sorabji.com: What have you failed to do?: diakellogg

By Nate on Tuesday, August 3, 1999 - 07:04 pm:

    BlindSwine: you are a drunken demigod.
    b00gnsh: apparently
    BlindSwine: must be true. i read it on the sorabji.com
    b00gnsh: you're lucky you're never mentioned.
    BlindSwine: i think you should hook up with XXX and commit unspeakable sexual acts.
    b00gnsh: i can't do that.
    BlindSwine: too bad.
    BlindSwine: it would have made for good reading.
    b00gnsh: she wouldn't touch the likes of me anyway.
    BlindSwine: c'mon. she wants some nate.
    BlindSwine: even if she does come off as a puritanical oxpecker.
    b00gnsh: puritanical oxpecker?
    b00gnsh: shit!
    BlindSwine: i dunno. it just came out.
    b00gnsh: scary.
    b00gnsh: i put a search in on our defect database about 8 minutes ago.
    b00gnsh: still truckin'.
    BlindSwine: getting all those people in the same room would be scary.
    b00gnsh: yeah it would.
    BlindSwine: XXXXX is a hardcore mess.
    BlindSwine: heh. yeah.
    BlindSwine: what were you doing? praying to the porcelain?
    b00gnsh: i'm not sure why my head ended up in the toilet on that one.
    b00gnsh: yeah
    b00gnsh: like i ever puke.
    b00gnsh: i drink WELL.
    BlindSwine: that kid has some funny misconceptions.
    b00gnsh: yeah.
    BlindSwine: like thinking i'd ever want to XXXX XXXXXXX with XXXX and "XXXXXXXX".
    b00gnsh: you should post your view of sorabji.
    BlindSwine: the place or the guy?
    b00gnsh: the place.
    b00gnsh: the inhabitants.
    b00gnsh: just go XXX XXXX XXXXX
    BlindSwine: i've already posted by views on sorabji.com
    b00gnsh: naw... i mean, set up the peoples the way you XXXX they would XXXXXX.
    b00gnsh: XXX XXXX the scene.
    BlindSwine: jesus.
    BlindSwine: XXXX XXX XXX XXXX horrorshow.
    b00gnsh: except, do it in a way that is radically askew to reality.
    BlindSwine: i think the reality, or at least my perceived reality, would be horrifying enough.

By Waffles on Tuesday, August 3, 1999 - 07:18 pm:

    one who perpetuates a misconception of unkown origins is hardly as guilty as the creator, besides, we have to admit this place is part fiction? we are all characatures of somesort, you can't deny it, it fills the voids of what we would know should you and I be neighbors. So before the pack figures it out, let it be known the aloofness of swine or the mystery of nate is hardly inidicative of something better, being able to speak in doublespeak and pig(swine) latin does nothing to indicate intelligence

    and swine, acting larger than thou to a comment I made in disclosing our similar interests in music is hardly tre kuul, but i expect nothing more, new yorkers are typically that way....i should know, i have numerous friends there and visit regularly...

    in other words, the Xs weren't necessary

By Nate on Tuesday, August 3, 1999 - 07:23 pm:

    ScatPack: eat
    b00gnsh: ASS!!!
    b00gnsh: WOO HOO!
    ScatPack: ROMF
    ScatPack: I knew you would catch on
    ScatPack: your the best
    ScatPack: when you shit, do you require reading materials?
    b00gnsh: no.
    b00gnsh: though sometimes i bring them
    b00gnsh: and sometimes i wish i had.
    ScatPack: ya

By Nate on Tuesday, August 3, 1999 - 08:00 pm:

    sorry, that was my lame attempt to make swine look like an asshole (because I'm truly jealous of his demigod status.)

    the conversation was hacked/chopped/&rearranged...
    burroughs style.

By Gee on Thursday, August 5, 1999 - 02:37 am:

    I think the X's were nessesary, since I didn't understand a darn thing. I must have missed something really important.

    I was going to tell a story about how Swine was like this boy I know named Nima, but as I was typing it out I realized they were really nothing alike. Nima annoys me to no end, and Swine only annoys me a little bit. They're both very interesting, though, and I think I could follow both of them around all day just staring and trying to figure out what's going on in their heads.

