My dick is so big...


sorabji.com: Is it art?: My dick is so big...
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By Cat on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 12:53 am:

    My dick is so big, Steve Irwin is scared of it.


By J on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 02:47 am:

    WWho is Steve Irwin? And what does he have to show us?


By Cat on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 03:53 am:

    He usually has a big horny wriggly one.

    Is that how you spell "wriggly"? I've had eight martinis. Ran out of olives. Onto dried apricots. Still some sorrow struggling, gasping, and thrashing to the surface. Anotherie thanks bartender.

    Who made martinis by pouring the gin and just glancing across at the vermouth? Churchill? All babies look like Churchill, except for the cigar. And the hat.

    J, Yahoo is playing up and won't let me talk to you.


By Czarina on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 10:58 am:

    Whats wrong Cat?


By pez on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 01:52 pm:

    my dick is so big, nasa could save money by using it to "blast off".


By droopy on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 02:03 pm:

    listening to women talk about how big their dicks are really gets me off. can you make an audio tape?

    there's a line in some noel coward(sp?) play that goes, "i pour the gin, then run into the other room and whisper 'vermouth'." i knew a guy who liked to quote that all the time.

    that was a good one, pez. now i have a vision of the space shuttle racing skyward on a stream of semen.


By patrick on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 02:08 pm:

    my grandfather says he makes his gin martinis by "adding gin and simply opening the vermouth bottle next to the gin."


By pez on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 02:35 pm:

    i still have the giggles.

    my dick is so big that climbers are forced to carry oxygen tanks.


By J on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 03:19 pm:

    My dick is so big you can run a flag up it.


By J on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 03:22 pm:

    My dick is so dick dog big it fills the Grand Canyon.


By Nate on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 03:28 pm:

    my cunt is so big it echos when i fart.


    wtf


By Czarina on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 05:56 pm:

    My dick is sooooooooooooo big,you can't see it all in one day.Its best to purchase the anual visitors pass.


By pez on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 06:36 pm:

    don't you mean anal? ;)

    my dick is so big i can't swim in the ocean anymore. kids mistake it for "free willy".


By Cat on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 06:41 pm:

    My dick is so big I'm suing Disney for modelling Magic Mountain after it.

    (Noel Coward! Mwah, Droopy. The tape's in the mail.)



By patrick on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 07:03 pm:

    do we need to whip it out and sword fight over this?

    fuck


By droopy on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 07:51 pm:

    look forward to it, cat.


By wisper on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 01:04 am:

    my dick is so big, you'd best buy the pay-per-view, sukka.

    SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!!


By Fetidbeaver on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 12:17 pm:

    My dick is so big, I have to have blood transfusions to get it up.



    (this really is retarded. I don't know why I'm playing along)


By patrick on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 12:26 pm:

    my dick is so big......


By patrick on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 12:27 pm:

    i have that same feeling after posting too beav


By pez on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 06:48 pm:

    my dick is so big that i've been banned from the empire state building.


By Nate on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 09:30 pm:

    my soul is so hollow that chocolate easter bunnies get jealous.

    momma's calling, pez. runalonghome, dinner's ready.


By dave. on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 11:42 pm:

    nate. you asshole.


By pez on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 02:08 am:

    you don't know anything.


By pez on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 02:12 am:

    i've selectivly poured out my soul for months and you treat me like i'm twelve years old. younger.

    sure, i'm an innocent. i know nothing about sex or being discreet. i'll trust anyone and everyone i meet.

    and it's people like you who break it.

    i've been so afraid of saying anything wrong lately, that i've taken to hiding my words in secret places. i know they're capable of being great concepts, but they're not worth being shot down like that.

    goodbye.


By dave. on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 02:43 am:

    pez. you could kick nate's skinny man-child ass. here's a tip i've learned as a i start my third month online: bad attitudes don't matter. you need to be part kevlar or it's not worth it.

    i've also been meaning to mention that i'm down in vancouver about once every month. lunch might be interestingly uncomfortable. whaddaya say?


By Nate on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 05:22 am:

    "i've been so afraid of saying anything wrong lately"


    why? who am i that i have this control over you?

    you're angry because i am irresponsible with my words and therefore you cannot be?


    "momma's calling, pez. runalonghome, dinner's ready."

    yes, pez. you're right. and so is dave. in fact, i'm not sure what i was thinking when i wrote that. i'm an asshole. a total prick.

    i've been an asshole here since long before you got here.

    is that an excuse? no. there's really no excuse for what i wrote.

    does this mean you need to filter what you write or even go off and leave? no, not really. i'm one person. i'm sure other people like what you write. personally, "my dick is so big that i've been banned from the empire state building." doesn't even make sense.

    maybe someone enjoyed it. dave., maybe.

    you don't catch nearly as much hell from me as patrick does, and he continues to post his unfiltered stupid shit.

    i post plenty of stupid shit. for example, "momma's calling, pez. runalonghome, dinner's ready. "

    i'm sure that pissed off every sorabjiite in the state of washington. in fact, when agatha says she's going to kick my ass, i'm no longer going to think she's joking.

    so, i guess the lesson you could learn from all this is that your opinions and your words aren't good enough to defend. that anywhere you put them that catches a little flame is not worth your time. that your words are best left in locked boxes in secret holes, because only there you won't risk another person being critical of what you have to say.

    or you could have some spine and just write what you think, to hell with what anyone has to say. how many threads have you seen where i'm being slammed by everyone and their mother? does it make me stop?

