HUMANS Are you stupid?: HUMANS

By wisper on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 01:39 am:

    you got some general bitching about the carbon masses around you? Good reasons for some human heard-thinning? Bring it here.

    I'll start!

    you know what i'm seeing a lot of lately? people making t-shirts and etc. for their webpages. Their personal webpages.
    staying calm
    I always have to go look at the goods of course. I just need to know what could possibly warrant the creation and/or sale of a mouse pad/coffee mug/tote bag with your own damn face on it. Anyone able to offer any insight into this (that does not end in me buying a gun) will be awarded a cash prize. I suppose it would make sense if the front had the face + address and the back said

    of course, then there's the people who buy said merch.....

By moonit on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 04:04 am:

    come on wisper, i know of your lust for a supergreg mouse pad

By semillama on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 08:41 am:

    well, some of them can be pretty cool. For example, there's a one that has a picture of Mr. T eating cereal. I was so tempted. He also has a kick-ass wonder woman one, too.

By Czarina on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 09:49 am:

    Remember that pic of J and I with our legs wrapped around our necks?Well,we felt Mark deserved a treat,for all the work he puts into this place,so we had the pic blown up,and had it stuck onto a T-shirt,and sent it to Mark.

    But we haven't tried to sell copies to anyone.

By semillama on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 11:35 am:

    Holy Shit!

    I bet he wears it often.

By TBone on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 11:45 am:

    Just for fun, I designed some shirts and coffee cups with the DRC logo... Not that anyone bought one, or that I expected anyone to. I wouldn't want a mouse pad with my own face on it. I've seen people try to sell those too. A lot of them really crank the prices, like they're expecting to make some dough that way. If people actually wanted them, I'd sell them for cost.

    My beef:
    Wal-Mart moms wupping their children and screaming at them for making a scene and emberassing them in public.

By wisper on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 12:24 pm:

    see, this is where it gets complicated.
    Super Greg is an ad campaign. That doesn't count. Seanbaby is a humour site with many articles.
    I'm talking about straight-up, personal webpages with no purpose at all other than "hi! i i'm vain as all fucking hell! read my poetry! i think i might look good as a coffee mug!"
    that's what i'm talking about. Webpages that have no reason to exist anway, selling shit.

    (Czarina, that's cool ;)

By J on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 12:39 pm:

    It would have been cooler if it fit him.

By Hal on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 12:47 pm:

    I want a shirt that has a picture of a squirrl in a ninja outfit with a small sword, and the words underneith the picture saying "I live with a clan of these. When I hit your cat with my car I thought it was a Ninja Death Squirrl. Sorry."

By Dougie on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 12:51 pm:

    My grandfather was always trying to build a better birdfeeder to outwit the squirrels. Greased poles, wire contraptions, never worked. I have always liked squirrels, they're cute little buggers. One time I was sitting eating lunch on a park bench in riverside park, and these squirrels up in these huge trees were going apeshit chasing each other. All of a sudden I hear a huge "splat" and look over to see a squirrel running away, none the worse for wear. He had to have dropped 30 feet and landed on cement. Didn't seem to phase him a bit.

By TBone on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 01:01 pm:

    My mom's birdfeeders have a big, wobbly, upside-down bowl looking thing on the ropes they hang from. It's funny to watch squirrels fall off and try again... Very persistent.

By spunky on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 01:10 pm:

    My oldest daughter would adore a picture of herself on a t-shirt or coffee mug. I caught her standing in front of one of the those door-mirrors that are full lenght and kissing her image in the mirror....creepy. She takes dancing lessons and every time she has any kind of concert or whatever at school, it is always "My performance" instead of "School Christmas Program"
    I roll my eyes and grunt something about vanity and "Look at me, Look at Me", and Erin says "Oh, honey, she is just being a little girl". Then erin starts talking about her plays she is now doing and her dancing lessons and etc etc etc.

    We have a personal website, but I am not vain. It is for other family members that do not live close to be able to see new pics of the kids. Cheaper then sending them all sears pictures. We just get the basic package and I scan them in and post them on the web.

