the most evil thing that i ever did What is the cruelest thing you ever did?: the most evil thing that i ever did

By Bell_jar on Wednesday, March 15, 2000 - 12:54 pm:

    my mother married a man that would just beat the hell out of her and my brother (who was only 11 or 12 at the time). he also used to eat this funky sausage stuff... so one night after he smashed a cookie jar into the side of my mothers face i get up and put rat posion in his sausage. he didn't die, but he got really sick. i was only 9 or 10. today, at 20, i don't have the spirit to do something like that. i've mellowed to dull hatred.

By J on Wednesday, March 15, 2000 - 12:59 pm:

    Hey good for you,are they still married?

By Czarina on Wednesday, March 15, 2000 - 01:10 pm:

    I'm not sure that the above should be under this thread, I don't think that could be considered
    cruel, its merely retribution.

By Nate on Wednesday, March 15, 2000 - 01:14 pm:

    if someone smashed a cookie jar into the side of my mother's face, i'd cut his nuts off and feed them to him.

By J on Wednesday, March 15, 2000 - 01:25 pm:

    Speaking as someone who took more shit than a toilet,someone who has been there,you call the cops and have the fucker locked up.

By Bell_jar on Wednesday, March 15, 2000 - 03:12 pm:

    yeah... they're still married. He doesn't beat her up anymore. though he's still emotionally abusive. i was young though... someone should've called the police for me. much bitterness towards those childhood years.

By Nate on Wednesday, March 15, 2000 - 05:28 pm:

    you can still cut his nuts off.

    it's never too late.

    you fucking pussy. she's your mom, for chrsska.

By patrick on Wednesday, March 15, 2000 - 05:34 pm:

    kill him and give her one of these

By Isolde on Wednesday, March 15, 2000 - 09:31 pm:


By Bell_jar on Thursday, March 16, 2000 - 12:08 am:

    i have this thought nowadays that human life is valuable despite the bastard things we all do... my stepfather is a fucker but i wouldn't kill him.
    she is my mother, but she's a big girl and she makes her own choices. i may not agree with these choices, but they aren't mine to make.

    as for the vacuum thing... i have to admit that i was shocked... i won't be so easy to follow suggestions made by complete strangers anytime soon.

By Isolde on Thursday, March 16, 2000 - 12:27 am:

    Welcome to Sorabji.

By BLAKESNAKE on Monday, April 3, 2000 - 03:52 am:

    I had an abusive father, he died when I was six.
    His love for alcohol instead of my mother is what took him to the grave. I used to steal his wine,
    liqour whatever he had and smash it whenever I had the chance. He beat my mother and I a time or two, we as well kicked his ass. Anyway I ended up with a DICKHEAD stepfather and a mother who is scared to find something better.....Life goes on..
    ..........and ..........on.......................
    Will things ever change?.......................
    They f-cking better..........................

By J on Monday, April 3, 2000 - 10:44 am:

    My mother use to beat me,even in my first year of highschool I had to go with strap marks on my legs.She use to say about me that you can,t make a silk purse out of a sow,s ear,she even use to act like I plotted in the womb to come out ass first.As soon as my dad died I hit the road,it was better than being with her,now she is sick and crazy.Because she is a bitch,she has no friends,my brother who she has always spoiled lives about a hundred miles away and does nothing for her but come around with his hand out,so guess who has to keep an eye out for the bitch?Yes me,when I go to the store for her she studies the receipt like I cheated her.I,d like to get her managed care,but she is such a miserable bitch,they,d kill her.

By Rhiannon on Monday, April 3, 2000 - 11:26 am:

    Maybe that's for the best?

By J on Tuesday, April 4, 2000 - 11:00 am:

    They shoot horses don,t they?

By Gee on Wednesday, April 5, 2000 - 01:19 am:

    that's almost the name of the episode of "dueSouth" that Richard Moll was in! the episode owas "They Eat Horses Don't They". It had a great scene where Ray was standing on a horse patty and Richard Moll wanted him to move so he could collect it.

    at one point Ray says: "You know what I just decided? I've just decided that you are so nuts I'm gonna let you have that patty."

