Slam. Have you ever been lonely?: Slam.

By Pilate on Friday, July 7, 2000 - 09:14 am:

    So this blond kid keeps showing up on my doorstep. Not too frequently. When he wants something, though, he'll come creeping around. Usually, he wants food or a quick bit of sex. I can cook and I can make love (but not simultaneously) so it works out all right.

    But he doesn't stay.

    I'm lucky to have anyone coming around at all. I'm a definite loner type. I don't generally have much company and certainly not much company that I'd care to wake up next to.

    The Blond has been bringing a friend around. A jailbait twit of a cross-dresser. A skirt wearing punk who's just a bit on the dopey side. Giggling. Awkward. Flirtatious in ways that I really don't need a minor to be. The boy's not without his redeeming qualities, but he might start pushing it. He groped my ass the other day. I responded with a quick joke but deep inside I was seriously concerned. He has big brown eyes. Not bad. But fuck me if I'm gonna go there. How do you tell a kid "no" without mindfucking him, anyway? And for godsake, what if somebody sees me hanging out with a high school kid? There are people around here who'd as soon lynch me for shit like that.

    Back to the blond. He's hot. And legal (barely). Holy shit, though, the guy never stays the night anymore. He's only slept here a couple of times. He's always jumping up to go Somewhere Else. I'm beginning to suspect that the Somewhere Else involves Someone Else. Which is cool. We're just very occasional fuckbuddies. Nothing major. No big commitment. Still, I hate it when he leaves. The other day, he popped in without notice. Hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks. We fooled around for about an hour. As soon as I got him off, there he went, dashing out the door again.

    It's starting to bother me, being left like that. I keep my mouth shut. Last time I watched him leave, I felt some pretty scary emotions.

    Hey, isn't that how J. Dahmer started? He didn't want his boys to leave so he fucking killed them. Please believe me when I say that I don't want to kill anybody. I just want to herd this boy away from the door, bundle him up in my bed and leave him there until the following morning. I like to talk and cuddle and just generally hang out with someone after a sexual experience. I don't really like the sudden reaching for the clothes and bolting out the door routine.

    I'm lucky to be getting what I'm getting even though it's sporadic and somewhat bizarre (he told me he was submissive, but not how much). It's fun. It's funny. Still, I don't know how to feel when I'm left behind. When the door slams I start feeling sick inside. Sometimes I want to lock the door and never let him in again. That would be easier than being left. At least I'm in control of it. I can lock people out of my life. I don't really want to, though.

    I just don't like being left. I'm not some kind of psycho. I don't normally mind at all when people leave. I just wish the ones who were using me sexually would hang around overnight sometimes. At least hang out for some milk and Twinkies. Know what I mean?

By Kymical on Friday, July 7, 2000 - 01:06 pm:

    my god yes.

    i have put myself in that situation unknowingly often.
    and i want to believe i am strong enough to just blow it off as ultra casual. but i can't really, i am too much of a romantic.
    and usually i am the last to find out just how casual it really is.

    as far as the jailbait, do you think there could be an alterior motive there? as silly as it sounds. i know that if i was have casual sex iwouldn't bring someone along that would be silly and flirtatious unless i thought they might be better suited at the game than i. but i would still feel awkward about it.

    so lock your doors.

By Kalliope on Friday, July 7, 2000 - 03:15 pm:

    first i'm gonna giggle and take the chance that someone will get pissed at me for doing so...but the whole image of "as soon as i get him off he's out the door" kinda brings an entertaining image to mind. i just picturing an AHHHAHHHH OH GOD AHHHHHHH varooooooooooooom....gone.

    Anyway. Maybe I only entertain me.

    I've never been in this situation but I've been in something close to it. My biggest problem is making them leave. They won't. And it's not just after sex. I've even tried cutting the sex off and they still don't go away. They stay in my bed all day. Sometimes when I'm not in it. Sometimes even when I'm not home. I have the adopt-a-boy syndrome pretty badly. Sometimes I just wish it was jack-em-off and they're out the door. That'd be neat once in a great while. But nope. They stay.

    Seriously though, it sounds like this isn't just a fuckbuddy girl. Don't kid yerself. Fuck buddies are are just that. Fuck buddies. And the buddie part is questionable. Him leaving shouldn't matter unless you want something else from the relationship which from what I read, would be my guess.

    So why don't you just tell him that? Tell him you want him to stay. Tell him how it makes you feel when he bolts out the door.

    If he doesn't stay...then yer better off anyway.

    Besides, sharing your box of twinkies is a big deal.

By Pilate on Friday, July 7, 2000 - 09:42 pm:

    Go ahead and laugh. It's cool. It IS a funny image. And it's almost that abrupt, too. Of course, it would be way the hell funnier if it didn't make me feel like shit.

    The jailbait's ulterior motive would seem to be purely sexual. The kid popped up here a while ago. Unannounced. Alone. All giggly and big-eyed and so cute it made me feel vaguely ill. He says he's coming back in a while. Sweet Jesus.

    I think the original deal was that The Blond was trying to fix me up with his buddy so we could all get into a threesome. Blondie either wanted to watch me get it on with Kid Jailbait or wanted me to watch him do the same. Or some permutation of that scene. I think that Jailbait is starting to get interested in me. I also think that I'm going to have a little problem with this one. He's calling me and shit. I came home to an answering machine full of silly-ass messages. Every day he starts looking a little bit cuter. I don't even do cross-dressers. It's just not my bag. But this kid, he's a cutie. He's also goofy as hell. I don't know. If he weren't so impossibly young, I'd think about it.

    I sure don't want to hurt the kid's feelings. That kinda bothers me. A lot of people might be harsh about this shit but I've been there. I know what it's like to be young and not understand why adults are (usually) nervous to fuck around with you. On the other hand, I was molested by an adult as a kid and know how bewildering that can be, too. I may have to sit both these punks down and talk to them. I'd really like to avoid that. I'm not good with the heavy shit.

    Sharing one's Twinkies is one hell of a big deal. I'm not the kind of person who hands out Twinkies to just anyone.

By dave. on Friday, July 7, 2000 - 11:02 pm:

    fuck it. hurt the kid's feelings. you think he/they care about yours? they just want to fuck. you want to cuddle. they talk about you amongst themselves (and to anyone else who'll listen) like you're an object. believe that. but, if you go off on them, they may just start ugly rumors so allow them around but don't put out. tell them you have v.d. better yet, make them think you got it from them. if the well dries up, they'll move on. just don't expect to get companionship from them. at their age, they'll fuck a muddy hole in the ground.

By Isolde on Saturday, July 8, 2000 - 12:36 am:

    Yum! I want a french slam without the bacon. But it's too early for a Denny's run.
    Sorry about that little ramble. But boys used to follow me home from said fine ding establishment, so...Actually, I guess I have a problem on a similar scale. He's cutish. Not jail bait. Is following me about. Horrid.

By Gee on Saturday, July 8, 2000 - 01:04 am:

    oh my god! This is just like Stuart and Nathan!