    As for My beef:
    Wal-Mart moms letting their children run screaming through the aisles and crying because they cant have "Super Caffinated Sugar Frosted Marshmellow Krisp".

By Spider on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 01:53 pm:

    My beef:

    You are driving on the Beltway at 8 am. You are leaving 100 yards between your front bumper and the car ahead of you. You are probably not in a hurry. The 1,298,719,287,193,742,689,450,928,346,101,203,645,928 other people on the road with you are. Please move up.

By Nate on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 02:12 pm:

    my beef:

    people who insist on riding ass on the roads because it 1) reduces the speed of traffic merges 2) increases the delay when someone decides to hit their breaks and 3) increase the time everyone has to be on the road.

    something as simple as allowing 100 yards between you and the car ahead of you could reduce traffic congestion dramatically.


By wisper on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 02:17 pm:

    you mean a picture like *this*???

    (if it doesn't work, take off the name and go find it in the directory)

By Spider on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 02:30 pm:


    When you leave 100 yards in front of you in otherwise-bumper-to-bumper traffic, it allows all the people in your neighborhing lanes to pass you and move into your lane, thereby slowing you and all the people behind you down.

    Tailgating makes me sick, too, but only when the cars are travelling fast enough that they need to use gas to propel their cars forward.

    In rush-hour traffic, when everyone is travelling at less than 2 miles per hour, please leave no more than 10 feet of space in front of you. No one will get hurt. Everyone will remain calm.

By Spider on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 02:32 pm:

    Wisper, that's cute.

By Antigone on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 02:41 pm:

By cyst on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 02:53 pm:

    I agree with nate. there's nothing wrong with some white space between you and the car ahead.

    one car-length for every 10 miles per hour of speed. or two seconds behind the car in front.

    a zillion time-consuming and insurance-raising accidents would be avoided if people gave themselves a little space.

By semillama on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 03:03 pm:

    Yeah I remember reading about that. I tried it and it works. You need to practice it a bit but then it starts coming naturally.

    So there, Rhiannon! You're part of the problem, not part of the solution!

By Spider on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 03:05 pm:

    Interesting site, Antigone - thanks!

By TBone on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 03:07 pm:

    Whisper, that's so cool. Can we see more of your drawings?

    And yes, Nate and Antigone's site back up my experience... It's part of the reason that they always teach kids to exit a burning school in an orderly fashion. A bunch of kids jammed in a doorway means barbeque.

    Plus it's so much nicer on your car when you aren't accelerating and braking so much.

By droopy on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 03:13 pm:

    my car starts to overheat in slow traffic or long drive-thru windows. if it ever got caught in a traffic jam, it would explode.

    this is why i don't get a real job.

By patrick on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 03:16 pm:

    i was gonna say, the biggest problem in my experience is that competitive nature, the "i wont let him get one ahead me" attitude that prevents people from merging.

    if people just knew how to merge....

By wisper on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 04:07 pm:

    thanks Tbone, i strived to capture the grace and delicate art of Squirreljitsu.


By J on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 04:24 pm:

    How come I can't see Whisper's picture,yahoo says the page is unavailable.

By J on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 04:58 pm:

    Thanks TBone,that was cute Whisper.

By cyst on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 05:30 pm:

    I'm one of those people who slows down when other people put their turn signals on. I don't understand why some drivers are so resistant to lane changing. I also feel justified in cutting someone off if I've signalled and I need to change lanes before I end up exiting at the wrong place or something. it's like, hey, I warned you!

By patrick on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 05:30 pm:

    J, right click on the link, select "properties", highlight the address and the cunt and paste that into your location bar.

By cyst on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 05:30 pm:

    I'm one of those people who slows down when other people put their turn signals on. I don't understand why some drivers are so resistant to lane changing. I also feel justified in cutting someone off if I've signalled and I need to change lanes before I end up exiting at the wrong place or something. it's like, hey, I warned you!

