| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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ground for my evil twin. I've posted bad poetry here. I've picked fights here. I've taken completely outrageous bullshit stances on things and resorted to race baiting to get a rise out of people. I've posted record reviews, movie reviews, drunken rants about ex girlfriends, and veiled suicide threats. I've come close to picking up two different women and been rebuffed countless other times. Good things have come to me because of sorabji. I have added the entire back catalog of Tom Waits to my record collection. I found hell.com and a lot of other cool art shit that I'd been searching for since I first signed online.I have also managed to find some relief for the drama that my realtime life is by having this place to act up in. I posted in here when I got clean and sober. I posted in here when I relapsed. I posted again when I got clean again. The cycle continues... I guess the point of this is to say thanks. It's not likeI'm going anywhere, but after having been a guest here for three years I finally found the manners to say "thank you". |
You say clean and sober, what was your choice of poisons? |
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theres no point in any of that if you arent going to tell us some of the handles you posted under. |
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Damn people these days have no respect. |
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i've never been anyone else here but me. i'm not creative enough to pretend otherwise nor slick enough to suppose i could pull it off. |
Otherwise, the F.U.U.A. police would've busted your duplicitous ass with your I.P. address. |
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the IPs don't mean much. |
And who the hell else have you been? |
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I am not the originator of this string; and yes, I am one of the evil eye AOL billions; and no, I don't make moves on sorabji fems; and yes I do write some bad poetry occasionally posted herein; and no, I don't own ANY Tom Waits; and yes, I am clean and sober; and no, I haven't relapsed (in 14 years from alcohol and 19 years fropm pot); and yes, it cannot be me for I have not been here for three years; and no, I have not been other than the Gorrilla or Daniel ssss or a similarly obviously and easily identifiable as A Friend of Daniel ssss person on these boards. Mention my name and I'll respond. I get tired of having to defend my openness and honesty. I get pissed occasionally, too, but it upsets the goddam goats... Leave me alone. And have a nice day. |
see why i need that clip? |
crap. |
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Dave, are you wanting the clip with the goats and the sorabji fems, or the cooking reindeer on valium one? heh. Only one sorabji fem has stolen my heart, and I ain't telling. I will hold her in respect and confidence for as long as I can post. Oh, and I wasn't looking for her, btw. She found me. Chinese festival at the Botanical Gardens this weekend, and I was thinking about dressing up as Mark Thomas, and wearing the official sorabjiland sack cloth and ashes costume you guys (?) sent me. I especially like the flaps in the back, you know. |
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Fuck everything. I'm hijacking this thread becuase I don't care about any dozen monkeys of any damn hue. Not in the best of moods lately. It's been WAY too long since I've kissed anyone. You ever see that film where the scientists raised a monkey in isolation and it cracked from the lack of physical contact? I think about that a lot lately. I've been here three months. I know exactly nobody that isn't connected to work in someway. I have noticed that all the personal ads in the free papers haven't changed at all since I got here. No new ones, and the old ones stay put. I'm trying to remember if it was this hard when I moved to Wisconsin. I think it was, but then again, my expectations were a lot lower. I wonder about how anyone meets anyone else these days outside of school. I wonder if I am getting too old for this shit. Fucking 29 and not a single real relationship in my life. I hate birthdays. |
happy birthday. |
Unfortunately, the nature of my job precludes my from dog ownership. I spend a lot of time away from home and can't bring a dog with me either.I also can't really take classes right now for the same reason, although the company I work for will pay for courses that support my professional development. I did recieve an offer for free dance lessons at the Arthur Murray studio down the street, but had to turn them down because I wasn't going to be in town. It's a damn good thing i love what I do. It's also a damn ggod thing this place exists or else I'd have no one to talk to. |
happy birthday though. happy happy happy. give me your mailing address. i have something to send you. |
Email me your phone number and I'll call you so you can laugh at my accent. I do a stunning version of "Happy Birthday Mate". |
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Thanks you guys. Requested info is coming your way in a bit. I decided to finally get of my ass and go check out some live music last night. It was Grant Hart from Husker Du, with two kick ass local punk groups, Gretchen and Geraldine, opening. It was pretty cool. Grant Hart has gotten really chubby by the way. There were a lot of really tall women there too, and all of them were smoking. |