By crimson on Saturday, July 8, 2000 - 07:12 am:

    pilate's here w/ me. we're sitting in the living room eating donuts & watching cartoons. pilate definitely needs cartoon therapy.

    i think these boys are driving him batshit. it can be a weird kind of torment. pilate's definitely old enough to know better (but still paradoxically young-at-heart enough to have moments of not caring...& young enough to have a libido that can effectively shut down silly shit like common sense).

    jailbait. i know it well. unlike me, pilate actually almost has morals. he's got a very tender soul beneath the harsh exterior. he does, however, have sense enough to know that getting caught in the rack w/ a minor could land him underneath the jail. that's always a compelling point to meditate upon.

    if it weren't illegal, would you bang a high school kid? a lot of people would. a lot of people have, including yours truly. but it's probably ill-advised. too many issues involved. issues suck. nowdays, everybody's got issues. bring back the good old days, when people used to just fuck, instead of having issues.

    issues. the new & faddish equivalent of the pet rock, the hula-hoop or the chia pet.

    the boys are cute. hell, I'D do them. i think that the blond might be a game-player & the crossdresser is just ditzy. the crossdresser strikes me as the kind of boy who'd fucking well do anything for attention. emotionally starved. possible abuse case. could be a potential psychic vampire, but i think he's too dumb even for that gig. he's just a teen goofball in dimestore mascara. the type who probably alternately needs a big hug & a swift kick. it makes me nervous for pilate that the crossdresser is calling so much. the kid doesn't know him that well yet. a stalker in the making? i dunno. if it doesn't cool down in about a week, pilate may be changing his phone number.

    for now, we're just worried about the cartoons.

By dave. on Saturday, July 8, 2000 - 03:25 pm:

    what cartoons? i remember how perfect muppet babies were after a night of hallucinating. does anyone know if the tick is still on?

By crimson on Saturday, July 8, 2000 - 04:21 pm:

    i think the tick is running in syndication...somewhere. either cartoon network or comedy central, perhaps.

    cartoons & hallucinogens. two great tastes that go great together.

    this morning, pilate & i were watching a mix of old warner bros. cartoons, some max fleischer cartoons, & some wretched hanna-barbera crap. never underestimate the power of "the herculoids" when you're bombed out of your fucking gourd.

    my friend, pug, watches anime. i haven't fully gotten into that whole bit yet...although "sailor moon" has provided some laffs when loaded.

    i'll probably be bombed tonight, so of course, i'll be watching toons. i'll also probably watch "head" (the monkees movie). & other random crap. teletubbies. 3 stooges. art films. porn. dolemite. kung-fu flicks. anything.

By crimson on Sunday, July 9, 2000 - 06:31 am:

    sitting here loaded. outta my mind. so far gone. taking a break from filming some stuff w/ friends. i'm wearing a silk floral camisole top & nothing else. it's about 5:30 AM & i'm sitting here in full makeup. full drag, as it were. pilate's drinking whiskey & looking hot in some black studded leather boots. holy shit, the sunrise. what a merciless bitch. i wish we were having 24 hours of darkness. i am definitely not ready for the sun. the sun is overrated.

    and in the background, the frightening, swingin' sounds of nancy sinatra. & dionne warwick. christ.

By crimson on Sunday, July 9, 2000 - 09:52 am:

    just shot some more footage. stuff that'll probably get me fucking crucified. so now i'm sitting here shirtless, in a unabomber hooded jacket, dripping w/ bogus jewelry, covered in tangerine juice, slathered w/ makeup straight out of the forensics lab, bitemarks on my neck, a condom on the floor, surrounded by a thousand toys & a kung-fu lunchbox & still feeling like i'm addressing the camera long after it's been shut off.

    that's the way my sunday mornings usually go.

By Bell_jar on Sunday, July 9, 2000 - 12:47 pm:

    i was up at ummm... 6 this morning. damn it. as i was driving to work i was amazed at the amount of people up and driving around at 6:30 on sunday morning. it's been so long, when does church start? maybe they were people driving home from the places that they'd passed out at while in a drunken stupor. what am i talking about?

By semillama on Sunday, July 9, 2000 - 03:38 pm:

    The Tick is on sunday nights late on Comedy Central.

    Also late on Sundays is Space ghost - those fuckers (Cartoon Network) moved it from Friday so I have to figure out how to program my VCR and I don't know if I even have the manual.

    The Tick will also be a live action series on Fox this fall.

By crimson on Sunday, July 9, 2000 - 03:56 pm:

    just got back from breakfast. it's after 2:30 PM. we were so monstrously loaded. i just couldn't handle the breakfast waitresses. ANY of them. jesus horatio christ, they looked like carp. the place was crawling w/ these horrid women who looked like fish in coral lipstick. all the people there, including us, looked like scaly prehistoric animals. the scrambled eggs looked alive. i have never seen anything as yellow as those fucking scrambled eggs. thank god, they also served congealed grits, greasy gravy, & some kind of pork substance that looked like fried hog's ears. children screamed. women gibbered like martians. men scratched their armpits & reached for more bacon. horrifying. just fucking horrifying.

    & then we went shopping.

    the teenage transvestite (see pilate's above posts) tagged along. long story. the kid actually seems OK. he's just fucked in the head. name me somebody who isn't. anyway, Kid Jailbait wasn't in drag this time. a pretty cute boy, really. all waif-like & funny. funny to take flea marketing, anyway.

    the boy comes from a huge family. his folks don't want him around anymore. not because he's bad, says he, but because there are too many mouths to feed. so he whips out a picture. all cookie-cutter, half-naked kids who look just like him, surrounded by filth & clutter & garbage. sweet lord.

    we ate breakfast. we purchased god-awful home decor. we have returned. veni, vidi, vici.

By J on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 10:58 am:

    The transvestite teen's family,sounds like the family of the boy who knocked up Amee,my s/o keeps telling me how this time next year I will have little feet walking around here,he thinks he is funny but he is not.Don't you live in a small town Crimson?I think Pilate should steer clear of the jailbait,it just isn't worth it at this time.

By crimson on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 11:43 am:

    i live in a weird place. it has all the pain-in-the-ass qualities of a tiny podunk town, but it's also pretty close to a few small cities. kind of gives you the effect of being in the country & the city at the same time. it's a bit culturally schizophrenic out here. you can find grease-coated bubbas slouching up beside Ph.D candidates. a lot of yankees came down here to retire, or just escape urban life. there's more of a northern influence every year. so you can either hang out in a honky-tonk or go to a bagel shop. catch a jazz combo or go to a quilting bee.

    pilate seems to be handling the kiddo OK so far. we like the boy (he's kind of growing on us). but 15 is probably too young. truth is, we don't even know what the damn age of consent here is. it's usually 16 for girls, but for boys, who knows? presumably 16, also, but still...people act kind of weird about such things when it's a same-sex affair. tons of pregnant 16-year-olds walking around out here, but let a man get in the sack w/ a 16-year-old boy, & people will call out the lynch mob.

    i've gotta hop offline. my husband needs to call a fruit farm. i'll be back.

