On the weekend I discovered that my girlfriend, of some ten years standing, was once engaged. I couldn't believe I didn't know that about her. As we started talking about our little obscure details/secrets/facts/history, maybe it was just the champagne talking, but all these revelations starting coming out. She had no idea that I'd been arrested for demonstrated and lots of other things I had just forgotten about. Anyway, as there aren't a lot of active threads around at the moment...tell us three things about yourself that hardly anyone knows.

I like to wear socks to bed. I went to bed in my clothes from yester...er....saturday and woke up on sunday and went through the whole day wearing those same clothes....shoes and all. I had a crying fit in kidnergarten because i lost a school library book on brachiosaurs. (yes, i was, am, and prolly always will be a dinosaur dork)

i tried to kill myself when i was nineteen by throwing myself in front of a car. i was raped at nineteen by a thirtyfive year old friend of my roomate's. i had drank nearly a bottle of schnapps and gotten my nose pierced that evening. i didn't remember the details of the incident until a year later, in the shower. i used to read in bed until like 3am when i was a child. my parents never knew. i read the entirety of "jaws" at age eight.

i shave everything below my neck over two years ago i slept with my best male friend. We have never once talked about it since. It's like it never happened. Only 5 people know this, including he + myself, and i will never tell another soul, even my own husband (if i end up getting married, of course) my first boyfriend was an abusive fuck. He threatened to rape me, and fourced me to do many things i don't like to think about, many things i'm not proud of. and no-one knows about my love for sorabji.com ;)

thinking

1) I'm actually an alien 2) The spaceship I rode in on was the inspiration for many X-Files episodes 3) Human earth babies are great bbq'd with Jamaican jerk sauce

1. I was raped when I was six by the next door boy. 2. I'm going to Florida today. 3. I used to read under the covers, too, when I was little, by my parents knew about it. I was afraid of monstors.

How old was the boy next door?

when i was 8, my brother and his cronies made me lie down with this neighborhood teenager girl.....on this dirty filthy mattress in the woods, he thought he was doing me a favor, prompting me to "get some". i got caught pulling my pants in the driveway of a neighborhood girl......just as i ahd finished showing her mine, she showed me hers..in broad daylight, her mom walks out. the girl was deaf and her mom assumed we were taking advantage of her, we weren't but she was protective of her daughter that way....we liked to play with her like any of the other kids, we didn't hold the prejiduces that adults had....we were just curious..... when my older sister gave me the "birds and bees" speech, as my mom was too shy to do the job, i put my sis through hell. Knowing essentiall everything at age 11, thanks to an older brother and Hustler magazine....i grilled her. "so i heard these kids today on the playground, they were talking about 'blow job', whats that....?" i only confessed to her in later years.....she said something about being a little shit or something like that. I was trying to make her squirm, but she never did.....she was very mature about it.

my secret is....wait I have no secrets, because I am an idiot who wheres his heart on his sleeve for people to step on.....

eight years old. that's so fucked. good thread, cat. i give it two thumbs up.

I've been to bed with a cop. Multiple times. My mother predicted, when I was still a preschool kid, that I was going to grow up gay. Sometimes I have an incredible urge to just pack up all of my belongings and run. Just leave the state. The only difference in this feeling and similar feelings I had during my youth is that now I've got people I love......so I want them all to run away with me. I don't know what I'm running from. I just want to vanish sometimes. I can't cook worth a damn. I do NOT look like Trent Reznor, despite what people keep saying. No way in hell. I survived Catholic school without converting to Catholicism.

when I was about 5 or 6 years old our cat had kittens, and they all slept in a box with a towel. one time the momma cat had gone off and one of the kittens was asleep in the box. I thought the kitten might be cold, so I covered it with the towel. later my parents told me that the kitten had died. I didn't tell anyone that I had killed the kitten.

