Yesterday being the last Friday of the month, there was critical mass. Portland being the mecca for police brutality during critical mass, there was an alternate mass composed of Zoobombers and sympathetics. It was beautiful, beginning at 6:30 and going to at least eight or nine, one police car along the entire route and THAT was a cruiser. Zoobomb Dan was navigating. It's this girl's birthday and she's having a Robots and Princesses party, almost all of us go. I was a princess of course, having found out earlier in the afternoon from Zombie Dan. I wore my favorite dress, a little black slip with safety pins, doc martens and a tiara. I even had a frog. We stopped at Safeway to buy intoxicants, bought a 12er of Pabst to share plus a couple of bottles of hard cranberry for me. I downed the cranberry in a matter of minutes within arriving and opened up the beer. I was given candy necklaces and kiss cards for being dressed up. I passed most of the kiss cards out, saving one. Zombie Dan arrived as a highly advanced cyborg (no costume) and was drinking young homebrewed mead (he gave me a sip and I've never tasted anything like it). At one point I ended up introducing the Dans. There was a trampoline in the back and a dance floor inside, but for the majority of the party the porch was where it was at. At one point a two piece band performed, consisting of a drumset and an electronic instrument I've never seen before. There were also people on the roof. The later it gets it feels like the faster I move. Bouncing between doorways and flirting with boys wearing dresses and wigs. I traded cards with Zoobomb Dan (at least twice) in the backyard, a beautiful long black haired girl (whose name I never learned or at least did not learn at the time) and Zombie Dan. I have a bit of a crush on Zombie Dan (we game together, when I begin roleplaying he'll be a DM), and the alcohol and the kiss cards made it easy for me to do something about it, but after a couple of minutes of kisses he says.... "I shouldn't be doing this." "I kindof have somebody in California." So we stop. Today I am wondering about the weight of these words but I respect that they were said. If anything else happens later on I'm not going to initiate it. He might end up working at my store and I might be his PIC, making everything convoluted and weird. End up on the front porch again, with my bag (minus beer) unlocked my bike from his so he can leave. Back on the porch and saying goodbye when I step forward and puke over the railing. He steps toward me (and in projectile range) and holds my hair out of my face. My gastronomic pyrotechnics cease and he leaves. Post puke home is the best idea, so I grab my bike, get down to the side walk, then drop everything and puke over the curb. I don't know how long I laid there, but a small crowd of fellow Zoobombers gradually sit around me, push my bike against the shrubbery, bring a blanket, rub my back, hand me water. I felt so loved, but was at the pitiful point where I could not remember my friends' names. I hear stories. I only remember one now, Solid Gold got caught having sex with a random girl. I am very glad I did not kiss him and it makes me feel less slutlike. This is the most contented, matter of fact, social puking session I've ever had. Eventually I stop. My stomach ceases trembling and resumes it's normal position of being ignored. It is decided that others will ensure I get home by bicycle. Great, let's go. I jumped on and took off, only to realize that I was alone. Went back, saw others on bikes and made a sharp turn back around only to land on the pavement roaring with laughter. No vomit. Whitey (which is undergoing namechange decided today to Suddenly) is retrieved, I am reassembled and we lift off again (me) and for the first time (most everybody else). People turn off for the lab and southeast so it whittles down to Zoobomb Dan and Anita (who is fun, plugs desklamps into the ground at kickball and has bleach blond hair wrapped around rags). They wait on the sidewalk while I stumble into the yard, dropping the u-lock before I finish the simple process of locking up, and unlock the door. They wait until I am inside. I locked the door and shed my skin of fabric and somehow remove my eyes. I collapsed nude into bed. Dreampt nothing. This morning I hurt. I awoke because of light at eight thirty and woke for good at noon. Damage count: slight headache, sore left shoulder, skinned left elbow, wetskinned right elbow, minor stigmata on right palm and wrist, skinned left knee, shallow gashes in right thigh and a bruise on the right hip from ungraceful booted drunken ballet. A realization. I have people who care about me. They took care of me when I was drunk and most people would assume from the eclectic partyish nature of the group that they would not. These are my friends and I am eternally grateful for them. Things like this might actually cause me to care.

I have a friend. She was going thru a rough time. She looked at me one day and said "I am not used to having friends or anyone in my life who gives a shit about me" That kinda stunned me. Lapis, I don't want that to be you. You do have people who care about you. And learning to care in return is good.

I'm the independent type, always have been. I don't wait for people to keep me company because then I'd never do anything.... or at least I did. Not that this is stopping my independence completely. I go through days sometimes scarcely saying a word to a soul. There's no need, I hide in my room reading and there's nobody around.

