please kill me Drunken Ramblings: please kill me

By Ezme on Thursday, August 28, 2003 - 06:53 am:

    I was drunk a few hours ago. I smoked too many cigarettes and this is preventing me from passing out. I cant breath. I am wheezing
    I cant smile anymore. I cant find anything that makes me happy. I have lost most of my friends to heroin over the last six months. They are still alive, they just arent close with me because Im not a drug buddy. Ive thought about doing it with them but they dont want me to get started. I suppose Im better off, heroin does make people pathetic. It bad enough just being depressed. I dont need to be pathetic.

    Last night I had a dream that I was peeling off my skin. It didnt hurt and I wasnt scared. It was just weird.

By Hal on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 01:41 pm:

    You should probably STOP DRINKING...

    Just a thought.

By Nate on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 02:28 pm:

    Last night I had a dream where I went to a movie with an ex of mine. We walked into the theater and everyone was packed in the back but the middle and front was wide open. She says "why don't we sit up there?" The theater is small and brightly lit and has a floor like a gym and lines of wooden folding chairs.

    The next thing I know dinosaurs are attacking. My ex is now a different ex, one more fit for running from dinosaurs, I guess. I don't notice when the change happens.

    We are running through a forest strewn with giant gray boulders. The dinosaurs are coming. We are surrounded by rebel forces. Forces on our side. Rebellion against dinosaurs.

    I am stuffed into a wooden box. It is closet sized and I am scrunched into one corner. My ex is in there, too. She says "when they come, don't breathe."

    The head of a dinosaur pokes into the box. It doesn't seem real but rather it appears to be bad computer graphics. It pushes its face into mine, a scene straight out of Hollywood. I hold my breath. I hold my breath. The dinosaur starts to leave, but I can't hold my breath any longer. I breathe.

    The dinosaur snaps back into the box. Puts its jaws around my head.

    I wake up.

    I liked the prior night's dreams better.

By semillama on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 03:05 pm:

    That sounds like a dream I might have

By Nate on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 03:21 pm:

    you get attacked by dinosaurs too?

By Hal on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 06:32 pm:

    I usually end up in post apocolyptic america surrounded by post transients and automatic weapons...

    Oh, and the savages from the wastelands, but then again... I live with spiders.

By Nate on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 07:30 pm:

    woah. like in Fallout II?

By Lapis on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 08:33 pm:

    I had a dream that I went to London with my sister, we shared a hotel room. Somehow my aunt's skipperke snuck into our luggage without us knowing and we had to hide the dog from the hotel staff.

    My sister stayed at the hotel while I went shopping (?) alone at a vintage store. When I got back, LS was sitting on the floor and the dog'd made a mess. I began cleaning it up and sent her for a box, when she came back she was all sweaty from allergies. So she took a bath.

    She was taking a really long time bathing, so I checked on her and she'd turned into the boy I'm rebound girl for inside of David Bowie's body. "You like my man thing?" He asked as I helped him wash up.

    Then I woke up.

By Nate on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 10:21 pm:

    that's fucking awesome.

    "you like my man thing?"

    i'll have to remember that.

By Lapis on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 11:42 pm:


By Hal on Saturday, August 30, 2003 - 06:08 pm:

    Something like that, but think more MadMax'ish with HUGE mech like things and a lot more flying shit and vehicles..... And buildings of huge cities lying in ruin, people living in schools, and savages.... LOTS of savages everywhere.

By patrick on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 02:28 pm:

    that was fucking funny.

    almost as funny as pounding a tall beer with Eva in the atlanta airport after a long stressful trip ...hearing a beep! beep! from the motorized carts that shuttle old people in airport terminals go by and turning to see my wife daintily waving as she zings down the breezeway to the bathroom.

    she does that kind of thing. sweet talks the southern gentlman into giving her a ride to the restrooms by gate T7, when we are sitting 50 yards away in the pub at gate 1.

    "you like my man thing"

    that is fun.

By semillama on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 02:53 pm:

    Who ever knows fear burns at the touch of the Man-Thing.

By sarah on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 05:09 pm:

    i woke up in the middle of the night last night to take some aspirin and ended up throwing up and then fainting, waking up god knows how much later by the loud hissing and faint ringing in my ears.

    i felt physically off all day yesterday. blood sugar swings, mood swings, like pms only it's not, i'm a good two weeks away at least from the possibility of maybe having a period.

    today i woke up feeling pretty shitty and still feel shitty, like i've been over medicated after drinking too much, like waking up drunk and then taking a sleeping pill with a big cup of black coffee.

    but i swam out to the flag yesterday afternoon after taking a ride on a glider plane over mokuleia. i surfed the day before yesterday and the day before and the day before and the day before. the nearby hurricane - which luckily missed the big island by a squeek - kicked up some good waves when i first got here, but now they're gone. the winds are up though, so tomorrow i'm going kite surfing on the windward side. last night mike told me to to stay out of the water for two weeks but that's just not going to happen. i'll just keep a lot of ointment on it.

    ointment. what a great word.

