I didn't bring Aunt Sadie home to die.

sorabji.com: What have you failed to do?: I didn't bring Aunt Sadie home to die.

By Czarina on Monday, October 1, 2001 - 01:03 am:

    Aunt Sadie died Satuarday at 9:30 am.She was this really trippy old lady.I loved her.She was REALLY funny,and she could get me crying,cause I was laughing so hard.

    She was my relative,by marriage.And she was terrified of dying.And I didn't bring her home.

    She was diagnosed with terminal cancer,about 3 months ago.I went to see her,and as usual,she had me in hysterics.It was an interesting conversation.

    I guess she was trying to come to grips with her own mortality.At one point,in our conversation,she asked me,if I thought God thought smokers were sinners,and not worth saving.

    We're both sitting there smoking,and I offer words that I think will comfort my dying friend.Blah, blah,blah,God sees beyond smoking,and is all forgiving,and loves us all.

    She contemplates this for a while,then comments on God turning sinners to serphents.

    "Ya know,God must be a lot nicer than me,cause if I was in charge,they'd all be slithering on their bellies!"

    I almost fell out of my seat,I was laughing so hard.

    She was such a character. A few years ago,at the annual Rice Festival,my father-in-law dressed her up like an Indian,[she had really long,beautiful grey hair,that she wore braided],and he put her in a little wagon,which he pulled with his riding lawnmower,in the parade through town,with a BIG sign that read:


    It was really funny,and she carried it off with great dignity.

    I got the call Friday,that she was in the hospital,and wouldn't make it.So I went to the hospital,to be with her.She was pretty much out of it,and on a dilaudid drip,for the pain.But at one point,she woke up and saw me,and sat straight up in bed,and said to me,"I don't want to die here.Take me home."

    I hugged her,and offered her meager words of comfort,"Its alright Sadie,we're here with you,it'll be alright,you rest now,everythings gonna be okay."

    I didn't know what else to do.I wish I had of taken her home.I am struggeling with myself,for not granting my friend,her dying wish.If she had of been my blood relative,I would have taken her home to die.Period.They could not have stopped me.

    I am feeling really bad,for not taking her home.Maybe I should have said something.I didn't.I just stayed there with the rest of the family,and waited.

    Maybe one day she'll have me slithering on my belly,as one last joke.

By dave. on Monday, October 1, 2001 - 01:30 am:

    i hope that i never die in a hospital.

    not to give you a guilt trip.

    my plan is to die skydiving. unstrap, roll over and think about everyone i love. WHAM!

    i bet i die in a hospital.

By Cat on Monday, October 1, 2001 - 02:37 am:

    I'm sorry for your loss, Czarina

    It was all the years before that really counted, not just the last days. If we could all be as nice to the living as we are to the dying, it would be a better place around here.

By Hal on Monday, October 1, 2001 - 11:46 am:

    I thought about the skydiving thing, it sounds like a rush before you die.
    I was always hoping that my death involved an extreamly LARGE explosion of sorts with me being at the epicenter of the blast, all that remains of me is a charred black spot on the the ground.
    I'll probably die in a hospital too.

By patrick on Monday, October 1, 2001 - 11:56 am:

    im confident her energies and tremendous spirits that make you smile, will only make you stronger.

By Czarina on Tuesday, October 2, 2001 - 08:44 am:


    We buried her yesterday.I was okay,until they sang "Amazing Grace".It was one of her favorite songs.I lost it,then.Couldn't stop crying.

    Went to work with red,puffy eyes.

    I don't like death.

By J on Tuesday, October 2, 2001 - 11:22 am:

    That song always makes me cry,even if nobody died,I have a tape of Amazing Grace done on bagpipes,I play it when I want to have a good cry,sad songs and movies is the only way I can let it out,and when somebody I care about dies.

By semillama on Tuesday, October 2, 2001 - 12:46 pm:

    Is there anyone who isn't moved by that song?

    Bagpipes aren't everyone's piece of cake, but it seems to me that there are few other instruments, when played well, that have the same capability to reach deep into your soul. The closest I came to losing it over the whole WTC/Pentagon thing was when they had a special on the FDNY Pipe and Drum Corps, who had basically been playing non-stop because of all the firefighter and police funeral processions.


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