the war.... What are you afraid of?: the war....

By patrick on Monday, June 26, 2006 - 04:51 pm:

    my ex has started with me for reduced custody of my child which now stands at 50/50.

    as of last monday i knew it was coming, just didnt know why.

    i was served papers saturday morning and now i know why, or at at least her justifications.

    some of her reasons are beyond absurd. to give you an example, because my girlfriend and i are facing a move upon the sale of our house that we rent, i am slapped with an 'unstable household' charge.

    because i mentioned to her a while back i have considered ditching the day job to go fulltime freelance this is thrown back at me. something that hasnt and probably won't happen anytime soon, but a slight utterance is now thrown at me as a reason i should be a weekend daddy. meanwhile nico has been freelance for the lasts 3 years.

    nico is pregnant and now looking at a shotgun wedding with a prick she met on myspace two years ago (set sail for success!) while we still lived under the same roof. nate called it when he said im "in her way" in a total overhaul of her reality and past and redefining her future.

    recently eva exhibited anxiety and stress after she spent 5 days with her mom (because I was traveling for work) by stress i mean, the child was having hyperventillating fits and vomitting resisting simple tasks like brushing teeth and going to bed or getting desert after dinner. tasks that have NEVER been a problem outside the realm for a 3 year old. but i know first hand her mother is more concilliatory to eva. she gives in to her. im loving and firm, something that is essential to a 3 year old. in return, i get a very very well behaved child who is learning respect while also allowed to be a kid. regardless of these parenting-style decisions, im being blamed for eva's reactions. its MY fault eva was freaking out. if my daughter so much as gets a scratch, im labeled a bad father by this woman.

    eva props up her mothers self image, a much needing thing to this woman. the attention eva gets, nico needs. nico doesnt lead the party life anymore. her fiance doesnt drink. she doesnt take off her clothes, dances on bar tables to validate her need to be good enough anymore, so now she does it through her child. and having her child half the week isnt enough. so she has set her sights on me.

    apparently im also "coaching" eva against her mother. total fuckin projection as ive never said a bad word about her mother in eva's presence, ever because i know the damage of that. moreover, i've actually heard her denigrate me to eva, in my presence no less. total fucking psychotic projection.

    it's a horrible horrible feeling. i know i'm a decent father and i know how important it is that im in her life equally so i wont stop fighting.

    ive had to ask for help for legal funds, for the first time since we seperated.

    our divorce was just finalized not to long ago so i thought we were done with this shit.

    but back come the sleepless nights, the dissolution of my stomach lining and the loss of a few pounds, something i dont regret around my mid section.

    what is sad is the money that we will both spent will never benefit our daughter, and will only take its toll on the three of us, most notably eva. the lack of foresight for this totally delusional woman to see this makes it terribly hard. at this point i cant make sense of anything and i certainly don't know what she will do next. when i turned eva to her care on saturday as usual, i wondered if there will be a problem getting her back on wed as usual. and this is where my fear comes in.

    im interviewing lawyers and will fight this tooth and nail. if there's every been a reason to fight, its her.

    i'll keep you posted.

By semillama on Monday, June 26, 2006 - 05:52 pm:

    Good luck, patrick. We are all with you.

By J on Monday, June 26, 2006 - 06:03 pm:

    Patrick,take it from me,from a loving grandmother that hasn't seen her first grandson for three years this month,she'll play alot dirtier than this.When they want you out,they will stoop to making false abuse charges.Please read up on Parental alienation syndrome.I've sent you some e-mails at your accustat address,guess you've changed it.If I can help in anyway,let me know.I'm so sorry to hear this.

By patrick on Monday, June 26, 2006 - 06:20 pm:

    funny, nate and i were just discussing parental alienation syndrom. seems the latest syndrom sweeping the nation.

    thankfully CA has frivilous lawsuit protection which I seek to employ in this matter.

    if the woman wants to pay court and lawyer fees to continually make false accusations, it would take one ruling of a frivilous suit to turn her around. while i don't doubt the lows this woman can stoop now, for the moment i must be concerned with the charges she's citing now, none of which involve any physical abuse. i have not only eva's nanny since she was 4 months old, her god father's support and of course my girlfriend for the last two years. i feel pretty secure that their testimony will go a long long way.

    the advantage i have here is the burden of proof is on her. she has to make these accusations stick. judges dont like messing with status quo unless there are very very good reasons, none of which hers are.

    i haven't changed my email janny im just so busy to get back to you, my apologies.

By dave. on Monday, June 26, 2006 - 09:48 pm:

    that sucks, dude.

    i never liked nico. it's odd to say something like that about someone i've never met. just some of your descriptions of her, things done and said, even when you two were apparently happy together. i've always had the feeling that i wouldn't like her.

    so, yeah. for whatever that's worth.

    lawyer up, homey. if this goes to court, her lawyer's gonna grill you. keep your cool. don't let them put you off your game and don't say too much.

    take a lesson from the republicans, stick to whatever talking points your lawyer comes up with. you've done nothing wrong, but that doesn't mean they can't hang you with your own words.

    this is a battle very much like a political campaign. the winner will be the person who seems more likeable and responsible.

    i remember when this shit all started, you were reluctant to take steps to get out ahead of any custody issues. i advised you that she will not be so accommodating if and when she decides to get shitty about it.

    it's get shitty time.