By wisper on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 05:36 pm:

    patrick: "and the cunt and paste that into your location bar"

    he wins *Post of the Day*!

By pez on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 05:56 pm:

    things that others do to piss me off:

    leaving their kids in either the toy or shoe departments so the employees can baby-sit.

    either put their turn signal on for a split second or not at all before they merge within a car lenth ahead of me (scared shirtless).

    guys that stare at my chest merely because it's eye level (to them at least).

    urban cowboys driving gigantic suvs and trucks that have never made it out of the metro area.

    people who come and complain, pushing ahead of customers that have been waiting patiently for the last 20 minutes "i spend my money here".

    and people that don't realize that you have the right-of-way at a 4-way stop because they're talking on a cell fone.

    that squirrel ninja is incredibly cute. i'd love to have that printed on my undies.

By Hal on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 06:05 pm:

    Wisper that is exactly what I'm talking about... Squirrel Ninjas their everywhere...

    A squirrel ninja on some underwear would be interesting to say the least.

    I like your other drawings as well Wisper, especially the "sleepingjim", that one is incredible.

By Gee on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 06:13 pm:

    here's some stuff I don't like from work:

    when a patron comes to the Exit desk and asks "Do I sign this book out here?" even though we have no computer at that desk.

    or when they ignore the NO FOOD OR DRINKS IN THE LIBRARY signs that are posted all over the place and try to hide their coffee inside rolled up newspapers and when you remind them they're not supposed to have that here they say "Oh, I didn't know." Then why were you hiding it, stupid?

    or when they ask if we have a bigger stapler and we say no and they say "Really? Are you sure?" Well yes, we do have a bigger one, but we save it for people who aren't so ugly.

    or when we walk up right behind some 12 year old checking out porn on the web and ask him what he's doing and he just says "Huh?"

    or when we catch patrons riding the elevator that is (clearly posted) only for library staff and users with special needs and you tell them they're not supposed to be in there and they say "Oh, well I'm really tired." Oh, okay, so I guess we'll just put library business on hold until you get downstairs. Sorry, no one can retrieve any books until this person is safely out of the building!

    or when people stand right in front of the exit/information/circulation desks and talk on their cell phones, even though it's CLEARLY POSTED that cell phones are to be turned off in the library.

    or when people yell at us because we're unwilling to bend the rules for them, and they say "The other guy let me do it!" I don't give a flying fig what some other guy let you do. I'm here now.

    Or when they ask what time the library closes, five minutes after the last of four announcments saying what time the library closes.

    or, my all time favorite, when they say: "Uh, I'm looking for a red book, can you help me find it?"

    that's all I can think of right now.

By pez on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 06:17 pm:

    better a squirrel than khai.

By Cat on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 06:26 pm:

    "urban cowboys driving gigantic suvs and trucks that have never made it out of the metro area."

    I don't get why these annoy other people so much.

    I drive one for work sometimes and I love it because it feels a lot safer and you have terrific visibility.

    Maybe it's the perceived attitude of the driver that annoys? But it seems odd to get annoyed just because you stereotype the people inside.

    I sometimes get mad at really hate crappy old cars that vomited exhaust gas all over me. But then I get annoyed at myself for being so uppity and try to think more compassionately about why they can't afford a newer car and it doesn't seem as much of a big deal.

By heather on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 06:32 pm:

    because they are very big, very heavy, use lots of gas and are not efficient in any way

    they also are regulated for safety like a truck which means that they don't have to hold up well in an accident

By pez on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 06:33 pm:

    1) they guzzle tons of gas.

    2) they are built to transport large loads and go off the road.

    i drive a 14-year old car that gets better gas mileage than the other two drivable cars my family owns. it ends up carrying larger loads than many of these "utility vehicles" do. chairs, bicycles, musical instruments.

    i'd much rather ride a bicycle, but living where i do that's not an option.