You may not have killed the kitten...

my nanny later specified that it had suffocated. I covered it with a towel, and then it suffocated. I felt intensely guilty for years after that. I loved kitties. I confessed to a friend of mine when I was 11 or 12, and I think I cried. then she told me she thought she had also killed a kitten by throwing it into some blackberry bushes (and then they never saw it again). ------------ I also once ate (dry) cat food on a dare and then later whenever the witnesses brought it up in front of others, I would vehemently deny it. ------------ I threw a student election at my college. there was a tight race for president, and I knew that the winner would go on to a larger political arena, as they almost always did at my huge university (student body presidents there would go on to serve as governor, u.s. senators, congressmen, etc.). well, I was like 20 or so, and I felt that we were involved in a good (female student-loan lefty) vs. evil (republican rich white frat boy) battle. so a freind and I ran a fake candidate to split the conservative greek vote. we wrote a campaign statement, a really silly libertarian platform involving selling beer at the student union, and then we convinced some bored dorm guy to pretend to endorse it. our spoiler got more votes than the difference between the two real candidates, and the liberal chick won. she's now serving her first highly publicized term on the seattle city council, and I would be very surprised if she didn't run for mayor in the next election.

I can't believe I misspelled "friend."

I've probably already made at least one of those confessions here. more recently I've felt guilty for saying mean things about a (female) friend in an e-mail message to someone else. even as I wrote these things, I knew I was exaggerating and I knew I was doing something bad. I knew I didn't really mean them, and I said them anyway because this other (male) friend of mine and I used to have a oneupmanship spite game. I'm tired and am probably not making much sense. but this friend brings out the worst in me. we sort of egg each other on to say meaner and meaner things about other people. so, anyway, later on I was at her house, and I was using her computer, and scrolling through messages to find someone's address or phone number or something. when I was done she told me not to close the window. at the time it didn't occur to me that she said this because she wanted to go back later and read my e-mail. a few days after that we were talking, and she ended up quoting the message. she described the night that I had described in this mean e-mail message, and she said something about "not knowing where other people's loyalties lay." I don't think she realized that those had been my exact words about the situation, she just sort of subconsciously picked them up. so what do you do when you have said something mean about your friend, and then she breaks your trust by reading your e-mail? I'm not mad at her for doing so, but I want to apologize for what I had said, explain to her that I didn't really mean it. but to do so, I would have to accuse her of having read my e-mail. I would ask for your advice, but I know I am just going to continue to pretend it never happened.

yeah just forget about it.

when i was a teenager, my family sometimes kept livestock inside the house (hogs, calves, goats, whatever). we lived out in the country in a shack. no running water, no indoor plumbing, no heat or AC...but pigs, yeah. i've been in a beauty pageant. i was also in the running for high school homecoming queen. scary, no? i've preached in churches before. i was also a traveling gospel musician, mostly on the pentecostal circuit. as a kid, i used to hustle money by playing music on street corners while pretending i was blind. i was once in a girl gang. i used to have a job stuffing envelopes for mormons. when the locals used to get together & butcher hogs, i used to hide under the bed & cover my ears so i couldn't hear the stuck pigs screaming. when i was about 15, my high school guidance counselor told me i'd make a better truck driver than a college student, because of my "lack of social graces". at the same time, a relative of mine thought that i was literally possessed by satan & tried to have me exorcised. i've had sex w/ pilate before. in college. we were drunk & horny. it was memorable. we still joke about it. everybody around here knows, including our mates. it was fun & silly & wonderful.

Crimson, sounds like you have had a fun life

i have. really & truly. there have been some rough times, but on the whole, i've had a blast.

what is up with the time?

i have not been raped as far as i know....and i am beginning to feel unique, and blessed i had an affair with a teacher a actually do think i look [slightly] like the person people say i look like...but i always say that i don't

i know you said 3, but there is one thing i felt appropriate to add..... I've never taken it sideways with a strap on. thank you goodnight

3 things? whoa, i blew it. didn't see the "3" part. pilate says he didn't, either. never mind us...we're both on tons of cold meds & can barely function today. pilate's entire household is infected. everybody's sick. ditto at my place. 1. i've taken it sideways w/ a strap-on, but not since i was 17. 2. i don't like the taste of bear meat. 3. i've stuck pins in a human corpse before.