    the point of human contact isn't to get a positive comment from every soul you stop on the street. your words aren't any more or less you depending on how many people agree or disagree with what you're saying.

    the lesson i think you'd be better of with is that other people's comments and critisims should be listened to, read, whatever. taken in, held against your views, and then either incorporated or discarded. comments are questions, not answers.

    no one NO ONE young or old, genius or simpleton, has all the answers to everything. no one is beyond learning something from someone else, whoever they may be.

    so if i post like an asshole, you can think "nate's right, i better not post" or you can think "nate's an asshole".

    and if someone tells you that chalking up a public square is wrong, you can bounce that off your soul and either agree or disagree.

    you are right, though. i've let myself sink into behaviors i don't particularly admire in myself. i don't write these things because of who you are, just my idea of what you are.

    i apologize for making you uncomfortable. i hate to think that my words would make anyone filter what they say. i don't want that responsbility.


By Cat on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 09:06 am:

    If you can't cop it sweet, don't post here. Everyone's so nice and friendly and afraid of stepping on anyone's toes, it's become very dull lately.

    I mean, when Dave steps in to defend the maiden's honour, we're in a bad way.

    Yeah Nate was a total bitch and deserves a good smack in the chops. But Pez really should be able to stick up for herself or she shouldn't be allowed to roam freely on a keyboard.

    Saccarine sucks. Give Mama the real sugar.

    p.s. This really started as a dumb childish thread when I was drunk. But notice how the blokes have all avoided it? Interesting that.

    I really need to not post anymore.


By Dougie on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 11:31 am:

    "my dick is so big that i've been banned from the empire state building."

    Could make sense, if it were so huge that it would do structural damage to the building, or it would violate fire codes by getting in the way of people exiting the building. I know this problem too well, for alas, I'm cursed with it.

    Pez, don't you see that this place is all one big game, that it's bait and switch every day -- bait some poor sucker into getting all hot under the collar, and when that fun dies down, switch to somebody else. Don't take it so seriously.


By dave. on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 11:55 am:

    i love how so many of you like to say who should or shouldn't be here and why and tell people what "this place" is all about. please.


By semillama on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 12:10 pm:

    My cunt is so large that 47 spelunkers have gotten lost in it since 1980.


By Dougie on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 12:12 pm:

    Dave, try getting up on the other side of the bed in the mornings. Your current side don't seem to be cuttin' it.


By agatha on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 12:49 pm:

    i agree with dave. nobody is the boss of sorabji, although a few seem to think they are. hell, even mark isn't the boss of sorabji, and he seems to keep it that way intentionally so that he can have his own sociological study develop unfettered.

    nate, i wouldn't really kick your ass, i would get dave to do it for me. i have poor muscle tone. when are you coming to visit?

    i remember when i used to let people hurt my feelings here and get all upset. somehow, it passed. i'm sure it will pass for you too, pez, if you decide to stick around. keep in mind that if you leave, you will be known as the girl that nate chased off the boards. fuck that.


By Platypus on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 01:18 pm:

    Yeah, Pez, you really oughta stay and take a little flak. I guess you have to decide whether you're going to let one person get your undies in a knot, or just go "ok, whatever, he can say what he wants, and I'm going to keep posting because it doesn't fucking matter." But what you decide to do is your choice, not ours.

    I used to let what people said to me here get me all worked up too, and then I just gave up. It's really much better for my blood pressure.


By J on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 01:35 pm:

    It's not like you haven't posted some flip things here too Pez, I recall you calling someone an asshole for no reason and getting your tits tangled because somebody posted about the stock market,wtf?


By heather on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 01:54 pm:

    quit it!




    pez, just be here.
    be yourself.


By Fetidbeaver_fuck_everyone-tehee on Saturday, May 19, 2001 - 02:38 pm:

    Oh. goody! Everyone's pissed. Now let's bring back Lucy :o)


By J on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 02:49 am:

    It's all good,just want Pez to see that we all do it sometimes,me too.


By dave. on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 03:30 am:

    don't mind nate, pez. he's soaring.


By Cat on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 03:38 am:

    I confess to a certain sense of ownership over sorabji.com or at least a feeling that I want to protect the unique openness and honesty and humour that is sorabji.com. You get out of this experience what you put in, but maybe in different ways than you expect.

    Personally, I don't hear one voice more than others. It's not about something as small as individual personalities, but the collection of thoughts melding together.

    For me, it's about Antigone's forthrightness, J's potty mind, Czarina's quick quips, Nate's stoned meandering, Patrick missing the point, Dougie's good solid sense, Droopy bursting into song, Sarah's recipe for life, Dave's bitter-sweetness, Sem's alternate everything, Swine's...um..Swine's sumpin..and all the other wonderful, silly, important things people say to make me think and laugh and love. That's my sorabji.com. Yours is probably different.

    There have been millions of posts on these boards. This has been one of them.


By Cat on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 03:40 am:

    "i love how so many of you like to say who should or shouldn't be here and why and tell people what "this place" is all about. please."

    My post above responds to this post below. If I'm not making sense, adjust your antennae.


By Cat on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 03:42 am:

    Oh and I forgot to mention Mark's verboseness as one of the many attractions offered in Sorabji, the theme park.