    I think you really had to be there.

By Bell_jar on Wednesday, April 5, 2000 - 02:25 am:

    the most evil thing i ever did. what the hell? the most cruel thing that i've ever done? i'm keeping myself here in the world. i am torturing myself.

    damn my life and how it is. i'm so fucking screwed up!!!

    i had this idea that i was going to join americorps. i was all set to do it, and then my grandmother cried and asked me to just finish my last year of college. i had a purpose for a few weeks. now... i have a year to go... how can i make it? fuck fuck fuck. everyone in my fucking life is getting sick and dying! i'm not getting physically sick, but i'm fucking dying too. i'm 20 years old and i feel like i'm the oldest person i know. fuck GOD!!! fuck him/her. i always do things for other people. i think about others before myself. i work hard. i give everything i can, and what i can't give is stripped away from me.

    i have a piece of my soul left... but i'm losing it...

By heather on Wednesday, April 5, 2000 - 02:36 am:

    start listening to yourself

    (i'm not being facetious)

    investigate your motivations

    maybe you need to get away and heal

    maybe you need to get help (that is not meant to sound condescending)

By Bell_jar on Wednesday, April 5, 2000 - 02:23 pm:

    i'm lucky because i had a talk with my psychologist-lady this morning. things went well. i suddenly remember that things aren't going to be so awful forever because my mother isn't always going to be dying, my grandfather's death isn't always going to be so fresh in my mind, and i'm not always going to be losing the one thing that will make me happy. i have tons of loses right in front of me, and it won't always be that way. i mean i feel sucky, but things will get better... i just have to find meaning in the loses that are streamrolling me at the moment.

    i told a friend about this saying that my lady-friend told me. i'm standing on a sandbar in the ocean and the water is all around me. sometimes the water is calm, other times the waves are beating at me trying to make me fall off. well for the last few weeks the water level rose and i was still standing, but the water was above my head and i was drowning. his reply to me was... it's only water, everyone can swim.

    i can't swim well, but i know when i get too tired to swim, i can float. so here i am floating.

By Celia on Monday, April 10, 2000 - 05:03 am:

    The thing with emotional and verbal abuse is, you can never prove it, no one cares, thinking that people argue all the time, or they're just in a bad mood - all the time.

    I used to catch insects and drown them, but then again, I'm sure a lot of people did that too. I don't know why there's this fascination with death during your childhood's supposed to be the most innocent time in our lives, yet everyday we're experimenting with how far we can assert ourselves in any way possible, in every destructive or constructive manner known to us. You know there's no point in killing innocent creatures, you know you shouldn't, but you do anyways because it's like if you can control their fate, you can be God. You look at the suckers with a blank stare...there is no feeling involved. Or at most, it's actually funny. There's a strange impulse to hurt people inside (dare I be so bold to assume?) all of us. I remember stabbing a classmate in the hand with a sharpened pencil back in kindergarten. She was my friend, too, I don't know why I did it, and she was as shocked as I was. I used to be so passive, too.

    But that's hardly the most evil thing I ever did.

By Roo on Monday, April 10, 2000 - 06:18 am:

    i feel so rotten.. the most evil thing i've ever done was a couple of weeks ago to someone i don't even know. first out of curiousity, second out of lust, third out of deep emotion. i think i hurt 2 more people in the included.i've done a bad bad thing.

By DarkAlley on Monday, May 8, 2000 - 08:58 pm:

    A friend of mine worked for a guy in Durango Colorado that told him that he goes to Mexico every year and just kills someone. Just anybody off the highway. He goes to remote areas and either shoots them or hits them with his car and shoots them. Then he just drags them into the woods and never gets caught. Im not exactly sure what to do since Im not GREAT friends with this kid and he knows all the info. But, its a true story and its not the cruelist thing Ive ever done but its one of the cruelest that Ive heard of.