When I was a kid I used to wish Madonna would come and adopt me. Also, when I was a kid I broke a kittens leg accidently. I think Mum knew that I did it, but she pretended otherwise. I have never felt so guilty in my entire life. I ate that entire packet of Tim-Tams the other day and bought another packet so you wouldnt know. (altho I blame the pmt thing for this one)

When I was in high school,this really annoying kids dad brought a giant Nazi flag to school to show in our history class.I loved my history teacher,and because of her still have a keen interest in history.Well,a friend and I just couldn't wait to see this damn flag,and snuck into the class early,and started to unwind it.It just kept getting bigger and bigger,and we got carried away,and decided to hang it out of the second story window of the classroom we were in.It was really heavy,and we had to push all the desks together,to the back of the room,to keep it from falling all the way out of the window.We weren't going to leave it out that long,but we ran out of time because it was so heavy,and we couldn't get it back in and rolled up.So we just left it hanging out of that damn window.That window was on one of the main roads in Phoenix,during AM rush hour traffic.It caused a big ruckus,and heads were gonna roll,and we got scared,and never confessed.I know this dearly beloved teacher of mine got in big trouble over this.I still feel extreme guilt about this. I have had a multitude of hitchikers in my trunk.But to qualifly this statement,let me just say that they all got in there voluntarily.And no one was ever hurt. I'll have to think about what other deep secret I'm willing to confess for number 3.{I'm feeling pretty crappy about the flag}

When I was in boarding school, friends in my dorm made a funnelator, a water balloon slingshot made with a funnel and surigical tubing. The only time I used it, we were up in a fourth floor bedroom, and we wanted to hit someone we saw on the hill across the way. He wasn't directly across, though, he was at a bit of an angle. We tried to angle the funnelator, but the water balloon went pretty much straight out. We hid the funnelator, and scattered from the room. Later on, we learned that we'd broken the window of the room directly across from us. the water balloon had gone through the screen, broken one of the mullions and the glass, and sent glass shards into the wall opposite. We learned all of this from our dormhead at a house meeting. Late that night, we dropped the funnelator in the common room for him to confiscate

When I was young, I had a stainless steel front tooth. When playing at the park with my younger brother, who liked to carry a plastic blue toy hammer around with him to play with, I went down the slide and accidentally hit my face on my knee. It knocked out both of my front teeth. I blamed it on my brother, and claimed he hit me with the hammer. My mother made him throw that beloved hammer out. My whole family believes that story, including said brother. I tell that story all the time. Never did find the damn steel tooth. I was good friends with a girl in Jr. High who none of my friends liked. One day, at the urging of my friends, I wrote her a note that said, "I hate you." That was the end of our friendship completely. She went on to attend my High School and now attends my University, in the same major as myself. She's in my class and I see her nearly every day. I still can't muster up the courage to talk to her.

Oh, and #3: I have a very manipulative streak.

when i was eight, i wanted to be a dentist. when i first figured out how to balance on my bike, i was in my school's playground, on the blacktop. i decided to try a trick, took my hands off the handlebars and promptly ran into a tetherball pole. i sucked my thumb until the third grade.

The first time I had sex, I was tied up. But it was consensual. I didn't realise it was regarded as kinky until much later. I had dinner with James Taylor once. At one stage in my life, I did just about every drug going. One night in a place outside Rome during a wild party, I watched my girlfriend's husband fall to his death from the balcony of our apartment. I didn't drink or do any drugs for two years after that. My favourite book is "Little Woman". I still cry when Beth dies. I've never had anal sex.

