readily...I know ppl. like that are just like that.)

Dave, man -- please/don't say shit like: <Where are all the homely folk? They're all on the other side of town where the nail parlors and the beauty salons are. They're cranking out kids and cashing welfare checks. They're working in a cubicle at the Dept. of Blankety-Blank.> I am no beauty queen/but no bow-wow either. And I have no kids. I just took & aced a test to work as a 911 dispatcher. A "Dept. of Blankety- Blank" job w/the Sherrif's office/paying $20,800 a year. Which is chump change to you. But no one else wants to fucking hire me here! I've never cashed or received a welfare check in my life. But when I was in N.Y. (on L.I.) 3 wks. ago/I spent most of my time in the parts of town that were dominated by nail salons & beauty parlors. Becuz in suburban America/that's where working-class people/of all races/live. The woman who owned the salon where I got my hair done up in flat twists (it's a Black thing/but not one of those crazy ghetto-girl haristyles) for my girl's wedding makes more $$ in a year than I do w/my Harvard B.A. (which is totally my fault/but still...). She was a Vietnamese woman/she did all our nails & the pedicures for everyone in the bridal party. She told me she had a civil engineering degree. If she's been a Heidi Fleiss girl/she cd've been making a fortune -- she was that fine. But she owns a nail salon in a Black ghetto on L.I./& employs her brother. And pays his college tuition at L.I.U./where's he's pre-med. (She was all abt running her mouth after my goddaughter told her where I'd gone to school.) She's 32 yrs. old w/no kids. And she gave me the best damn pedicure I've ever had. Some people aren't among the beautiful people becuz they're not fine enuf. But others aren't among that ilk becuz they choose not to be. Becuz they have other goals besides making $$. But that doesn't relegate them to the Welfare class! I thought Agatha wd've taught you better than that...

Golly. A few sentences here, a few more there. Is what I say really that controversial? I'm flattered. I didn't write the book, I'm just reading it. It's a pretty dumb book, though. Did Raymond Carter write this? I can't tell. The cover's been ripped off. I never cared for his stuff anyway. Too much realism.

Or is that Carver? I think it is. It doesn't matter.

what are you jealous of nate for? you've got a great woman and a great kid, nitz. and i know personally that you're a right-on motherfucker. so don't make me come back to seattle and slap some sense into you. cuz i'll pack up the monkeycage and take that shit on the road... and by the way, expect me out there again by fall. i still have to get all my books back. we should get drunk again and do some ass-kicking. ding ding. round two.

rc, lighten up. dave means nothing he says. i have noticed that when certain people say things around here, they are thought of as cute, when someone else says the same thing, they are thought of differently. waffle, dave kicks nobody's asses. he just likes to talk about it. he is a righteous man. i am not attracted to nate. i think he's a stand up guy, though, from what i can tell.

Nates too young for me,but I,d sure like to hook him up with my beautiful daughter Amee who reminds me of him.

lies. dave kicked my ass and stole at least six beers and two packs of cigarettes from me last time i was out there. all he gave me in return was that fucked-up pigment vehicle cd and a case of the itches from his unwashed car. i can understand all that "stand by your man" shit... but dammit, agatha, you take that shit too far!

You strange mother-fuckers,I love you.I don.t know shit from a tree about any of this techno shit.I have never talked on a chatline,or had cyber sex,or even know whatI,m doing ,this is the only board I posted to.Except for an inquirey about an abscure band i liked.

"mother-fucker" is just one word. motherfucker. correctly pronounced "muhfucka". i'm going to muhfuckin' sleep. i gotta wake up at 6EST and deal with the uglies that pay my muhfuckin' bills. dammit. and now i got some electronically delivered bullshit about me being a trust-fund baby. what?!? where the fuck is my trust fund?!? my parents came to this country with nothing, and gave their kids nothing except for good sense, good ethics, and the urge to be self-dependent. fuck everybody. i'm crashing out.

You MUST have a trust fund if you can keep going to work on only 3 hrs. sleep day after day! But it's good ta be the King.

Did somebody say ass kicking? Don't make me get up out of this cubicle!

i didn't take it seriously agatha, no sweat, as I expalined, weza jes havin sum fuun. i am on my way to my lovely cubical, in there all I have to pass the time is my pictures of Charlie Parker and Elvin Jones and this web address, to keep me runnin, runnin the big long road.....I am indeed a slave to money. I feel like waffles this morning, whats everyone having????

Beer.