By patrick on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 06:43 pm:

    ALRIGHT some chump actually took an inch to defend SUVs.

    because if YOU hit one of us, in a "normal" car, we are more likely to be killed. The center of gravity for these vehicles is not designed for urban and freeway driving. they have a high center of gravity for offroading, which most assholes who have these never do.

    Notice the reasons you say you like it, are only beneficial to you cat, but they actually create more danger to the rest of us on the road. Im jsut as annoyed with people who can meet the emmisions standards for older cars as well. Im all for strict standards. Also the city school buses that need replacing that fart black smoke at every light. The city buses are at least natural gas powered (most).


    Because the whole "well I may go camping this summer with my family, we can use it "offroad" then argument is bunk, because when most average joes go out into nature they are in state parks with gravel if not paved roads. Further, I drove my civic in nearly 6ft of snow this winter, with chains and it performed like a champ.

    they re excessive and dangerous cat period.

By heather on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 06:52 pm:

    but when you think about the big picture [global] they may not be that different than the car population. single people driving their cars everywhere, if you put four together in an suv it would equal less

    life is short
    i want my car to be fun

    i'm getting an suv

By Cat on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 06:54 pm:

    Ok I get that they guzzle tons of gas, but then so do some really old cars out there. And if you're not paying the petrol bill, why is it your concern? If it's on environmental grounds, then that's just being totally judgmental. And how do you know it never goes offroad, anyway? Or that the person isn't using it to transport millions of brochures for the "Save the gay homeless whales from paedophilia nazis" group?

    I do get the argument that they're heavy and I certainly wouldn't want to tangle with one face-to-face. When I first drove a bigass Landrover, it really crossed my mind that it was even more possibly lethal than the average car and as such I should be extra careful. I guess that could be reason to hate them, but I still will probably get one when I grow up. However, I'm always always keeping my mini.

By heather on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 07:02 pm:

    "And if you're not paying the petrol bill, why is it your concern? If it's on environmental grounds, then that's just being totally judgmental."


By patrick on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 07:03 pm:

    there arent many places for such vehciles to go off road....and if they go off road, then why do i see them in the city, sparkly clean?

    Generally speaking, mileages on cars since the the mid 70s on, have been acceptable. Now when you talk about older hot rods, most people who have those dont drive them on a daily basis anyway, they are weekend cars if you will.

    I think an antique gas guzzling Chevelle that comes out of the garage once a week has far less an impact than a SUV used on a daily basis.

    Its still our concern because there is onyl X amount of juice we can suck out of the earth to drive these things, and the SUV drivers are helping to tax the resources faster so it is my concern. They have more efficient vehicles to transpost said brochures.

    Today Congress rejected a bill that would have made the fuel efficiency standards higher for SUVs.

    Moreover, they are cheaply built (Land and Range Rovers aside). Fird totally admitted that their profit margins on SUVs were much higher. They are no more "durable" than an average economy sedan, they only look that way.

By heather on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 07:05 pm:

    the bigger the car

    the bigger the profit margin

    that is always true, although irrelevant

By cyst on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 07:13 pm:

    re: single people driving compacts and groups of four taking SUVs.

    the people who regularly seat four in their SUVs are toting children who would not otherwise be driving their own cars. the comparison doesn't work.

    also, there is no lack of single-occupancy SUVs on the road. at least not where I live.

By cyst on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 07:16 pm:

    also, I keep hearing that the fuel-efficiency standards of SUVs could be 35% higher using current compact-car technology, but the automakers don't want to pay to upgrade.

    it kind of sucks to drive around a car whose gas milage could be 35% better.

    I ride the bus most of the time and drive a subcompact occasionally. I don't see why an SUV would be more fun. I love that their drivers have a really hard time parking them in the city.

By cyst on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 07:17 pm:

    I'm going to correct myself:

    "it kind of sucks to drive around a NEW car whose gas milage could be 35% better."

    I also understand the appeal of, say, a '67 chevy mustang.

By Cat on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 07:21 pm:

    Sorry I didn't really express the whole "judgmental" thing very well.