By Czarina on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 09:55 am:

    I keep thinking about Nate's post about "why can't my door open to where you are?"And I wish it was true............







    so I could pop out,and kick his ass.
    Or,at least,maybe have a try at a little leap across that bridge.
    Pez,
    your posts are entertaining.If there is one thing I have learned about life,it is that there is [unfortunately]no "wise man".No one who is all knowing,[except maybe Dave,on one of his good days],so con't to post,take the flack,we all do,but also know that there are personas here who do care about you,and your everyday realities.We can all be the "Butts of Life Brigrade",but many were here for me when I went thru some difficult deaths in my family,and it meant alot to me to have their kind thoughts.It really helped me deal with some very difficult issues.[Before I get all weepy,let me say thanks]

    Just be yourself.and be here


By Czarina on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 09:57 am:

    Oh,I almost forgot.............
    My dicks so big,it dwarfs Mt. Everest.







    Ha!Top that!


By LongJonn Sliver on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 12:28 pm:

    where do you shop for your slacks?


By agatha on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 03:27 pm:

    what i want to know is how dave garnered this position of being omniscient. do you have to be morose and cynical to be viewed as all knowing?

    what about being optimistic? is that just stupid?

    AM I STUPID, DAMMIT?


By semillama on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 04:20 pm:

    Well, the stupider something looks, teh more important it probably is. If that clears up anything. Maybe.

    My cunt's so huge I rent it out to the Navy for use as drydock for aircraft carriers.


By dave. on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 05:26 pm:

    my dick is so massive, it has a schwarzchild radius.


By dave. on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 06:23 pm:

    this is what it looks like when circling my dick at the photon sphere. inside the dark area at the bottom is where my dick dwells, gobbling up all matter. it might be helpful to remember that an entire single image of the space around my dick is contained between the zeroth and first dick space einstein rings. it is therefore impossible for an image to leave this region - it cannot just "go" across this ring and end up between the first and second einstein rings. objects (in reality) approaching the nadir point below my dick from the viewer (moving slowly) have images that appear to approach the einstein ring and get very bright (moving rapidly), eventually receding from this einstein ring and dimming.

    my dick is awesome.


By Fetidbeaver on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 06:29 pm:

    Stop crying and start fighting!
    You bunch of cry babies.
    I personally have little time to come here anymore. When I do show up, I expect blood. Not a bunch of recipe traders or crybabies "just wanting to be accepted".
    fuck you
    fuck you
    fuck you
    kill
    kill
    kill
    I am the Stinkcunt and I expect to be entertained goddammit!!!


By dave. on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 07:59 pm:

    i think you need a hug.


By Cat on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 08:15 pm:

    You're a very special person, Dave.

    Have a nice day.


By dave. on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 08:21 pm:

    i am.


By Daniel ssss on Sunday, May 20, 2001 - 10:16 pm:

    Fear not, and know that sorabji is with you. All of you. Dickless or not. See you in hell.

    And.


    Sorabji is the only language known to unite the world of men with that of the gods, and thereby is valuable beyond price for this virtue alone. But it can be a killing tool as well, ruthless upon the minds of an enemy if need be.

    --Magus Merlini, speaking of Y Lais, to Arthur, as quoted by Douglas Monroe, who no doubt gets assfucked here everyonceinawhile himself.


By Fetidbeaver on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 12:47 am:

    A hug?!?!
    Who are you? Barney the fucking dinosuar.


By dave. on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 01:03 am:

    nope. i just care a lot about you. take care, big guy. *hug*


By agatha on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 02:18 am:

    :>


    i've never done that before. now i feel icky.


By Peter johnson on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 03:08 am:

    jesus,
    if y'all could only see the size of this woody!


By patrick on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 11:41 am:

    what the fuck is this?




    a special unfiltered THUMBS UP your ass nate and YOU TOO cat.

    I make plenty of sense, Im sorry you don't get it.



    Sounds like you all need to eat a dick.....(maybe not you dave, you ominipotent galactic cock-yielding fuck)...








    or possibly stay up till 5am, with people in your house doing blow and smoking all your hash. People you don't want there, especially the two obnoxious over-tanned nonsensical blondes your overzealous buddy brought back from the bar.... ONLY to shoots stills and key grip a movie the next day for nearly 15 hours....






    feel my legs.


By patrick on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 11:46 am:

    actually it was a really amazing experience...working on this film, if anyone is interested.


By J on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 12:39 pm:

    I am


By Nate on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 01:10 pm:

    wow, patrick gave me a thumbs up. RIGHT ON PATTY!


By Kalliope on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 01:25 pm:

    Hey Patrick...did you feel that little tappy tap on your ass a few minutes ago?

    That was me.


By patrick on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 01:45 pm:

    as a matter of fact, i did.


    ok, it was like this.


    a concept film.


    no verbatum script. all digital. crew of 6, cast of 6. 2 cameramen, one is asst. director, angry sam is writer producer and director, one boom and DAT operator/ nico is running slate (you know the slates that you chop together before each scene with vital info on them) as well recording DAT minutes as well as craft services (food and catering). Im doing set stills all the while assisting with odd jobs (including asst. camera, set, lighting and sound)

    The fascinating part was production became a life if its own. Only a few of the actors knew one of the other actors. They had been briefed on the storyline. They had been familiarized with the other characters. However, as they night went on, they were given cards with 1-3 "motivations", such as "Joe acts surprised and even skeptical by Jessica's announcment" . The scene was a party of a 6 friends...with the two leads who got enegaged during sex the previous night and the dynamics that follow.

