I realized that the last time I posted to this website was 9 years ago. When I was 15. It's funny to me to read the posts I made then. Anyway, I noticed that some of the people that used to post then are still here, so hello. I hope I've grown up a bit since then.

i remember you. it doesn't matter if you remember who the fuck i am. just write something.

i remember you. from June to October you went from being gay to dry humping your new boyfriend. what have you being doing for the last 9 years?

Did you ever clock your brother?

good times, good times.

i had to go back and look. i always figured you were fake. no offense intended. going back and looking has been interesting. i found a thread where dave talks about marriage, which meshed in well with conversations i've been having in my head. dave, you are king.

Every time I go back through old threads, I enter a Sorabji haze and don't emerge for several hours. It's quite a thing.

Nate, we're all fake.

but we don't all feel fake.

what does dave say about marriage?

"Religious belief is really the only good reason. BTW, for the sake of consistency, all bad things also come from god. Like that stupid love and rockets song says, "you cannot go against nature, because when you do, (awkward transition)go against nature, it's part of nature, too." Hooo man! That's deep, huh? I just don't see what the fuck difference it makes when it's so easy to undo. It's really about staking a claim. That's it. I think it's just a stupid, anachronistic tradition. It's like wearing a tie. Does wearing a tie make somebody behave more professionally? Does being married make someone behave more virtuously? It's about appearances and it's about ownership and it's pretty pathetic. If you want to don that yoke, I won't stop you. "

i love (awkward transition). i've been thinking a lot about relationships and possession and the point of naming things. i could have just listened to dave a decade ago.

I don't know what his resistance to posting has been lately. He's a moody fucker. I can't believe that RC was opposed to gay marriage because it wasn't The Christian Way. I'm freshly outraged about it now. Welcome back, Jenny Wren. I hope you worked some of your demons out since we last heard from you. Unrelated: things I bought today at the farmer's market... 1 bunch kale 1 bunch chard 1 bunch small beets 1 doz JUMBO eggs from the grumpy old egg couple 2 pints of blueberries An expensive amount of apricots 3 pots of basil And later... tshirts, cardigan sweaters, jogging bras, a pair of gray jeans, and yoga pants from Old Navy. Cleo is at the Oregon Country Fair. Lord help us. This random assortment of thoughts and statements is dedicated to Droopy.

is that the painted boobies fair in eugene?

How old was RC's post, though? Maybe she's changed her mind.

marriage is cool. it's way cooler than i thought it would be. it makes you feel more like a family. and families are cool too. i hate Eugene, Oregon. fucking poser hippies.

whiner.

I don't feel more like a family. I think I would have been just as happy not being married.

I agree with you, kazu.

okay, so. i did end up losing my virginity to that guy. birth control included. i graduated from high school and went to college, became a raging drug addict, went to treatment for that (among other things), and have now been clean for 3 1/2 years. and, i once did confront my brother about... well, everything. but we were both drunk. and as inconclusive as it was, i feel better about it. anyway, nate, what do you mean fake? like you thought i was a 40 yr old guy just posting sex stuff for fun? that's hot. i live on my own now. things got wierd. my mom died of a heart attack 2 years ago (this tuesday actually) and my dad shot himself 13 months later. but really, i think everything is okay now. my grandma is still crazy, but we get along. except that time she attacked me with a hammer. heh. i think i am a grown up. i pay my own bills. which is probably why this is the first time that i've been able to afford the internet in 4 years. before that, i was just too messed up to care. it's strange, but i don't think i really talk to anyone still that i talked to then. it feels so long ago. and i suppose 15 to 24 really is a long time. i'm glad you're still here. thanks.

Jen wren, That is alright, I understand, hope thing will smooth it out for you, I hated everything in my past, Esp, for my Mom and Dad who split up when I was 13, Mom always bring up some issue, and Dad didn't do anything. And I left eveything in the past.

Hi Jennifer, I remember you too. So here: welcome back and congrats on your clean time. Life goes on, and on, and then on some more. Old threads are well, worn and tattered and loose. I agree; reading them gets me lost in a maze and haze and smoke and mirrors.

splay my eclair loop fatwings. breathe in the sound of the sun. spit blood and perfume. i was at his apartment today. piles of garbage; smell of urine, garbage and vomit. he lumbered around the apartment and tried to clean in a half-hearted way; everytime he picked up something and dropped it, which was most of the time, he would mutter "of course." when he got tired of that he microwaved a hot dog and rolled it up in a piece of white bread with some mustard. he filled a dirty glass from the sink with water to wash the dog down. when he finished, he lay down on the couch and turned to the side so that he faced the back of the couch and away from me. i took his garbage out to the dumpster. i noticed that all the plants on his back porch were dead. i left. i'm sorry for writing all that. i know this is jen wren's thread, but that's what came out first. i remembered her name but not all the details. i don't know if you're a fake or not, but i still want to hear the story.

