a mother's love


sorabji.com: Do you love me?: a mother's love
THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By sarah on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 10:54 am:


    Sarah,

    You are never to contact me or anyone in my family, ever, for the rest of your life. As far as I am concerned, you have died. My family will not be contacting ou at any time, nor will they respond to any communications you may attempt to have with them. You will never know about the death of your grandfather or grandmother or anyone else in my family. Richard has been instructed never to contact you if I should die and you are never to be told where I'm buried. You have been totally disinherited. Also, you'll never be notified of any of the events in this family - you are no longer considered a part of this family.

    You are a liar and a very evil person, continually perpetrating evil actions. I consider you a piece of human trash.

    I'm enclosing an itemization of the expenses we paid for your move from Hawaii to Texas - which I understand you believe was "a little help with the move." Well, if minimally $12,309.66 (for which I have receipts) spent in 4 months is such a little bit of help... I expect full reimbursement.

    Your Dad never paid child support (even though he was making over $100,000 a year at that time) until I took him to court after we were divorced for 5 years, I paid for your college education and he contributed $2,500 to $3,000 a year - I paid $6,000 just for room, board, and tuition - not to mention clothes, car, gas credit card, clothes, rent and spending money. Hmmmmmmm.

    I'm a mom who "was never around." But, strange that I worked all day and after I picked you up at 5:30 p.m. every day, my entire life was devoted to making sure that you had dinner, clean clothes, went to events at school and church, worked so that you had a car, gas credit card, great clothes, had friends stay over, and a college education - hummmm. Always there for mother-daughter talks. I understand that you would prefer that I went on welfare, stayed home while you were in school, didn't have a decent place to live, ---but, hey, I'd have been "a mom who was around."

    You were loved boyond belief by me, your grandparents, Aunt Nancy & Uncle Patrick, but those are the people you accuse of abusing you. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

    I am having your personal web site monitored and if there is any reference to me or anyone in my family you will be sued for libel. You do not have permission to talk about any of us nor refer to any of us on your personal web site.

    I understand that you are seeing a counselor on a regular basis who it appears has not helped you one bit. I would highly recommend that you find a psychiatrist. You are a very mentally ill person, but a typical Bruner. Your Aunt Regina is "psycho" and your Dad is a "druggie, stealing, drop out," and that's the family you seem to be able to relate to - an do it so well.

    I have destroyed all of your childhood photographs. You are a mean, self-centered, selfish, and uncaring individual who seems to thrive in that negative life-style rather than grow up and be responsible for your own actions.

    Again _*do not ever contact me again - I have erased you from my life in every respect*_.

    Marilyn Blough





By sarah on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 10:56 am:


    this letter was accompanied by a huge box full of letters, mother's day cards, gifts, and early childhood memorabilia.




By Spider on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 11:41 am:

    Oh, Sarah, I'm so sorry. What a terrible, terrible thing she's done. I wish I knew you in real life so I could comfort you in some way. You'll be in my prayers.


By TBone on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 12:14 pm:

    We love you, Sarah.


By Platypus on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 12:19 pm:

    That's horrid, Sarah. I wish I could run over there and give you a big fat hug or something.


By J on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 12:23 pm:

    What caused all this? This is a terrible thing she did and she will live to regret this espeacially the pictures.And as horrid and mean and full of spite this is,it seems like she is hurt,like you don't appreciate all she has done for you.I'm sending you hugs.Besides just cause she feels this way doesn't mean your grandparents do.


By The Watcher on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 12:34 pm:

    What in the world could you have possibly done to get such a responce?

    Maybe insanity does run in the family. Her side.

    It's is either that or you really are a selfish ungrateful child.

    I would prefer to think it's the former. And, maybe psychological intervention could help.


By eri on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 12:42 pm:

    I can understand. Spunky gets treated like this from his parents on a regular basis and we are waiting for the matching letter.

