Beware my glam-wrath. I am forever. I am time. I am absolution. I am... Jem.

aren't you in that barbie band, "beyond pink"?

Show me a light ... ... and I will show you a broken dream, bent and charred like exploded silverware from a virgin's wedding banquet.

You read that Pathetic Geek stories, too, huh? or are you the guy in the story?

I still have my old Jem dolls. I had two Jem's, a Kimber(ly?) and a Pizzaz. I may have the names wrong, it's been a while. I used to have tons of Barbie dolls, but the only Ken doll I ever had was missing his head (don't ask). So I used to pretend the Jem dolls were guys, because they were bigger than the barbie dolls. I used to give my barbie and Jem dolls super powers and codenames and have them break off into teams and fight each other. A lot of the time I'd just steal powers from comic books. I really can't remember what any of my Jem dolls could do. The funny thing is, when I would play with G. I. Joe dolls, I'd take the few girls their were, and the boys that were wearing full face masks and pretend they were girls, and I'd pair everyone off and have them go to a party.

I cut my one of my little ponies hair into a mohawk, and one into a mohawk with a rats tail to make them boys so the girl ponies could get laid. My cousin and I used to play with her silvanian families and set them up in houses and then her brother would bring along his gi joes and make it a national disaster that only he could save us from. When we played C.H.I.P.S I was always Ponch.

Fuck that slut Jem,where is she now? I,ve done it all,and I,ve been fucking G.I.Joe behind Ken,s back for years,he,s a real man.I,m going to try to hook Ken up with Gay Bob.I,m in Toy Story 2,where is Jem?Nowhere,but I,m still standing!!! HA ha ha ha!!

Barbie, girlfriend, get a grip. As if I'd fuck the likes of Ken. As if I'd take your sloppy seconds. Puh-LEEZE. You might've noticed that the boy's not even anatomically correct. And his aesthetic sensibilities? Forget it. The silly little bastard's got a thousand different outfits and not a single one of them match my drapes. Then again, the more I think about the whole thing, the better it sounds. Tell you what, darling: send over a few hits of ecstasy and a jar of Vaseline. And that little whore, Ken, of course. I'll drill his scrawny plastic ass until he screams for God. Oh, and you may be richer and have more marketability, but Jem's cooler. Sorry, honey. Get over yourself.

I can,t get over myself,I,ve hooked up with Frank Sinatra now,at $70.00 for the two of us.Yes I,ve noticed his lack of peni,why do you think I know about you? BUt I,m all for you and Ken as long as I can take pictures...hey porn star Barbie,I,ve got to call Mattle,I just had an idea!

Hmm. Our very own Barbie Dearest taking naughty pix? Well, that sounds workable. Have your agent get in touch with mine, and we'll work something out. Oh, and we'll have to throw a bone to Ken's agent, too, just in case he gets any ideas about cranking out some tiresome little lawsuit. Kenny and His Missing Phallus. Now, there's a band name. But his anatomical deficiencies can be worked around. After all, he still has an ass, doesn't he? And a rather nice one, as far as plastic asses go. Porn Star Barbie? Oh, Mother of God, GO for it! You'd look so marvelous giving rimjobs in extreme closeup. It's new, it's different, it's YOU.

Stop looking at my ass. I get enough of that from that bony bitch Skeletor, and it doesn't help any that She-ra only gets turned on by Ram-man.

A new more 90,s persona..."Maybe PMS Barbie".Complete with a pint of cookie dough and a bag of chips.

Ms.Barbie can forget about G.I.Joe...he,s mine, at least that,s what he said last night.

I don't think I like your implications, buster. She-Ra is He-Man's cousen, you pervert! I also had many She-Ra dolls. She was so cool.

Ken, you bitch. And here I was, hoping all the best for our newfound relationship. What does GI Joe have that I don't? Can GI Joe make your pink plastic body feel tingly all over? Can GI Joe rock your world? I ask you, does GI Joe have a wanger? I think not. Furthermore, GI Joe can't coordinate your wardrobe worth a damn. And God knows you need it. Some of that tacky shit you've been wearing lately is so out-of-control. The fashion police? No, honey, you need the entire fashion SWAT team. And that purple jacket you wore last week in Vegas might require the additional help of an exorcist. GI Joe. Hmph. Sure, he's got muscles. He's hot, and I'm man enough to admit it. But the more I think about you and I getting it on, Ken, the more I like it. And face it--Joe may look good, but does he read Kafka? He's built, honey, but he doesn't exactly strike me as a brainiac. Anyway, here's a concept: if you MUST stay with Joe, let's make it a threesome. And remember, Barbie said she'd do the photo shoot. Think about it. It's marketable.

I thought He-Man and She-Ra were brother and sister. By the power of Greyskull I ammmmmmm HE-MAN. or something.

I have a limited wardrobe,obviously designed to complement but never upstage Ms.Barbie.My decision to acccessorize with an earring was immediately quashed,which I protest,for it was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.Bob,call me,I like your idea!!

by the power of grayskull, I am THE POWER. I HAVE the power? isn't that how it went?

Oooooh I want that power,I want to feel that power,I want it reeaaall bad.He-Man,I,ve been wanting to hook up with you forever,an evil force,(Skelator?)has so far kept me from finding you and jumping your bones,you do have a penis don,t you?Sometimes my "girlfriends"just don,t cut it.

you people are silly! but i did have brief animated thoughts of these action figures and dolls conversing and so on, action figures and dolls? whats the difference? boys-ACTION girls-DOLLS RIGHT!

Silly? I can do anything, remember? I want Mattel stock options.It,s been 40 years-I think I deserve a piece of the action.Considering my valuable contribution to society and Mattle,I think these demands are reasonable.If they don,t like it,they can find themselfs a new bitch for Christmas.It,s that simple.

We used to cross dress the male dolls, cos they never had enough outfits!

Maybe they were brother and sister. Yes, I think you might be right. That only makes it more sick! I don't know what He-Man used to say, but She-Ray would say "For the Honor of Greyskull, I am She-Ra!" I always thought it was interesting that He-Man was for the POWER of greyskull, and She-Ra was for the HONOR.