    I guess I'm trying to say "keep your eyes on your fries". You really can't run around telling people not to drive a car because it consumes too much fuel, unless you're an environmental saint who composts and cycles and grows your own food. Or you can, but you're just being a judgmental hypocrite.

    I don't know. It just seems pointless to hate something as soulless as a car, but then I dislike people who wear brands on the outside, so I guess I'm a judgmental hypocrite.

By Ollie on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 07:24 pm:

    I am from the "Help save the homeless gay Tibetan vegans from their repressed memories of abuse at the hands of pedophilic racist pigs" group and I drive an SUV. I am mighty offended at what I perceive to be a slap at our members. You apologize now, Cat. Or you'll be really sorry. The rest of you are just jealous.

By cyst on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 07:32 pm:

    I saw my first autowrap car the other day. it was a subaru advertising power bars.

    I'm against offroading. hiking, good. eroding with your big dumb SUV, bad.

    I also have no problem with people driving old gas guzzlers. every year there are fewer and fewer old cars on the road. it's that people are still driving demand for new big polluters that bothers me.

    bothers me a little. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that as a species, as a planet, we're fucked. the orangutan and mountain gorilla will surely become extinct in our lifetimes. oh, well! fuck it!

By patrick on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 07:44 pm:

    someone else's hypocritcal argument doesnt justify yours cat.

By Gee on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 08:13 pm:

    doesn't anyone care about how stupid our library patrons are? they're really really stupid!

    the red book? C'mon!

By Antigone on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 08:20 pm:

    "If it's on environmental grounds, then that's just being totally judgmental. "

    Now, just who was arguing for global warming last week?

By Cat on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 08:59 pm:

    Yep, I reckon global warming is probably happening.

    That doesn't mean that I understand why SUV drivers are so despised. Apart from it being fashionable among the coolrati to do so.

    So do ewes also hate fat people because they're consuming more than their fair share of the Earth's resources?

    And when we talk global warming, aren't we talking emmissions? Do SUV's have environmentally-worse farts? Worse than an old car spewing out leaded petrol fumes?

    I'm going to shut up now because I'm just debating it for the sake of debating now and I have to save my energy to get drunk at lunch.

By Hugo on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 09:10 pm:

    SUVs are symbols of excess and/or privilege to Americans.
    It's only human to pretend that there is logic operating behind one's biases, you know, especially in a society that treasures its democratic nature.

    Bottoms up!

By Nate on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 09:24 pm:

    hold on there antigone, you bitch. we all know that decaying vegetation on earth is more of a blow to the so called greenhouse gas problem than automobiles.

    don't start passing your pseudo scientific eco freak garbage around this thread, too.

By sarah on Thursday, August 2, 2001 - 10:58 pm:

    i think now is the time for t-shirts. so we can all be ultra geeky and wear them around in new orleans.

By TBone on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 02:17 am:

    My 21-year-old VW Rabbit Diesel gets 35-45 MPG depending on how/where I drive it. It tosses some soot when I floor it, but it's not the soot that supposedly causes the environmental trouble.

    Shirts: What should be on them? My first shirts got bad reviews. If someone else wants to design them, that's sweet too. Just didn't seem like anyone was taking the initiative. Or is there no demand for super-geek sorabji shirts?

By TBone on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 03:41 am:

By Spider on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 08:21 am:

    I care, Gee.

By Dougie on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 09:32 am:

    The thing that pisses me off about SUVs is what the manufacturers try to evoke in naming them (and later shilling them on TV): Montana, Yukon, Durango, Cherokee, Sierra, Montero -- scenes of the American West, somehow trying to put into the potential buyers' minds that they will someday soon be offroading up to the top of Pike's Peak. They should rather name them "Long Island Expressway Cruiser," "Soccer Mom Chariot," "MPV (market to playground vehicle)," but I know that's not the American way. The American way is bigger and more is better.

By Dougie on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 09:39 am:

    I'm gonna buy a Canyonero.