I forgot to ask my mom what she's going to do concerning pets now, too. She called today and told me she had to put our other cat to sleep this weekend because of sudden kidney failure. So now she's alone in the house. If anyone needs a dog, it's her. |
There isn't much difference. Happy Birthday by the way. |
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once they left, I turned the stereo up..blared this song called 14-41 by Jonah (onelinedrawing) and sang as loud as I fucking could.. and sometimes, on days when the rest of the world seems distant, you have to do shit like that...so Semmy, I hope you find a moment today.. that's what I meant.. |
joyeux anniversaire. blah. my next zine will be done in a week or two, and i'll send you copy if you'd like. |
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And I live in Ohio now Hal. Pay attention there will be a geography quiz later. |
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I spent friday and saturday in portland, and they were beautiful. |
i'm embarrassed. |
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Isn't it cute? |
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OK, maybe it's the 2nd most perfect person. :P |
I just had a thought. what happens when our children find out about sorabji.com??? |
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ask cleo. |
even more...what happens when JC finds out about sorabji too? Or sorabji finds jesus? or when i am deceased and the boys have to notify sorbaji. or the piano player moves to ecuador or even east timor? what then fellow traveller? i wonder what then. existential angst of shallowly digging in the sand only to be windswept o' us. is this really about the metaphors of candy exchange, hair color and length, and persona of the day? So long as they don't read the old threads we are safe. |
and re reading the old posts I find that some of us take ourselves pretty fuckin seriously. The Cat/ Danielssss controversy noted above seems so old; I was old then and older now. How many real in the flesh sorabites have I met? One. How many were women? One, the same. I stand by what I said above in that i am not the originator of the thread and am not guilty as charged by Cat..but it does point out that if (which i doubt) the prosecuting attorney or our children ever read sorabji, they'll likely find it dull and unenlightening as to what we are really like...what Sem was like, who Nate was really, who Spider really was, or who Danielssss might be, or how Sarah's recipes contributed to her persona here. I still get rankled by Cat's anger toward me, if that is what the satiric effort of so many years ago was really. I apologize expressly to her if I offended her in any way. Sorabjiland was a rougher place then, was it not? But now, as then, if my correspondence with anyone does or has ever upset anyone, I do sincerely apologize...with one exception. And the exception might need an apology, an amend to "... The sorabji fem who stole my heart ..." and who btw still has it, and I have not and won't ask for it back. I do need to apologize for dropping off the face of the earth, and a few other things more private than public. (and for the curious, it is not certainly the beloved Cat nor the beloved Sarah both of whom I do hold in high respect and wonder)...Sarah has always been wonderful to me, and it was through her website that I found you all. Cat was always open and free. There have been a few other phone contacts over the years. the friendships from my end were always welcome and honest. My children if they were to read everything i've ever posted will see a side of me that is seldom shown, but real nonetheless. And they will see some great friends whom they've never met, like I've never met. A bit like the funeral scene in "Big Fish" where the son begins to see that some of the stories the father told actually were real. Ah shit, perhaps this what is real and what is on line persona is old business. But I often wonder why I am a thread killer, and sometimes I take myself too seriously. I think it might be that some may be wary of me: I am open about where i live, who i am, and I like the new transparency of sorabji land. I welcome more contact with Nate, Spider, Agatha and Dave, and (most of ) you. yeah, I owe Pez some mail art, Heather some stained glass in the taliesan vein, and Sarah and senor some victuals when she visits StL. But basically I believe that with one exception if my dance card were punched full tomorrow morning, I would have friends at my virtual funeral. I'm not as bad as what the goat makes me out to be, fucker. |
In that way it helped me immensely. It allowed me to see how much, in every other relationship in my life, I'd fallen in love with a fantasy. She was that fantasy distilled, and it was obvious, and I could watch myself dancing the same old steps. It let me finally drop that. When my wife finally came along I was able to fall in love with her, and not some phantom. Not that it wasn't fun at the time. I still have no idea what her intentions were, who she really was, what she looked like, and all that. But you can't talk that much with a person, about so many things, and not learn anything about them. But even then all I knew was a ghost: fact and fiction impossible to untangle. Haven't I confessed this all before? :) It seems like the right time to do it again. The online persona is an interesting thing. You express yourself differently for many reasons: it's written and not spoken, less social constraints, etc. But that doesn't mean it's any less real. In my case expressing my online personality has let me exercise aspects of myself I wouldn't otherwise get to. The fact that it's preserved here is part of the fun. |