By crimson on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 02:13 pm:

    all right. i'm back. briefly. anyway, what i was saying above is that the cities here are ringed w/ some seriously rural areas. it's all just jammed up together. drive ten miles away & you can end up in the boondocks.

    about 15 miles from here, i was out riding around w/ a friend & some of the local yokels didn't recognize the vehicle. so a bunch of rednecks set up a roadblock & stopped us at gunpoint, ordering us away from their homes. they were fucking terrified & suspicious of us, because they didn't know us by name. that might sound like serious country action, but it wasn't far outside the city limits.

    about the jailbait's got me thinking. nobody gave a sweet goddamn about me when i was a kid & middle-aged & elderly men were brutally trying to fuck me. nobody cared at all. but now, everybody's bleeding out the ass w/ concern for the wee little kiddies. i got attacked sexually as a kid. a LOT. on the other hand, i also came on to people & initiated quite a few sexual acts myself, & felt that i knew what i was doing. anyway, i don't know what i think about the whole age limit thing. fat lot of good any so-called "protection" from the state ever did me. when i was 13 & some hideous old man was alternately raping me & beating my face against a glass window, where were all the concerned "family-friendly" motherfuckers then?

    when i was growing up, most of my friends had been raped at least once by somebody in their family. at age 12, a friend of mine dropped out of school to marry an older man. at 13, a few more went. by 15, a lot of them had kids & more of them got married. everybody thought it was cute. they married older men, who invariably beat the shit out of them. but they were WOMEN now, not silly, useless creatures like the other little girls. that was a big deal. getting pregnant made you a WOMAN (the way adults hyped this whole thing to young girls still fills me w/ serious revulsion). anyway, it's just the norm when a younger girl marries an older man. he's just getting a little young stuff. but turn the tables & let a 30-year-old man bang a 16-year-old boy, & it's all over.

    anyway, pilate's a nice guy. he's making sure that Kid Jailbait is getting enough to eat, that sort of thing. no funny stuff. just some concern. the same kind of concern that i--or any other ethical person--would show to a fellow human being.

By Isolde on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 03:35 pm:

    I think it depends on how old you are to be jailbait. It's kind of a personal judgement thing. Some are mature enough to handle it.
    At least your boys aren't following you to Sorabji...yet.

By Fetidbeaver on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 04:16 pm:

    Crimson, Where do you live? I need to remember never to go there.

By crimson on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 05:11 pm:

    i'm in northwest arkansas. there are some really cool people here, no shit. it's much more urban than a lot of people would expect. it's just kind of culturally diverse, and some of that diversity includes the serious redneck crowd.

    i've gotten to see the weird underbelly of this area. stick to the nice suburbs, & you'll just just see a thousand bitchy soccer bubbas. get out of the 'burbs, out of the more populated areas--& you might end up seeing folks who'll scare the piss out of you.

    there are a lot of factories here that hire entire families that crawl down from the hills. it's weird. you'll have serious yokels mixing it up w/ frat boys in designer's really damn strange. my husband works in a place where they have to tell the guys to not wipe snot on the walls & to stop throwing their used toilet paper on the floor. but only a few miles away from that scene are art galleries & coffeehouses, where tight-assed young wanna-be goth trust fund kids slurp espresso & have never been confronted by a real redneck in their lives.

    no, the kiddies haven't followed me to sorabji yet. but several other people have. when pug gets back online, you'll probably be hearing more from him. he's a big spooky man w/ a big, spooky hairdo. he moved here from new hampshire. he thinks way the hell too much. he's one of the few people who can endure prolonged doses of my company.

    pilate can't post right now (he's finally here, but his hands are full) but he says he'll post later on. he's wanting me to emphasize that (1) he's not from here (2) he's not a babyfucker (3) he's no longer a member of the bavarian illuminati.

By Bell_jar on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 05:49 pm:

    i'm a sensative girl, i used to pray to god (when i thought he actually cared) that he would let all of the hurt and pain in the world be put onto me, so that no one else would have to feel it. Jailbait boy makes me feel the same way. i don't know him, but i know people that i would describe just like you described him.

    blah blah blah he's a kid. a kid. a kid who wants love, who wants someone to take care of him, someone to treat him right. it's a shame that he feels that he has to get it through sex.

    i wish i could provide all the love needed for everyone that needs it.

    my heart hurts. i'm incapable of hating people. the reason i can't hate people is because i know that they all feel pain.

    my advice: don't give sex when love and attention are needed. two very different things.

    my step-father confused the two when i was six and seven. at the time i had never felt so loved in my life but afterwards... can't hate the bastard even now because something hurt him enough to want to do it. i guess god did what i wanted and put someone else's pain onto me.

By Isolde on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 06:05 pm:

    Ok, so he's an assassin, nome of zurich, kthulu, discordian, member of the network...or...what...(Can anyone tell what card game I've been playing lately? Does anyone even know to which card game I refer? Does anyone care?)
    Anyway. As long as I get the IRS< I'm happy.

By Isolde on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 06:08 pm:


By semillama on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 07:13 pm:

    You've been playing the INWO card game, haven't you?

    I played the INWO/Subgenius game a few times.

    "he's no longer a member of the bavarian illuminati."

    Man, you are ALWAYS a member of the BAvarian Illuminati, there's no getting out.

By Mavis on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 07:25 pm:

    yeah, even I am a member of the Bavarian Illuminati, though I've never been!

By Isolde on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 08:05 pm:

    Yay! I'm so glad someone else plays Illuminati. The thing is, I don't even like to play it. But other people do, so I kind of understand how it works, etc.

By Cat on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 08:22 pm:

    World domination should never be left to chance. Neither should Voodoo Economics.

By crimson on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 09:22 pm: pilate IS still a member of the bavarian illuminati. congratulations to the whole class for seeing right through his pathetic attempts to deny it.

    i've got a head full of sleeping pills...feeling woozy. pilate will probably pop up here in the middle of the night. he's got the key. so does pug. they drop in whenever the mood suits them. i don't even have to be awake. they just come watch TV or sleep on the couch or talk to the rat when they're lonely.

    belljar...i hear what you're saying. don't worry. pilate's actually taking pretty good care of the kid. he bought him some shoes & has been making sure he's eating OK. & he's got a warm place to sleep if he needs it (& even pilate's floor beats a church doorway, where the kid's apparently been crashing). we're weird fuckers, but we're kind-hearted. pilate's just being upfront in expressing his concerns here. it's not like he's saying any of this crap to brendan (the kid), around whom he's remarkably stable.

    i'm about to fall over at the keyboard. bedtime for bonzo.

    my computer nearly crashed yesterday. i wigged out. it bothered me that i freaked out about it so much...i mean, yeah, a good part of my work involves being online. but i also felt some sort of social disconnection. i probably need more friends whose names don't end in ".com"...i'm on this beast waaaay too much. it's also a communal machine...pug & pilate & ren use it, too. anyway, if i suddenly disappear, it's because i either got disconnected or died...what's the diff?

    i just fell asleep at the keyboard. time for me to fly.

    23 skiddoo.

By Jay on Monday, July 10, 2000 - 10:57 pm:

    i love that reo speedwagon song.
    time for me to fly.

By Pilate on Tuesday, July 11, 2000 - 09:03 am:

    REO speedwagon gives me the hives.

    Just rolled in from an extended drive. One of the kids wanted to go for a ride. The one who's old enough to fuck. The one who always leaves. What the hell. I've been in one of those moods as of late. The kind of mood in which I'd rather be dragged through the mud than be lonely. We had a good time, though. Talked about sex but did nothing about it. We were talking and riding and eating weird food at a truck stop where some hugeass trucker who looked like Mr. Clean appeared to be flirting with us. Or at least giving us the eye like he wanted something.

    Maybe Mr. Clean just realized that I'm part of the Illuminati and was looking for favors.

By Pilate on Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 01:42 pm:

    Blondie stayed with me. Like overnight and everything. It doesn't mean anything major, it was just nice. Very laid back and pleasant. Damn, I love having somebody to hold at night. That means a lot to me. It's silly and pointless but I just love it.

    We kissed a lot at one point. That was so cool. I know, kissing is just foreplay and all that. Kid stuff. But there are moments when it can be almost hotter than actually getting it on with someone. If it's done right. And it was done quite right.

    I'm not in love or anything. Just feeling lucky that I had a good time and that he chose to stay. I'm easily amused.

    I'm also slightly hung over but that's another story.

