higher learning

sorabji.com: Are you stupid?: higher learning

By grandpa dolemite on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 10:40 am:

    This email is from a friend at work. Dad should be able to relate to some of
    ---------------------- Forwarded by XXXXX SXXXX/XXXXXXXXXXXXXon 12/12/2000 09:41 AM

    12/08/2000 12:57 PM

    cc: (bcc: XXXXX XXXXXXXXXX)


    pleeeeaase don't forward this to anyone.. this is from a good friend of mine who's
    teaching at xxxxxxxxxxx college now... this stuff is not meant to be funny :)

    for those of you who have already read some of these, keep reading there
    are new additions.

    for the rest of you... this is real. No joke. These sentences are
    actually, honestly written by my students in their unrelenting quest to
    receive an A on their papers.

    Again, these sentences have been unaltered. I would not even attempt to
    revise such genius.

    So enjoy: (and feel better about yourself for a few minutes... then go home and try to find copies of your own papers from freshman year in
    college... I dare ya. You might discover how alike we ALL are.)

    Here goes: (love da teacher)

    Seventeen (magazine) lets girls get in touch with growing up and learning
    to be mature. If hot actors are placed throughout the magazine, girls will
    come to realize what relationships are all about.

    Nothing says "buy my product" more than an ad does.

    Lyrics are an important part of a good band because they are the thoughts
    of what the singer (and/or the band) has to say or what happens to the band
    everyday. A song would not be a song without words or lyrics.

    Too Much appeals to happiness because for one, it is upbeat. Dave says, "I
    eat too much, I drink too much, I want too much, too much" (Crash
    album). I know college girls can relate because we party a lot, eat a lot,
    and want too many things. We usually eat three meals a day, party at least
    two or three times a week, and want everything in the world we can get. I
    can relate myself to this quote and you should too.

    Most teenage girls want a boyfriend or for boys to notice and like
    them. Believe me, girls will notice these types of references because that
    is the way they are. ... Many times they (anyone) imply it, but girls just
    have that instinct to ponder on certain statements and think things over.

    Speaking from experience, I know exactly what things mean and what people
    are trying to say.

    In response to the depletion of the ozone layer, we must stop the use of
    arousal cans.

    This topic is up with the times because in today's liberal society, many
    people are openly gay.

    When you join a sorority you have to pay dues, but trust me, these dues are
    not used to pay for friends.

    Most of the adults, between the ages of 35 to 50, are coffee drinkers; they
    are too old for hot chocolate, but they are still too young to drink tea.

    The romance theme is also not appropriate as a rhetorical tool to appeal to
    adult women because many of them are married and are not trying to attract
    numerous men.

    Every weekend, I see young women dressed up all nice to go to a party which
    most of the time involves drinking and all sorts of "fun" times.

    I am going to talk primarily of sexual assault against females because most
    cases are against them.

    I've seen women drink too much too many times. A lot of them end up
    vomiting or sometimes even passing out. I know this is a fact because I
    happen to be joining a fraternity that has parties every so often.

    A library is a much better source for information than the internet,
    because the validity of internet information is questionable. Anyone can
    publish his or her feelings on the internet, but a credible person will
    publish a book.

    This is because throughout the centuries some of the smartest and most
    important women throughout history have been women.

    Sheep make the world a better place to live.

    People who practice safe sex, as funny as it may seem, use sheep.

    So, whether you are showering, painting or making love some aspect of sheep
    is present.

    Everyone loves to laugh, at least I hope so, I know I do, and I also know I
    like to hear things that make me laugh as well. Jokes are always good,
    comedy shows are great, and music is often as good as both of these.

    It isn't the life, and the way to live life, but a way to life can be lived.

    What is your topic? Pigeon defamation has long proven to have detrimental
    effects on public artwork and architecture. I therefore recommend that
    birth control drugs be placed in the bird food in densely concentrated
    regions of pigeons.

    Now personally when hearing his music I never saw him making fun of
    homosexuals because I am an inner city kid myself: I didn't see this
    because he isn't; he is only using the phrase "faggot" as an adjective,
    which is how it is used "in the streets".


    my favorite?

    i dunno.

    it's a toss-up between the sheep and the "arousal cans".

By grandpa dolemite on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 10:44 am:

    god damn that's ugly.


By Isolde on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 11:08 am:

    What, exactly, would an arousal can look like?

By J on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 11:09 am:

    I kind of liked the birth control for pigeons.

By J on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 11:10 am:

    I think an arousal can would look pretty excited.

By patrick on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 11:53 am:

By agatha on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 12:13 pm:

    It isn't the life, and the way to live life, but a way to life can be lived.


    you can just picture the kid, frantically typing away at four in the morning, oblivious to anything s/he is saying. there are probably two or three people passed out on the floor in the same room.

By droopy on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 12:28 pm:

    that's how i picture most sorabji posts are made.

By semillama on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 12:35 pm:

    As well they should be.

    I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

    At the fact that George W. Bush could very well have said any of that in the last five minutes.

By grandpa dolemite on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 12:55 pm:

    without question.

    actually, that's the first thing that came to mind when i read

    "In response to the depletion of the ozone layer, we must stop the use of arousal cans."

    that could've easily come out of the jabbering piehole of george w bush or dan chucklhead quayle.

    for some reason the sentence "It isn't the life, and the way to live life, but a way to life can be lived" almost strikes me as being a tenet of zen buddhism.

    alan watts' "way of zen"?

    i dunno.

    all this talk of college is making me start to see trails.

By pez on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 02:21 pm:

    could you imagine if he said any of these at a debate? "these pigeons are a PROBLEM!!! they're birds. really fuzzy annoying birds."

    i like the sheep. baaaaaaaaa!!!

By patrick on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 02:31 pm:

    but but the BOOTY OF THE DAY!!!! THE BOOTY OF THE DAY!!!!


    whats important people ?????????!

By grandpa dolemite on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 02:44 pm:

    i sucked up my recommended daily booty allowance earlier this morning.

    try again tomorrow.

By patrick on Tuesday, December 12, 2000 - 05:38 pm:

    alrighty then champ!

By Czarina on Wednesday, December 13, 2000 - 08:48 am:

    Damn,I thought the sheep and lovemaking,was my own dirty little secret.

By Danielssssss on Wednesday, December 13, 2000 - 02:38 pm:

    Cheeesssssszzzzzzze, Grommitt! Cheese! Baaaa! to you too. Sheep can keep ya warm.


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