    Being a lot of improv, being under strict time constraints (we essentially had from sunset till sunup to shoot this) the production took a life of its own...an amorphous body growing as the night progressed. Scene modifictions took place...character adaptations happened due to actor interpretation....scenes got modified due to realistic circumstances...(i.e. we couldnt open the front door to show an exit because the door knob broke and couldnt be fixed in 5 minutes). It was a creation by all involed...everyone left their mark.

    It was fun, but everyone was frazzled by 7:30 am yesterday morning. Considering I hardly got any sleep Friday night...I slept from 8m to 5pm yesterday. I woke up feeling like i ran a marathon and had taken some serious narcotics.

    We got rougly 10 hours (5/camera) of footage, on top of an hour or two of footage shot prior.43 scenes, crew of 6, doing what would have taken a crew of 25 or more 14 days or more to make. Editing will clear 80% or more of that, but the results should be fascinating...

    we hope to do these high intensity films every few months. the next one is scheduled to be a horror flic...a genre that is extremely diffivult to be good at.


By Kalliope on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 02:40 pm:

    You're so LA.

    Was this the same thing that you told me about with Sam?


By patrick on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 03:01 pm:

    yes.

    blow, movies, blondes....shit, what can i say.


    actually pretty funny, one of the guys at my house the other night was a friend of another guest and he was visiting LA for the weekend. And in one night, he managed to go to a "hip" bar, meet a blonde, do coke and get laid as the sun rose. I'd say he got his dose of LA in one night. But i swear, its not like that all the time...I swear.


By Cat on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 05:04 pm:

    Ow Patrick was mean to me. I hope Dave comes along with one of his special hugs real soon.


By Kalliope on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 05:50 pm:

    hah!

    my one night in LA will stand out for the rest of my life. city view, margaritas, convertibles, girls dancing to tom waits, lap dances, and locked house doors.

    (you know i've told the story of the smoking woman-used-to-be-a-man coochie a billion times.)


By pez on Friday, May 25, 2001 - 05:47 pm:

    hrm.


By pez on Saturday, May 26, 2001 - 07:23 pm:

    oh, and i forgot:

    dave, i'm not in vancouver more than once or twice a year, but i'm in downtown portland just about every tuesday afternoon.

    discomfort can be a good thing.

    and, i want to apologize to everyone for being a big weenie. i need a roasting.


By dave. on Sunday, May 27, 2001 - 03:18 am:

    my point was that i might be able to cruise into portland or gresham or whatever. i'll let you know when i'll be able to make it, maybe. i usually don't know exactly when i'll be going more than a few days in advance.


By pez on Sunday, May 27, 2001 - 01:37 pm:

    okay.

    just email me when you know.


By Pf on Sunday, May 27, 2001 - 07:22 pm:


By pez on Tuesday, May 29, 2001 - 01:07 am:

    cool.


By Linda on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 01:53 am:

    I think you're all DICKLESS!.


By Cat on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 02:58 am:

    With a name like Linda you're definitely dickless.


By Cat on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 02:59 am:

    Oh sorry that should be "DICKLESS".

    Whatever was I thinking.


By Pug on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 09:25 am:

    I'm dickless....but only on alternate Thursdays.


By Nate on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 10:11 am:

    damn. you're a lot of things on alternate thursdays.


By Spider on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 12:48 pm:

    Here's an odd feeling for you: go read random threads and find things you posted from 3 years ago. I was frequently giddy and starry-eyed. Gross.

    I also lied a lot. Oh, well.


By J on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 02:26 pm:

    But you weren't DICKLESS !


By Spider on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 02:42 pm:

    What the hell? I can't believe I missed the excitement above!

    Hasn't Patrick stormed away from here at least once?

    You always come back. It's a sickness.


    I've always been DICKLESS.


By patrick on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 02:51 pm:

    what the hell are you talking about.....cutey?


By Spider on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 02:55 pm:

    Haven't you said at least once that you would never come back here? Maybe during the Lucy period.....chuckles?



By Spider on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 03:08 pm:

    aqhhhhhh, yes:

    treat me like a fool, treat me mean and cruel
    but love me
    wring my faithful heart, tear it all apart
    but love

    (won't you love me?)

    a-a-a-and if you ever go, darling, i'll be
    oh so lonely
    i'll be sad and blue, crying over you,
    dear, only

    i would beg and steal (beg and steal)
    ju-u-st to feel (just to feel)
    yo-our heart (i want your heart)
    beating close to mi-i-ine (so close to mine)

    a-a-a-nd if you ever go, darling, i'll be
    oh so lonely
    i'll be sad and blue, crying over you,
    dear, only

    i would beg and steal (he would beg and steal)
    ju-u-st to feel (yes, just to feel)
    yo-oo-our heart (i want your heart)
    beating close to mi-i-ine (so close to mine)

    a-a-a-nd if you ever go, darling, i'll be
    oh so lonely
    begging on my knees, all i ask is please
    please love me

    (ooooooooooooooohh, yeaaaaahh)











By patrick on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 03:17 pm:

    yes once, but that was a long time ago. what did that have to do with pez getting irritated above?


By Spider on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 03:35 pm:

    No, I was just reminded of that time. Also because you lurked after you "left" but couldn't bear to keep silent for very long. It was just funny, is all. Just like Pez's outburst and Nate's apology of sorts. And Dave's new status as the local whipping boy. You crazy kids.

    I was embarrassed after my recent mental outburst, but eh.



    It's now or never, come hold me tight
    Kiss me, my darling, be mine tonight


By Cat on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 04:51 pm:

    I enjoyed all recent mental outbursts. I've got the popcorn ready just in case there's going to be a repeat.