By Waffleboy on Thursday, August 5, 1999 - 11:43 am:

    "follow both of them around all day just staring and trying to figure out what's going on in their heads."

    exactly !!

By Gee on Friday, August 6, 1999 - 03:41 am:

    Oh. You've met Nima?

    nevermind, I'm just being stupid.

    Today was the last day I'll ever see Nima, since I worked with him and this was the last day we're working together. I'm quiting this weekend. I didn't actually SAY "goodbye" since that would require that he know I had some nice thoughts about him, and his annoying me makes that impossible. I just hit him with my hat and poked him in the back with my sharp fingernails. He doesn't realize it, but I only do that to people I like.

By Swine on Sunday, August 15, 1999 - 03:28 am:

    swine: this is the skit that was funny 20 years ago.
    swine: i'm not feeling it.
    Slappy*: so you pussys aren't up for another game?
    Crappy*: they walk across the room is funny..
    Crappy: that's about it.
    swine: now they would be russian mobsters as opposed to czech immigrants.
    Crappy: garrett morris. whatever happened to that guy?
    swine: i think he's dead.
    swine: damn. everyfuckingbody is coming out with a blairwitch trailer spoof.
    Slappy: ok
    Slappy: swine, can i ask you a question about black people
    Slappy: ?
    swine: Slappy, can i ask you a question about rednecks?
    Slappy: shoot
    swine: why do they always ask me permission to ask a question about black people?
    Slappy: uhh...
    Slappy: my question:
    Slappy: why do black men in particular take so damn long at the cash register?
    Slappy: i just need some insight
    swine: to piss you off.
    Slappy: i thought so
    swine: we get together at the annual conference and figure out ways to piss off whitey.
    Slappy: i knew it
    Slappy: it works
    Slappy: keep it up
    swine: this year we all took a vote and decided to take forever at cash registers.
    swine: next year we'll be stealing the toilet paper out of public bathroom stalls.
    Slappy: you fuckers!
    Crappy: you did that last year!!
    swine: the new millennium plan is to sleep with all of your wives, daughters, and mothers.
    swine: but we haven't voted on that one yet.
    Crappy: ALL MY MOTHERS??
    swine: well, not your mother.
    swine: you have no mother, you wack-hatched motherfucker.
    Slappy: xxxxxx is into that
    swine: i'll make sure xxxxxx gets hooked up with someone nice.
    swine: i'll put in a special call into Headquarters
    Crappy: xxxxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xxxxxx!
    swine: HA! BITCH!

    *names have been changed to protect a couple of shitheads.

By Friendly on Sunday, August 15, 1999 - 04:11 am:

    dialogue from spike lee's next screenplay?

By Swine on Sunday, August 15, 1999 - 05:02 am:

    more like a documentary.

    you wanna play yourself or should we get sean penn's chubby little brother?

By Semillama on Sunday, August 15, 1999 - 01:29 pm:

    You know, that would make a pretty interesting movie...

    I want Linda Hunt to play me in any movie.

    Just because.

By Charter Member of the on Monday, August 16, 1999 - 03:28 am:

    We love you Swiiiiine, oh yes we do!
    We love you Swiiiiine, and we'll be true!
    When you're not near us, we're blue!
    Oh Swiiiiine we love you!

By Ditto on Monday, August 16, 1999 - 03:30 am:

    Well Darn.

    "Charter Member of the We Love Swine Fanclub"

    sorabji has earned my scorn.

By Ides of March on Monday, August 16, 1999 - 10:27 am:

    i have scorned my earnings

    would you believe. . . yearned my cornings?

    anyone hear the Miles Davis sort of "special" on NPR a few weeks ago?
    That motorcycle commercial he was featured in was unexpected as anything. forget what kind of wheels. . . got a clue?

By Friendly on Monday, August 16, 1999 - 12:21 pm:

    steve buscemi can play me. or billy bob thornton.

    forget those two, jackie chan will play me. if he's unavailable, portia di rossi can definitely play me.

By Swine on Monday, August 16, 1999 - 02:17 pm:

    portia di rossi can play with me anytime.

    i want laurence fishburne to be my character.
    or that guy who trained tim roth in resevoir dogs.
    what was that guys name?
    i used to dress like that in high school.

    i could see billy bob doing you.
    err, i mean your character.

    steve buscemi should play "Crappy".