When I was in 5th grade, I was placed in the advanced education program in our elementary school system. I was somehow convinced that this meant I would never see any of my non-"gifted" friends again. I cried for hours with my best friend, and told him I loved him. It was never brought up again. I love being male. I can't remember exactly how he responded... I don't think he knew what to do. I haven't seen him in two years now, but I still count him as my best friend. When I was 7 and 8, my sister who was 2 years older than me made me act out having sex with her. We don't really talk, anymore. She called me once, crying, when she was 21 and I was 19, to apologize for it. I blew it off, but I can't help but think: maybe she DID warp me, and I just don't notice. She's now a missionary in the Ukraine. I have no idea why I'm moving to Portland, and, really, almost no urge to do so. I'm taking off next week with a friend, we don't have a place to live there, yet. I never officially returned the violin I used in 4th grade. I just dumped it on campus somewhere. 3 years ago, I was accused of rape. With one exception, every person I've dated since then has been a rape victim.

When I was 13, I had a big crush on my dentist.

When I was twelve I thought my cousin was HOT

"I watched my girlfriend's husband fall to his death from the balcony of our apartment" thats fucking heavy cat.....when you come to LA, remind me never to show you our balcony

in sixth grade I didn't like this girl whose parents were german so I put a sign on her back saying to kick her because she was a nazi sympathizer. the lecture I got from the principal lasted an hour.

whenever i got bored of certain friends in the neighborhood, i would bully them and beat them up. then we would be friends again. it was a vicious circle....i can't explain it...all of a sudden they would bore me....but for some reason, once i beat them up, i was ok with them again. chewtoys perhaps.

when i was thirteen i would jack off twice a day. Then i started dryhumping my pillow. i stopped doing that when my penis got so rubbed that the skin felt like plastic and started to peal off.

I can't go into it right now s/o is home,just checking on y'all,when I have time,I'll spill my guts.

when i was fourteen, i got in a fight with a boy who was in the same play as me. after it was over, we argued for weeks about who beat the other up. i used to take the heads off of my barbies and have them "sing". everytime i got a new barbie, she'd have sex with ken in the box.

Barbie has no scruples.

Well I think I've just about got enough blackmail material now. Thanks suckers. I take cash, credit cards, live animal sacrifices or chocolate.

No, please don't tell my secret. Roswell was bad enough. Oh yeah, happy Thanksgiving all you American human earthlings.

well, that's better than the humans forgetting that your kind exists. only a few believe in us now. sceptics. is that live animal sacrifices or live animal orifices? my eyesight isn't too good.

I've been trying to collect credit card numbers for you, Cat, but it hasn't been working very well. I guess I need to go buy some more rhino horn, or something. Um. Who doesn't believe in Pezes? go to Kmart. They're everywhere. The Faeries, though, they have it rough. And you wouldn't believe how much shit we take about "clapping" and "I don't believe in Faeries." Fucking Julia Roberts.

I'm reading about animal sacrifices in modern society. It's kind of scary--to think about people in the us who are sacrificing animals, right now...yuck.

Uno. I'm the one who stenciled a Dobbs head on that "SLOW-Children Playing" sign down the street. Dos. I don't know how to play any card games. Tres. My first dream of a sexual nature involved Carol Burnett (actually, it was more like a night mare).

i am pez. but my kind isn't as well known. do you actually know how many different types of magical beings there are? what about piskies, knockers, devas, and so on. some people consider santa claus to be a fairy, they even call him a "jolly old elf". the day before i received my first pair of glasses, i called someone "four eyes". i'd never called anyone four eyes before, and it wouldn't be right after i get my glasses.

one. when i was somewhere between the age of 8 and 9 i used to take towels and rub them on my face until it would start bleeding. my grandparents would ask me what happened, and i wouldn't tell. two. when i was four my brother came into my room late at night and made me kiss his ... you know... three. i tried to kill myself a year ago, by swallowing thirty sorta sleeping pills. i had to get my stomach pumped. i tried to convince them that i didn't mean to take so many. they kept me in the psych ward for a day, i would've been really upset but i slept through most of it.