That's fine to do part of the time. We all need our time alone. Having friends who care about you and caring about them in return is not going to cramp your independence, unless you are in a position when you really need help and you don't ask for it. Be yourself. I know what an amazing person you are. I have seen you grow so much. I am proud of you. But don't be afraid to let people in. Sometimes they can end up being that friend for life that will bring out the best in you. I'm not making sense to myself right now. I doubt that this makes sense to anyone else.

MASALTAV! Wonderful story, made even more so wonderful by the shere amount of dextromaphorthan coursing through my blood stream at the moment. Oh and by the way, pardon my complete ignorance, but whats a "ZooBomb?" DayQuil is dangerous, fear the orange pill. (Don't get sick, either.)

agreed, wonderful story. i'm glad you have people around to take care of you. that is such a good feeling. it always a working process to find the balance between independence and friends... especially a group of friends. i find that individual friends are much easier. but still, its great to know that you are more than just one of a group, and that your friends really care. last night i was in the reverse position of being the sober one. my drunk friend was not puking, though. she was crying about a boy. she wasn't someone i'd consider one of my closest friends, but basically all of her other friends are primarily friends with the boy. also: a princesses and robots party! awesome!

Usually I'm the sober one. Normally I don't drink very much or very fast. Zoobomb(v): to take one's bike on the MAX to the zoo, get intoxicated, then bomb down the hill to downtown. See also: bike punk, kickball and beer.

My friend Kiko did something similar. There is a large hill in my home town that US-41 snakes its way down, and it is possible to coast for about 3 miles (by my recollection) from the top of the hill to the lift bridge. He and a friend took off down the hill buck naked on their BMXs, and his friend learned a valuable lesson: when zooming down a hill buck naked on a bike, don't stop for the cops. Kiko got away, needless to say.

You don't stop for cops when you're buck nekkid ever.

"A realization. I have people who care about me." Sheeeeeit, darlin'. Of course you do. You're posting to them.

I know that but sometimes I forget. Or rather: Not so much forgetfulness as sheepishness, bleating about my best buddies who I regularly hold DSL seances to contact.

That reminds me, I need to pray to the DSL gods. I haven't done so this month, they may cut me down if I don't pray soon.

Yes, Hal, you should pray soon and pray often. They will even tell you that :)

Hal,you really need to get into BUDDHA,that guy will kick the shit outta anyone who gets in your way,[works for me]but i got 5 of them.Like you just HAVE to have one in the south east corner of your abode [the wealth corner]according to my Feng Shui Master.

My cat usually covers the badness that may or may not get into my house. He's a badass mofo. And besides, the only shrine to a god that will ever exist in my house is the one that resides in the bathroom.

I once had a shrine to "Bob" in my bathroom. It was an old 12" tv with a cut out stencil of "Bob" taped over the screen. I would turn it on and watch the static on the screen through the holes in the stencil while taking a crap. It was quite fun and also assured that none of my roommates hippie friends would use my bathroom.

Are you serious?

Yes, I have pictures of it. This was about 8-9 years ago.

That's fuckin' awesome. Awesome, I tell ya!

TV art is tres yay! I want to make a god and create a shrine to it.

LAPIS,I shit you not Godess,if you create a shrine to my Lord Buddha,your luck will turn around.[it has worked to the tune of MILLIONS of bucks for me.]

And,if your not into WHITE WITCHCRAFT,[same as me an,Eri]you need to get into it RIGHT NOW.You owe it to your self.

<raised eyebrow> "your" Lord Buddha? </raised eyebrow> No further comment.

Buddha, you know the little fat guy with the belly.

Oh, I thought his name was Hal.

I have a little plastic figure of Jiminy Cricket on my desk. He is not a god, he is my Conscience. When I'm feeling especially bad, I bring him with me in my pocket.

I need a conscience. Oh boy, do I need a conscience.

No,you just need a BUDDHA.

Just a thought, if HAL looks like BUDDHA,then i regard him as reincarnation,and as such,he deserves a lot more respect.

And if i ever i post myself as L.vv.again,you know im on my second bottle of vodka.

That's it. Karaoke time.

I am not fat.

Karaoke time?at 5 a.m. [my time?]Gimmi 5 hours sleep ,an ill think about it.Besides,i sound too much like Mark Knopfler [kinda flat voice]

Hal i dont mind if your fat or thin,your allways a nice guy.

I shat satan.

How would I know, anyway? It was a joke. I'm sorry. It was 8:30pm when I thought about karaoke. Right now I don't feel myself. I feel two dimensional, unable to breathe, a robot. Un connect ed to any source of network. I sit alone and drink. I sing Tainted Love and Eleanor Rigby. I feel my hair between my fingers as I hold my head in my hands, elbows on the table. So much worry. I go to the bathroom and attempt to punch myself in the stomach. My punches are weak. I walk back to the table with the taste of bile in my mouth, just a sample. I knit. I put it away and sit quietly. Mr. G makes me stand in front of the dart board and shoots me and I don't even pretend to die. I walk back home, crossing the freeway, contemplating the fall. I read fairy tales where a girl steps through a gateway into another life. I want that. To be somebody else. To be somewhere else. To cry when I feel pain instead of laughing. I want to care so badly it hurts but I'm not sure if I know how.