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Even today. However, My emails and my poetry and myself are sometimes rather open, raw feelings at times, Playful other times. The electronic heart opener. One of my first forays into posting was on Navelgazer, run by Sarah Townsend, who was at the time working on her masters with a topic of on line communities. Lately, my speaking in Oklahoma (garden spot of technological might that it is) turned from counseling counselors to on line relationships and on line addiction. I spent three hours listening to Joannie Gillespie (Cyber.rules) and thentook the podium to discuss self care over a luncheon keynote. Preservation of an online presence is what Mark does so very well for all of us, the good moements and the bad. In the process, we have created very real, very intense valid, validating relationship...every bit as real as a face to face encounter I am sure. For poor example, the flickr persona of the shadowy goat farmer of danielssss fame. I neither farm goats nor live in the shadows, but the goddam goats surely do. The goats of Daniel's hillside mind, chewing on this or that, and wondering just what the hell it is all about. Thanks for your response. You say fact and fiction impossible to untangle, sometimes very true. |
Lack of a delete option: bane and blessing. Mostly bane. I tread old, dead threads very carefully for fear of stumbling upon some idiocy of mine (and, ugh, there's so much). But regarding the people who have drifted away: I really wish Dave would come back. Agatha, if you see this, ask Dave why he's avoiding us. For what it's worth, I honestly miss him. |
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oy so dramatic. |
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For the record, I never liked Cat. She played all of the men on sorabji like a bunch of children. I'm not generally a mean person, but something about her really made me uncomfortable. Daniel, I like you too. I like everyone here, even pepper with his stilted efforts at communication. |
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At one point she called me while I was at my mom's place. How she got that number, I'll never know. Anyway, she said she called me there because she was desperate and feeling really down, and needed to talk right then. I decided to see if she was really as lonely as she claimed (and was kind of creeped out by her phone stalking) and told her I'd be on the Gold Coast in three days. (At the time I had the resources and the free time to just hop a plane to Australia.) She pretty quickly got less lonely, and I got confirmation that she was just playing some game. I was happy to play along, though. So, Mark, you've just got to spill some of those secrets. :) |
I just deleted several screens of back-story on the matter of that anti-virus lawyerly e-mail exchange. For another time, maybe. It can't be wise to spew such nonsense. Having just typed all that crap and then deleted it I am going to lie down and have more of the soul-escaping-body dreams like I had the other night. I thrashed and gnawed all night, waking up every 3 or 4 minutes. My soul kept leaving my body, bolting toward the ceiling and burrowing in the corner up there. My cold body lay on the bed thinking "just stay still until the soul comes back. We want to be exactly where the soul left us or it might get lost and enter the desk or the table." My soul was a naked beast — armless, legless, headless — consumed by a panic both directionless and incoherent. I knew it would return, and it did. Souls are lost without vessels in which to travel, even inferior vessels like this one. |
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I wonder what was in the corner that your soul liked? when one works with the jaguar, one learns to track and find the soul that is lost. Cat was not a jaguar, and i don't know any of the story. It's not mine to know. thanks agatha, likewise. are you anywhere close to Tacoma? I think you are in northwest, right? I'm speaking there Jan 9th. |
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we're staying in austin for the holidays. the next flight i take will be to vegas for moonit's wedding party. |
Even knowlingly aware that some decadent haus frau can post as Antigone's lost cat, or that my/daniel's goat can be real to some and a fantasy to others, the thread bespeaks volumes about who some of us are, who we would like to be, what secrets we think about each other, and what the grim reality may be... and this morning I wondered if Mark had gotten some of this--my--your--history back online...and why? and why is it important? there are hundreds of threads like this--raw, cerebral, visceral, loving, playful, all at once. Thank you Mark. More and more I appreciate the honest open communication we have come to value behind the comedy, sarcasm, epithets of angst and anger and sexual excess. Thank you Mark. It's as important as Wisper's wanting a TL and Erika writing back in 1997. I wanted to write this morning about loneliness: I have a journal, other portals on the internet, a sketch book, a canvass (literally three feet from me) so there are not a paucity of options...but I thought--FB, shit, I don't want to share anything there at all about the loneliness. There is only only place, and that is here...that i am comfortable. Thank you Mark. Thank you Sarah for pointing out the way back then. Thank Mark Thomas for recreating meaning out of nothingness and empty cyber space. More Piano Please should be as resolute with meaning as More Cowbell. |