That's weird. was he your friend? I am curious.

i came here because i feel this is one of my only connections to the part of me that was ever innocent. not that losing my virginity took away my innocence, or that i was completely innocent before that happened, but things were different then. in a way i feel more innocent now then i ever have. Switters, a character in a Tom Robbins book, was attracted to innocence in teenage girls and middle aged nuns. I'm somewhere between that. i couldn't make it out of my house today. the girl who stalks me showed up twice, beat on the door and cried a little, and then left. i tried to stay off of the internet because i only have one phone line. i washed a lot of dishes and planned on taking a bubble bath, but never made it. another thing that happened while i was gone was that i became a paid nude model. i think that's partially why i got so bad into my addiction, because of all the money and free booze. i also think that's part of why i got clean, because of all the emptiness and self-degradation. less than a month after i turned twenty-one i made a serious attempt on my life, and then again three months later. the next day was my first day clean in a long time, and i haven't used since. i babble. i'm probably just as self-indulgent as i was before, but i think i'm probably a bit more mature. i feel like the young neice in the family that comes back from college expecting to be treated differently just because she's 4 years older. but i'm 9 years older. and like a line in a regina spektor song, this website is one of the "things i have loved i'm allowed to keep."

we are all nine years older and most are just as self-indulgent. you are clearly welcome.

You're going to have to tell us more stories, Jen Wren. You've obviously had a tremendous 9 years. you could probably write a book.

Droop, sorry for the experience. If I ever go back to drinking, that's how I envision it. ......................................... Defenestration When the space at the end of the line Comes full Every so often This man without wings Leans out of the pane-less window, Spits thirteen floors down To dampen the pavement For an afternoon’s diversion— How he sits there in his underwear Boozy flesh bestirred by the constant hum in his head And the voice of the little kid Calling him out of his sleep, the racetracks’ flypaper’s casualty, And the sounds of tinkling coins perhaps from the street below Dreaming him out of his sleep— Where remnants of broken dreams sequin the unswept floor And dustball memories roll To the center of the dark dim room, The moribund bulb overhead hangs solitary and yellow, Spites the paper roses now faded and dying dark On his cell walls grim, and, Lights the sanguine circles well worn Beneath his far off eyes so sullen— While sounds from the street melt in and out As if to purify the heat, he squints In his dream to see the little voice and read the numbers, Shakes his sleeping, sweating flesh, And rising somewhat purposefully, no act of preservation, This grandfather of loss embraces the wall And once, twice, every so often— Jumps. ........................................ But Droop, you said it better than I ever could. I use too many words. I try to make it pretty. WTF. Alternatively, I figure I'll take off my clothes, lace up my boots, and just walk to the setting sun off the west coast of HolmesBeach, Anna Maria Island FL. About 300 feet off shore, life wimpers from a six foot sandy bottom to a 500 foot craggy death. Been there, swam back once. Won't again. Yes, nine years older and more self indulgent among friends we have never seen but become.

damn, I must be the new thread killer.

it just rang untrue, jen. i'm glad you're back, though. you're definitely interesting, in a j. t. leroy kind of way.

i barely remember wren, if at all. sorry. maybe she remembers waffleboy heh that guy was a total douche

i do remember waffleboy. really, waffles are okay, but they're nothing to base your life around.

THE HELL THEY'RE NOT

My mum tells me to stop waffling when I am doing that typical chick thing of dragging out a story. Waffles must be a very 'merican thing, cause we don't really have them here, although you can buy wafflemakers. and wafflecones for icecream. they're good.

waffles come from europe - like the famous belgian waffle. but i think wafflemaking came to america mostly through the scandanavians, dutch, and germans. in the u.s., the verb "to waffle" means to change your mind or position on an issue, and is usually reserved for use on politicians. i tend to prefer pancakes.

droopy, do you want syrup with that?

I prefer french toast with bacon and maple syrup and cinnamon and sugar. mmmm. No wonder I am a lardass.

I like egg,sausage,cheese and muffin for breakfast.

is that an egg mcmuffin?