By sarah on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 - 09:34 am:

    damn patrick. this breaks my heart. i'm sorry to hear you have to go through all of this. i pray you will keep the 50/50 custody.

    do either you or nico have parents that are divorced? not that i'm insuinating that it means anything, i'm just curious if you or eva's folks ever went through it too.

    anyway, yeah, keep us posted.

By TBone on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 - 12:52 pm:

    Ugly, ugly stuff. Good luck, Patrick.

    I think I was pretty fortunate when my parents split. My mom got a majority of the custody, which sucked, but they were civil, and there were no trips to court.

By patrick on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 - 12:52 pm:

    i've considered what Im going to take. if were kmart, might as well see whats on sale, so to speak. every lawyer ive spoken too now in my interview process doesnt believe she has cause to show a god damn thing and judges don't like amending status quo without damn good reason.

    i dont have to get along with her. i dont have to like her. i dont have to be "easy to work with". all i have to do is make sure she gets her stipulated timeshare and eva is well cared for. I've done both even when we've had to modify our schedules. always get make up time.

    So now that shes started this, and if we make it before a judge (which I cant imagine we would) I have a few options...mostly petty, but I need to punch back, even a little bit.that feeling when you've been popped in the stomach, that ache and gasp for air?

    sarah my parents were divorced so i respect the realm more when it comes to the child. she doenst realize or doesnt care what this war is doing to eva. she never experienced it. she doesnt realize the immense loss a child gets from not seeing the other parent half the time. she doesnt understand. shes a cunt, so why would she?

By lapis on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 - 06:39 pm:

    wow. good luck patrick. fingers are crossed (not that they need to be).

    idiot woman.

By Czarina on Thursday, June 29, 2006 - 02:16 am:

    It sounds like she's going to play dirty.Don't let her bait you.Be on good behavior.One little screw up can cause you problems for years.

    I once heard of a case where the couple was divorcing,and the husband had taped a phone conversation in which the woman told the husband that she "would teach the children to hate him".

    He played this tape in court.Guess who got custody of the kids.

    Be careful,and good luck.

    Sometimes its a good idea to adopt the "you get more flys with sugar than with vinegar" stratagy.

    You'll throw her off her game.PLUS,it looks good in court,she's the nutty,bitter ex-wife,and you're the loving and reasonable father who wants whats best for the child.

    That can have alot of impact on a judges decision.

    Don't let her rile you up,and react in a negative way,that she can use against you.

By patrick on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 01:49 pm:

    i have my first and ideally my last mediation meeting with the ex in about two hours.

    you have no idea the stress it's put me and my immediate loved ones under... what this woman has done to us.

    i've meditated. i even set up a shrine at home this weekend, lit candles, and prayed.

    i envisioned episodes in which the ex flips her lid, and i walk out to a ready and waiting ticker tape parade while she's escorted to Camarillo (funny farm).

    i've prepared documents, with statements of facts and realities involving mothers removing fathers from their children. i have motivational documents with statements that will hopefully help me keep cool, calm, in control and firmly with one foot on her juggular the whole time. i do go into this with several upper hands. shes too far out of reality to understand them, but i have the upper hand, maintaining it is the hard part.

    wish me luck. today could be one of the worst days of my life.

By droopy on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 01:56 pm:

    just saying good luck doesn't seem like enough. but it's the best i can offer.

By patrick on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 02:05 pm:

    just the fact that im somewhere in your consciousness is plenty enough.

    im sorta doing as nate did, though Im not drunk. Im dialing.

By J on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 02:18 pm:

    I wish you luck hon and saying some prayers to boot. I hate her for what she's doing to you and Eva.

By Czarina on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 03:32 pm:

    I'm sending you such positive thought waves that you might want to be careful, cause the intensity of what I'm sending your way might knock you over!

    Go get em!

By sarah on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 03:36 pm:

    you've got the sorabji psychic army behind you all the way, man.

    you'll be in my thoughts this afternoon. please let us know how it goes!

By platypus on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 04:28 pm:

    Certainly thinking of you, Patrick. I hope that everything goes really, really well for you.

By TBone on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 06:49 pm:

    Kick her ass!

By Spider on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 06:50 pm:

    My thoughts, too. Go with God, my man.

By wisper on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 08:13 pm:

    we're all standing behind you like blue spirit people from Star Wars.

By agatha on Monday, July 31, 2006 - 08:52 pm:

    Well, it's evening now, so I clearly missed my opportunity for channeling psychic energy into good luck for you. I'll do it anyhow towards the outcome.

    Let us know what's going on when you get a chance.