By Bell_jar on Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 03:16 pm:

    i have trouble sleeping alone. i'm trying to get back into the habit. i try to sleep at least one in seven in my own bed all by myself. i need a bed mate, nothing sexual just someone to touch feet with in the middle of the night.

    i bought a cat to sleep with, but the damn thing bites my nose while i'm sleeping.

    i wish i had someone to kiss. fuck.

By Pilate on Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 03:27 pm:

    At least your cat just bites your nose at night. I once had a cat that clawed my balls at night.

    Sleeping alone is such a drag. I agree, sleeping with somebody doesn't even have to be a sex thing. Just a human warmth kinda thing.

    I haven't had anyone to kiss in so long it's been ridiculous. This is a godsend. Again, it's not a heavy romantic thing. It's just a basic reassurance that I'm still human. I was beginning to doubt it.

By Isolde on Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 04:53 pm:

    I'm so glad someone else thinks that. I was beginning to think I was crazy for wanting a body to sleep with. There's something about it that's just incomparable, eh?

By Gee on Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 07:05 pm:

    I love sleeping by myself. I like to roll around a lot during the night. Kick my feet out and strech across the bed. Plus I occasionally snore and drool and talk in my sleep, and I don't need anyone to witness that.

By crimson on Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 07:08 pm:

    yeah. there's something intensely comforting about sleeping w/ somebody. i tend to be a definite loner, but even i love having bed-buddies. of course, i kinda have a permanent one now, but still...

    i used to sleep w/ some of my former bandmates when we were traveling, just to have someone to sleep next to. it was platonic. hubby knew about it. didn't care.

    i tried to snuggle w/ a friend recently when we had to share the same bed in a hotel room. she didn't seem to want any part of it. what a pity.

    in my first year of college, i used to snuggle w/ my roommate. we snuggled all year long. people thought we were sick & weird. oh, well. their problem.

By Isolde on Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 07:17 pm:

    I talk in my sleep too. I'm sure all kinds of classified tapes are being compiled against the day I actually try to do something with myself.
    I'm going to go watch monks with funny hats chant for world peace tonight. Wish me luck?

By N.b. on Wednesday, July 12, 2000 - 11:44 pm:

    Wish the world luck

By Jay on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 12:38 am:

    i like sleeping in closets.
    i had an apartment once that had a huge closet with a closing door. sort of like a small extra room. i brought my bed in there and thats where i slept.
    no matter how long you were in there your eyes never adjusted to the dark because absolutely no light got in there for your eyes to pick up on.
    sort of a sensory depravation thing. i loved it.
    total black.

By Bell_jar on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 01:26 am:

    mark thomas wrote me an email once about loving closets. i don't remember how it went, something about when he moves into new places he always sits in the closet for a while.

By crimson on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 03:00 am:

    i lived in a place that had a lot of psychic phenomena (i.e., it was haunted out the ass). even skeptics would admit that there was something seriously wrong w/ the place.

    one of the hot spots was a walk-in closet. the sound of people talking & stomping could be heard nearly 24 hours a day. the stomping was nearly unbearable at times. open the door & nobody would be in there, of course. it used to scare the hell out of people. it was really difficult to find anyone to stay overnight w/ me after a while. my husband, when we first met, was skeptical when i told him about the haunted house i lived in. within hours, he was a skeptic no more.

    i don't know why the ghosts--or whatever--liked the closet so much. but they did. i've had a bit of apprehension about walk-in closets ever since. i doubt you could get me to sit in one in the dark.

    the ghosts also liked shattering my plates against the wall. but that's another story.

By Jay on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 08:20 am:

    that closet shit sounds pretty creepy. although i would like to experience something that undeniably supernatural. i've seen a ghost before, like where i saw it, rubbed my eyes and looked and it was still there kind of shit. but to hear all kinds of commotion coming from an empty closet. wierd.

By crimson on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 09:27 am:

    it was beyond weird. it was a very old house that had been divided into 4 apartments. the apartment below me had major problems, too. a ghost manifested down there...a blue glowing lady. after she showed up, animals started dying left & right.

    when i would leave the place, i'd turn out the lights. when i got outside, all the lights would come back on, all at once. the whole damn place would light up. there were weird, elongated shapes that popped up & wiggled under the bedsheets, pushing up the blankets & crawling up toward me (that's what really flipped my husband out). plates suddenly smashed against the wall. downstairs, the telephone would dial its own number over & over; you could see the keys depressing w/o being touched (this phenomenon follwed the resident when she moved to a new place). weird alarms sounded for no apparent reason, unbearably loud. & that damn closet...endless stomping. it always sounded like massive amounts of people were in the closet.

    a psychic came over & said that a very pissed-off teenage ghost was my problem. a dead 14-year-old. several people came over & talked to him on a ouija board.

    more earthly problems w/ the place included a serial rapist in the neighborhood & the discovery of a severed human arm in a nearby dumpster. & a stalker who wrote my name on my front door in blood.

    i dunno. i'm just glad that i moved.

By Jay on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 09:54 am:

    holy shit! you should've called one of those tv shows. like the one with leonard nemoy or something. mysteries of the something or other.
    the shit with the bedsheets would've gotten to me too.
    how long did you live there?
    where was this?

By crimson on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 10:19 am:

    this was in central arkansas. i lived in that apartment for about 4 years or so. very cheap rent. the owner of the house wouldn't admit to the place having any problems whatsoever. i actually thought about bringing more attention to the place, but i was trying to be cool w/ the landlady, who didn't want any negative publicity getting out about the house (it already had a rep...not so much for the hauntings, but for the festive whorehouse-like atmosphere, due to decades of complete debauchery). before i moved in, i knew about the place & partied on the lawn. you'd have to step over the bodies of the drunks on the sidewalk to get out of there. also, if you couldn't get laid anywhere else in town, you could always show up there. i'm not sure what the level of psychic activity was before i moved in. but after i moved in (& especially after a close friend moved in downstairs), all hell broke loose.

    my friend & i have both had problems since moving from that place. she's got a lot more psychic weirdness than i do, though. she's got some sort of weird creature that manifests in her office & a really pissed-off spirit in her attic. me, i've mostly got audio phenomenon here. my husband's voice can be plainly heard when he's not here & he hears my voice when i'm gone. but that's nothing compared to what i went through at the other place.

    other weirdness here: (1) a strong floral scent suddenly overtook the house & then a dark-haired woman showed up in the back bedroom for about a minute. (2) i had the strong sensation of something or someone watching me in the middle of the night. i got the creeps & decided to go to bed. as i was walking toward the bedroom, a very clear, deep, bass voice suddenly said, "GOODNIGHT".

    i said "goodnight" back & asked it kindly to please not frighten me again. i haven't heard it since.

    it would make sense if my present apartment is haunted. i live right next to a huge graveyard. as my husband often observes, what's to say that the bodies actually stop at the stone fence surrounding it? my place may very well be built on an older part of the cemetery.

    still, by comparison, it's much, much calmer than the other apartment.

By Jay on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 10:25 am:

    I think maybe it might not be so much the houses as it is you. maybe spirits and such are attracted to you, and your friend, regardless of where you go. maybe you have some sort of vibe or aura around you that is attractive to supernatural, otherworldly shit.
    i'm jealous.

