Unitarian Jihad

sorabji.com: Why did you do it?: Unitarian Jihad

By Antigone on Saturday, April 16, 2005 - 09:53 pm:

    Headline: Startling new underground group spreads lack of panic!
    declare themselves "relatively unafraid" of threats of undeclared
    rationality. People can still go to France, terrorist leader says.

    Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are
    Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one
    God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God,
    with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the
    possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted
    with love by the secretary.

    Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long
    has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist
    thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except
    Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee)
    made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people
    who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your
    moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of
    truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

    People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you???
    Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news
    dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be
    tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told
    them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that
    Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or
    that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate
    Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to
    Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee
    of the whole for further discussion.

    We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born
    again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares
    what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb
    of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code
    but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of
    Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a
    good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

    Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups
    with brains enough to understand the difference between political
    belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of
    terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap
    so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions
    of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring
    fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have
    carefully thought through the issues.

    We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require
    people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love
    suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but
    her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.)
    We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to
    dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take
    jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be
    required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

    We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough."
    We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already.
    Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because
    your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog,
    or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the
    park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you,
    except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.

    Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world
    is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a
    Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone
    suggested that we buy some Congress members and really stick it to
    the Baptists. But this was deemed against Revolutionary Principles,
    and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday
    Flowers and Banners committee.

    People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike
    without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as
    if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There
    will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.

By D on Sunday, April 17, 2005 - 08:29 pm:

    Antigone, have you lost your jihad mind? HAHAHAHA!

By Gee on Monday, April 18, 2005 - 09:18 am:

    where'd you get that from? I want to show it and source it.

By Antigone on Monday, April 18, 2005 - 09:21 am:

    I got it from a friend at a Dallas UU church, but it look slike the original source is here.

By Antigone on Monday, April 18, 2005 - 09:32 am:

    Here's another good one:

    A LIBERAL DECALOGUE By Bertrand Russell
    "Perhaps the essence of the Liberal outlook could be summed up in a new decalogue, not intended to replace the old one but only to supplement it. The Ten Commandments that, as a teacher, I should wish to promulgate, might be set forth as follows:
    1. Do not feel absolutely certain of anything.
    2. Do not think it worth while to proceed by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light.
    3. Never try to discourage thinking for you are sure to succeed.
    4. When you meet with opposition, even if it should be from your husband or your children, endeavor to overcome it by argument and not by authority, for a victory dependent upon authority is unreal and illusory.
    5. Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found.
    6. Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do the opinions will suppress you.
    7. Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
    8. Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent that in passive agreement, for, if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter.
    9. Be scrupulously truthful, even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is more inconvenient when you try to conceal it.
    10. Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise, for only a fool will think that it is happiness."

By D on Tuesday, April 19, 2005 - 01:20 am:

    Antigone, there are some religion organization in Dallas. Just a few of them, there are some conspiracy going on in Dallas, I believe ...forgive me, I used to reside in Dallas and some 20 years ago, there is a organization, I can't remember, but they won't last cuz their leader was charged for attempted murder...

By D on Tuesday, April 19, 2005 - 01:21 am:

    and I forgot, it wasn't jihad ppl are planning some conspiracy, but some kind of strange nutjob religion, like I said, I can't remember in which one is similar to "Heaven Gate".

By Antigone on Tuesday, April 19, 2005 - 10:46 am:

    You mean that Vietnamese cult in Garland?

By D on Tuesday, April 19, 2005 - 11:31 am:

    Ah yes, I think so, Garland,Texas is a suburb locating northwest of Dallas.


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