    "Twelve yards long, two lanes wide, sixty-five tons of American pride, Canyonero, Canyonero!
    Top of the line in Utility Sports, unexplained fires are a matter for the courts, Canyonero, Canyonero!
    She blinds everybody with her super-high beams, she's a squirrel squashin' deer smackin' drivin' machine, Canyonero, Canyonero! Woah Canyonero! Woah!!!!"

By Hal on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 10:35 am:

    Nice TBone, Nice, Ok so who is going to model a pair of them
    So that I can see what a SquirJitzu Ninja Squirriel looks like on someone's crotch.

By Antigone on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 11:11 am:

    Back down, Nateypoo. I was through arguing environmental stuff with you before I even started.

    1) I was only pointing out that Cat seemed to be flop flippin' on "environtalism judgementalism."
    2) In the greenhouse thread I decided that it was pointless to argue about the existsnce of a man made greenhouse effect 'cause I didn't care.
    3) It's just my pseudo science versus your pseudo science anyway, so what's the point?

By patrick on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 11:31 am:

    cat could it be fair to say that because they consume more juice per mile than most, they exhaust more per mile than most, no?

    i realize margins are higher, with higher ticket items, this is the case with many goods.

    However, with a higher priced car, you expect a greater quality, of workmanship no? This is not the case with SUVs, some anyway, Ford and Chevy.

    I love the Canyonero episode.

    cat, i will spell it out once again.

    SUV drivers are despised, because their cars refect a fragile ego, a sheep-hearded mind, and most of all a selfish gulliable mind. While possesing these qualities is not necessarily bad, to me, you and you and you ....when these dumabsses are on the road, blocking my view, sucking the resources faster, polluting greater, making the roads more dangerous, well then it becomes my problem.

By TBone on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 11:39 am:

    I'd get me a Lincoln Landowner: The First Two-Story SUV.

By semillama on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 12:01 pm:

    Isn't Isuzu marketing a SUV explicitly designed for urban driving? Like their whole sub message is that "we know this will never hit the dirt, so why keep up the pretense?"

    However, we are pushing to get either suburbans or a large crew cab pickup for our field vehicle(s). WE'd be using htose things for what they are designed for, though, carryign a large number of peopel and lots of equipment through diverse environments.

By Czarina on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 12:32 pm:

    No one has mentioned the most important reason not to own an SUV.Children.I learned quickly,when I bought mine.It didn't take me long to get rid of it.
    The little shits quickly learned,that they could be as obnoxious as they wanted,and when I'd finally had enough,they'd scamper over the last seat,way out of the reach of a good smacking.And then they'd laugh hysterically.

    They're laughter quickly died out the first time they looked my "extendo-stick" in the eye.[but it didn't take them long to realize that all that made it an extendo,was the duct tape I used,and they quicky dismantled it]

    No,no,these are definately not family vehicles.

By Hal on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 01:45 pm:

    I live in montana, and even though we have wildlife and out
    doors every where, places where an SUV would come in handy
    I still don't think they should be used, unless you actually
    USE IT. And very few people do, what blows my mind is those
    fucking weirdass people in Washinton And California
    Who live in the major cities who own them, I mean whats the fucking
    point? I use to own an 86' Ford Bronco, and I liked it
    and it took me places, but the amount of time I spent city wise,
    vs. using it off road was negligable, I mean I took
    That mofo out a few times, and actually feared I was going
    to break it the shit we'd do to it, but it worked.
    The major reason I switched over to the bug I drive now
    is Gas, that bronco drank about 5 bucks a day. I can
    go two weeks on 5 bucks of gas now.

    That and have you ever off roaded in a bug, its fun as shit, I'd reccomend it any time for people who are board.

By Nate on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 02:05 pm:

    a friend of mine was really into suburban offroading. driving through parks and golf courses in his vw bug.

    that was fun.


    yes it was.

    that car could go anywhere.

By semillama on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 02:15 pm:

    I used to take my first car, a Dodge 600, down abandoned railroad grades at 40mph in the dark.