By crimson on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 10:50 am:

    or maybe i'm just nuts. i've also considered that possibility.

    but far too many people have seen the stuff besides me, especially at that one apartment (let's just call it Hell House), for it to be a total delusion.

    pilate can vouch for the creepiness of Hell House. he's been there a few times (he & i knew each other a long time ago, lost touch, & then ended up getting back together).

    another really bizarre thing about Hell House was a really tall, rust-colored figure w/ a glowing hand. a LOT of people saw him near me. the only things he ever said (he only spoke a few times) were "burn" & "hurt". although he creeped me out, i felt sorry for him. the voice sounded really warped & weird. hair-raising stuff. he was seen by a whole group of young girls one day. they freaked out & said a figure was flying over my head. they described my other-worldly roommate. he had started following me out of the house. for a couple of weeks, tons of people were suddenly freaking out & telling me they saw a figure either near me or hovering over my head.

    nothing like that happens to me here.

    however, my friend frequently sees black, shadowy figures who suddenly pop up along the highway as she's driving. i've spent the night a few times in her present house & i really can't sleep well there. which is an understatement. i love her to death, but her house gives me the willies.

By cyst on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 11:54 am:

    please. I'm moving into an old building this weekend.

    my breakfast caught on fire this morning. (I've been putting corn tortillas in the toaster and they get stuck.)

    I've been getting invited to movie screenings through my job. today I could go see "what lies beneath," but I know I won't have time. because here I am, nearly 9 a.m., fucking around on the computer at home.

By cyst on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 11:58 am:

    "what lies beneath" -- I wonder if that means the house was built on an old indian cemetery or something.

    I think I've already told you guys how for a while I thought that "where the heart is" was the david duchovny/minnie driver flick about the cardiac patient.

    last night a friend took me out for ethiopian food. we split a $7.99 vegetarian combination platter and couldn't even finish it. who needs the new economy when there are ethiopian restaurants?

By Spider on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 12:05 pm:

    My old house was probably haunted (you could hear someone getting a drink in the kitchen -- hear water being poured, hear a glass being set on the counter, hear the floor creak -- in the middle of the night when the kitchen was empty [and I know it was empty because I would always go to check]....and once when I was about 6 I woke up to see a woman [not my mother] standing by my bed). Nothing particularly frightening.

    Only two strange things have happened in this house. The first happened right after we moved in -- I was playing in the basement with my cousin B. and all of a sudden she stopped what she was doing and looked toward a corner of the basement that's near this big gaping cubby-hole type thing. She said, "did you see that?" and then described a creature that was covered in eyes who said "this is the wrong house" and then disappeared. I believe she really saw something, only because she's too dumb and completely lacking in imagination to make up something like that.

    Then recently, I woke up and heard strange scratching noises coming from my closet, and when I got up to investigate, i couldn't see anything that could be causing them. They started up again after I closed the door.

    How boring.

    Tell us more, Crimson and Jay!

By Jay on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 12:38 pm:

    Crimson's doing all the telling. i'm as amazed as anyone.
    i have always wondered about ethiopian food though. isn't everyone fucking starving over there? i didn't realize they had culture, i thought they just ate whatever they could get their hands on.
    i know that sounds bad and i don't really think that but i must admit the first time i heard of an ethiopian restaurant i was like "what the fuck?"
    once when i was about twelve i woke up in the middle of the night from a bad dream. i was at the age where i didn't think i should be a wuss and go sleep with my parents but the dream had me spooked. so i got up and walked towards their room. i was standing outside their door trying to decide whether or not to go. the back door to our house is off the living room where i was standing and it was a really stormy night and suddenly the fucking thing just blew open, but without a sound. i stood there staring at it. like at all the moments in the middle of the night when i could've been standing there the door had to blow open then. so i walked over to it really slow the whole time feeling like someone in a horror movie who's about to get axed and the whole audience is yelling "run, dumbass, get the fuck out of there" but i reached out and pulled it shut.
    we always kept that door locked to.

By Isolde on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 08:22 pm:

    My house is haunted. If I had a closet, it's sleep in it. Sometimes I sleep under my bed, though, since it's raised. I like confined sleeping spaces.
    That's my favorite place to sleep. People think I'm nuts if I sleep in their bathroom, though. Whatever.

By Bell_jar on Thursday, July 13, 2000 - 09:40 pm:

    i have a thing for bathrooms. i always go there when i feel sad. i somehow feel safe curled up on the floor of a bathroom where the door is locked. when my grandfather died i went to the bathroom of the funeral parlor and laid there for the longest time.

    but what i really wanted to tell was about my "spirit" experience that i had a few weeks ago. i was doing some volunteer work at an upward bound program at the indian nations university (which at one time had been a boarding school for first nation's people... you know children torn away from their homes and not allowed to practice their cultural beliefs). it was the last night of the program and one of the children came into the room looking very spooked and said that he had seen a spirit. none of the adults in the room laughed at him or patronized him. it was amazing. i know that within my white middle class midwestern culture all adults would have laughed their asses off and not believed that i had encountered something.

    their treatment of this young man was with the utmost respect.

    so it wasn't as interesting as things in the sheets, but a lesson in culture that i thoroughly enjoyed.

By Biro on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 12:01 am:

    My only weird event was a painting , one of those old victorian type, hanging over a mantel - I thought why would anyone put a painting of such an old crone, I mentioned this to my boyfriend who said it was a man not a woman, we both put it down to smoking too much pot. The next day I hurried downstairs to look at the painting and I still couldn't see what he saw, I asked everyone in the house to describe that painting, it was NOT what I was looking at. Our conclusions where that I was maybe seeing another painting underneath.

By Jay on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 12:08 am:

    like looking at a picture of a cat and seeing a skunk?

By Antigone on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 12:53 am:

    I haunt places. Parts of me stay behind when I leave. I'm going to stay where I am. I don't have much left.

By crimson on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 05:09 am:

    regardless of how spooky the supernatural stuff can be, i'd almost rather be dealing w/ that sort of thing right now than w/ my real-life neighbors. the bastards just woke me up again, yelling & hollering out on the lawn after 3:00 AM. i wish to god they'd get evicted. i don't know why the landlord just lets them go on & on like this.

    as for the supernatural stuff, there are people who won't go in the spare bedroom here. one houseguest finally freaked out last year & called somebody to exorcise it. almost all of the psychic phenomena here has been confined to the hallway & spare bedroom.

    i have a number of books here...magickal grimoires for conjuring up spirits. several people have suggested that because i have this stuff lying around, weird spirits may start popping up. then again, people also told me when i was a kid that if i ever owned a copy of "the 6th & 7th books of moses", demons would come sew numbers into my skin. i've owned a copy for years & i haven't awakened w/ any numbers embroidered on me. the "6th & 7th books of moses" are also known as "the weimar bible" & when i grew up, owning a copy was almost as bad as selling your soul to satan. but i've had a copy on my bookshelf now for a long time & nothing bad has happened.

By Fetidbeaver on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 05:55 am:

    The haunting is caused by "Old Man Withers" I saw it on Scooby Doo!

By crimson on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 06:16 am:

    hey, if you saw it on scooby-doo, it must be true! scooby-doo: a mere cartoon, or a clever explanation of all the mysteries of the universe?

    i think the scooby-doo gang is also part of the bavarian illuminati.

    if only i could be as cool as velma....

By Jay on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 08:08 am:

    i'm sorry to be so ignorant of things religous but it's never really been my bag. whats in the 6th and 7th books of moses that makes them so bad. and wasn't moses a holy guy?

By crimson on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 08:24 am:

    the 6th & 7th books of moses are mostly used in voodoo rituals. they're not really by moses. they're from the 16th or 17th century. the book contains seals...odd "spirit-art". you cut out (or hand-copy) the various seals & anoint them w/ voodoo oils & powders. some of them can be carried in a mojo bag or on one's person; others are ritually burned. people either consider these seals satanic, or extremely lucky. there's also a book called "8th 9th & 10th books of moses", but i haven't seen it.

    that used to freak me out as a kid, the stories about demons sewing numbers (usually 3, 6, 13, or 666) into your skin.

