fucking depressing...

sorabji.com: What does it look like where you are?: fucking depressing...

By Pink on Sunday, September 12, 1999 - 09:07 am:

    It's 7:59 and the skies are dreary.

    cold and uninviting...
    gray and fatal...
    there and waiting...
    only to draw me in and let me down, again.

By Fetidbeaver on Sunday, September 12, 1999 - 09:59 am:

    Pink, where do you live? Fall is begining, my favorite time of year. Today I don't give a shit.
    I'm tired,
    tired of being married,
    tired of raising kids,
    tired of paying a morgage,
    tired of car payments,
    tired of working,
    tired of staying sober,
    tired of being "responsible",
    tired of being alive.
    Tomorrow it's back to work, back to listening to patient #1 whine about her toes that are numb. I'll watch patient #2 continue to die of cancer, and never complain despite her extreme pain. I'll give her more morphine even though she won't ask.
    I'll give patients #3,4 & 5 their tube feedings while thinking "poor souls" I should bring a gun and end this cruelty.
    I wake up so tired, I never know if I'm just tired, getting old or comming out of remission. Sometimes I secretly hope my Dermatomyositis is back and will kill me this time.
    I look around and think, look at all this bullshit I want to return to my past. Few belongings, few bills, few responsibilities, and a naive understanding of reality.
    I feel like running away, riding the rails, trying heroin, doing all those stupid things that seem like fun but are supposed to ruin your life.
    I wish I had the power to drop "the bomb", to end all life, all suffering, all the bullshit.
    But I'll get up in a minute, make the kids their picnic lunches, take them to the community picnic and smile while thinking, "Fuck this".
    I wonder how many others are thinking the same.
    I wonder if I'm the only one. Maybe I'm losing it, I just don't care.

By Semillama on Sunday, September 12, 1999 - 04:50 pm:

    it looks exactly the same here.

    You know that quality of daylight, when its completely overcast, that dim, gret light? It completely sucks the life from you. It should be against the law to work when it's liek this outside. A good solution for today, if it was 2 years ago, would to take a sauna and smoke a lot of weed and drink wine while watching movies with my best friend.

    Now I can just sit and stare at the walls.

    fortunately, the wall right in front of me has a computer before it, and a large drawing (in cooring book style) of Ronald Mcdonald tapping Ozzy on the shoulder and asking, "May I join Black Sabbath?"

By Fetidbeaver on Sunday, September 12, 1999 - 09:41 pm:

    I think I better get out my light box, or try the heroin thing. The decreased sunlight depresses the hell out of me. Some dental grade cocaine would help. When will it be over the counter?

By Cyst on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 12:14 am:

    I saw a christmas tree in the mall today.

    they also had some musical christmas dolls. if I hadn't been with my parents, I'd have turned them all off.

By OOMPH on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 01:24 am:



By Dr. D on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 01:26 am:

    I really fell sad about what FB related. That sound hellish. both for her and the patients. hospitals are . like..creepy

    somehow sounds like the stepford wives. . . . Hellp I'm a MUmmy

By Gee on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 02:28 am:

    booo! When I saw dancing Santa's at the South Coast Plaza I stopped and danced along. My sister yelled out "You go, Santa!" and bopped her butt up and down.

By J on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 02:41 am:

    Don,t let that stinky pussy name fool you,F.B. is a man,or else is real kinky.We have a friend who could get you a job,never mind,that was zombies.I know the feeling I have a son,who I love but I,m having MAJOR problems with right now.I want him and his friends out of my house,he steals,won,t go to school,everyday I wake up to a mess,he does major danage around here,then my husband says I,m the one with problems.BTW,that time I got the D.W.I.,Ryan was all jacked up on crystal,as usual Dad sided with him,so I was trying to take off in the car and Ryan kept shutting the garage door as I was trying to back out,finally got out with a little damage to the door.I looked in my rear-veiw window and he,s got the cordless phone,the little bastard had called 911 on me.I didn,t even it make 1 mile from my house.

By J on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 02:49 am:

    Can you imagine it,s still 105 degrees and I,m seeing that too?I already bought bows and gifts,now all the stores out here have coats and sweaters.Who can think about a fucking coat when it,s 105 degrees out here.I have pictures of us at x-mas with a tree by the pool,wearing shorts.

