sorabji.com: When is the last time you had sex?: ORAL SEX

By Fizz on Monday, May 3, 1999 - 08:03 am:

    Ok so well my boyfriend and i have been going out for a year.. and we only just started having sex about ummm 6 months ago. ANyhow... so like well i guess it was ok... but im sick of being asked to go down on him or for him to keep asking me if he can go down on me!!!! THe thought just repulses me!... ive tried... and ive thought about why i dont want to.. but EWWWWWW i just cant do it.

    Anyone have any ideas how to conquer my phobia?? Or does anyone else feel like me!?!?!?!

By Dr. nate M.F.C.C. on Monday, May 3, 1999 - 12:55 pm:

    hell no. everyone likes oral sex. what the fuck is wrong with you? i've never heard of a woman who didn't like going down. you must not be a woman. were you abused as a child? maybe that's the problem. maybe you're still a child. maybe you're not ready for sex. sucking cock is what most women love to do best. swallowing is also high on most women's list. i can't believe you're even asking this question. jesus christ. you need to start sucking dick as much as possible. suprise your boyfriend. suck him off on car trips and in public bathrooms. stick your fingers in his ass while you do it and call him daddy.

    and stop bleaching your mustache. shell out for the elktro-shock, it's the best investment you'll ever make. you might as well zap your crotch while you're at it. every man likes a bare cunt, and god knows it itches like hell when it grows back. a bare cunt reminds a man of his childhood, pinning little suzy down in the field and making her take her clothes off.

    there are only two things that are important to a man in a physical relationship. a bald pussy and good head. nothing is more sure to end a relationship than bad head and/or stubble. a word of the wise: eat well and keep clean.

    when it comes to eating, suggest that your man go on a week-long pineapple juice and asparagus fast. this is a good time to do this, as asparagus is in season and thus inexpensive. your man should follow this strict diet for 7-14 days:

    * 1 quart pineapple juice
    * 1 to 1 1/2 lbs asparagus

    * 1 quart pineapple juice
    * 3 lbs asparagus

    * 2 quarts pineapple juice
    * head (oral sex by you or an arranged prostitute.)

    after the perscribed 7-14 days you should give him head no fewer than 3 times a day. keep his as much of his produce (semen) in your mouth as long as possible before swallowing. the key is to have it break down from thick to thin. then swallow. do not worry about unintentional swallowing at time of ejaculation. this can be unavoidable, and should be disregarded. the key is to maintain the flavor of the semen in your mouth for as long as possible. treat the semen as you would a fluoride treatment: have nothing to eat or drink after head for at least 1/2 hour. drinking more semen excepted.

    you should continue to give your man head a minimum of three times a day for no less than 30 days. if after this period you find that you still do not like to suck cock, you do not love this man and you should abandon him.

By Swine on Monday, May 3, 1999 - 01:00 pm:

    you are a truly ill motherfucker.

    good work.

By Semillama on Monday, May 3, 1999 - 04:59 pm:

    RIght on, but poor fizz, now she'll think that a blow job means it's work. why not just smoke a few bowls and relax? Does he get you off with his fingers? Then you really oughta try the tongue. To make it fun, make jokes about it or do something like putting a whole package of Pop Rocks in your mouth then blowing him.

    Fuck, just do it. The best way to conquer your fear is to face it. I mean, it's not like his dick is going to be in your mouth 24/7.

    Unless you really start liking it.

By R.C. on Monday, May 3, 1999 - 05:43 pm:

    Give him a creme de menthe blow-job. When you're done scraping him off the ceiling/he'll be too discombublated to ask for more head for a week. Then make him take you to Tiffany's for a little present afterwards. Men lose their minds behind that shit. Truly. I once got a pair of diamond stud earrings as big as grapes behind that little trick. Plus a ver cool sliver flask/to keep some creme-de-menthe in my purse.

    And if you've got Kahula & some ice handy/you can maker After 5's w/the leftovers.

    Nate was just being natorious/so ignore him. But guys reaalllly do love getting head. It's almost unconstitutional not to do that for the man you love. If yr technique needs improvement/ask yr man to explain to you how he likes it (in his best Marvin Gaye voice). They are never shy abt offering instruction in that area.

By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Tuesday, May 4, 1999 - 08:31 am:

    "sucking cock is what most women love to do best. " -- Nate

    "sucking cock. it's not just for women anymore." -- Jim aka PajamaBoy

By Semillama on Tuesday, May 4, 1999 - 12:52 pm:

    "Prairie Squid -Fun for a girl and a boy."
    - "Bob"

    ""Make sure you de-beak them first."
    - Cock-less Albert

By Nate on Tuesday, May 4, 1999 - 01:42 pm:


By Little ANal annie on Tuesday, May 4, 1999 - 02:37 pm:

    Beyond head!!!!!
    Try taking it in the left nostril.
    Grab his beat off stick.\
    Coat it with gunk from your cootch and stick the head into your left nostril.
    Be sure to snort and blow thru your nose while he is thrusting away like a deranged rhino
    A neat trick
    Tape back your left eyelid and continually moisten it with his pink cyclops.
    Then when he climaxes direct it towards your open eye.
    It feels like a whoppin buttload of magic has just come to town.

By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Tuesday, May 4, 1999 - 04:50 pm:

    I could say so much. But words fail me right now.

By Gee on Sunday, May 9, 1999 - 06:53 pm:

    I'm so used to asking questions and never getting an answer. Nevertheless, I have another question!

    What is a "creme de menthe blow-job"?

By Slacker on Sunday, May 9, 1999 - 09:42 pm:

    does licking my own nuts count?