By Jay on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 08:36 am:

    yeah, thats hardcore shit. like something out of Hellraiser. hellraisin. hellraisin bran.

By J on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 01:00 pm:

    What lie beneath is about a man who had an affair,somehow the woman died and comes back to haunt Harrison Ford and his wife.I saw the trailer when I saw Me,Myself,and Irene the other day.We have a ethiopian resturant in Tempe,I have not ate there yet,but when I first saw it advertised I remember thinking "what are they serving sand"? When I was little,I thought I saw a monster in my window,I was running across the house ,trying to get to my parents room,the devil got me in the hall and I couldn,t move or when I tried to scream,no sound came out.It was all so real,finally my screams were heard and my parents got me and let me sleep with them.The next day there were cat paw prints in the snow,by my window,but that doesn,t explain the devil.

By Jay on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 01:17 pm:

    i used to have this dream where i was staring satan right in the eyes and couldn't turn my head away. hated it. or i needed to punch someone and couldn't get any force behind it.

By Biro on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 01:59 pm:

    Cool- back to anal talk again. I wondered how long it would take. My sister a very unimaginative person told me she saw fairies at our local park, I suppose she was about 10 at the time, I always envied her for that, at that age I had a recurring dream of a huge bomb blocking the kitchen door, it was really scary to me. Why the kitchen? I was a scrawny thing so it was not a food fetish. Maybe it was the kitchen being the hub of the house, dunno.

By Biro on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 02:02 pm:

    The dream of punching and having no force behind is one of my dreams too, also screaming and just a squeak coming out of my mouth. That was a sure sign to get into bed with mum and dad.

By Fetidbeaver on Friday, July 14, 2000 - 11:39 pm:

    I had a dream that I was married to Satan.....wait a minute that wasn't a dream......I really am....

By Antigone on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 02:18 am:

    Don't say Satan.


By Antigone on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 02:18 am:

    It makes my left testical twitch.

By Bell_jar on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 08:29 am:

    i used to have anxiety dreams all of the time. normally i would be in my grandparent's house (i pretty much grew up there) or in a car and some bad person would be trying to get in, i would run around trying to lock all of the doors before the bad guys got in. i would always get to the last door a little too late or i'd forget which direction to turn the lock... i would then struggle to hold the door closed.

    before i started on my medication (which i have just recently gotten off of)i had these dreams weekly since early teen years. i haven't had one in a few months.

By Antigone on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 12:15 pm:

    I used to have dreams called "night terrors." I had them alot when I was a kid. Once it was so bad that, in my sleep, I got up and ran to a friend's house three blocks away, screaming, nearly naked. I still have them occasionally, but not that bad. The last one I can remember was... almost eight years ago I think.

By Isolde on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 01:54 pm:

    Yeah, I like to sit in my bathroom when I'm sad, too. People think that's really wierd. they must think I puke a lot or something. At any rate, the house I'm in now doesn't have a good "sad" bathroom, because all the components of the bathroom are scattered over the house. The toilet's in one room, the shower in another, the ig sink/mirror in where, exactly, should I go to be sad?

By Bell_jar on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 04:00 pm:

    i had a dream about your house. the scattered bathroom house.

By Jay on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 04:33 pm:

    so how scattered is it? do you have to the dirty bum shuffle from the toilet to where the toilet paper holder is?
    has anyone ever actually wiped there ass with a leaf while shitting in the woods?

By Bell_jar on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 05:03 pm:

    i've used a hand full of dead grass when i went to carlsbad (sp?) caverns in new mexico.

By crimson on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 05:24 pm:

    my dad tried using a leaf one time, out in the wilds of montana. he reached for some nearby poison ivy plants.

    he reports that it was a most sobering & unpleasant experience.

By sPIDER on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 07:26 pm:

    My brother did that when he was five. No one ever acted like they felt bad for him, either...they just laughed. Poor kid.

By Antigone on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 07:29 pm:

    I've wiped my ass with a leaf. I've scraped it
    with a stone, too.

    Isolde, you caused me great pain with an
    involuntary testicular spasm. That was very not
    nice. You're icky.

By Biro on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 07:37 pm:

    Many a time have I reached for a leaf, no problems with poison ivy, the worse thing for me is newspaper, when you gotta go you gotta go but a piece of foliage is far softer on the bum than newspaper. Too many dingleberries in using newspaper for my liking.

By Jay on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 08:44 pm:

    i only shit in the woods once when i was a little kid. it felt weird squatting and not sitting on the pot. it was early in the morning and all the leaves were wet. it didn't help that the only reason i resorted to pooping in the woods was that i had a massive case or the squirts.
    need i say it was a little messy.

By semillama on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 09:12 pm:

    A vital part of any archaeological field kit is the roll of TP. I don't worry so much about the Poison Ivy, more so that some tick is going to leap on my ass and dig in.

By Antigone on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 10:12 pm:

    Hence the stone.

By Isolde on Sunday, July 16, 2000 - 12:24 am:

    I'm sorry. Shall I kiss it and make it better?
    No, the toilet paper holder is next to the toilet. I'm rather honored you had a drean about my house, though--explain.

By JusMiceElf on Sunday, July 16, 2000 - 08:25 am:

    I actually kind of like doing the squat. There is the plan ahead factor though, of trying to get a hole dug before your sphincter relaxes on you. Sometimes it's a race against time.

    I organized a a privy-building project once. A little wooden box in the woods in what was once a sheep fold, up the hill from the trail and a nearby campsite. Everyone complained that it was too far away, but if we'd made it any closer, they would have complained that there was no privacy. It's nice, it's one of those open ones, rather than a fully enclosed outhouse. It smells lots better, and it's great sitting up there with the woods all around.

    TP is fine by me, and I don't mind leaves and stones, but I'm not sure I'm down with the colonial practice of using corncobs. And the Sears catalog is right out.

By Fetidbeaver on Sunday, July 16, 2000 - 09:59 am:

    How about using pages from Catcher In The Rye?

By Pilate on Sunday, July 16, 2000 - 10:07 am:

    Funny how this thread, generated by my creeping angst and whining about sex, has devolved into a chat about the joys and hazards of outdoor ass-wiping. How appropriate.

    I'm not feeling quite so much angst, for the moment. I was awakened a while ago by an Earth shattering handjob. Nice, very nice. I do love a young man who knows what to do with his hands. Waking up with someone lovingly massaging your hard-on isn't exactly the worst way to greet the morning. Better than Folger's in your fucking cup.

    The transvestite's still coming around, but he hasn't been in drag the past few times I've seen him. The blond is still coming around too, in more ways than one, and it was his hand that so tenderly woke me up this morning. He sneaked into my room, reached under the covers and grabbed the first thing that popped up.

    The Sears catalog is right out for me, too. Ditto corncobs.

By Bell_jar on Sunday, July 16, 2000 - 11:57 am:

    i had the dream a few weeks, maybe a month ago. i don't remember all of the dream, but i do remember that each room had pieces of a bathroom in it. i think i was trying to get my kids back living with me (in life i have no children, but in the dream i did). someone was coming to inspect the house. i was trying to move the bath tub into another room. i hadn't thought much more of it until you made your post.

    a lot of my dreams mean something, i'm not sure if this meant something.

    once i dreamt that there was a big dinner being held at my house, and my godparents came. we were all sitting around the table when my godfather looked at me, he smiled then turned white and slumped over in pain. the next day my mother was called, my godfather's colon had burst in the night and he was in the hospital. he died shortly after. i saw it happen.

    i dreamt of a classmate of mine. she was getting married, her wedding dress was a little too big though. next day she showed us her engagement ring, she'd been proposed to the night before. the ring needed to be sized it was too big.