I set the woods I lived in on fire when I was about 4(my mom didn't watch me very well),found some kitchen matches in a tree stump,after the stump caught fire I ran home screaming Fire!!!All the neighbors came out with pots of water and put it out,I said a boy from the other side of the woods did it,everyone believed me.When I'm really drunk,I forget I'm married.Tommy wasn't my only mistake.

i once stuffed a button up my nose. i used to hurt myself to keep me from being weird, like i held a small screwdriver to my fingertip and shoved it so that it hurt, but didn't break the skin. i once made a dill pickle and gooseberry jam sandwich. ate the whole thing. i don't recommend it.

I'm not sure if it's possible to count how many magical types of creatures there are. I think you'd get screwed in the overlap. I mean, elves, fair folk, Faeries, Bene Sidhe, Hill Folk, Sidhe: 1 species or 6? am I the only one who sees the connection between the Bene Sidhe and the word banshee? indubitably (sp: guess I didn't go to school) not. don't forget selkies. and goblins and boggarts. And, of course, Eshu. blah. I talk to the moon as if it were my mother, when I feel the need. This is the first holiday season I have looked forward to since I was a little kid.

You set your woods on fire, J? That's excellent. When I was little, I used to get really sick all the time. No one could figure out why. Once, I had to go to the hospital, I was puking so much. I spent a lot of time in the hospital, I went over a year and a half ago when I tried to slit my wrists.

cat you silly girl, its not blackmail material if its publically available. sheeeeesh i set my livingroom couch on fire when i was 10 or so. My parents were in the next room watching tv. i had found my brothers pot stash, cigs and lighter hidden underneath the couch. Being the schmuck I am, I lit, the lighter, while my hand was still underneath the couch, to see if worked you know. The gauzy-like material that was on the bottom of the couch lit up like an xmas tree. Fear of being in trouble....i walked out like i didnt do anything, went and hung in my room for about 3-4 minutes....came back in and said "oh my....mom....the couch in the living room seems to be on fire." My brother and step dad got it out in the garage before my house burned down. My brother pounded me...he got his pot and smokes comfiscated. Learning early on....I played dumb to the parents, though the KNEW, they couldnt directly pin it on me and well it was his lighter....and there is a reason you don't give lighters to children, I was a shining example. I also have a memory of playing my room, i couldnt have been more than 3 or 4....well i had to pee, but damn it, iwas inthe middle of serious play time, so i looked for an alternative....in my room, where could i pee. No not my toybox. No, not the closet, how about right in the middle of the room, yeah thats it....its so obvious, she will never find out, as i recall my logic being. Needless to say, it didn't work, but man it was kinda, sorta liberating.

1. I sometimes have flashes of really dark thoughts, about crazy things. Like seeing people I know murdered or myself being murdered. They never come true. 2. i predicted the death of Red Foxx and Kurt Cobain about three weeks before they died. 3. I once had a dream that i was shot in the chest and when I woke up I had a bruise on my sturnum and I couldn't breath.

I once destroyed a civilization for no reason other than that I could. They cried, though, so I gave them a new one. I'm a sucker for tears.

i sometimes have elaborate fantasies about killing people. I get really into it, think about wearing high heeled shoes and using them to smash people's heads in. Always specific people, usually the same people, and the fantasy gets more elaborate each time...

3 things hardly anyone knows 1) when I was 19, I tried to carve a cross on my arm so that it would scar, but it didn't work because I didn't cut deep enough 2) when I was a teenager, I thought that being dead was a good alternative to being alive 3) the worst thing I ever did was steal a classroom key from a teacher's key ring and no one suspected me because I was one of the top students in the school, then my friends and I would sneak in and look for tests and steal supplies