FUCK YOU I;LL KICK ALL YOU"REA ASSSESSS

main event: nate and margret. deathmatch in the monkeycage. my money is on margret. although she'd probably fuck him into submission instead of giving him the proper ass-whipping he needs. c'est la vie. sex with marget probably entails lots of abuse anyway, so maybe it'd be more of a two-birds-with-one-stone efficiency thing.

"proper ass-whipping he needs." i keep hearing this line out of you, maybe you should be the one to execute it?

Knock it off,or I,ll whip the hell out of you both.And you know me,I might bring some piano wire.Just behave.

i don't get it. are you asking me to fly out to san jose to kick your ass? that's something new and different. i've got some people in oakland i wanna see. you pay for the airfare and we've got a deal.

right on, piano wire, yummy!!!!!!!!!! me first me first me first

Swine, if you come out here, you simply must drop by Mountain View too. It'd be nice to see a friendly face...I know nobody here except Nate, & I've never met him, (I don't think I should either...I'm a pretty scary example of humanity right now)

you know the deal. 1/2 the airfare. drink a bunch of tequila, then you can beat the shit out of me, then we can lay down some jams.

you musician nate? my wife and I are as well, she plays a mini moog and an old korg polysynth and I play drums , aalthough we haven't played so much since we have been to LA, this town is too stifled by industry schmucks, Atlanta was much more favorable to experimental and avante-garde music

i'm almost 5'3". i'm 28 but nobody believes me. they guess 23 or 24. i have very small hands but my fingers stretch four and a half frets on the geetar, working toward the fifth - because the span between my first and middle finger is about tripple the span between my other fingers. i have fat wrists and skinny ankles. for the record, i'm not aroused by nate, but i do think he's funny as hell and a good thinker to boot. and i think Sheila could kick everyone's ass, even Dave's. good thing margret only bet $5.00.

everyone's a musician, waffleboy. i own a small label/production company and a recording studio. you should make the drive sometime. i'm about 6 1/2 hours away.

our guitarist and engineer moved to SFA about 6 mos leaving us studioless/guitarless. He used an 8track minidisc that worked quite well for us. Sounds fun. We thought of amking a drive to big sur for vacation but I think we might hit NYC instead, if you are in San jose, just south of SF, i have made it in 51/2 hours, but I am an asshole on the road that way

alright, man. but for only half the airfare, you can forget about the ass-kicking. i can't be going around beating the shit out of people for *nothing*, now can i? expenses, expenses, expenses. since when do you own a label/production company?

and is mountain view near oakland? or san jose?

Nate's got a record label? AND a new Volvo! Hey, if you got product/hook a sister up! Just tell me where to send the check.

I'm a 6'4", 260 billion lb, large framed, completely invisible man. My nick name was originally "Antigone's short hairs" but I thought it was a tad too offensive for polite company. Little did I know the audience I was posting to. I can barely reach an octave on the piano but my piano teacher says that of your hand goes out of it's natural, completely relaxed position, you're using too much muscle, so I don't try anyway. At least, not at lessons... And I was unsure before, but after Nate's "caribou eating" post I'm completely aware of his divinity. Nate, thou art God! Actually, Nate's post is so inspiring, I think it should be posted in every classroom instead of the 10 commandments...

Does caribou taste like chicken?

mountain view is about 15 minutes on the highway (depending on traffic) south of palo alto. no where near oakland... it's south of the bay, not east bay.

Antigone,I was waiting for R.C.,she beat me to it last time,how big is your dick?

Yes, Gee is short for Giardello, which (in the olden days when I was on Prodigy which I can now see sucks a whole lot) used to be the name people would see when they'd get an e-mail from me: "Al Giardello". I'm pretty sure if you huntdown the proper BB's over there you'll still see that name. Then again, it's been a while, so...maybe not. Actually, Prodigy didn't suck quite so much. I knew a girl over there who was like my mental twin (scarey). We used to tell people we were married (I got to be the dom) and I'd offer to bring her cheese and they'd think we were freaks. You can't buy that kinda fun on IRC. I don't look so freakish. Actually I feel kinda good about myself now! I'm mostly normal in the whole hight, hands, eyes (was that this thread?) areas. I'm not so average looking that I feel like a drone, though. I think there's something very interesting about my whole face (well, I think that when I'm not busy trying to scrub my freckles off. no one tell me freckles are cute, because people without freckles Always say that.). Most females I see wandering around nowadays all seem to look alike, and I'm Greatful (very very) that I look different. Sometimes I feel like the only real person left on earth, which is a very dangerous way to think, actually. I'm not really wildly aroused by Nate either, but I wouldn't mind sharing a blanket with Sarah if I knew her in the physical world.