By Isolde on Sunday, July 16, 2000 - 02:00 pm:

    I've always been a big fan of thimbleberry leaves for ass-wiping, actually--large, soft, and fuzzy. All one really needs in life. The Sears catalogue is kinda slick, don't you think? But pages from Catcher in the Rye--excellent idea.
    I felt really bad for my cat this morning. He had somehow swallowed some of my hair, which is really long, and I had to pull it out of his butt.

By Jay on Sunday, July 16, 2000 - 09:03 pm:

    No cat talk in here. go over to Thank you Dopple for all that.
    i had a dream once that eric clapton died. i was really bummed about all the great music he had left in him and how now all that was gone. the next day i heard that his son had died.

By Cat on Sunday, July 16, 2000 - 10:48 pm:

    cat, kitten, tabby, feline, fur, siamese, calico, nine lives, collar, paws, purr, miaow, burmese, kitty, fat cat, mice, kitty litter, furball.

    Smack me!

By M on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 12:47 am:

    Isolde, if you just stand on the hair and let them walk away, they usually will. As for Catcher - a paramount idea.

By moonit on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 12:50 am:

    urgh, I cant go without a toilet.

    Is that wierd?

By Isolde on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 12:57 am:

    I prefer the comfort of my own porcelin God myself. But, in a pinch...

By Jay on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 08:06 am:

    funny you should use the word "pinch". i remember the first time i heard the phrase "pinching a loaf" i thought it was the funniest thing i'd ever heard. just the image.
    i know i'm obsessed.

By Kalliope on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 08:31 am:

    i can't use a public bathroom when someone else is in the room.

    case in question: got out of class the other day and had to pee really bad so ran to the womans room. pull down the pants, sit down, all ready, when the feminist cunt from class comes in (i could see her little blonde bob-head through the cracks in the stall). my bladder freezes. i had to sit there for 4 minutes listening to that bitch pee before i could do it myself.

    ugh, maybe im odd.

By Jay on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 09:57 am:

    Good thing you're not a guy. standing at the urinal for four minutes might seem a little odd. i don't think i've seen even the oldest of old boys stand and piss for four minutes, although some of those oldtimers can go for a while. it's funny they whistle and hum while they piss. bust a fart while pissing in a bathroom full of strangers and not give a damn. then most of the old boys spit down into the urinal before flushing.
    thats the one thing i look forward to about getting old, taking those long ass pisses with style.

By Bell_jar on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 10:21 am:

    i know a guy who can't pee while others are peeing. he calls it "shy bladder." he uses the stalls in the mens rooms. sits down, takes his time. he'd kick my ass if he knew i was writing this.

By Pilate on Monday, July 17, 2000 - 05:48 pm:

    Well, it doesn't have anything to do with my bathroom habits, but let me tell you about my fucked up day.

    Rewind a few hours. Crimson picks up the phone and there's some kid crying like hell. He finally asks for me, knowing damn well that I'm there. Sure as shit, it's our old pal, Brendan (the transvestite).

    Some workers found him. He'd been goofing around on their loading dock and slipped and fell. Sprained the piss out of his ankle. Didn't know who to call.

    So of course, he called me.

    And of course, being a fucking idiot, I paid his doctor bill and got the silly little shit all bandaged up. He was terrified to go to the doc because his folks might find out. He's not supposed to go home or cost them money or anything like that. But I passed him off as my nephew. He also claimed some other people he knows as his folks and nobody asked any weird questions. So far. And they probably won't, since I paid the whole thing off in cash, in another town.

    So now Sprain-Boy is munching his meds and feeling all woozy, while generally being spoiled rotten (if I ever bust myself up, please let Crimson take care of me). The ankle looks vicious. Very nasty. He'll be on crutches for a while.

    Strays. Don't you love 'em?

By Isolde on Tuesday, July 18, 2000 - 01:48 am:

    Steal his meds and run. Or not.
    I hate public bathrooms.

By crimson on Tuesday, July 18, 2000 - 06:07 am:

    pilate has, in fact, already dipped into the meds. why not? he paid for 'em.

    kid's still here. we didn't even bother moving him. he's in plenty of pain. i can relate to it, since i also sprained my ankle a few years ago & am STILL having problems w/ it (it never did heal quite right). when the injury was fresh, it hurt like a sonofabitch & people kept glibly telling me, "hey, it's just a sprain". after a while, i wanted to just punch their goddamn teeth out. yeah, it's just a sprain. & it hurts like you cannot fucking believe. i walked w/ a cane for quite a while afterward.

    i hate public bathrooms, too. i mean, i reaaally hate them. i especially hate going in after old women (you know, the wrinkled ex-debutante types who are too well-bred & genteel to sit down on the toilet seat--the ones who were raised to never sit on a public toilet seat, but to perch over the commode, instead)...they spray piss all over the seat. isn't that dainty?

    i also hate when people bring in their goddamn boys into the ladies' room to piss. i mean, boys who are far, far too old to have their mama taking them to the bathroom. they end up pissing all over the toilet seat--& more often than not, the floor. jesus. how gross.

    i must have the "shy bladder" thing, too, because i won't go in a public john if it's crowded. forget about it.

By crimson on Tuesday, July 18, 2000 - 03:46 pm:

    i epoxied two of my fingers together.

    anyway, on an unrelated note, i overheard some people talking shit behind pilate's back a while ago, just because he helped this kid out (see above). yeah. you help out some goody-two-shoes sunday school kid from a nice home & you're a hero. you help out a homeless gay kid who CAN'T go home & all of a sudden, you're satan.

    anyway, i don't know what these folks expected. maybe they expected us to just sit there & watch this boy lie there in agony, nursing what was (for all we knew) broken bones. i guess they might be the type to see another human being suffering & not do anything. of course, the people bitching about this are quite religious. they'll go sit on their antiseptic church pew this sunday & get all self-congratulatory about it. but if they saw someone suffering, well, to hell w/ that...they just couldn't be bothered.

    i shouldn't have been trying to repair patent leather w/ automotive epoxy, anyway. what WAS i thinking?

By crimson on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 03:30 am:

    just thought i'd share. a real item from the local news:

    "-------, 28, was arrested Monday...on charges of sodomy. According to a report, a warrant was obtained for -------'s arrest following an investigation about reports he had sodomized a dog behind a local motel around 2 A.M....a resident of the motel...saw him sodomizing the dog and contacted police. He was arrested Monday, taken to the Police Department, and released on bond."

    no matter how weird my life can get sometimes, at least i'm not sneaking around behind motels & getting down w/ canines.

By crimson on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 02:59 pm:

    just looked at that article again. on the same page is a story about a local baptist minister getting naked & fooling around w/ a young teenager in an after-school program "set up to provide support and a positive environment for area youth".

    and at the bottom of the page is a small Biblical sermon that ends, "...when God says don't touch it, He means don't touch it".

By TBone on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 04:07 pm:

    You have a much more exciting newspaper than we do.

By Isolde on Wednesday, July 19, 2000 - 04:25 pm:

    That sounds like our paper.