Welcome to my world, take a seat, enjoy the ride. The soda is warm, the drinks are watered, and the popcorn is stale. However we do have air conditioning here, it just doesn't work right. Please enjoy your stay.

Anyone ever said you're no good at comforting, Hal? . Not that I know what to say. . . Don't hurt yourlself. We love you Pez. Feel better.

And the Mormons knocked on the door again. They recognized me. From work. I also sang Fast Car last night. I'm going to talk to my boss about taking a week off in November, for my sanity. I need to get out of town, go where I'm nobody and there's no place to go but anywhere. Maybe thing's'll get better. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope so.

Do I look like a priest? Have I ever looked like a priest? Comforting no, cynacism yes.

fast car(s)? buzzcocks?

karaoke, probably tracy chapman. just a guess though. america loves you.

wing ding diddly ding ding doo! david cross is cracking my ass up.

I feel much much much better now. Aimee Mann and Mounds work wonders. I do care, and that's why I worry about not caring. I'm getting a vacation in November. Work will be less stressful in a week and a half, two new people were just hired, Rissa (the other PIC) is coming back from maternity leave at the end of October. I love karaoke. I love america if america loves me. Fast Car is Tracy Chapman. Who is David Cross? I'm getting tired. My emotions have gone through a large spectrum today.

http://www.subpop.com/bands/david_cross/shut_up_you_fucking_baby/

Dave! you got that album?!! thank god someone else does! I had mad props for that thing months ago but no-one responded *sniff* i wuv woooooo "What's for breakfast? Squagels! SQUARE BAGELS! These ain't your fathers bagels!" Pez- shame on you. (you know, there's a DVD of his tour coming out soon.)

p.s. "do y'alls people eat oatmeal?"

guys. seriously. i wanna go out tonight and i wanna get so much pussy. i'm gonna get so much pussy, guys oooooo!

hey man whatever ffffhh. . .

dave,so did you score a touchdown?

if Gabriel wants to rollerblade, then Gabriel rollerblades!

seatbelt fo my arrrm seatbelt fo my leeeg seatbelt fo my heeadd hey wait, this isnt a ride!

that's DIRTY titty, dirty dirty evil FILTHY titty!

Lapis,dont ever feel down,cuz your a real fine person,just get up an about,an keep kickin ass,same as you do,an you will live to be 140,[promise]

Maybe I'm having a one-seventh-life-crisis. It's difficult to be "up and about" with an irregular 5 day 40 hour workweek that ends each night at 11:30 pm. I'm taking my first vacation from work ever in November and I don't know what to do with it. Does anyone want a visit from her Pezness?

does marlon brando like butter?

3 AM At The Border Of The Marsh...

:}

you can come to vermont... the leaves may be mostly gone, though, and it'll be coooold.

Its got to be better than that asshole HEATWAVE we had a while back.I recon even in in Vermont,you musta got roasted.

It's still hot here. Waiting for a fall cool down. None in sight. I guess at least swimming weather will continue.

In London its cool,but still very dry,i got 2 inch cracks in the ground,and i lost a 200 year old rododendron in the garden due to lack of water,i did not find it untill it was too late,and roads are cracking up due to lack of water in the sub-soil.

it was nice and warm in Vermont, that week, good for playing outside. we appreciate summer it while it lasts. of course, i'm not a real Vermonter, but even after one winter here i know enough to spend as much time outside as humanly possible while it's warm. today was beautiful, crisp in the morning, but warmer in the afternoon, and alternating rain and bright sunshine all day (though no rainbows, sadly...we were hoping for one since we were outside building a "closet" on the lawn in front of the student center for coming out week). it's been in the 40s and 50s. perfect.

I don't have the time to go to Vermont. One week and can't afford to take a plane. And I'm not going to Seattle. Seattle is a very very bad place for Ms. Pez.

You, me, and a stick of butter, baby. We'll make popcorn. . You've never experienced a proper awkward silence until you've met TBone and the girl who keeps him out of trouble. . Bring a swimsuit.

What he said.

Should I? It could be a Commiefest. Because I'm not a Montanan.

ok, go to montana... maybe it'll be cold there too, though I've only ever been there in summer, so i wouldn't know.

Montana in November? Everyone knows it will be 80 degrees and sunny.

It's because we're sloser to the sun.

sloser.