By Spider on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 05:01 pm:

    They don't happen all that often, so you might have to wait a while. The last one was in October.


By Nate on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 05:48 pm:

    so is there a new man in your life or something, spider?


By patrick on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 06:03 pm:

    yeah....like.. um are you gettin some?


    *ducks*


By Rhiannon on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 06:33 pm:

    Wha-?

    Don't let my love of Elvis confuse you. I'm still as chaste as a lily.


By Cat on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 08:09 pm:

    Dang, the new firewall thingie on my lap top wouldn't even let me post. Maybe that's a good thing though, especially if it could pop up as soon as it detects alcohol on my breath.


By dave. on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 08:27 pm:

    i dispute the whipping boy comment.


By Nate on Wednesday, May 30, 2001 - 09:42 pm:

    more potatoes, whipping boy!

    i shit gonzo! flesh mons ridicule! corpus miner fortitude, wretched goose! fandango fresca!


By Cat on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 01:16 am:

    Shut up dave. or I'll give you another 20 lashes.


By pez on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 01:50 am:

    warning: the entity known as "pez" claims to be in lurv. posting times may be erratic for a while. other symptoms include hyperactivity and reminicing back to middle school.

    as an example:

    "eeek! he made me a mix tape and i was surprised because it was all metal but i actually liked it! now all his friends are teasing me about being "his girl" and hitting on me and stuff. it's weird but i like him."


By dave. on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 03:03 am:

    good stuff. don't let him treat you like shit.


By Pug on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 08:42 am:

    I'M as chaste as a lily....but only on alternate Thursdays.
    No----scratch that----I'm painfully, annoyingly chaste, all the time.


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 09:35 am:

    Pug, I think you mean celibate. You're too naughty to be chaste.

    Why am I giggling?


By Nate on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 10:01 am:

    because of your man-secret.

    or woman-secret.

    whichever.


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 10:49 am:

    If I had such a secret, it would be a man-secret.

    Secret looks so French, doesn't it?


By Nate on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 10:52 am:

    fuck the french.

    all things considered, the man-secret was the safe bet.

    do tell us about your man-secret.


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 10:58 am:

    What man-secret?


By Jim aka Pajama on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 11:07 am:

    "By Nate on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 10:52 am:

    fuck the french."

    And I intend to. Believe me. Met a guy from Paris in NYC two weekends ago. Had virtually non-stop monkey lovin for 12 hours.

    I'm visiting him in Philly tomorrow, and then he returns to Paris Monday.

    :)


By patrick on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 11:13 am:

    im thinking spider and that odd non-office workin coworker of hers is tickling her head. the one she mentioned in detail lately.


    spider we are your surrogate italian family...its important you meet a nice fella with a good job.


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 11:40 am:

    You mean the guy who likes to tease me? He teases everybody.


By patrick on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 11:43 am:

    the guy you went out to lunch with.


By Nate on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 11:43 am:

    you fell for a tease?


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 11:57 am:

    You guys are so cute. Like a couple of puppies tripping over each other to get a bone.

    No, neither the guy I went to lunch with nor the tease is a new man in my life.

    Does this make me a tease? I like it.


By patrick on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 12:02 pm:

    no but this does:


    "because what if someone saw the scapular and started thinking lustful thoughts? then it would
    be the case that this religious item inspired baseness, which is kind of tantalizing now that I think about it"


    "Can't remember what lower underwear I'm wearing, but my bra is this annoying thing that's made of some stiff material, so it pushes me into a weird shape (I'm not pointy by nature) and it feels weird when I move an arm across my chest."

    like those 60s torpedo tit bras?



    actually the word "tease" is bad for its negative connotation. id say "interesting".


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 12:37 pm:

    Right, like a bullet bra.

    (Man, I hope I'm not going crazy again. It took me a while to respond because a few minutes ago you would have thought I was drunk, I was so giddy. Now I'm calm.)

    But I've talked about Elvis and my underwear before. That's nothing new or interesting. Nothing worthy of provoking questions about the status of my love life.

    Do you know something I don't?


By Nate on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 12:50 pm:

    you are dodging questions about your love life...

    that's provoking.


By droopy on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 12:52 pm:

    you're showing us a little ankle, spider lily, and it's driving us mad.


By patrick on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 12:55 pm:

    bingo


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 01:07 pm:

    you too, droopy? my goodness.

    You don't know how much this is amusing me. Or maybe you do. Imagine my smile.

    Time for lunch!


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 02:58 pm:

    Once I lived the life of a millionaire,
    spending my money, I didn't care
    I carried my friends out for a good time,
    buying bootleg liquor, champagne and wine

    Then I began to fall so low,
    I didn't have a friend, and no place to go
    So if I ever get my hand on a dollar again,
    I'm gonna hold on to it till them eagle's grin

    Nobody knows you when you down and out
    In my pocket not one penny,
    and my friends I haven't any
    But if I ever get on my feet again,
    then I'll meet my long lost friends
    It's mighty strange, without a doubt
    Nobody knows you when you down and out
    I mean when you down and out

    Mmmmm, when you're down and out,
    mmmmm, not one penny
    And my friends I haven't any,
    mmmmm, well I felt so low
    Nobody wants me round their door,
    mmmmm, without a doubt,
    No man can use you wen you down and out
    I mean when you down and out


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 02:59 pm:

    Aaaahh! EAGLES grin


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 03:02 pm:

    ARGH! WHEN you down and out


By droop on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 03:20 pm:

    i like to play that song on guitar and sip whisky.

    next time i'm sending you bessie's "wild about that thing."

    heh.