When I was about 8 or so, I suggested to my next-door neighbor (female, age 11) that we take off all our clothes except for our socks and get in my bed. I don't remember doing anything except lying there and giggling. I wonder if she remembers that at all. I also wonder if she remembers how we made our Barbies be strippers at a club we called The Little Red Devil. I was strangely attracted to my 11th grade history teacher, who was a little red-haired man with glasses and a moustache...not at all attractive. He was very smart and a very good teacher, though he could be mean to us...but he was always nice to me. My best friend often tried to get me to admit I liked him, and I would always deny it. I used to imagine being married to him, and it would make me feel gross and good at the same time. I often have vaguely sexual dreams about men abusing me and me liking it. I'm obsessive, but not compulsive. I'm probably a social phobic, and I experience depression with anxiety. I was on Elavil for two years. I've never tried to kill myself. I did all sorts of things to hurt myself, though, usually involving heat and cold. When I was six I was molested by the son of the woman who often babysat me. He was in his teens, and he used his fingers. This is why I hate the name Joseph. I used to hate my father. My mother tried to kill herself when she was a girl, and I'm the only one besides her mother (who's dead) who knows. Except now. I have a great capacity for melodrama, but that's no secret.

i have a book that lists over 300 magical creatures. i think the banshee developed from the catholics coming in and saying the faery folk were evil and connected to the devil...it was around that same time that wearing green came to be considered unlucky. i once went outside and climded a tree when i was supposed to be taking a nap. it was about an hour before i had ballet class and i had on my leotard, tutu, tights and slippers on. i fell and got a bloody nose all over.

3rd little known fact about me: I have played music in Jackson Square,New Orleans,and passersby have tossed cash into our guitar case.[I play some sax,badly.] Four were proffesional musicians,two of us weren't.My friends were going to play at Tip-N-Tina's,and on a lark,we decided to set up,by the fountain,and be "street people".We kept ourselves quite amused,and all considered giving up our professions,to become street musicians,untill a guy came by,playing a baby Grand piano,and put us all to shame.We decided we needed more pizzaz to our act,to make it on the streets.And had many an interesting conversations,trying to come up with just the right "grab",to embark on our pro street careers. There in lies the whole of my proffesional street musician career.

Three things most of the people in my life don't know/realise/believe about me: 1) I've had sex 2) I've had dirty sex 3) I prefer the dirty kind

Do you think that when you're growing up if you're taught that sex is dirty, then later on when you start having sex, you prefer the dirty kind. In order words, what turns you on, is doing something that you think you're not supposed to do, or something that is "bad".

Yep.

Three things of which I am deeply ashamed: (1) When I was in 6th grade, I threw rocks at a cat (Mr. Belvedere) owned by a girl I hated (Michelle up the street). I loved cats and liked Mr. Belvedere, who was a very nice cat. I didn't hit him, but I got an extreme talking to by the weird christian lady who lived next door to my mom's best friend (Mrs. Wurtz -- but I'm not sure if this is the right spelling). (2) When I was at CMU for summer camp I told my roommate, Kathy Wetmur, that my mom had gotten a broken electron microscope and brought it home to us. This was not true, and Kathy knew it couldn't have been true, and I did not want to admit that I had been mistaken (my mom had actually brought home a pretty decent microscope but not an electron microscope) and so the more she told me facts about electron microscopes which made my family's possession of even a broken one more and more improbable, the more I mulishly dug in my heels and insisted it was true. I am ashamed for not knowing when to increase the credibility of the next fantastic lie by admitting ignorance about the current incredible lie and seeming humble (people believe you when you admit personal failings, it gives them the edge of superiority as a thing they get to buy when they buy your lies). Lying needs to be cultivated as a long-range strategy rather than as a linguistic crime of opportunity. (3) I offered to kill my father when I was 17, reasoning that my childhood would give good evidence of PTSD and all I had to do was set it up to look like a spontaneous act in order for me not to serve a lot of time. My mother, thankfully, advised me that if we were going to seriously consider killing my father as a solution to our family problems then we'd be wise to hire a professional. Nothing ever came of this. Professionals were not hired, my mom moved to a state several hours drive from my fathers's and kept him from knowing her address for years. Now she's okay with him knowing it, largely because he's too sick (emphysema) to pull off the successful eradication of the family should he even be so inclined.

i hope the cat wasn't too badly hurt. but speaking of the dirty stuff...

feh...

What is that "feh" all about? Does it stand for Fewer Elastic Hooters? Or Fiendishly Exciting Hump?