We're closer to something but it ain't the sun. Its closer to the center of the earth. Hell is out neighbor, when I moved to Missoula Satan brought me a casserole.

i wish anyone would bring me a casserole.

Sloser. That's great. Perfect for cookie baking. And I could take pictures of Umpqua on the way, I think. Maybe.

Better still,come to a WITCHFEST in London.

8th November?

Can't fly, one week and London isn't exactly driving distance. If I go to Montana I can visit the LS on the way and give her the scarf. If I go late November I can bring her back for Thanksgiving. Montana's just the eensiest closer than London.

Lapis,just hope you get to find a WHITCHFEST in Montana.Lady Bless.

A whichfest and wherefest and howfest.

If its there,youl find it.

but no hofest?

Hofest is wherever I'm at. It didn't seem to be worth mentioning.

I'm talking to my boss tomorrow about vacation date. I'm gonna get a minibike together and bring it, for a possible Missoula Snowbomb.

I'll look for a good candidate hill. Many of them are twisty, which could be a problem in slick conditions. We can make bike tire chains. . There's a group on campus called POWERS that meets regularly. Peagan Or Wiccan Education ReSources (or something like that.) . I only know that because it's a Public Service Announcement I read on the radio from time to time.

Going to the bins on Tuesday to find a goodun. It's gonna be a sweet mini with studded fenders and blackblackblack. Also, I'm going to find a copy of the better short order movie made by the Gracies folk. When would be a good time for me to be there? Eek. Here, TBone, email me. You too Hal.

The bins rule. I got a practically brand new pair of Doc Martens there for $4.

What's the bins?

It's the most insane monster thrift store ever. I forget if it's a St. Vinnies or a Salvation Army. They get so much stuff, every table is rotated out on the hour and sent off to the Third world as a donation. You can score big time there as a result, since good stuff is out there only for a limited time and you have a decent chance of snagging it (like me and my boots).

Golfing with your wife A man staggered into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. The doctor asked him what happened. "Well, it was like this", panted the man. "I was having a round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it... stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asked the doctor. "Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!' I don't remember much after that...

Your bins is different from my bins. "The Bins" is the local goodwill outlet. Anything that won't sell at the other stores is sent there. Bins of clothing, books, electrical goods and bikes. Clothing is sold by the pound, books 25 cents paperback, 50 cents hardcover. I don't know what the other prices are, but bikes are individually priced. Everything is cheap cheap cheap but if you get clothes they must be washed before wearing. Hot water.

You mean you haven't been to THE Bins? holy crap. That place is insane.

I'm guessing THE Bins is fairly east of here. You must remember my ventures East are few and not particularly far out. I was in Idaho for ten minutes once.

I might not be able to take a vacation after all. I'm starting at a new store at a new position on November 2nd. Wow.

THE Bins are in Portland but I don't remember where.

SouthEast. Sellwood, almost in Milwaukie. When I was there before, I got the complete chronicals of Narnia, several cookbooks, several french textbooks, a belt, two plates and a suitcase for $7.

iwant to talk with a friend or write letter for my friend

good for you!

I think J has a new candidate for email pranks.

Allways has done.

I just bought an 80$ cutting board for my parents for christmas.... Vodka is dangerous.

I just began knitting a hot pink scarf for my sister for christmas... Eyelash is dangerous.

tell me of this $80 cutting board?!

Hal,i agree.

80$ cutting board of DOOM!!!

It looks like something my uncle would make. Who is this "Meta" in your album? Lapis curious.

Meta is my ex. The one that dumped me as a "pre-emptive strike." Beautiful girl, but alas a girl from my past.

I see. She's pretty. I'm sorry.

Hal Meta,is that by chance a Greek name?I had a girl of the same name years ago,but i did not find out her background.

I feel like I would really enjoy cutting my veggiebles on that board. mmm. went to a drag ball last night but i wasn't drunk, probably would have had more fun, but i spent my time running around looking for feather boas with my friend. mostly it was depressing cause the girl i have a crush on turns out to be interested in someone else, even though she's incredibly friendly and huggy and all with me, which i had taken as a good sign. ah well. such is life.

and yah, i agree with general consensus: meta is pretty.

But is that a Greek name?

Don't know, but she was very good looking.... And had an affinity for sex to say the least.

so she just never talked about it?

The "Bob" that semillama referred to above is, no doubt, J.R."Bob" Dobbs. Despite another comment in reply, he didn't invent this god. Someone else did, in Texas I believe. "Bob" is your short-duration-personal-saviour. Consult the Church of the Subgenius for more information. P.S. I know this because I stenciled numerous things with Bob stencils and spray paint in my college days, and was at one time quite the expert on Bob in my circle of friends. Wooo wooooo! J.R. Bubb Rubb