How about mush? Anybody do mush for breakfast? That stuff's awesome with maple syrup and butter. My usual breakfast is a nutri-grain bar, yogurt, banana & 2 hard-boiled eggs.

i actually don't remember the last time i had a waffle or a pancake. or anything you would call breakfast, for that matter. i usually can't face food until at least noon. this is what i've been having in the mornings, lately: i reconstitute dry milk with 1 cup of old coffee and mix in one raw egg and a dash of honey (i'm using raw mesquite honey from terlinqua, texas) and maybe a dash of vanilla.

Moonit, that sounds great right about now. Do you mix a little vanilla in with the french toast batter? *drool*

I usually eat Greek yoghurt for breakfast, either with fresh fruit or nuts and honey. I fucking love yoghurt.

lately for breakfast i eat a hard boiled egg, a small piece of spelt and flax seed bread toasted, and a half piece of fruit. if i'm in a hurry, a couple spoonfulls of cottage cheese, a couple spoonfuls of plain nonfat yogurt. on the weekends i make omelets and chicken sausage or bacon. always coffee. just a cup, but still we rarely eat pancakes. never ever waffles. waffles are not a breakfast food, they are a dessert food.

p.s. waffles cones are not waffles. they are waffle-shaped sugar cones. p.p.s. i love them alcohol.

On most days I eat greek yogurt with blue berries. On Sunday we went out and I had an omlet and a side of cheesy grits. I love cheesy grits; I think I will make some this weekend. I used to have a cup of Irish breakfast tea with a splash of milk every morning, but now I can't even think about it.

I usually have steel-cut Irish oatmeal. It looks like something horses would eat, and if you undercook it a little (as I do), you have to chew it.

I have a cigarette, half a can of iced tea, and sometimes a granola bar. I loves me some waffles. I love frozen waffles so much that i won't buy them because then i'll start eating them for 2 meals a day.

frozen waffles are the little one's favorite. every morning we have a routine. we go to the kitchen. i ask her what she wants for breakfast. she says waffles! i say no, we had that yesterday. she makes the "awwwwww" sound and then sometimes follows it up with a "we NEVER have waffles two days in a row". i try and save a waffle morning for one of the weekend days...as they dont really fill her up, but rather just jack her on sugar. id rather send her to summer camp packed with slow burn sugars and protein instead. then i usually offer an option of cherrios, granola and yogurt, toast and eggs. the only thing better is the girlfriends french toast. she gets that dense sugar bread.....whats it called, fuck....from trader joes. its essentially made in heaven for french toast only.

Challa bread? Food of the gods. Or at least God's chosen people. Crap, now I have to make french toast with challa bread this weekend.

hard boiled egg, salt, pepper, and waffle with syrup this morning in Norman Oklahoma. Reuben wih onions instead of kraut for lunch. Indian food, don't know what all, hot spicy and explosive, for dinner. Usually protein shake with a banana, Whole foods vanilla almond granola, soy milk, yogurt maybe instead of soy milk,

no spider thats not it.....trader joes sells it in a loaf. fuck...i'll remember later. my brunch just consisted of butter lettuce, ceci peas and radiccio with cheap italian dressing. homemade hummus, pita with zatar seasoning and jalapenos and persian cucumbers swimming in vinegar.

That sounds good. You're not thinking of cinnamon bread, are you? It's got a spiral of cinnamon in each slice...

no. brioche is what im thinking of...

Oh, brioche, how I love thee. It shouldn't be physically possible to fit that much butter into one loaf of bread. That must be some killer French toast.

Just got back from Trader Joes. They were out of brioche. :( I *could* have French toast tomorrow with the usual wheat bread in my refrigerator, or I could wait a day and see if I can get brioche or challa in the afternoon... This is a pickle.

The French are God's chosen people? No wonder.

I made the French toast with wheat bread, Egg Beaters, and with turkey bacon on the side, so it was as healthy as it could be under the circumstances. (Real syrup, though). And it was frakkin' good. Cinnamon and vanilla in the batter, raw sugar sprinkled on each side before frying. MMMPH.

wild rice, left over & made with chicken stock hellman's mayo beau monde celery finely chopped carrots finely chopped pepper jack cheese finely cubed mix it up and eat, serve icy cold, wrap in turkey sliced thinly or eat wildly at breakfast around the pool

Had to look up "spelt" Sarah. What's that all about? We go to BJ's Wholesale Club, and they've got the most awesome thick sliced bacon. On the weekends, the wife fries that up with scrambled eggs, tomatoes, scallions, mushrooms, whatever's in the fridge. That'll hold you a while. Beets out the garden are all done. They were Detroit Reds, all about egg sized or a little bigger. They were awesome. Planting French Breakfast radishes in their place now. More tomatoes than we know what to do with. "Volunteers" coming up all over the place from old fallen tomatoes. Blackberries are ripening too. Tried brining a chicken yesterday. I didn't notice much of a difference. Seems like a waste of a cup of kosher salt and a gallon of water. Oh well.