By Dougie on Tuesday, May 9, 2000 - 08:28 am:

    Sounds like an urban legend to me, Dark.

By DarkAlley on Tuesday, May 9, 2000 - 10:24 pm:

    Urban Legend would be nice but I know the kid that told me and coming from his mouth Im afraid I believe it.

By J on Wednesday, May 10, 2000 - 09:29 am:

    Then you should call silent witness,your creepy friend is a serial killer.

By Japalano on Monday, May 15, 2000 - 09:05 am:

    Bell_Jar, you beautiful man. i used to watch
    my old man beat up everyone in my family,
    he was psychotic and im still trying to overcome
    my feeling of being a useless fucking
    piece of shit. I mean i decked him a few
    times but only when he tried to molest me
    i could never do it when he attacked my family,
    such a fucking bitch of a man i was..

    drop me a email on,
    i'd really like to hear about your experience,
    esp. if its fucking your life up like it has

    ps: i sinced disowned my old man. dont fucking
    trade a word with him.

By Japalano on Monday, May 15, 2000 - 09:15 am:

    Pss: on the subject of er doing things
    for people. you've got some time but you
    gotta cut them off for awhile. if you dont
    make a break with your past, a clean one,
    your going to be suffering this shit man.

    i spoken to enough fifty year olds who
    followed a lifetime of devotion to tell you
    that you gotta be #1, sort yourself out,
    then you help people,

    as the man says, earth is green, sky is blue
    naturally help people..

    but first help your fucking self. right on!

    im 27. still trying.

By semillama on Monday, May 15, 2000 - 12:38 pm:

    Bell_jar is a woman.

By Japalano on Tuesday, May 16, 2000 - 03:25 am:

    who gives a fuck. she's also a liar.

    In one thread she claims her father has
    died of AIDS. In another she claims her mother is
    still living with him.

    woman. man.

    voracious curiosity.

    probably a testicular cancer group therapy
    fan.. you know. a la fight club.


By semillama on Tuesday, May 16, 2000 - 01:29 pm:

    citations please, I don't remember those threads.

    post the links here if you want.

By semillama on Tuesday, May 16, 2000 - 01:39 pm:

    Are you confusing her stepfather with her biological father?

By Dougie on Tuesday, May 16, 2000 - 02:43 pm:

    He's a douchebag, not worth the effort of confronting, semillama.

By semillama on Tuesday, May 16, 2000 - 07:22 pm:

    I just am curious about all this - i seriously don't remember Bell_jar saying her dad had died of AIDS.

The Stalking Post: General goddam chit-chat Every 3 seconds: Sex . Can men and women just be friends? . Dreamland . Insomnia . Are you stoned? . What are you eating? I need advice: Can you help? . Reasons to be cheerful . Days and nights . Words . Are there any news? Wishful thinking: Have you ever... . I wish you were... . Why I oughta... Is it art?: This question seems to come up quite often around here. Weeds: Things that, if erased from our cultural memory forever, would be no great loss Surfwatch: Where did you go on the 'net today? What are you listening to?: Worst music you've ever heard . What song or tune is going through your head right now? . Obscure composers . Obscure Jazz, 1890-1950 . Whatever, whenever General Questions: Do you have any regrets? . Who are you? . Where are you? . What are you doing here? . What have you done? . Why did you do it? . What have you failed to do? . What are you wearing? . What do you want? . How do you do? . What do you want to do today? . Are you stupid? Specific Questions: What is the cruelest thing you ever did? . Have you ever been lonely? . Have you ever gone hungry? . Are you pissed off? . When is the last time you had sex? . What does it look like where you are? . What are you afraid of? . Do you love me? . What is your definition of Heaven? . What is your definition of Hell? Movies: Last movie you saw . Worst movie you ever saw . Best movie you ever saw Reading: Best book you've ever read . Worst book you've ever read . Last book you read Drunken ramblings: uiphgy8 hxbjf.bklf ghw789- bncgjkvhnqwb=8[ . Payphones: Payphone Project BBS . torturechamber . . receipts . contact