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 03:43 pm:

    Uh-oh. Wouldn't my momma wash my mouth out if she heard me singing that?


By droopy on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 04:19 pm:

    nah. the words are too vague.

    What's the matter papa, please don't stop
    Don't you know I want it and I want it all?
    I'm wild about that thing, just give my bell a ring
    You touched my button, I'm wild about that thing

    could mean anything.


By Spider on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 04:27 pm:

    But it doesn't.

    It also doesn't help that I call my dad papa. PapÓ, really. And I have an issue with falling for older, father-like men.

    Oh, GROSS.

    Pick another song!


By pez on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 05:14 pm:

    phil's nice. he makes a good headrest and for interesting conversation.

    according to some, i'm the end of "the golden 'l'".


By Nate on Thursday, May 31, 2001 - 07:06 pm:

    is phil your new man, pez?

    why don't you open a new thread and tell us all about it?


By pez on Saturday, June 2, 2001 - 04:12 pm:

    maybe i will.


By Joe on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 03:10 am:

    i love reviving old threads. actually, i think churchill was into cognac. whatever it was, he was usually drunk by 11 am. roosevelt smoked god knows how many packs of butts per day. it's good to know that the world was saved by folks who were in control of their lives. hey, no jugdment, just interesting how values change.


By Joe on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 03:12 am:

    also, it's great that a noel coward revival won a tony award.


By patrick on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 12:00 pm:

    yesterday we created a religion.


    we did this by using the RANDOM book (Random House dictionary) and opening to any page and selecting a word to define our roles and our patron saints etc.


    When seeking our patron saint we came across Nelly Melba. Creator of melba toast. Aussie borne, shes also on the currency and was an opera singer. We found pictures of her on the internet, one of her even tweaking her nipples. (Dame Nelly Melba a whore indeedy)

    Anyway, we started thinking about what it takes to get on currency. Washington a slaveholder and pot farmer amongst other things...Lincoln, a 7 foot queer who looked years beyond his age...Jefferson, another slave owner and reknowned dope head....who else?


By Nate on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 12:27 pm:

    ben franklin. man was crazy. arrived for the continental congress on one of them chairs carried on the shoulders of a host of men.


By Ophelia on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 05:29 pm:

    thats what i want to do with my life... come up with crazy ideas, write silly sayings, and get carried around like that. what presence the man must have had.


By Nate on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 08:28 pm:

    momma's calling, ophelia. runalonghome, dinner's ready.


By dave. on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 08:56 pm:

    look! up in the sky! my dick is eclipsing the sun!!


By Joe on Tuesday, June 11, 2002 - 12:51 am:

    dave's got the right idea. our founding fathers were a bunch of heavy drinkers. so, gentlemen and ladies let's just contemplate the size of our dicks!


By J on Tuesday, June 11, 2002 - 01:49 am:

    My huge salty balls overlap my dick.


By Joe on Tuesday, June 11, 2002 - 01:54 am:

    that's the spirit!


By patrick on Tuesday, June 11, 2002 - 12:22 pm:

    this conversation is out of hand. you should be ashamed.


By Platypus on Tuesday, June 11, 2002 - 12:35 pm:

    So that's what it was. I was wondering. Thanks for clearing that up, Dave.


By semillama on Tuesday, June 11, 2002 - 03:27 pm:

    Any conversation about dicks should never get
    out of hand.


By Ophelia on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 12:14 am:

    runalonghome yerself, nate. my dick's bigger than yours anyhow.


By dave. on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 12:47 am:

    hee hee hee.


By Nate on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 12:58 am:

    dave., you asshole.

    i was just testing reading comprehension.

    the latest crop is coming along nicely.


By dave. on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 01:23 am:

    for what it's worth, i concur.

    where are you getting your mp3s these days?


By dave. on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 01:27 am:

    now, how 'bout some new material?


By Nate on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 01:53 am:

    i've been using gnucleus.

    mostly i've been putting my CDs into the computer.


By dave. on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 02:18 am:

    usenet still rules for quality. i just got the new queens of the stone age 2 months before street. besides that, i've been getting a ton of techno. when i can quiet the voice that says it sounds like new age crap, i really like some of this stuff. not the dancey techno but the ambient/chill type. i listen to it in the car so i can feel like i'm in a european car commercial. hey, it's mostly free.


By Nate on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 11:09 am:

    my access to usenet is like frozen testicles in hell.

    did you ever subscribe to an alternate usenet provider?

    gnucleus is fairly easy for me because it takes so little attention. you fill up what you want, and then some day, long in the future, you are suprised with exactly what you were looking for so long ago.


By patrick on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 11:52 am:

    hey dave one of the techno-y groups i dig, and im not even sure if they are still around anymore, but fit your description are called SeeFeel.

    Here are a couple of squirts though they don't do the song justice

    more like space

    Time to find me

    in college we smoked copius amounts of dope to them, especially this album, More Like Space.


By dave. on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 10:21 pm:

    i've heard them. they kind of remind me of lali puna. that's pretty much what i mean but i like less singing. manipulated vocal tracks are ok if they're done right.

    try this if you have time. boards of canada pretty much exemplify what i'm talking about but there are many others. the compilation "putting the morr back in morrisey" is pretty much the bible for this genre.

    nate, for some freaky reason attbi added all the newsgroups. i never did get a premium server. they all seemed to have a catch. most of them are tiered services with upload limits. 50 megs a day or something like that. it never seemed worth it. musically, i pretty much have everything i want that i know of. i like usenet because i can sample stuff i never heard of and therefore wouldn't search for. lots of garbage to wade through, though. i mean what the fuck is up with the perpetual anne murray floods?