By Fetidbeaver on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 06:01 am:

    I woke up in a much better mood and have a couple of jokes for you.

    Q. What does Hillary Clinton do after shaving her pussy?

    A. Straightens his tie and sends him off to work.

    A group of little boys play baseball across from a whore house and watch the men come and go everyday. One day they decide to pool their money and find out what goes on in there. They go up and knock on the door and tell the madam that they have 50 cents and want to know what they can experience. She replies, "We don't do anything for less than 5 dollars." The boys look disappointed so the madam says, "I'll tell you what I'll let you each have a quick sniff" Afterwards the boys are walking home when one of them asked, "So what did ya think?" and another one replied, "Well I guess it was ok but I don't think I could of taken 5 dollars worth."

By Jinafishes on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 12:44 pm:

    A guy walks into the drug store looking for condoms. He then comes to the aisle and notices packages of condoms in different amounts. He takes the three, brings them to the counter, and asks a couple of questions. "This package here, why does it only have 3?" "Oh," the pharmatist says, "That's for high schoolers on weekends." "Oh..how about this one, why's it have 6?" "That's for the college students, on the weekends." He nods. "And this one, 12?" "That's for married people." He raises his eyebrow, "That many times??" The pharmatist shakes his head, "One for each month."

By J on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 03:38 pm:

    Good jokes, heres a bad one.Why did Rock Hudsons wife divorce him?He was always coming home shit-faced.I,m still in a funky mood listening to Knock me down,the Chili Peppers,funky,funky.I,m going to take a shower and hope the world looks cleaner when I get out,if it doesn,t,there better not be anyone here.My house I mean.

By Fetidbeaver on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 04:43 pm:

    Q. What did Jeffery Dhamer do after dumping his date?

    A. Wipe.

By Rhiannon on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 05:08 pm:

    How many more jokes ya got, Beav? You're like an encyclopedia!

    This -- and the Frank and the bear joke that somebody already posted -- is the only joke I know:

    There's this old miner who lives miles away from civilization. He works in the mines for years and years and one day decides he'd like a little company. So he jumps on his mule and heads down into the town 20 miles below in the valley.

    He goes into a saloon and orders a whiskey. He downs the whiskey, slams the glass on the bar, and asks the bartender, "There any women around these here parts, you know, for to have a good time?"

    The bartender says, "Naw, there ain't any women in this whole damn town. But if you're in that kind of mood, there's alway Old Joe out back."

    The miner gets really insulted. He yells, "No way! I ain't into no men!" And he storms out of the saloon, jumps on his mule, and rides back home.

    A few years go by. The miner's mining away, and all of a sudden he feels like he'd like a little company. So he jumps on his mule and rides down into the town in the valley. He goes into the saloon and orders a whiskey. He downs the whiskey, slams the glass on the bar, and asks the bartender, "So, this town got any women yet?"

    "Naw," says the bartender, "no women yet. But there's still Old Joe."

    "Goddammit! I told you I ain't into men!" the miner shouts, and he storms out of the saloon, jumps on his mule, and rides back home.

    So a few more years go by, and the miner once again feels like he'd like a little company. So he jumps on his mule and rides down into the town in the valley. He enters the saloon and orders a whiskey. He downs the whiskey, slams the glass on the bar, and asks the bartender, "Any women in this here town yet?"

    "Nope," says the bartender, "but there's still Old Joe."

    Now, it's been more years than he can count since he's had a little company, so the miner asks the bartender, "Say there. If by chance I should...uh...go and visit Old Joe, how many people would know about it?"

    "Well," says the bartender, "there'd be you and me, of course, and Old Joe, and two other guys."

    "Two other guys?! Why the hell do two other guys need to know about it?"

    "Well," says the bartender, "somebody's gotta hold down Old Joe. He ain't into men, neither."

By Fetidbeaver on Monday, September 13, 1999 - 09:40 pm:

    Please note the following disclaimer as stated by Semillama on Aug 5, 1999:

    #1 Nobody is exempt from being the butt of jokes, not even gay crippled alcoholic french children with hemophila and tourette's syndrome.

    #2 It's not fuckin' hilarious unless somebody gets offended.