    one evening i was sitting on the beach watching the sunset after surfing for a couple hours, my old hang-out beach actually, and i ran into my first yoga teacher. he's one of those guys who, well, shit, he's just beyond description. a character, a good human being, who is known and loved by half the people on this island. anyway, he's hooking me up with his friend who is working on technology initiatives for the hawaii state DOE. hooking me up with him job-wise, that is.

    oh, and i politely asked the ass doctor not to come. he was okay with that. he gets it. he called me though to check in, and i bought him a nice souvieneer yesterday.

    i want to come home, stay home. i do and i don't. there's nothing for me here and everything for me here, and i could say the same for austin though too. everything and nothing. i stay in austin because i've become addicted to the uncertainty. it's like i'm in a book that i kinda like and kinda don't like but i keep reading it because it's interesting enough to make me want to see what's going to happen next. i stay in austin because i know i can come home whenever i want. the book of hawaii, i know that book, it's a good book, i'd read it again. when i do, i will go to maui. *maybe* kauai again, but most likely maui.

    the last time i was here i felt ready to go back to austin by the end of the trip. this time i'm not ready, but i still have a lot more days ahead. what am i doing here? i gotta get to the beach.

By V.v. on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 05:14 pm:

    Ezme,you sound a lot like Hal.

By V.v. on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 05:33 pm:

    Hal,if you do as much booz as me[best part of a bottle of vodka per night]how come you wake up so miserable?i just wake up thinking SHIT,DID I DRINK THAT MUCH?most of the time im real happy,except for the times when i think of the 500 years i have taken of my live span with booz abuse.

By spunky on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 05:34 pm:

    i loved that comic book cover, sem!

By V.v. on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 05:41 pm:

    Hal,and here is another reason to be cheerfull,WERE BOTH SHIT AT SPELLING.,[but my spelling is not so bad considering im a LITHUANIAN GRINGO.]

By V.v. on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 05:48 pm:

    SEM,thats no comic book cover,ITS A CLOSE UP OF MY BABY MAKEING EQUIPMENT.

By semillama on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 06:28 pm:

    Your baby making equipment is made from vegetables?

    Sarah, what do you have to put ointment on?

By V.v. on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 06:39 pm:

    Sem,meat and two veg.

By J on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 07:09 pm:

    I drink vodka every night,I wake up and I may be fine or I might have really hurt myself staggering around drunk in the night and once I start drinking my memory is only good for maybe two hours tops.My friends don't bother calling me anymore after 9p.m.,cause I never remember our conversation.If a movie runs over two hour and I'm tanked I can guarantee you I wont remember the ending.Rarely have a hangover though.

By Testor on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 07:14 pm:


By V.v. on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 07:20 pm:

    J,i know where your at,i tend to get them pains in the sholders and arms[mostly from falling down a flight of 48 steps.]

By V.v. on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 07:48 pm:

    Testor,are you the the ghost of a dead sorabji?give one test for yes,and two tests for no [trust me,im a warlock]

By eri on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 09:47 pm:

    My best friend S came out here to visit this weekend. It was kinda different, but we had loads of fun. She got in at about 10:30 at night and then we were going to go out to a club by us. Spunky wasn't comfortable with the idea of us walking to a club just the two of us and suggested I invite my friend K to go with us, so we will have a guy with us in case of protection. I called K and he was in his car 10 minutes away so he went with us. The dance club was closed, so we went to the other bar over here and had drinks and played pool until they closed. Had a blast, but S got royally ripped. Mixed alcohols all night long. So we get back to my apartment and S walks K to his car......doesn't get back for a good long time. S and I stay up til 5am all the details.

    The thing is S is a christian and a very devout one for the most part, and K is a pagan......not a good thing.

    So the next morning we wake up and S is going on and on about K, and I mean hours and hours about what a good kisser he is blah blah blah. She wants to invite him over for dinner, so we invite him over....he comes over for dinner and spends the evening sitting on the couch with his arm around her and he plays with the kids and we all hang out and have fun. His mom (whom he takes care of since his step-father died) keeps calling so he goes to leave and she walks him out to the car. Then she comes back in (in a few minutes this time) and says that K got to touchy with her and the kids outside were rude cuz they told them to go get a room.......heh.

    S leaves the next morning and gets home really late last night and calls me and says that she wants me to break it to K easy that she isn't interested and that she only thinks he is a good kisser when she is drunk and she doesn't want to get involved with someone who isn't like her (all because he is pagan). She was driving me nuts (did you talk to K? What did he say about me?).

    I almost just said "Look, he's a guy and will take what is offered. Doesn't mean he wants strings attached." But I didn't.

    So I drank a lot and hung out with friends, but for some reason there was still drama.........

By sarah on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 11:35 pm:

    my beautiful new tattoo. i have a large, 13 year old tattoo on my sternum. an ankh. and i never got it finished. i was inspired by nate's dragonfly to get it finished, and made the appointment right after he posted his photos.

    so it got finished last night. finally.

    and it's gorgeous. it takes up all of the space between mid-sternum down to the alien belly button. i love it. the artist is amazing. he also touched up the one on top of my right foot.

    photos coming soon.