Let's see, Mountain View is on the way from S.J. to the City. For the record, I don't know what Nate looks like. So I am potentially aroused by Nate. But from his description on {that thread w/ all the testosterone, the name of which I can't recall}, he doesn't sound like my type. I like a boy I can bench press.

Uh, J, why do you want to know?

Oh, that thread w/ all the testosterone was this thread. & I thought that phrase was "they throw panties for me in hell". I kinda like that, though. I need new glasses.

hey, sheila, I never got to do the fun kids' stuff, either, because I was too tall. too tall for the inflatable castle, too tall for the chuck e. cheese room full of plastic balls. but when I was very young they let me on the adult rides at great america, so that was cool. anyone here could kick my ass. anyone at all could kick my ass. but the cool thing about being tall is that I think a lot of people assume that you could kick their ass. if I'm wearing a winter coat, no one can tell that I can can nearly wrap my fingers around my upper arm and that I sometimes have problems opening heavy doors and that I've never won a wrestling match against anyone except my much younger brother. and if it's night and I'm alone, I can put my hair under my winter coat, pull my hat down a bit, and start walking like a man, and then no one ever troubles me. in fact, sometimes they're afraid of me and cross to the other side of the street. I love being able to disguise myself as powerful; it gives me a sort of freedom that no unarmed 5'2 woman will ever experience. I know you're happily married, waffleboy. I've seen the pictures. I didn't mean to post that unfunny comment twice -- that was the last post before the boards went down.

but if swine and agatha and dave try to exclude me from a puget sound drinking fest this fall, then I will learn to kick ass.

nate - you can send any scripts to my agent. the hungarian lesbian spanking project should only take a week or so this fall, and after that I'll be looking for more serious (not necessarily as lucrative) work.

Your right Cyst,it kind of intimidates people when your tall,I used to be embarressed,and people did expect you to do do things that just cause you were tall,didn,t mean you were strong.But when I get mad,I shake and the adrenaline makes me strong enough to beat the shit out of anyone,or at least scare the hell out of them. Antigone:I,m just a sick fuck.Just wondered if you could run a flag up it. And to any Canadians out there,could you hook me up with some seeds,bro,cause aren,t we all including Mexico,North America?

seeds?

cannibus sativa cannibus indica.

J, you can order that stuff pretty cheaply and anonymously on the web. They have a pretty tricky way of packaging it up and it has a respectable percentage of viability. And it comes from Canada. Do a search for hemp seeds or something. I'm too burnt right now to find a URL.

I'm actually a Belgian count; my real name is Arnaud Frederick Vigroux von Hohenzollern. This board is actually an experiment of mine to idle away the dreary stretch of time between afternoon cocktails and tea time. All except one of you are elaborate artificial intelligences programmed with a "memory" of an entire past life, as well as current events "happening" around you with which you interact. I obviously did a better job with some than others. (Sorry about that Darrin thing. A corrupted hard drive went a little flaky. HAHA!!!) I've currently got most of you stashed on a little used server belonging to the Defense Logisitics Agency which contains primarily personnel records from 1963-74, though a couple are on an old Macintosh in NORML's "office" behind the hydroponics, and Cyst was on an old PDP-11 in a shipping office in Haifa before they upgraded to Linux. Don't worry about this disclosure marking the end of the exercise, though. You're all programmed with a robust denial subroutine. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

Right. I was living on Saturn from '63-'74/so YOU GOT NOTHING ON ME, DUDE!

Marcus- could you key in a few grams of good hash for this weekend? just put it in the stash box. you know where.

Nate.exe - Sorry I missed last weekend. You're set up for next Saturday after the 0500 backup runs.

nate.exe? shit, you have me on an MS product? no wonder i'm so unstable.

Okay, so how many of you people live in the Bay Area, CA? I'm in San Jose... And I've got to meet Nate b/c he intrigues me (and he also says he knows my husband)... So, let's all get together and have a party?

I'm from Mountain view. Parties are good.

Where have you been Lucy?Cleaning up after a party is bad,it,s been 3 days and I still haven,t made much progress.

Why does everyone always want to meet Nate? Just once, just for a change, I would like to see someone come around and say something like "I have no interest in Nate, I am not attracted to Nate, and I do not want to meet Nate. In fact - Nate who?"

Gee do you want to meet Nate? esp. after the naked non nate photo?

Do you think that was really naked Nate?That one I called Mr.Liffto?

WHo exactly are referring to gee? did i miss a conversation?

