hold a job for more than a few months at a time, ever.

sorabji.com: What have you failed to do?: hold a job for more than a few months at a time, ever.

Tesla on Sunday, July 30, 2000 - 12:44 pm:

    in 1992 i was declared officially schizophrenic
    and thus relieved of the pressure of having to work to have a roof over my head
    it helps and a lot
    but every passing day i feel very dingy about it
    especially in the morning
    when i watch all the other people get up and
    get on the bus or driving their cars or walking
    down the street to their hundreds of boring but
    useful jobs

    i worked as a florist for a few years when i was younger
    hopping from shop to shop
    i took a couple of classes
    learned to make those hideous FTD posie nosegays
    (wo)manned the counter
    could never chat up the customers because
    i didn't know how to talk about stuff like
    restaurants and tv shows and who won the football game last night
    so i kept getting gently let go
    and going on to the next place with a shaky reference and a resume only covering 1/2 a page
    with very

    l o o s e

    a n d

    d o u b l e - s p a c e d

    t y p i n g

    (well, not THAT loose)

    after i was about 25 it became clear to me
    that i wasn't cut out for floristry
    i worked for a few months as a clerk in a heavy-metal clothing outlet
    that was the best job i ever had
    i loved it
    after 5 months the boss had a mistress who needed a job and he unceremoniously handed mine over to her
    concocting a rumour that he had seen me come to work with signs of hard drug use
    when at that time i did not do such things at all

    after that, i was desperate
    and started working the sex industry
    at which time i most assuredly came to work with
    signs of hard drug use
    and then it was for real
    i started as an escort and ended up on the street
    many stories there, some good, some terribly hideous
    but as the years rolled by they took their toll
    and in 1996 i called that quits

    i have not worked since then
    that means it has been 10 years since i last legally worked

    i wish i could work
    i wish i could have the endurance to have energy that lasted all day
    i wish i could chat up people about boring topics without looking so bored
    i wish i could make sense of things that i am told to do that don't make sense to me
    or else just do them, without questions
    like a good little slave

    but time and time again
    it's been shown that i can't seem to do that
    so now i am a domestic engineer of sorts
    although no way would i ever call myself that
    i just take care of my life
    and the home of my mate and i
    and learn to make web pages of a saleable nature
    slowly but surely

    and i can't say its an unhappy life
    but i wish i could work sometimes
    just to know i was capable of it


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