By Douglet on Wednesday, June 12, 2002 - 11:06 pm:

    She's not using maxi's?


By dave. on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 01:39 am:

    i got to thinking about the isp/newsgroup/tiered services thing. i read recently where a major broadband provider just adopted a tiered services plan. i guess i can look forward to attbi doing that as well. they'll get users hooked on the usenet expansion and spring a tiered service plan on them. it's fucking inevitable.

    comforting thought: capitalism and murder aren't mutually exclusive. what are they gonna do when i'm bled dry -- kill me? or vice versa?

    then, thankfully, i woke up.

    my dick is soooo big.


By semillama on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 09:38 am:

    I saw Mary Timony (from Helium) play the
    other night. Really great show. She told one
    joke and I was the only person who laughed.

    it was the one about the termite that walks into
    a pub and asks "is the bar tender here?"


By Spider on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 11:32 am:

    Wow, Sem! Tell us about the show. Did she play all solo material?

    I love her. I am a Pirate Prude.

    Tell the joke, too.


By Nate on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 11:45 am:

    he did. pay attention, spider.


By Spider on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 11:50 am:

    That can't be the whole joke. Right?


By Spider on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 11:52 am:

    Oh!


By Spider on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 11:52 am:

    PS. It did not take 2 minutes for me to get it.


By patrick on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 12:36 pm:

    is she still with homeboy from Polvo...shit whats his name...i forget .


    hey dave what does it mean when Windows Media player says "reached end of file" when i try to play those tunes?


By patrick on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 12:37 pm:

    also, do you like LaBradford dave?


By dave. on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 12:48 pm:

    it means uninstall windows media player (all versions past 6.4 suck ass) and use winamp.

    i've heard of them. should i keep an eye out?


By Spider on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 12:52 pm:

    Ash Bowie? Or did they break up a long time ago?


By patrick on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 01:03 pm:

    yes, him. i dunno, thats what im asking.

    keep an eye out indeed dave...they have tons of stuff out...the difference is, its american, distinctly american, but pretty damn cool nonetheless. more atmospheric i think than some of their european counterparts.

    I only have one of their early ambums Prazision and a 7" called Julius.

    Put it this way, on nights when ive done enough coke to kill a horse, they put me to sleep. audionarcotic.

    i'll give that app a spin.


By patrick on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 01:03 pm:

    oh and uhh my dick is sooo big.


By patrick on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 01:09 pm:

    wow what a cool console. im downloading 'an eagle in your mind' tune now, but i wish i could just play it from the site instead of taking up bandwidth to download. actually minus the percussion track this reminds me of LaBradford.


By dave. on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 01:30 pm:

    that's a good song. it starts out disjointed and all comes together at the end. actually, many of those songs do that.

    winamp is great and has remained incredibly unbloated unlike realplayer and windows media player or some of the other audio suites.

    i will now pat myself on the back for a very good job ripping those. they sound great even at 128k.

    download 'em all and burn 'em to cd and play them in the car. i think all of those together are about 45 minutes of music.


By patrick on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 01:41 pm:

    i wish my machine had a burner.


By Ophelia on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 02:28 pm:

    i wish my dick had a burner.


By Ophelia on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 02:35 pm:

    sorry, couldn't resist that one.

    by the way, i did read the earlier part of this thread. there are definately days when i would have responded to that statement as pez did, although i'm more the one to toss it off as i did and just be internally bruised by it. having the benefit of pez's prior experience though, i did not feel hurt. i'm hardly invincible, though. i am, however, resilient.


By semillama on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 04:19 pm:

    Mary Timony did all solo material, which in
    itself is realy not at all different from Helium.
    Her band included bass, drums, cello, and
    one guy who played pedal steel, 6-string
    guitar, and keys. Mary played 12-string guitar,
    keys, and viola. At the end of her set, while the
    band was still playing, she got up from the
    keyboard and did this whole little dance
    routine, which Elizabeth said was the sort of
    thing you would do in the basement of your
    home when you were 12.


By patrick on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 05:04 pm:

    i had helium's first CD with Ashe Bowie.....i liked it at the time, but im thinking more and more her voice, while cute, is annoying.

    but like "Ashe Bowie" i love her name.


By Dougie on Thursday, June 13, 2002 - 07:54 pm:

    Goddammitt, I just read this whole thread and remembered why I loved it here so much and why I love you guys so much. I had been getting a little stagnant here, posting on and off half-assedly (which is my usual MO), but re-reading this stupid thread reminded me of why I keep coming back. Go ahead, read the whole fucking thing. It's quintessential.

    And by the way, where the fuck's Cat? And come back soon, Droopy and J and Cz. A nation turns its lonely eyes to you...


By A passer by on Friday, June 14, 2002 - 06:16 pm:

    Hey Patrick,
    I just read your post a bit above and saw only "i'm downloading an eagle in my mind."
    trip me.


By Cat on Friday, June 14, 2002 - 06:58 pm:

    I can resist anything but lonely eyes.