I have no interest in Nate. I am not attracted to Nate. I do not want to meet Nate. I will not eat green eggs and ham, Sam I am....

so...Beav...ya busy this saturday?.......

What ya got in mind?

lets go over to Nate's house and watch TV....he's so cool

and dreamy......

do you think that Nate is the blow fairy?

no but he has the fairy's number on speed dial

LoL You guys are actually being funny. For a change. Moonit - If he were in the neighborhood I'd wave at him, I'm sure, but that's just because I'm such a sweet special somebody! Just kidding. He seems alright. I'm sure I wouldn't mind causing a rukus in Tim Horton's with him, providing he was fully clothed. (don't go getting a swelled head or anything, now, Nate...) I want to meet Swine. Or rather, I want to spot him from afar and follow him around without him seeing me, wildly taking notes on the way he squeezes fruit and if he looks both ways when crossing the street. The undiscovered Swine! That's what I'm after. And if I were ever in NZ, I would deffinatly go out with you, Moonit. You seem like fun.

the love in this room gives me shivers. maybe ya'll should start a support group or something. i'd be willing to meet just about anyone here, so long as it was in a public place and i had an easy out. i don't make any assumptions about who'd want to meet me. i'm with Gee on this whole issue: "Why does everyone always want to meet Nate? Just once, just for a change, I would like to see someone come around and say something like 'I have no interest in Nate...'"

oh, but on the flip side... when fetidbeaver says something like that about me, it's an ego booster. he's the same guy who said LA was paradise, or somesuch.

like i said nate, we should had a beer, you were literally walking distance but perhaps you suspect ima wanker......it's ok...i understand....Gee thinks ima a wanker....funny thing is......if she and i met through mutual friends or whathaveyou....she'd think im da bomb, but she'll never admit it.... feeling pompous this am

Waffles, I don't think you're a wanker, but what the hell has happened to your period key? It keeps repeating instead of just using one, and then the caps to the next sentance are in lower case.

I don't know, but whatever he's got is spreading.....

Is it me, or do threads like this suddenly pop into existence, 'cause I never saw it before. oh well. I enjoyed everyone's physical descriptions and love thefact that the people here look as freaky as they can come across on the web. my own personal freak show is this: 5'6, 156 lbs, 39" chest, 34" waist, 22" thigh, 16 1/2" calves, 15" biceps, size 8 1/2 EEE feet, short fingers with a nine fret spread on the guitar neck. tousled dark blonde hair, blue eyes, facial hair and usually just a t-shirt. My calves are disproportionate likely from walking around on tiptoes for at least the first half of my life, for some odd reason. This may have also deformed my feet so that the balls of feet are much wider than they should be, causing me to wear size 10 shoes for the most part. as for the name, Semillama is my official Church name as a SubGenius minister for those who don't know, and i selected the handle back in 1990 during my first year in college, when I was turned on to Beer, "Bob" and Bhang in that order. I think I choose it because it is somewhat similar to my real last name, but much cooler looking.

Ah,Sem.your my kind.

I've never met anyone in my entire life that I thought was "da bomb". If I really like someone, I just say they're really nice or that I like them.

You are really nice Gee,why am I laughing:)?

no it's my way.......of...you know.........think of it as a contemporary and laborous comma........i don't subscribe to modern day grammar.....i flunked it miserably, yet when i need to ....in text or verbally...i have a tremendous command of the language...even though i may not spell it right.......and thanks for not thinking ima wanker....and Gee....it's ok......(whisper) you don't have to say anything.....(eyes wide open) I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING (wink wink)

I subscribe to Modern Day Grammar, but I only get it for the articles.

My mother named me after the eldest chipmunk. My left hand spans the first six frets on a '78 Fender Precision bass with my thumb on the radius of the neck. I can kick anybody's ass if I'm first provided with a short-barreled Mossberg 12 gauge. I have no interest in Nate beyond the fact that I have been assigned to monitor his progress since 1993. I think Waffles is a wanker, but that doesn't make him a bad person. I don't subscribe to Modern Day Grammar, but if I did, it would only be to look at the centerfolds.

Lawanda is a total alias. I like the sound of it. I like the name Sherezad (spelling mangled) but then everyone would start expecting dirty stories every night. I'm short, very curvy, chubby. I mentioned I look like English royalty. I don't consider that a compliment. I can't play any musical instruments, so I can't tell you my hand span on a guitar or piano.

Simon, you're missing out. Last month's issue was dedicated to dangling participles. Yowza!

is it my turn on the whipping post yet?

how can I tell how old my fender precision bass is?

the serial number

either that or cut it in half and count the rings

Nyuk,nyuk,nyuk,where is Curly?