By semillama on Tuesday, August 1, 2006 - 12:22 pm:

    What a great image, wisper.

    I'm with you too, Patrick.

    Actually, I'm half-with you. The other half is with Mavis, who underwent a C-section today. I'll check back with updates tomorrow on that.

    We'll have that ticker tape parade ready for you, Patrick.

By sarah on Tuesday, August 1, 2006 - 02:58 pm:


By patrick on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 12:43 pm:

    the bitch didnt even want to play ball. total waste of time.

    she didnt get the memo that mediation is about working towards a solution. she is hell bent on making me, very literally, a weekend daddy.

    she has even asked her lawyer to basically make my filed statement response totally irrelavent and requesting a full on trial. the judge will mostly like reprimand her and her lawyer as there is NOTHING in this case that merits such a thing. No judge is going to spend hours listening to testimony over schedule arangements and listen to her accuse me of abuse because the baby scraps her knee while riding her tricycle. Its that absurd.

    So, next Tuesday, we go before a judge unless she gets a fucking clue.

    I refuse to budge on giving up a single day with my daughter as it is now, derspite offering other reconcillations.

    She will have a very very very heavy price to pay for the totally dishonerable and immoral path she has chosen.

By semillama on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 02:45 pm:

    Dude, you should be the one going for full custody. Your ex-wife sounds like she turned into a full-on horror show.

By patrick on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 03:13 pm:

    but see, im the honorable one. i wouldnt do that to my daughter unless there were evidence her safety was at risk.

    and yes, shes lost her fucking mind.

By J on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 03:31 pm:

    Did you have to get a lawyer?

By patrick on Wednesday, August 2, 2006 - 04:21 pm:

    ive had for a couple of weeks now.

By Jim aka Pajama on Thursday, August 3, 2006 - 12:37 am:

    God damn. Patrick man, best to you during this tense and uncertain time. I hope everything works out ok for Eva and for you!

By droopy on Thursday, August 3, 2006 - 12:53 am:

    i'm sorry you're having to go through this, patrick. keep your pecker up.

By Czarina on Thursday, August 3, 2006 - 09:11 am:

    [but not in front of the judge]

By patrick on Thursday, August 3, 2006 - 12:51 pm:

    there might be a break through. she's shown signs of capitulation.



    my nerves are so shot.

    and thankfully my pecker has been way up, despite all of this.

By Jim aka Pajama on Thursday, August 3, 2006 - 01:00 pm:

    Right on!

By patrick on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 11:15 am:

    i won. status quo, in essence maintained.

    details at 6.

By Spider on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 01:15 pm:

    That's fantastic! I'm so happy for you!

By semillama on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 01:51 pm:


By droopy on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 01:59 pm:


By Nate on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 01:59 pm:


By sarah on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 02:56 pm:


    how is Eva doing?

By patrick on Tuesday, August 8, 2006 - 04:03 pm:

    fine. i'll see her on thursday.

By Czarina on Wednesday, August 9, 2006 - 10:05 am:

    Peckers up !!!!!

By patrick on Wednesday, October 4, 2006 - 02:56 pm:

    so things were beginning to look up. last week she offered me a lasst minute photo assignment to shoot her sweaters, the following day. Easy $500. After some consideration, I declined for a variety of reasons though i considered her offer an olive branch of sorts despite it being clear her other photographer cancelled last minute.

    a step forward.


    when she saw my name on eva's school sign up sheet for halloween volunteering, she told me to remove my name because that was technically her day and i couldnt make plans with eva on her day. those are her words exactly.

    two steps backward.

    this fucking woman whom i do not know anymore.

    i wish she would have this baby already because its clearly making her insane.

By agatha on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 03:27 am:

    Whoah. How did I miss the fact that she's pregnant? How frightening.

By patrick on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 12:58 pm:

    she got knocked up back in......feb, march and thats when shit started going wrong. coincidence? she got remarried in june.

By Spider on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 06:04 pm:

    Man, Patrick. Hopefully once her baby comes she'll be too
    tired to mess with you and Eva anymore.

By jack on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 09:21 pm:

    i haven't posted in this thread, but that's because i don't have anything particular to add, not because i do not commiserate.
    i am sorry for your difficulties, patrick.

By heather on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 10:41 pm:

    she got married? how did i miss that?

    how do all these people get married x times before i even manage it once?

By jack on Thursday, October 5, 2006 - 11:06 pm:

    they don't have your patience

    (or something)

By eri on Friday, October 6, 2006 - 01:44 am:

    Wow Patrick, I don't know where to begin. I did not know she was remarried and I did not know she was preggers again.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. I have seen it all happen before.

    I hope beyond hope that once this new baby is born things will ease up for you with her. It can be so hard.

    Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and your rights with Eva either. Be civil and as kind as you must or you feel you need to, but don't be afraid to speak up for yourself.

    Can't volunteer at a school thing cuz it's her day? Give me a break, you'll be at school so how does it effect anything with her?

    Anyways, it's late, I'm tired and moody, so I'll shut up now.

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