    Ah, youth.

By droopy on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 02:18 pm:

    when i was in high school, one of my buddies had a big-ass truck. we used to go to the lake after midnight, turn off the lights, and start tearing through the foot paths blind. there was a also a place called "head-job hill" with suicidally steep hills. it was a point of honor to climb into the truck with him and climb them. you haven't lived until you look out of the back of a truck and see ground. my maternal grandfather always owned a van. every year we'd travel cross country in it or drive down to the homestead in austin a camp out.

    the more i hear people going ballistic on the suv, the more i think it must be some kind of conspiracy. but i'm not sure from which side. either the environmentalists decided they had to create a vehicle so ponderous - just this side of a tank - that even bred-in-the-bone wasteful americans (or at least some segment of them) could hate it. or it's a right-wing diversionary tactic. sort of like a burglar and a guard dog - give it a big steak to chew on while you get on with your business.

    i hate suveez as much as the next guy. but when i do, i feel manipulated somehow.

By patrick on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 02:34 pm:

    we used to take my moms baretta or my dads 280 z and do this terribly dangerous "rollercoaster". Basically a suburban neighborhood with one steep 1/4 mile hill. at the bottom, another street interesected from one side, so the deal was, was blast through the bottom, as you crested the topthe car actually left the ground, if you were good! Of cousr you prayed no one was coming through the threeway intersection.

    i almost flew my moms baretta into a brick mailbox.

    the sensation though, going down, faster and faster and THEN UP!!!!!! was exhilerating.

    there were als the beloved ice spins we did when it iced over in greensboro, with my 81 honda civic...with 40s in our laps. get up enough speed and then throw it into neutral and pull the emergency brake.....round & round & round & round we went in a baren kmart parking lot .

    HAHHAAAA what dumbshits we were.

By pez on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 02:42 pm:

    i was the neighborhood six-year-old terror on anything with wheels.

    whizzzzzzzzz...........SMAK! (that was the bicycle after i jumped off.)

By J on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 02:45 pm:

    My husbands uncle is just crazy,he loves to go off road in his truck,I went with him once,never again...I call it hellwheel driving.

By cyst on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 02:56 pm:

    yeah, I don't think SUV-hating is cool anymore. it's so commonplace that hipsters have to approach the subject with caution. at this point, the backlash against SUV backlash has made it almost an act of courage to bring it up.

    I hate everything less than I used to. I have largely resigned myself to the shittiness of the world. I used to regard the possibility of my procreating with a lot more seriousness. now I'm pretty sure I don't want to have kids. enough's enough.

By Dougie on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 03:00 pm:

    Race Road, Cincinnati, Ohio, in an old Dodge Polaris station wagon. Lives up to its name.

By Nate on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 03:38 pm:

    just outside of town we had "gravity hill". nicely peaked hill with results similar to the vomit comet. you fly over it and loose weight for a moment.

    a few years back a carload of highschoolers fucked it up and went barrelling into a pole. killed the lot of them. they moved the road.

By Cat on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 06:12 pm:

    My brother took me offroading in the bush in his VW bug. Long tall grass smashing against the sides of the car, him changing gears like a maniac and the wheels spinning to the sound of (wait for it) Neil Diamond blasting from the portable cassette deck.

    Don't ask me about the Neil Diamond thing, my bro drove to his own rhythm in the music stakes.

    I'd forgotten that until you started talking about it. He didn't have a brother and so he treated me like a boy. I loved that. I got to do things and go places no mere girl was allowed.

    Now he has two sons and I could just cry when I see how happy he is to finally have boys to play with.

    I'm going to call him now and remind him about the VW SUV.

By patrick on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 06:32 pm:

    have you ever done gravity bongs nate?

By Nate on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 06:38 pm:

    who hasn't?