Ohhhhh... a WISE guy, huh?

I have a book that lists the serial numbers, but there's an easy way to tell with the later model, USA-built guitars: After about 1976, all the 70s models serial numbers start with an S and a digit. The S stands for (write this down, it's pretty tricky) Seventy. So an S8XXXXX was made in 1978 or possibly early 79. The Eighties series start with... you guessed it, E. This rule does not necessarily apply to guitars made outside the USA. Some Mexican Fenders may be new models made with older necks that were already serialized and shipped out of the country. I don't know anything about the Japanese or Korean models except that most of the necks on those guitars will perform adequately as tomato stakes provided your tomatoes don't mind warped supports.

Rhiannon - keep "dangling participles" in mind. I'm not talking dirty, it has to do with your mail. coinicidences should be made aware of.

Wait. What?

When you get your tape you will know. I'll mail it as soon as I finish reviewing it for mistakes, almost done.

Oh, wow. Are you good or what? I'm still on the planning stage of mine. You might not be getting it for a while.

as long as i get it...

Don't worry. The problem is I didn't bring all my music to school. So, for example, I only have one Swans album but every Jesus Lizard album with me. So I'm trying to create a song list around what I have that's still balanced. There's an art to making these things and I have to find out how to make one that I'm happy with. Unless you don't care about having a representative sample of songs from each band...that would mean you'd get it a lot sooner.

For what it's worth....and way off-thread by now... I'm 6'0 and 180 lbs. My arms are long, but my legs are short for my height (I wear 33" waist, 32" length pants) My name comes from my naturally curly hair which is shoulder length and forms some cool ringlets. If you're halfway interested, I have a webpage up at www.cyberhighway.net/wavydave/index.htm the pics aren't as good as cyst's underwear pic, but how can a guy compete with a girl in her undies? if the pic page seems a bit boring, I am working on a largish update on it.

For what it's worth....and way off-thread by now... I'm 6'0 and 180 lbs. My arms are long, but my legs are short for my height (I wear 33" waist, 32" length pants) My name comes from my naturally curly hair which is shoulder length and forms some cool ringlets. If you're halfway interested, I have a webpage up at www.cyberhighway.net/wavydave/index.htm the pics aren't as good as cyst's underwear pic, but how can a guy compete with a girl in her undies? if the pic page seems a bit boring, I am working on a largish update on it.

But you failed to answer the REAL question: Why are you interested in Nate?

Er...I think you have me confused with Dave - we are two totally different individuals in different towns. I've always posted here under the wavydave pseudonym. But Nate does seem to be an interesting guy. Seems like he uses abrasive language to get responses out of people. Works better than my lame approach. I'll try to do my link properly now :) my humble site

Nice dog!

That,s what she said.

today is your birthday.........WE ARE GOING TO KILL YOU user error user error file not found

That,s what he said.

Pamela is my real name... but I was named after one of my dad's ex-girlfriends. Since my mom had named the first born (my sister), she told my father that he could name me (he thought I was going to be a boy). He was very disappointed when he saw that I was a girl. He had a boy name ready, but I didn't look my like a Steven... So the first name that popped into his head was Pamela. My mom didn't know where he got the name until later. Man, she was pissed. She kicked his ass for that one. Did I just go back to the original topic? Wow, I'm so proud of myself. = Þ

I was kind of named after my Dads fiance,I don,t think he was happy about my mom getting pregnant with me,she made him change it some.

My dad wanted to name me after a childhood crush of his, too...my mom prevailed, luckily. Her name was Louisa.

J...what is your name (in case I missed it earlier) if someone is willing to give me a courtesy (ok, mercy) shag, i at least need to know her name :)

Jeannette

MICHAEL HERNDEN THE REAL FALLEN ARC ANGEL BORN SEPT 18 IM I9N SAN ANTONIO TX LOOKING FOR THE THIEF THAT STOLD MY NAME AND TRUST FUND

I just found this thread. Enjoy!

a million years ago....

I miss the good old days. I blame Bush. Man, I don't believe I had those measurements at all.

Tell me about it. I've gone back to having those measurements. :) Went down to 210lb at my lightest. The odd thing ism back then, 260lb felt fat. Now I feel just fine. I still want to lose weight, but I don't feel depressed and stressed about it. I guess I went through being svelte and muscle bound, and it was great and all, but it ain't everything.

And Nate's caribou post still makes me die laughing. I just threw up a little hummus into my mouth.

there is a gift

Indeed!

i thought i felt something

felt what?

Indeed!