Get it together. Whatever "it" is. What have you failed to do?: Get it together. Whatever "it" is.

Tom on Sunday, November 26, 2000 - 06:11 am:

    I will be moving on Wednesday the 28th (29th?
    Whatever day that is.) The landlord is coming by
    Monday morning to look at the place and see
    whether I get any deposit back. I've known this
    for ages. Now, it's Sunday morning, 3:00am, and
    instead of an empty apartment with a few boxes
    sitting around, waiting to be dragged off:

    Everything is still here. Including the mess. I
    spent most of today hauling trash out of the
    place, stealing it from all the nooks and crannies
    that had thoughtfully beenholding it for me.

    I think that somewhere, in some star-trek
    alternate universe, a society has created a
    wormhole, and they dump all of their trash into my
    closet. I swear, I don't own half of these things.

    I can't do it. I cannot move a couch and a table
    out of this apartment, to somewhere useful,
    without a vehicle of some sort.

    I don't have any friends left in town. A few
    acquaintances, but, well, that's why I'm leaving.
    Fuck this place. There will be no media empire
    started in Fort-Fucking-Nowhere. Neither the

    So my formal notice of failure: I have failed to
    do the things I want to do.

    I always imagined that I would follow my dreams,
    as trite as it sounds. My ideal life involves Me,
    a car, The Girl, and a laptop. And not much else.
    Always have company, always have solitude, always
    have work, always have freedom from. Perfect.


    Stuck. A houseful of things I don't want, but
    can't seem to get rid of. The car died a year ago,
    and I'm reliving that awful high-school catch-22:
    no move w/o car, no car w/o (different,
    higher-paying) job, no such job in this town. The
    Girl (that Platonic ideal, that composite of
    everything-I-want and just-what-I-need which is
    neither, but comfortable and right, all the same:
    The Partner) is either undiscovered as yet, or
    1500 miles away, or both.

    But the main problem, really, is that I will not
    be able to get this house cleaned within the next
    30 hours. Especially since I am being forced into
    attendance of some "going away party." (Not for
    me, but for my future roommate, one of "Those
    People Who Everyone Loves." I've been invited
    twice, now, by people who didn't know that we were
    leaving together.

    Will I be any happier there, where I have no job,
    and no place to live? Slip into the anonymity that
    is homelessness? Get a fast food job and grow old
    lying about the "good old days" that never existed?

    Hold me, Mr. Mark Thomas, Sir. I'm scared.


    My house is dirty & full.

By pez on Monday, November 27, 2000 - 02:45 am:

    give it to random people you don't know. "you want a table? come with me."

    it's easy to get attached to random stuff. or have lots of stuff you don't need. as spoken by person who keeps about 60 pounds of sewing supplies that she doesn't use under her bed.

    anyone need a tabletop ribbon loom?

By heather on Monday, November 27, 2000 - 03:39 am:

    ask the landlord to come on tuesday

    skip the party

    put the things you really need in boxes and leave the rest on the curb [how are you leaving town without a car?]

    walk around outside, look up, breathe deeply

    [don't ask strangers, of course i'm just assuming that you don't know each other- especially by your formal tone, to hold you cause you're scared]

By Nate on Monday, November 27, 2000 - 05:38 pm:

    light the place on fire and head to mexico.

By TBone on Monday, November 27, 2000 - 06:04 pm:

    A common method of furniture disposal here is to
    make a big sign that says Free Stuff!! and pile
    the furnature in an eye-catching fashion on the
    lawn. Then someone else will be stuck with it.

    Or get a U-Haul truck.

    It does take a damn long time to get moved out of
    a place. I hate that. It seems like it should be
    such a snap. Just box it up, clean, and go... but
    you start finding all that shit you didn't know
    you had, and your boxes fill up but your place
    doesn't get empty, and your morale drops...

    I wish you luck. Let us know how it turns out.

By Tom imminently displaced on Monday, November 27, 2000 - 08:44 pm:

    Well, days later, slightly cleaner. I actually considered doing it Nate's way. For a few minutes.

    I can't afford a uhaul. A friend and I are moving in her car. The car will hold: All of my 15 articles of clothing, some of her clothes, some blankets, my computer, and her sewing machine.

    Between the two of us, we will have ~$1500 when we leave; A Uhaul would eat up $700 of that.

    All of the smaller stuff that we can't fit in the car will be shipped to my brother, who has promised me (very kindly) to hold the packages until we get an address, then ship them to me.

    I did get one break, though: The landlord won't do the walk-through until Thursday, after I am out of town; I could conceivably just leave everything there and not get my deposit back, and a bad rental reference.

    So I have two more days to worry about the fact that I still can't get any of the furniture out of my house. I like the "leave it on the curb" idea, too. Sounds almost like Guerrilla suburbanism.

    Your mission, Mr. Phelps, if you choose to accept it:

    Leave one couch, one mattress / box spring set, and a full kitchen set on the mayor's lawn. You have until dawn, Wednesday. You must tote these highly volatile items by hand.