By patrick on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 06:56 pm:

    well, im guessing a lot of casual smokers have never even heard of such a thing.

    i havent done one since high school.

    i jsut thought of em, thought how insane it is, and how gravity has nothing to do with it, it seems

By Nate on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 06:59 pm:

    gravity holds the water in the tub!

    about as silly as beer bongs, i guess.

    fuck casual smokers. DOPE IS A FUCKING LIFESTYLE, MAN.

By patrick on Friday, August 3, 2001 - 07:41 pm:

    i was thinking of the displacement that takes place, pushing the smoke in your lungs.....rather than the gravity holding the water in a tub (or big ass pot as we used)

    in that sense, ever bong is a gravity bong

By wisper on Saturday, August 4, 2001 - 12:47 am:

    are you people talking about SUVs AGAIN? fuck.

    you call them gravity bongs?
    we call them bucket tokes

    beef today:
    *Leash your fucking dog*

By pez on Saturday, August 4, 2001 - 03:44 am:

    learn english and i can help you better.

    my spanish vocab is limited to "no habla espaniol" "chica senorita nina" "senor" "gracias" "hola" "nino" "sapatos" "nino" "senora" "quesa" "chili con carne"

By patrick on Monday, August 6, 2001 - 11:29 am:

    no wisper you were talking about you and your lovely, lovely self.

By patrick on Monday, August 6, 2001 - 11:29 am:

    its early, im tired, and i suck

By wisper on Monday, August 6, 2001 - 01:56 pm:

    but in the best possible way, patrick ;)

By Gee on Wednesday, August 8, 2001 - 01:30 am:

    that's why you're my favorite, Rhiannon.

By Spider on Wednesday, August 8, 2001 - 08:38 am:

    Thank you, Gee! I'm glad you're back.

    My beefs today: 1) my right contact is brand new and blurry. 2) I have nothing to do at work.

By patrick on Wednesday, August 8, 2001 - 11:01 am:

    ask me questions spider? anythign you ever wanted to ask but felt would be rude to say? I'm allowing .....wait a minute....

By wisper on Thursday, August 16, 2001 - 05:58 pm:

    i just remembered this last night.
    sometime around march my car got towed from a parking lot because i had been there for more than the gracious 1 hour time limit. Luckily my walk home took me past the police station so i could get the number of the company. I called the only person i knew who was back from work, the boy’s bitchy roommate Genni, to take me there.
    We’re driving. We stop at the bank so i can get the cash to re-claim my car, $175, because of course they couldn’t tow it locally, no, they had to tow it to the other end of the neighboring city, and charge me up the ass.
    Genni asks me how i am otherwise, and i lay it down for her with all honesty- A textbook shitty day, i got 3 hours sleep, many projects had been taking my sleep time away, i went home early to have a nap finally but realized i needed food before the store closed, i drove to the shopping plaza instead of just walking there because i was exhausted, got held up in line thanks to idiots and their bullshit, car got towed because of it, and now i had a lot of things to do and no time for any of it, especially without my car, sleep or food. I felt perfectly ill and wondered how much more the day could give me.
    “How much was the towing cost”
    “$175, plus the parking ticket they’ll probably throw on. I took out $200 to cover everything.”
    “Holy shit, can you afford that?!”
    “frankly no, but i don’t have a choice.”


    i know it’s probably easy to ask for money when your friend has $200 cash sitting in her lap, but shit. I got to thinking about it in the shower (for some reason) and it really pissed me off. I guess i didn’t have the time or will to really let the shittyness of it sink in at the time, which happens when you’re very tired. That was plain uncouth.
    There’s a time and a place, dig? I would have gladly taken her out a few days later for dinner, or something worth much more than 5 bucks of gas. Is that not what common courtesy suggests? And i know gas is dead expensive, but GOD. At least give me a week to sort out the loss and make some more money. At least. Fuck she blows cock. For 5 bucks i could have taken the bus and bought lunch. I gave her all the change i had, which she started alluding wasn’t quite enough. *sigh*

    it’s just as well i suppose. That was the last of the many last straws i had with her, and she moved out of the boy’s house and i have yet to talk to her since.

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