Rant Du Jour

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By Xx on Tuesday, May 9, 2000 - 01:44 am:

    She’s dwelling.
    He’s not supposed to have this kind of power.
    But he does. He always did. The power to make her feel so self-confident that she starts to feel bad.
    “..but I can’t get the ‘hot’ guys…” she whines, believing it as always.
    True, she did vow that the next boy she had any meaningful contact with would be gorgeous, a shell of beauty and grace the like s of which her mind had never seen before. *A Trophy Goth*.

By Xx on Tuesday, May 9, 2000 - 01:45 am:

    ...Remember? She did try. These attempts either being just set-away dreams, like her friends, or a blazing pile of embarrassment and rejection. But she did try, for a while she did try. Or thought about trying. Or thought abut thinking. Aww fuck.
    She knows it inside, that’s what she wanted. Or wants. Or whatever.
    Thanks to him, the ego-driving ex, (and reading GloomCookie) she doesn’t even know what she wants anymore. That’s why she was happy to be single for so long. She could look at the pretty ones, just look, and wonder what it would be like to have them, even for a moment, as being for her. She needed her crushes to keep her alive. Or feeling alive. To keep her on the dance floor. To keep her outside. Get that butterfly feeling within again.....

By Xx on Tuesday, May 9, 2000 - 01:54 am:

    ...“…and anyway, the hot ones are usually stupid…”
    yes, but they’re attractive, and that’s the point, seemingly the point of their whole existence.
    She has never been shallow. She chooses companions based solely on intelligence and humor, both of which they must have above-average amounts of. Nothing more. To love, she doesn’t need anything else. And she found C. but she didn’t want a boyfriend. She was having her first single streak since she was 15. She was lonely as fuck but it was keeping her going. That was the beauty of it all. To stare without fear and flirt without meaning. Or meaning, but they never got it. She’s terrible at flirting and far too shy / internal / withdrawn to have anyone chase her. She may be pretty (and she’s not saying she is, she just may very well be) but she’s far too secluded to draw further attraction. It could even scare them. Maybe people were always afraid of whatever strong powerful silent thing they saw behind her eyes. Maybe she’s just being a little too tragic dramatic here now. Maybe she’s just too damn ugly.....

By Xx on Tuesday, May 9, 2000 - 01:54 am:

    ...No-one ever flirts with her. No-one ever chases after her. She’s always the friend, never the girl. And no matter what she wears, she never thinks she looks quite right in her clothes.
    And she’s in love. With a boy who’s smart as hell and funny as hell and sweet as hell and cute as hell and treats her like god. It’s all you ever wanted, right?
    Her eyes want something more for once. Something else. Something. Her eyes seem unsatisfied. She never paid attention to them and it’s their vengeance. Fuckers.
    She could get hot guys, but she couldnt


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