Feline enchanting hussy

ooooooooh Gee,you little tart!

Forward elongated hunk

Fondle em honey

You girls have too much time on your hands.

"Lying needs to be cultivated as a long-ranged strategy rather than as a linguistic crime of opportunity." Brilliant observation Margret!

gee, this misconception about you is an asset, you know this right?

Danielssss, If I remember correctly you do some type of therapy pertaining to addictions? If so, have you heard of Ibogaine? Positive? Negative?

F.B.!!! Why don't you stay awhile? Gotta go look up Ibogaine.

Did you look it up? Alot of info to read thru. I wonder if there is any truth to it. I haven't around much due to lack of time. (time for me to brag) My son went out for wrestling and has won every time except once. He got a silver medal and is continuing on to state. He gets out on the mat and takes out all his anger about his mom. He had two forfit last week without even touching them. Which has been really good for his confidence, considering how low it got when she was here.

Gee, what are you doing this weekend?

I know very little: tabernathe ibogna plant, an an alleged entheogen, a category 1 scheduled substance in the US and not illegal in the UK, used only in Panama and St. Kitts for treatment of addiction (substance only so far as I know). Probably western docs may think of naltrexone in a similiar manner to treat opiate addiction craving. But from what little I know, I believe the use of ibogna can be illicit and abusive. It has an end result, or can have one similiar. But also has the potential for abuse; naltrexone rarely is ever seen as potentially abusive. I have no first hand experience of it either in the clinical sense nor as an herbalist. It's a south american plant best left in south america, like ayahuasca. Definitely not for the uninitiated. I wouldn't think its use proven safe, despite what I've read in journals or on the net. But I am naturally skeptical anyway. I know far more about vodka and cocaine.

is that the plant Burroughs sought in South America in his novel Queer/

From what I've read about it now that F.B. put it out there it sounds good,I wonder how you can get someone off meth?

meth is such a lame drug, make em feel stupid...

She felt stupid and has low self-esteem to begin with,years of being picked on,it's all so sad.

Depends, J. Do they want to be got off? (No "getting off" jokes are required here, thanks, though, you perverts.)

Sometimes she does,we took her somewhere a couple of months ago,but when she heard that they were only going to observe her for 24 hours and they weren't going to give her anything to help her sleep,she bolted.

my secret is that i am not a happy person. this might not come as a surprise to anyone who ever read anything i ever defecated onto my web site, but to the people who i deal with and work with day to day and who laugh at my nonsense and smile at the bullshit with which i fill the rooms in which i hold court the notion that i am not entirely gleeful will be surprising. or maybe it will not. last week someone at work asked "so what's the deal with you, anyway? you're so mad. what's with the beard? why are you always so fucking pissed off?" and so i explained that when i was a child i had to fly from Africa to Germany (i was an army brat) so that they could have the happiness surgically removed. that is how i manage to explain it and get out of it with a laugh or two. no one who i deal with every day knows anything about me. the people who know anything about me are the people i see once or twice a year. and they only know the nonsense i barf up to my website or the nonsense i send through annual e-mail messages or the nonsense i share in those annual phone calls. i don't think there is much going on in here that has not stayed rotting and obscure ................ i just took my headphones off and re-read all the bullshit above and saw how self-absorbed i get when i am tired and have all the windows open. no more distraction. i'm going to sleep/

Good night Sorabji, sweet dreams.

I wouldn't want people I deal with day to day to know much about me, but I'm paranoid.

yesterday i caught someone writing a stolen check.

Speaking of writing stolen checks, where is my mailart? And am I going to get any more tapes for the makeout exchange?

Didja get mine? Did it suck, or was it ok? The first tune is essentially me in High school.

I got yours, it was most excellent. I want more, though.

You need to bug folks. Bug nate, he's decent about sending things. Bug Mavis too, she rocks at mail art.

That'a a ride I can't take,I am going to have to have Agatha to send mail art to either my mom or Brucifer as it is.