Brining makes much more of a difference with turkey. Makes things turn out all moist and delicious. Chickens...meh. I trimmed our raspberries too radically this spring, so I think we are going to miss out on a crop this year. I feel guilty.

spelt is a wheat alternative. spelt berries look exactly like wheat berries, only they are darker in color (like brown rice next to white rice). it's been around for roughly 8000 years. it has more protein and fiber and vitamins and minerals than wheat (particularly niacin and b vitamins), and is more resistant to pests. spelt has a richer flavor than wheat. spelt's husk is tougher and harder to hull than wheat's husk, thus harder and more costly to process. this is most likely why most of our widely distributed mass marketed baked goods are made of wheat and not spelt. wheat additionally has been genetically engineered to blah de blah blah blah. i won't go there. spelt is more water soluble than wheat, so it's easier to digest, which also means if you use it for baking, you should use 1-1/4 cups spelt flour for every cup of regular flour. spelt, like wheat, has gluten, so if you're allergic to gluten, stay away from spelt. but a lot of times people who are simply allergic to wheat can tolerate spelt.

Thanks for the info, sarah. Very interesting. I imagine you'd have to look for it at a specialty market, no?

Trader Joe's sells bread made with spelt.

"I made the French toast with wheat bread, Egg Beaters" thats just wrong spider. you gotta go all the way with french toast otherwise its just a tease.

That's very true. It was like it was saying to me, you think I'm good, just imagine the possibilities! But I haven't found the brioche yet. This may call for a trip to Whole Foods.

can chicken stock can green beans cooked chicken breast diced diced celery can navy white beans cook it all to slow rolling boil adding appropriate amounts of cilantro, cayenne pepper, black pepper, green pepper, minced garlic. stir, drink with a spoon. garnish with ample amounts of bourbon.

What is more proper -- "to drink soup" or "to eat soup." My wife says the former, I say the latter. Must be a cultural thing.

your wife started with spanish? does she drink pills as well? (i need to drink some asprin). i "dry brine" chickens before roasting. i think it makes a difference. i basically use the zuni cafe method, which involves liberal salting and at least a day in the fridge.

Yep, native Spanish speaker. No, she "takes" pills. I guess drinking soup makes sense if it's a broth. Chicken looks interesting -- I was thinking a buttload of salt, but it only mentions 2.25 teaspoons. That's not a whole lot -- hardly seems like it would cover a bird. Do you roast it at that high of a temperature too? The highest I've tried is 425 for 20 minutes backside up, then flip it breastside up and take it down to 375 for the rest of the way. Wife jacks it up right at the last to brown the breast even further.

I dated a costa rican who drank soup and pills. I figure it is typically handled with less specificity in Spanish (the verb tomar for take, eat, drink), and so the mind hooks up the verbs logically. I roast at the temperatures in the zuni recipe. It works great.

Whoa. Blast from the past. Welcome back Wren/Jen. Wafflesboy. Petrock and I used to really get worked up over that one. And I was pretty much against gay marriage until they started saying we couldn't do it, and attempting to change state and national constitutions. Who the fuck do they think they are? Anyway, I'm rabidly in love, for the first time ever, but it feels like forever, because I've loved him for years and years. We went on our first weeklong vacation since being more than friends this past week and it was incredible. He told me while we were sitting watching the sunset on Conesus Lake that he had realized the night before he wanted to grow old with me. I cried. He repeated this in the car the next day, and I cried again. Immessurably happy.

Oh and yeah, we are getting married. The when and where still to be determined.

that's awesome, jimbo. congratulations. i feel like i'm calmly, rationally in love for the first time ever.

thanks, Nate. right back atcha on that one.

way to go jim. i love it. i love waffleboy conjurs up memories of annoyance. jim, you realize i was waffleboy right?

GET OUT! wait. is it Waffleboy I'm thinking of or someone/thing else? This "thing" spewed hate and venom.

Lucy Phurre? waffleboy was obnoxious, make no mistake.

Oatmeal Boy?

we don't speak that name. but yeah, that's the breakfast boy you're thinking of.