    Hail, Dougie. xoxox


By Piaf on Friday, June 14, 2002 - 08:47 pm:

    did you see the movie? oh, angel eyes . . . but they seemed lonely


By patrick on Tuesday, June 18, 2002 - 05:56 pm:

    hey dave, nate....i need a hand.

    so i downloaded all the BOC tunes. Now, i want more. I downloaded gnucleus seeing nate's mention. Now im sitting here staring at this program wondering the fuck to do.

    i've never done any serious music downloads or file sharing so Im a complete idiot. i just want to grab tunes and create playlists on this machine for now. Where do I go within gnucleus network to search for music?


By patrick on Tuesday, June 18, 2002 - 06:19 pm:

    ok....i've got the search function rockin....if you have any tips i suppose that would help. when i click "download selected" nothing seems to happen.


By Nate on Tuesday, June 18, 2002 - 07:23 pm:

    you have to wait.

    on the little window that has the basic and advanced tabs, and says Gnucleus real big, you'll see something that says Transfers. if you click that or double click it or something you'll get a winder with all your transfers on it. you can see the progress on the files you're looking for there.

    it's not failsafe, and it can take a long time to get what you want, but eventually you'll see success.

    i guess.

    my dick is so big i bought a case of coors longnecks without flinching.


By patrick on Tuesday, June 18, 2002 - 07:37 pm:

    yeah i saw that and my transfer was idle for over 15 minutes.

    i suppose i want it with ease like the page where i downloaded the Boards of Canada mp3s.


By dave. on Tuesday, June 18, 2002 - 11:26 pm:

    www.audiogalaxy.com

    not the easiest to use but it allows you to select from all of the bitrates available. if you have a fast connection, you might as well choose higher bitrates. you have to download the satellite and have that running to actually download the files. sort alphabetically rather than by most popular and, once you've selected the band, you can search for the songs you want. there are even full albums, for instance: geogaddi the full album.mp3 will have the whole album. check - fuck, nevermind. they're caught up in a legal battle and have pulled all their listings.

    well, try morpheus or stick with gnutella. actually, morpheus is on gnutella, too.

    "i suppose i want it with ease like the page where i downloaded the Boards of Canada mp3s."

    glad you liked that stuff. that's my site if you didn't already know that. i could post other songs if you let me know what you want.

    did you like my picture of the yelm water tank? i thought it looked particularly big-pictureish.


By patrick on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 11:38 am:

    id love anything you'd think Id like. You know...sorta like a mix tape. Turn me on to something new. I havent bought anything new these days so whatever you feel like putting up. If you dont want all kinds of traffic going through your page you can hit me up in email.

    i saw those pics earlier when you took them and should have realized it was your page. it does look big picture-ish


By patrick on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 11:39 am:

    there's a lull on NPR from 2-4 (unless Fresh Air has someone interesting) and the college station is sounding more and more juvenile. so any music will just be put into a bit playlist.


By Margret on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 11:48 am:

    My dick is so big that if you could compare apples and oranges it would completely dwarf the ginormous extent to which you're all sniveling pussies.
    Buncha sucka mcs.


By spunky on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 11:54 am:

    Morpheus has spyware.
    Limewire and Bear Share also have spyware, plus with the pop-up ads and the use of java, it can seriously slow your system down.
    I have been using Gnucleus and since they upgraded to 1.8 it seems to be running better.

    The only downside to gnucleus is that it does not allow you to be more specific in your search.
    Let's say you lost your mind and were looking for Brittney's latest oops my boobs are too big.
    You put brittney spears in the seach box, and you get .jpg, mpeg, mp3, avi, html, etc results.
    And most of the mpegs and avis are not Britteny, well spears anyway.


By Nate on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 12:23 pm:

    you can refine your search with gnucleus.

    1.8.4 seems to crash on me all the time.

    SOFTWARE SUCKS. COMPUTERS ARE THE SPERM OF SATAN.


By swine on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 12:24 pm:

    dave--

    what's your e-mail address these days?


By patrick on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 12:40 pm:

    i have three files in the que on gnucleus. its been 40 minutes.


    lets see how long it takes.


By spunky on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 12:44 pm:

    I was having that problem as well.
    I have also been getting a lot ouf "out of memory" error messages.
    Some days the transfers go pretty quickly (I am Road Runner Cable Internet), and sometimes I never even get one to take. I think it depends on the hosts you find.
    I occasionally get fed up with it and look for other p2p clients, but always seem to come back to gnucleus.


By patrick on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 02:35 pm:

    still waiting. does this delay possibly have anything to do with my configuration or is the other user who is the problem.


By spunky on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 02:44 pm:

    most likely the other user. There is not much configuration to how you download a file, but you can really set up some stringent upload parameters.


By dave. on Wednesday, June 19, 2002 - 10:31 pm:


By Czarina on Thursday, June 20, 2002 - 04:29 am:

    Just the very thought of the Sperm of Satan scares me, but,at the very same time,makes me kinda feel tingly all over.


By J on Friday, June 21, 2002 - 02:23 pm:

    I am tingly and warm just seeing Swine's post and knowing he's still out there. We miss ya sweetcheeks:)


By Wombdrencher on Sunday, February 20, 2005 - 03:07 am:

    You guys have got to make your dick jokes a little more real to life. Try this tipe of dick jokes. I was with your girlfriend last night and tell her I really felt bad about getting Dave's, or whoever's pussy lastnight, and she said don't worry about dave's pussy you Done got Passed that about 4 inches ago!!..... Or I would pull it out and compare are's but mine might roll over and smash your's!!..... Or Do you know how I can get 7 inches? "Fold it in Half" Get it guy's?


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