By sarah on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 11:40 pm:

    oh, and for the record, the guy who did it is a close friend of my father's. did two of my dad's tattoos. he charges $150 an hour (cash only). i was there from 6:30 p.m. to 9 p.m. and told me to give him fifty bucks when it was done. i argued and argued with him, i was so upset. i tried to give him $300 and he was insulted. we settled on a hundred. but he and his wife are having a baby in december, so i'm going to buy them a ton of baby gifts and drop them at his shop before i head back to austin.

    in actuality, the tattoo he did for me, in terms of his life's art work, was like a speck. he does full body suits and shit like that. so i guess it was worth a lot more to me than it was to him.

By Nate on Thursday, September 4, 2003 - 11:47 pm:

    woo sarah!

    maybe what it was worth to you was part of his compensation.

By eri on Friday, September 5, 2003 - 12:47 am:

    Cool Sarah. Glad you got it finished. Look forward to the pictures! And I agree with Nate,in that maybe knowing how much it meant to you was enough to make it worth $50 to him.

By V.v. on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 04:29 pm:

    Still considering having eight legs and a head added to my mole[this way it earns its keep]

By Hal on Thursday, September 11, 2003 - 11:44 am:

    And why not little fangs while your at it.

By V.v. on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 09:09 am:

    Hal,and a Kalashnicov.

By V.v. on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 09:17 am:


By V.v. on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 10:05 pm:

    Hal,i allmost got shot in the head [again] tonight,it was some nut fireing at drivers with a shotgun.The last time,i just missed being blown away in a bank robbery,[2 weeks ago]i need to move to somewhere with a low crime rate [like New York.]Or buy an armour plated Land Rover [i can get one for just 4000 bucks,ex-Army]I dont know how thick the armour plate is,but it must be good ,cuz they do real shit gas mileage.,and spares cost more than a Caddilac or Lincoln.

By Iv.v. on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 10:13 pm:

    It must be about time i got my own Kalishnicov.

By V.v. on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 10:22 pm:

    To cellibrate still being alive,tonight i am drinking Rodnic Russian Vodka from Samara,Russia.,its smooth as silk and 40 percent:]

By eri on Saturday, September 13, 2003 - 12:33 am:

    I'm lazy.....drinking wine from a box. Don't feel like going out to buy other booze or things to mix my booze with :)

    By the way....what goes good with whisky in the form of a mixed drink?

By Hal on Saturday, September 13, 2003 - 01:41 am:

    Soda, Sour Mix, Tonic Water, Cigs, Lemon Wedge, here's my favorite thing to mix with wiskey though...


By Kebron on Saturday, September 13, 2003 - 01:46 am:

    Coke Goes great with it


By eri on Saturday, September 13, 2003 - 01:52 pm:

    I already knew that you drank your whiskey with coke.....looking for another idea is all.

By Hal on Saturday, September 13, 2003 - 11:12 pm:

    No no no... You drink the wiskey straight, the coke just goes well with it.

By Lapis on Saturday, September 13, 2003 - 11:54 pm:

    As a chaser?

By Hal on Sunday, September 14, 2003 - 12:56 am:

    It was a joke.

    And I think you entirely missed the point.

By Lapis on Sunday, September 14, 2003 - 01:48 am:

    I tend to do that.

By patrick on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 12:27 pm:

    the blind leading the blind.

    tonic water with whisky?



    you use club soda.

    if you served me whisky and tonic id have to slap you upside the head.

    tonic should only be mixed with gin and vodka.

    eri, try a 'downtown martini'.

    obtain a bottle of vermouth and not that extra dry shit. i use martini rossi. its just right. half vermouth, half whisky. on the rocks. blamo!

    if you're drinking shitty whisky, you gotta mix it with coke. good whisky, can be real nice on the rocks.

By eri on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 12:39 pm:

    Thanks Patrick. I can't afford the really good whiskey right now and am drinking the cheap stuff that isn't totally shitty, but not the good stuff either.

By semillama on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 01:44 pm:

    Hal, do you know how to make an Evil Jungle Princess? One of my friends was called that recently.

By sarah on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 02:36 pm:

    evil jungle prince is the american name given to a traditional thai food dish.

By semillama on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 03:07 pm:

    plus it's a mixed drink.

By V.v. on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 10:42 pm:

    an evil jungle princess may all so be an other name for Lapis.

By Lapis on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 12:58 am:

    No, I'm not evil. I'm very, very good.

By V.v. on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 01:20 am:

    lAPIS,apart from when your bad?[only jokeing,i think your a really lovely person]you no somthing?people misunderstand me a lot,my words come out wrong and people think i hate them,i dont,im a loveing but emotional person.,i think you are too.

By Lapis on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 01:48 am:


    I don't think that came out wrong at all.

By V.v. on Thursday, September 18, 2003 - 07:50 pm:

    Lapis,and i now tend to think of Canins as GROWLERS,as in the pics you posted.

By Roadkill on Saturday, September 4, 2004 - 09:43 am:

    I had a really great dream, very graphic. You see I am blind. When awake I see nothing.

By semillama on Saturday, September 4, 2004 - 02:17 pm:

    How do you use the internet then?

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