By Friendly on Monday, August 16, 1999 - 02:33 pm:

    mmm. i like the way you talk. mmhmmm.

By Swine on Monday, August 16, 1999 - 02:44 pm:

    you try to kiss me and i'm gonna knock you out.

By Friendly on Monday, August 16, 1999 - 02:57 pm:

By Waffleboy on Monday, August 16, 1999 - 03:00 pm:

    OH SHIT, is that him? I have heard that bit on Howard for a while now and never knew where that came from

By grandpa dolomite on Tuesday, November 16, 1999 - 06:52 pm:

    Zhivago23: did you see the New Yorker thing that Steve Martin wrote on Beatty in the White House?
    Zhivago23: it was pretty funny
    BlindSwine: i haven't read The New Yorker since i was in 5th grade.
    BlindSwine: they say that mcdonald's is changing the face of japan.
    Zhivago23: yeah. they're gonna be fat asses.
    BlindSwine: the japanese are eating like americans and getting fatter, taller, and more pathetic.
    Zhivago23: and not just the sumo wrestlers
    Zhivago23: there's no stopping our culture
    Zhivago23: every country's gonna have to go through that
    BlindSwine: yes. assimilation.
    Zhivago23: just like they had to go through industrialization
    BlindSwine: have a burger. eat the fries. sit on the couch. welcome to the new world order.
    Zhivago23: well it's a dialectic
    BlindSwine: how so.
    Zhivago23: you never replace the Jihad with the McDonalds.
    Zhivago23: you just end up with McJihad
    BlindSwine: oh shit!
    BlindSwine: does that come in a happy meal with a toy surprise?
    Zhivago23: yeah just wait for the Shish Kebab Bell
    Zhivago23: I can hear the jingle: Make a Run for Mecca
    Zhivago23: they could have an Afgan instead of a Chichuaua
    BlindSwine: jesus. it's the end of the world.
    Zhivago23: only the beginning
    Zhivago23: sit back
    Zhivago23: relax
    Zhivago23: enjoy the show

By the surgeon general warns that the use of prostitutes my lead to head rot on Tuesday, August 1, 2000 - 04:46 pm:

    Condour75: i shaved my head
    BlindSwine: welcome to the club, you bald-assed motherfucker.
    BlindSwine: got a web cam? lemme see.
    Condour75: no i don't
    Condour75: it was sort of an accident
    BlindSwine: heh.
    BlindSwine: you try to cut your own hair?
    Condour75: i had this rash
    Condour75: on the side of my head
    BlindSwine: jesus.
    Condour75: so i decided i wanted to see it
    BlindSwine: tell me you're joking.
    Condour75: so i started shaving it
    Condour75: no
    BlindSwine: god damn.
    Condour75: once you start sometihng like that
    Condour75: you have to finish it
    Condour75: i'm as bald as buddha
    Condour75: or kojak
    BlindSwine: so what's up with the scalp rot?
    Condour75: oh it's pretty nasty
    Condour75: i'm gonna go see a doctor about it tomorrow
    Condour75: of coures he's going to jump to the conclusion that i'm clearly insane
    BlindSwine: dude, how the hell did you get crotch rot on your brain?
    Condour75: well that's a good question there
    Condour75: i don't know
    Condour75: but I think it's the same thign that's wrong with my nose
    BlindSwine: what's wrong with your nose?
    Condour75: constant sneezing
    Condour75: no allergy
    Condour75: it's been almost a year now
    BlindSwine: damn.
    Condour75: i thikn it's a systemic fungus infection
    BlindSwine: new jack fungii attack. sounds fucking miserable.
    Condour75: god knows how I got that
    Condour75: i gotta be more careful on those trips to bangkok

By Trace on Tuesday, August 1, 2000 - 04:48 pm:

    What the helll is that?

By semillama on Tuesday, August 1, 2000 - 08:18 pm:

    Swine! Fuck yeah I missed that shit.

By Dcg on Saturday, March 27, 2004 - 12:27 pm:

    err fuck off ass hole


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