By J on Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 11:13 am:

    Sheriff Joe is planning on putting webcams in the booking room of the Madison Street Jail,so all the fellas arrested with prostitutes can wave to their wives.I think that is a good enough reason for me to keep out of trouble.I think I have mentioned that I live in Arizona,I don't do sun and I get heat sick.That time I had to go to jail for 24 hours for D..W.I,it was about this time of year,I had to be at the jail at 11 a.m.,I just assumed they would put me right in there. I was wrong,my husband stayed with me till 2 p.m. then he had to go to work.I never dreamed I'd see the day that I would beg to be put in jail,I thought I was going to spontaneous combust.They finally let me wait in the air conditioned visiting room for the inmates families.Those bastards didn,t let me in jail till after 7 p.m. Anyway too bad they don't have a webcam at your jail Crimson,I'd like to see the dog humper myself,maybe as a public service,you could post his picture at the dog pound.

By crimson on Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 12:05 pm:

    yes, indeed. a picture of the dog-humper could've been a public service--or at the very least, a source of rip-roaring entertainment. they did publish the guy's full name, though, which is probably an exercise in humiliation in itself.

    it's not the first case of dog-humping i've heard of around these parts. i was in this of the members had a huge dog. the dog's owner awakened to find some stoned guy trying to suck the dog's dick. later, they caught the guy trying to bugger the dog. they had to run the dude off at gunpoint, before he tried any other moves on the poor beast.

    i had a friend who worked in a pet shop for years. the cops returned several animals to her store after their owners had been busted for sexually molesting them. $600+ pedigree cats, used for fucktoys. bizarre.

By Jay on Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 12:38 pm:

    this guy here in florida a few years back got the idea that sticking his dick in a pool intake pipe might feel good. it ended up getting stuck from the suction and the next morning the maintenance man found him there. swim trunks around his ankles, dick in a hole. a crowd gathered, the fire department and news people called. imagine. dumbass.
    i think getting busted for fucking a dog up the ass would be worse though. thats just sick.

By crimson on Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 02:15 pm:

    i heard a story a few years ago about some guy who apparently had a fetish for dressing like various superheroes during sex. something happened, i don't know what (i think his cape might've been caught in the ceiling fan or something) & the cops had to come rescue him. he was obviously in a sexual position & he was obviously dressed like batman. all of his neighbors found out. the story was also picked up by several national press services & subsequently beamed all over the globe.

    i used to have a picture of a dead guy. he died while trying to fuck himself up the ass w/ a monstrously huge dildo.

    when i was a kid, there was a neighborhood boy who used to jerk off dogs. several other boys i knew used to stick Q-tips into female cats & fuck them when they were in heat. i also remember being about 12 & reading in a hardcore porn mag about the joys of fucking seagulls. they usually died afterward.

    on a darker note, a guy here got arrested for raping his pre-school niece w/ a soldering iron (i think). something awful like that. something hard, intrusive, & made of metal.

    another guy here in the state tried to buy a little girl over the internet to use as his sex slave. when he came to the airport to collect the girl, he was carrying gifts for her--a teddy bear & a box of condoms. he was arrested on the spot. he'll be in jail for about a thousand years.

    another guy, also here in the state, got his jollies by taking pictures of neighborhood boys & cutting the heads out of the photos, pasting them onto the bodies of nude models in gay porn mags. each pic was considered a felony & he had hundreds of them. another guy was a youth worker who had a secret camera installed & had tons of footage of local boys getting undressed. he, too, will probably be in jail until the end of time. when i was in high school, one of my classmates didn't make it to the graduation ceremony...he was in jail, instead, having been caught diddling a three-year-old.

    it's a weird world. to say the least.

By Kalliope on Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 04:53 pm:

    I heard something similar about the guy who was trying to meet the girl and got arrested. Supposedly he'd been stalking this chick for awhile via the net. However, he had moved to the west coast (or something like that) so he was out of jurisdiction and they couldnt arrest him. So they sent him emails (the police) from the woman he was stalking....her email him back to the state and arrested him at the airport.


    Weird isn't the word for it.

    However, if I ever got the opportunity to dress up like Storm from the X-men and play boppity-bop, you all know I'd do it.

By Bell_jar on Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 05:29 pm:

    i'm not grossed out or weirded out.

    just sad.

By Isolde on Thursday, July 20, 2000 - 09:41 pm:

    I'd do it too. Although I think it would only be with Toad. Just think of the possibilities of a prehensile tongue.
    People who diddle animals confuse me.

By J on Friday, July 21, 2000 - 04:26 am:

    For some sick reason,I think it is funny,and they show their faces too.

By Jay on Friday, July 21, 2000 - 08:10 am:

    imagine what homeboy with the teddy bear and the box of condoms has got waiting for him in prison. he should just slice his fucking jugular right now.

By crimson on Friday, July 21, 2000 - 08:30 am:

    agreed. but he's probably too dumb to even kill himself. the article i read about the case left the impression that this guy was seriously, unforgivably stupid. he really believed in fairy tales like internet anonymity, etc...he really thought that someone would just deliver a little girl to him as a sex slave, just like that, after exchanging a few e-mails & some cash.

    but apparently, he's smarter than the guy who raped his pre-school niece (who was, by the way, mentally handicapped). they found crude, bizarre, hand-drawn pix of the girl, putting her in sexual poses & rape scenarios. i think she was about 4 or so. major inbred hillbilly action. spooky stuff.

By Pilate on Friday, July 21, 2000 - 07:26 pm:

    Speaking of inbred hillbilly action, I'm about to go on a date.

    OK, I'm teasing. My date and I are probably the most un-hillbilly people I can think of. The Anti-Hillbillies. Kind of like the Anti-Christ, but sillier.

    Somebody's just walked in with food. Must investigate. I'll be back later, doubtless reeking of someone else's cologne.

By Pilate on Monday, July 31, 2000 - 03:44 am:

    I started this thread by complaining about a guy who was always leaving me. But he's been sticking around more now. He wants to stay with me for a week or two. And his little buddy, the (former?) transvestite with the busted ankle, is more or less living with me. Crimson and I have both been out of town in different locations, but our schedules have overlapped nicely. The kid's been staying at both my place and hers. Nobody's leaving him alone overnight. He's managed to hurt himself again. He opened a cabinet and a heavy glass jar fell out and smacked him right on his injured foot. He lay on the floor making weird squeaking noises for a long time before he finally started crying. He'll be on crutches a while longer.

    Anyway, I wonder if my little affair is going to turn into some kind of attempt at a relationship. I kinda hope so, but it's still pretty early for that sort of thing.

    My last lover moved in rather spontaneously after a whirlwind courtship (to put it mildly) and we worked out great as a couple. We were perfect together. He's dead now. I've only had one other long-term lover before that. That was my first real lover, a big muscular man (an anomaly, since I generally tend go for smaller and younger waif-like guys). An interracial relationship, which was odd, if only for watching other people's reaction to it. He moved out of state due to his work and he never came back. I didn't move with him because of my own job. The relationship just kind of rode off into the sunset.

    Crutch-Boy is still making the same assertion he's been making since I met him. His intention is to drop out of school at the ripe old age of fifteen. Funny thing, his folks have to sign the papers. They won't feed him, won't buy him clothes, won't help him at all. But amazingly they WILL sign the papers so he can drop out of school and fuck up his life. I think they should be shot. The boy's very bright but not in an academic sense. School has been a massive disaster for him. He'd rather die than go back. Ultimately, if he drops out, there's not a whole hell of a lot I can personally do about it except talk him into getting a G.E.D. as soon as possible. He's damn serious about not going back.

    Anyway, I've got a blond in my bed. Life could be worse.

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