    This sorabji will explode in 30 seconds.

    bleh. I really don't care about much of this stuff. I have divided my books into two sets of three boxes each: those I will keep, and those I will donate to the library. So much of it I'm just not sure what to do with:

    broken VCRs, hundreds of bits of busted-up computers in various states of (dis)repair, photographs from high school and writing from college.

    Greeting cards and unused gifts; coat hangers, salt shakers, wire statues. Denny's mugs and moth-eaten blankets, and 30 different, empty alcohol bottles. A flashing light from a train track (they're bigger than they look.)

    I think I shall most miss my computer chair. It's incredibly comfortable, in nasty orange plaid.

    right. back to cleaning. Today was my last full day at the office, too. I've been there for two years now. Longest job I've ever held... first real job in what appears to be my chosen career.


By J on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 12:10 am:

    Microwaveable pork rinds are nasty.EWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

By pez on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 02:04 am:

    leave your furniture in a highschool parking lot during the night. someone'll adopt it.

    pork anything is nasty.

By Nate on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 01:26 pm:

    pork everything.

    pork is the meat of the future.

By semillama on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 01:29 pm:

    You should have thought about this in advance and announced you were sending "mail art" to everybody.

    speaking of mail art, it's nearly december....

By agatha on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 01:42 pm:

    fahk. workingonit.

By cyst on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 02:14 pm:

    does anyone here live in reno?

By dave. on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 04:03 pm:

    sheila's about 100 or so miles south.

By Nate on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 04:19 pm:

    i'm about 4.5 hours south west of reno.

By Tom on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 04:59 pm:

    Okay, guys. I love you all. I'm gonna pack up the computer, now. I think. So I may not have any more sorabjiing for X amount of time, until we find a place to live. MAybe 3 days, maybe 3 weeks. Not a clue.

    feel free to pile my email box, of course.

    Thanks for everything. Sorabjites rock.

    Bell_jar, I'll try to get hold of you before I take off.

    See y'all in Portland!

By patrick on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 05:06 pm:

    hey tom, do you know Jared in Portland?

By sarah on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 05:26 pm:

    i dare you to try to get to sheila's place. you'd have a better chance of finding the lost native tribes of peru.

By Dave. on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 06:19 pm:

    gimme an address and i could find it.

By sarah on Tuesday, November 28, 2000 - 06:49 pm:

    i'm sworn to secrecy.

    i even know what psb stands for.

By Czarina on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 09:48 am:

    I could never leave my books behind.

    Pigs are the organ donors of the future.

    Couldn't you strap that comfy chair on top of the car?A good computer chair is hard to give up.And it sounds like its in a quite complementary color,that matches with nothing.I suspect that chair would be difficult to duplicate.

    Good luck Tom.Anxious to hear about your adventures in route :)

By Isolde on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 10:00 am:

    I didn't leave many of my books behind, it was heavy and utterly worth it. A lot our books were shared and I left them with Joe, but those that were mine--are mine utterly, and most of them are hear. I'm reading a new Murakami novel, "A Wild Sheep Chase." Excellent, it is.

By agatha on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 12:06 pm:

    isn't that a great book? i've been looking for other stuff by him lately, but haven't seen anything.

By Isolde on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 01:19 pm:

    "The Elephant Vanishes"
    "Hard Boiled Wonderland and The End of the World"
    "East of the Sun"
    "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles"
    "Dance, Dance, Dance"
    "Norweigan Wood"

By cyst on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 03:12 pm:

    there's a story by him in issue 4, I think, of mcsweeney's. the one that's a box full of seprarately bound books.

By cyst on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 03:16 pm:

    the shit has finally hit the fan.

    a year of intricate deception, in which I played a starring role, has finally come to light.

    it's weird to have to face up to a lot of bad stuff that happened long ago. I knew there would be repercussions, and, well, here they are!

    I think I'll get off pretty clean, though I did have a big, long cryfest last night. I'm done being a bad person, by the way.

By patrick on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 03:29 pm:


    you wanna dish....or should we just nod and say "hang in there kitty"

By semillama on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 04:06 pm:

    Hang in there kitty.

    As long as the repercussions are less nasty than being dragged by your feet across a room filled with starving wolverines, it shouldn't be too bad, eh?

By Czarina on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 04:19 pm:

    You still have us.We'll always love you.

By Isolde on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 04:38 pm:

    Hang in there, kitty.
    Czarina's right.

By cyst on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 07:54 pm:

    back in february, march, april, june, august I had an affair of sorts with a guy who had a live-in girlfriend (whom I don't know well). he recently told her. we share some friends. it's kind of messy. I'll see her this weekend. I'm hoping there won't be a scene.

    but just in case, I'll wear something slutty and red, like in the birthday party scene in "gone with the wind."

By cyst on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 07:56 pm:

    thanks, you guys, so much.

    on the bus today I thought, well, it will never seem as bad as it does this week. two years from now, it won't matter at all.

By Isolde on Wednesday, November 29, 2000 - 09:33 pm:

    Slutty and red sounds like a plan. I thought your issues might have to do with the affair...indeed. A really old friend of mine sent me really good homemade vegan cookies. I love her so much right now.
    But I"m glad things are looking up for you. After all, there's only so long a kitty can hang.

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