By R.C. on Monday, May 10, 1999 - 12:56 am:

    Gee -- Ya gotta e-mail me for the details. Becuz I hate it when folks get all specific & vulgar w/their sex related-posts. Plus it is definitely NOT a safe sex practice. (Ya can't mix condoms & alcohol.) So it wdn't be right for me to post it here.

By R.C. on Monday, May 10, 1999 - 12:57 am:

    Whoops -- here's my address.

By Hal-1 on Wednesday, May 12, 1999 - 11:33 am:

    I would like to add, that the Ice Mixer Blow Job, is a key favorite. Just place of those automatic ice maker cubes in your mouth and go down on the boy Fizz... Belive me, if he doesn't do something special for you after that ( may it be a good fucking or not) Then dumb the SOB and get it over with. DUMP HIM

By Lucy Phurre on Saturday, May 15, 1999 - 05:34 pm:

    Jesus, gotta put in my 2 cents here.
    If you don't feel comfortable doing something sexually (or otherwhise), don't.
    Well, maybe comfortable isn't the right word. I'm not saying you shouldn't explore, just that, if you choose to explore, you should explore b/c you want to, not because you think there's something wrong with you if you don't do it.

    Either you'll find yourself eventually feeling ready to do it or maybe you'll never be into it, but if he's not willing to wait for that to happen, then to hell with him.

    Everybody has different sexual quirks. Don't let anyone tell you there's something wrong with you b/c you don't like what they do.

By Cyst on Sunday, May 16, 1999 - 09:29 am:

    I know a christian woman who said she had never given her man head, and they had been married five years.

    true, he could have been cheating on her, but probably not. I am willing to believe that some men out there don't require it. but they really like it.

By Hal-1 on Friday, May 21, 1999 - 11:14 am:

    Show me a man who requires something like head,

    And I'll show you a weak man.

By Nate on Friday, May 21, 1999 - 11:50 am:

    little known fact:

    basic sexual requirements male humans:

    1 orafice with:
    a. walls that come in contact with the male gential
    b. some sort of friction relief (saliva, mucus, k-y)

    that's it.

By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Friday, May 21, 1999 - 02:50 pm:

    I am a week man then.

By PetRock on Friday, May 21, 1999 - 08:18 pm:

    Did you mean to say that you are a "weak" man?

    Or do you only get it once a week?

    Me? I'm on the hourly plan....

By Gee on Sunday, May 23, 1999 - 02:13 pm:

    >>Show me a man who requires something like head, And I'll show you a weak man.<<

    It's only weak if you have some moral opposition to it. And stop posturing. Your e-mail says Hal2.

    I may have spelt "posturing" wrong...

By heather on Sunday, May 23, 1999 - 02:44 pm:

    i think he means that it's weak to REQUIRE head, assuming also that he means in the context of a relationship. Not that appreciating head is weak, where someone might feel guilty because of moral opposition.

By Jeff gordon on Sunday, May 23, 1999 - 05:22 pm:

    i am a man.....and though i dont require it, i love it!wish it would happen more often! *S*

By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Sunday, May 23, 1999 - 11:43 pm:

    OOOpps. I meat "weak."

    How can I get on the hourly plan? and how much is the interest?

By Hal-1 on Monday, May 24, 1999 - 11:39 am:

    I belive heather had the right idea here... What I meant is simply this. If you NEED something such as oral sex, then you must re-ajust your NEEDS. I mean shit, if a woman is willing to have sex with you but refuses to suck your dick. Don't complain about it, its not a big deal. I have a finace' I get head, I have sex, but the fact is I don't whine about it or beg when she isn't in the friggin mood. I go and whack it, and you want to know something. In my opinion, there are two types of people in this world... Those who masturbate when they are frustrated and admit it. And those who lie about doing it, and you know something, I think the ones that lie do it more often.

By J on Tuesday, May 25, 1999 - 03:45 am:

    I think you and me have to go to spelling school and I think you are right.

By J on Wednesday, May 26, 1999 - 03:07 am:

    I was just kidding,I hope I didn,t hurt your feelings.Everything I posted last night should have been posted under drunken rambelings.I can,t spell worth a shit,and I agreed with you.I really mean this,I,m sorry ,you can,t get rid of this once you post it.I was just kidding.

By J on Wednesday, May 26, 1999 - 03:08 am:

    I was just kidding,I hope I didn,t hurt your
    feelings.Everything I posted last night should
    have been posted under drunken rambelings.I can,t
    spell worth a shit,and I agreed with you.I really
    mean this,I,m sorry ,you can,t get rid of this
    once you post it.I was just kidding.

By Gee on Thursday, May 27, 1999 - 05:07 am:

    Seriously J, I'm not making fun or anything, but what's the deal with the commas? I'm curious. Don't you have a um.. ' key? (whatever the heck that thingy's called again) It's right next to Enter on my board, but I understand not all keyboards were created equal.

By J on Thursday, May 27, 1999 - 01:26 pm:

    I have a comma key,but when I hit shift,I get this<.

By some sixth grade teacher on Thursday, May 27, 1999 - 04:06 pm:

    that IS a comma. for using in a sentence and i won't go into the grammar aspects ('cause i don't know them)

    the apostrophe (') is up under the quotation marks next to the enter button.

    please. please hit the spacebar after using punctuation. sorry for being so anal.

    thank you

By J on Friday, May 28, 1999 - 01:56 pm:

    ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' Oh I got it finally,damn that A.D.D.!Thanks!

By Rhino Giddy on Sunday, September 17, 2000 - 05:56 pm:

    Rhino Giddy Giddy

By pez on Monday, September 18, 2000 - 01:34 am:

    add...it's not just for losers anymore (wait...am i one?).


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