    A young man goes home to tell his family that he is gay. He enters the kitchen, sits down and says, "Mom, I'm a homosexual." His mother says nothing for a couple of minutes instead she stands silently stirring a pot on the stove. Finally she replies, "Isn't that when one man puts his penis in another man's anus?" He replies, "Yes, that's part of it." She continues stirring then asked, "Don't they sometimes then put their penis into the other man's mouth?" He responds, "Yes, sometimes that happens too." She continues stirring silently then suddenly turns and hits him with the spoon. He yelled, "Goddammit! What did you do that for?" She replied, "I don't ever want to hear you complain about my cooking again."



By J on Tuesday, September 14, 1999 - 12:27 pm:

    Q:What,s the difference between drunks and alcoholics?A:Drunks don,t have to go to meetings Q:What happened to the cheerleader when she did the splits?A:20 class rings fell out. I,m still cranky,maybe it,s my hormones.

By Rhiannon on Tuesday, September 14, 1999 - 12:44 pm:

    Do you know the strange joke about the brick and the duck, that's in two parts?

By J on Tuesday, September 14, 1999 - 02:03 pm:

    No,do you?A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender"do you have any crackers"?"No"the bartender says and the duck leaves,next day the duck comes in,:do you have any "crackers"?"No"the bartender says and the duck leaves.Next day the duck comes in"do you have any crackers"?"Like I told you yesteday,and the day before,we DONT have any crackers,if yu ask me again I,m going to nail yur beak shut"!!Duck comes in next day"got any nails"?Bartender"no".Duck"good got any crackers"?

By Rhiannon on Tuesday, September 14, 1999 - 05:28 pm:

    I like that one!

    The one I'm thinking of is in two parts.

    Part 1) You have to make it sound like this is the actual joke.

    You say, "Did you ever hear the joke about the brick? Well, this guy was out in his garden, plowing up the ground to get it ready to transplant some tomatoes.

    So he's digging and digging and he finds a brick in the ground. Just sitting there. So he picks the brick up and it's pretty heavy, as bricks are. He tosses it up a few feet and catches it nicely. He's feeling a little daring, so he tosses it a few feet above his head, and he catches it nicely again. So the third time he decides to throw it as high as he can. So he throws it....and it doesn't come down!"

    You say this last line like it's the punchline and start laughing hysterically. The person you're telling it to will probably look at you funny, and then you say, "Man, you just don't get it, do you?"

    Wait about an hour.

    Part 2) Say, "I got another joke for you. There was this lady on a plane who brought her pet duck with her and was holding it on her lap. This man comes and sits next to her and he's really afraid of flying, so he starts smoking a cigar to calm his nerves. The lady gets really irritated and insists he put it out and he does.

    So they're flying for some time, and the duck starts acting up, quacking and flapping his wings, which agitates the man, who's already nervous from his fear of flying. So the guy lights up a cigar to calm his nerves. The lady gets really irritated and insists he put it out and he does.

    So they're flying along, and the duck really starts acting up, jumping on the guy and biting him on his ears, so the guy lights up a cigar to calm his nerves. Once again, the lady gets really irritated and tells him to put it out. The man gets annoyed, so he says, 'Look, lady, your duck's pissing me off and my cigar is pissing you off, so how about we throw them both out the window?'

    The lady thinks, 'It's a duck...it can fly back home,' so she agrees. The guy opens the window, shoves the duck out, and throws his cigar out after it. The guy settles back into his seat. He closes his eyes and dozes off for a while, when suddenly he hears a tapping on the window. He opens his eyes and sees the duck standing on the wing with something in his mouth."

    Now you ask the person you're telling the joke to, "What's in the duck's mouth?"

    The person will probably say "the cigar." That's when you say, "No, the brick!"

    Hee hee.

By Wavydave on Tuesday, September 14, 1999 - 05:56 pm:

    I'll try that one at work some night - I have a long, proud tradition of telling bad jokes to my co-workers.

    If I can work up the gumption to type, I'll type up the marathon joke about flower-selling monks - i've come close to losing friends over it :)

By Fetidbeaver on Tuesday, September 14, 1999 - 06:24 pm:


    Anal sex with a stolen flaming dead raccoon.

    A priest takes his car in to get a tire fixed.
    The mechanic comes over and tells him it's ready.
    The priest asked, "Did you get the lugnuts tight?"
    The mechanic replied, "Tighter than a nuns cunt."
    The priest responded, "You better give'm another turn."

