| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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He (drew) rang today. He'd gone out last night. I jokingly asked if he'd pulled. He said yes. I asked if he would be seeing her again. He said maybe. I hung up, crying. He rang back. I apologised. He's not mine anymore, I shouldn't care, but fuck I do. This is insane. We don't/can't/won't be together. It hurts, it hurts like it just happened all over again. Sometimes I wish the days could go past as fast as they do in the movies... with the whole calander flicking thing. To a time where I don't feel hurt, or pain, but I look back on our relationship with a smile, and no jealousy of a new girl he may or may not have. Do you think thats possible? Ever? Tell me to shut up, tell me to get over myself, tell me that things will get better. I'm gonna smoke this huge joint I've rolled, and watch crap tv, and eat munchy foods, and smoke a few ciggies, then try and get a good nights sleep before starting my new job in my new office tomorrow. But I fly to Auckland again on Tuesday for more training. Argh. |
i don't feel like writing about it now, i feel like going to bed. but i know, and i know that i'm not the only other person here who knows, and it sucks and yes it gets better and sometimes it comes back and it sucks all over again. there is advice that can be given, but mostly it isn't useful. listen to tori amos do tom waits's "time". buy a bottle of something you can barely stomach and drink it all. la la. part of your life becomes so intricately connected with this person. this block of your life in which you became used to the comfort of this person. and how do you recover from that? there is no easy answer. somehow our person is the collection of our memories-- so this other is part of you-- and you've special secret bits, things held closely that are integral to your core-- when A. and i canceled the wedding and went our seperate ways i'd spent a quarter of my life with her. 25% of my person, more if you weight more recent memories higher as they occupy more of myself- the cure just seems to keep going. creating things in the gaps, and letting life create memories so as to reduce that percentage. fucking hell. i'm sorry moonit. |
Especially when I thought I'd just get a 'fuck you, you ass, get over it' type message. Either way I feel better now. It's this place. I like to rant here. I know I will be laughing eventually, or feeling warm fuzzies. My ex-co-worker Ian messaged me and said 'you're a dick for asking him, get on with your own life you idiot'. And thats true too. I am. |
WHAT????? im sorry you hurt mel. i spent a lot of time hurting this weekend myself. i want to hurt some more. its like taking a giagantic piss and even though the steady stream has stopped, you shake a bit cause you know theres more to come. that was rather crass. pardon. |
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i wasnt dropping hints so you'd come and beg me to tell you. i was just relaying how horrible I feel and wanted you to understand i'm sad. I can't possibly tell you about my weekend, I can only tell you im hurting. now lets get back to moonie's pain. |
I'm sorry Moonit feels badly too. |
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moonit, i wish i could write some magic sentences that could make you have a huge realization about your self, your life, and your relationships that would suddenly make everything okay and you could move on and feel no more pain. and of course that's not going to happen because unfortunately i think you just have to let yourself feel whatever it is you're feeling. do the best you can to protect yourself from unnecessary additional pain. don't keep going back for more. be gentle with yourself. do what nate says. also, do something a little wild, a little bossy. and buy a sexy new bra with matching panties. or some article of clothing with faux fur. wear it out or don't. these are just things you do to fill up the unspecified amount of time that it will take to stop feeling pain. and remember, that time will come. when i went back to hawaii, i ran into michael 2 or 3 times. i met and talked at length with his new girlfriend, who is vibrant, vivacious, blonde, and sassy. she told me the story of how they met, of how she had all her boxes packed, ready to move back to Virginia, and she met him three days before her flight, and they both knew she couldn't leave. i saw him drive away in his truck with her dog in the passenger seat. they seem perfect for each other and they are crazy about each other. and even though he'll always be the one that got to the core of me for reasons he can't really be held accountable, i felt nothing but peace... i felt honestly happy for both of them. i bet this will happen for you too some day. it just takes time (and a bottle of brandy and a big fat joint or something). right now that probably doesn't feel like much consolation, but that's all there is. hang in there. |
I'm pretty sympathetic when I'm required to be. I hope things get better quicker. For everyone. |
You will find happiness. But, you never get over the ones that hurt you. The pain's to sharp. And, the wound to deep. The only consulation I can give is that these times become a part of who you really are. |
Stupid life. You all rock, you know this don't you!? |
Love is confusing. But, I guess we all need it. I'm glad you're feeling better :) |
However Moonit, I know exactly how you feel one day you could care fucking less the world can kiss your ass because hey " what the hell has it done for me lately." Other days however, its nice, you don't care whats going on, your up for anything people don't suck ass, and the world is good... I think the gnomes are messing with us in our sleep, you know minor bio-chemical engeineering done on humans while we sleep... Those Gnomes are crafty little fucks. |
i feel about 70% better than i did before. it kinda makes you feel like an ass for ever sayinbg anything. |
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I have a gnome infestation. Somebody contact a witch or a wizard. I need them expelled. |
Just creepy little crafty fuckin gnomes. |
Over winter break, I saw my ex-girlfriend again. I made the mistake of thinking that maybe she had realized she made a mistake and was ready to get back together. She hadn't. She told me she had personal demons that needed to be sorted out. I told her that being apart wouldn't help her sort things out. I could help her sort out anything she needed to sort out. I could give her strength. She said it was something she had to do alone. I don't understand. After I thought about it for awhile, I realized that she probably doesn't love me anymore. At all. And she doesn't have the heart to tell me. But I need to know. I need to know, so I can completely forget about any slim chance there is of getting back together. I need to know, so I can look around and not miss any chances of meeting another special person. She was very special to me, and will always be. I don't know when I will stop seeing her as I look into another girl's eyes. I can only imagine that when I finally look into a girl's eyes and I don't imagine her, that girl will become just as special. LS |
i think its a rite of passage for all hormone crazed guys at that age to want their ex back only to be seriously shafted. its happened to every guy friend i have known at that age. Its easy to confuse "special" with the way she affected your crotch |
No, there were other things that made her special. It wasn't the crotch thing. I could get that practically anywhere. It was the little things that were "us" that no one else had. But I realize that I'll have to build up those kind of little things that make me and someone else an "us." But enough about me. This thread is about moonit. LS |
Had same problem with Marcy, its been a fucking hellstorm getting over that girl. Yeah won't deny the sex was good, but fuck I'd kill just to go for a walk with her, or just sit around drink coffee and bullshit for hours like we use to... But thats why I'm still getting over her, progress is good. |
what to do, what to say.... can't handle it... can't go back... don't seem like its going forward.... how do I get myself into this.... it's like i'm gonna break my own heart. he won't give me what I need. |
What do you need? |
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she needs a slap upside the head, be my guess. i've needed plenty of those myself, in the past. |
nice sweet moonit, tell us what's wrong? |
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moonit, pleaes please please get rid of the bastard who continues to cause you pain. |
Someone at work told me that his best mate never wanted to get married until he did. But the kids thing.. that could be a problem. I don't want them right now - but I am gonna in a couple of years.... so thats where i am. now you all know. i love you guys. |
So right now he's not into the idea of marriage or kids, there's gotta be more to a relationship than that. The two of you enjoy yourselves? Marriage is a piece of paper, really, is it because Tarn's getting married? |
If I have kids I don't want them to be a bastard like I am. (Even though its much more common these days) |