By Rhiannon on Tuesday, September 14, 1999 - 06:30 pm:

    Aw, that ain't right.

    But stealing a flaming dead racoon and then sodomizing it...that's funny.

By Gee on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 02:16 am:

    Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the
    Archangel found him resting on the seventh day.

    He inquired of God, 'Where have you been?' God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look Michael, look what I've made.'

    Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?'

    'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it is going to be a place of balance.'

    'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.

    God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, 'For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot.'

    God continued, pointing to different countries. 'This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'

    The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land mass in the top corner and asked, 'What's that one?'

    'Ah, said God. 'That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams, and an exquisite coast line. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent, and humourous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hard-working and high- achieving and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.'

    Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, 'What about balance, God? You said the will be BALANCE!'

    God replied wisely. 'Wait until you see the loud-mouthed bastards I'm putting next to them.'

By Pink on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 02:44 am:

    I got this joke 2 days ago, with Wisconsin being the most glorious place on earth and Minnesota being the loud-mouthed bastards. So jokes can be interchangeable now?

    Pure blasphemy!

By MapleLeaf on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 01:41 pm:

    Gee....I second that motion.........but it is only some of them ......and none of them seem to be in sorabji ...it seems only good people come in here =)

By J on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 02:27 pm:

    Where have you been Maple?

By MapleLeaf on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 02:29 pm:

    Can't resist the temptation......

    A young gal and guy meet at a dance club. She decides she is going to take him home for the night. She lives with her parents but fortunately they are away for the weekend so the coast is clear. When they get to the house they eventually get to her bedroom. The first thing he notices is the menagerie of stuffed animals in her room. They were everywhere.........on the floor, on the bed, on the dresser, propped on window sills ..everywhere.....stuffed animals. He cleared the bed of her collection and make love to her. Later with her lying in his arms he asked, "How did I do?". Her response was , "You can have anything from the lower shelf".

By MapleLeaf on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 02:31 pm:

    J ...if I told you where I was I would have to kill you ......and sure don't want to do that.

    Work related removal from normal lifestyle.

    Back for a couple of days.

    Thanks for missing me :)

By Waffles on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 02:47 pm:

    hockey season is upon us, BAYBY!!

    i am alittle perplexed, my hometown has a team now,,, the Atlanta Thrashers.....unsure if i should move all of my emotion from my scattered loyalties to Philly/Phoenix/Detroit/Dallas to Atlanta...haven't heard their draft yet, they will probably bomb so I may hold off

By J on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 03:27 pm:

    Coyotes!!True men don,t kill them!

By Waffles on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 03:31 pm:

    thye are a great team, fast with a great offense...i know this because of my record with them on my friends playstation Hockey 98

By Jinafishes on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 04:54 pm:

    Ugh, NHL '99 is a hard game one on one, Blades of Steal for Nintendo is so much better cause it's really hard getting goals in for '99. But if you have an ally the goal shooter, and the person who beats up people, and you're Canada Vs. Sweden, you'll win easy.

By Waffles on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 04:58 pm:

    we get in fist fights over that shit........usually beer/testosterone induced fights that is....

By Jinafishes on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 05:13 pm:

    Really? I've only been able to get in one of those simulated fights once on the nhl games, although I know what you're talking about.. two sweaty men playing nhl '99 and fighting when they don't get their way. I just press the circle button lots and try to clothes line people, it's so fun to watch I just bust up laughing. The only true thing I love about hockey is the fights, they're just fun, they don't have enough in football, and I have no idea what the fuck goes on in football so it's out of my league. Curling is hilarious to watch too, I guess I'm just easily amused, I just dub what they're saying, like when a teammate is walking past the opponent I make her say 'bitch' or something like that, good and MST3K-ish. Basically that's the only good of curling, if I was curling I'd rather just have two slippery shoes and have fun. In fact, I'd rather watch them all with slippery shoes and a cane to hit each other with. Combat Curling! A curling fight would be a dream come true. Then I would go to Tim Horton's and have a slushy frappucino with a canadian maple doughnut with whip cream in the middle.. God I miss Canada sometimes.

By Canada on Wednesday, September 15, 1999 - 05:30 pm:

    We miss you too, toots.

By Bill on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 10:59 pm:

    Walked past my old place of business for the
    1st time since September 11th - it aint there....


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