    An example of a similar situation (though not quite as bad). Spunky and I got married on January 11th. The christmas right before our wedding we were going to go to his family's in Kansas. The day it happened Hayley was so sick that I refused to travel. We got a message on Spunky's cell phone that was much like your letter saying that everyone was so pissed that we missed it and he should have gone without us and left Hayley and I at home and seen them anyways. She said that his grandparents were so pissed at him that they were now refusing to come to our wedding in two weeks. I was shocked. We sent their christmas presents to them and said we would come out on New Year's to celebrate Christmas with them. We labeled them to "Mom & Dad Hixon". He got another message stating that I am not their daughter and had no business signing the stuff to them like that and that they wanted to take all of our gifts and throw them in the trash. I was like fine, send them back to us and I will eat your damned Hickory Farms gift basket myself. We got out there and they had ripped all of the labels off of all of the presents, but sat there and opened them like nothing had happened. Our wedding day came around and we didn't know who was going to show and who wasn't (after all this bullshit drama). His grandparents were there. They didn't understand why we were surprised to see them, so we explained to them that we were told that they weren't coming to our wedding because we didn't come out for Christmas. They were shocked. They looked at Trace and said that they never said anything of the sort and that he has a family with a daughter now and has to make his daughter his priority and they were glad he did that. That his mother was the one who had the problem and she just had to get over it. They even came to visit us (without his parent's or thier knowledge of said visit) a month later, and we have had a wonderful relationship with them ever since. His grandfather passed away, but we are still close to his grandmother. So it did end up being a problem with his mother but not anyone else in the family.

    I know this is a different situation and not quite as bad as the one you are facing, but hopefully it will let you know that we can understand what you are going through right now, and know how hard it is. Just know that we care about you.

    Your mother will one day regret these actions. She might even get to the point where she admits it to you.

    Then again, this is coming from another evil person who spreads her evil to everyone she touches, and causes Spunky to do the same...just ask my mother in law!


By Spider on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 12:53 pm:

    This is what I think:

    Parents who are innocent of wrongdoing do not lash out in soul-annihilating rage when their kids criticize (validly or invalidly) their past behavior.

    Just looking at myself, I know that the most violent arguments I've gotten into are the ones that have involved me recognizing, but not wanting to admit, that the accusations lobbed at me were true.


By patrick on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 12:53 pm:

    holy shit does she need a knee-jerk crack in the jaw for that....for starters.

    short of attempted murder of your mom, i cant imagine what one could do to spur such a response.

    my god.......does she know of sorabji? could we plan some sort of response ala J-Style?

    in my experience its usually the insane who call others insane with such insistance.


By Antigone on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 01:03 pm:

    Your mom sounds like a loon, Sarah. I'm truely sorry this has happened to you.

    She doesn't want you to contact her again, eh?

    How does she expect to get all that money if you don't contact her?

    If she wants no contact with you, then why is she monitoring your website? Sounds like a lot of contact to me...


By The Watcher on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 01:16 pm:

    My mother got real pissed at my wife and I the first year we got married.

    We were going to have our families over for thanksgiving dinner. We had done everything. My mother wanted to know what they should bring. We said nothing, everything had already been done. She refused to come over because we would not let her contribute anything. My father came by himself.


By dave. on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 01:30 pm:

    the very first thing i'd do is post that letter front and center on syrup.org.

    i can barely comprehend your situation.

    what's up with all the forbidding? I'd also be forwarding the letter to all who are forbidden from contacting you. here, we have a local weekly, the stranger, that runs an op-ed style column called "i, anonymous". that letter is perfect for such a column.

    libel, indeed.

    so sorry, sarah.


By Spider on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 01:32 pm:

    The more I think about this, the more pissed off I get.

    So Sarah's mother assumes that everyone else in their family shares her sentiments? Not only has she hurt Sarah, but she's hurting everyone else in their family who loves Sarah and wants a relationship with her. Talk about mean, selfish, and uncaring.


By sarah on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 01:43 pm:

    thanks for your support and kind words everyone. i really appreciate it!

    yes, she's crazy. the interesting thing about the letter is that she makes it seem like i had said, or she had heard that i said, that she "was never around". well, i never said that, never thought it, never implied it. if anything, my mother was *always* around... relentlessly around. i was never short of attention in her household. that statement comes from her, and her alone. she must believe that she was never around.

    i never said anything about "a little help with the move" either. in fact, i've never done anything but thank her and her husband for anything they've ever done for me or given me, monetary or otherwise. i'm not one of those people that believes your parents owe you shit, so whenever they did anything for me, i always expressed gratitude. they offered to help me move to austin, i never asked for a dime from them.


    my mother isn't really upset about these things. she's angry because i came to florida and went again without making a peep, without addressing the issues that she yelled at me about before i arrived when she uninvited to christmas. i just went, stayed w/ my grandparents, saw my mother on xmas day, spent the rest of the time seeing other people in my family when i could, and went about the rest of my time down there doing my own thing - shopping, going to the gym, basically just buying time and staying out of everyone's way.

    which is why this letter is surprising. she makes it sound as if we had some sort of fight or that words were exhanged while i was down there. there was no fight whatsoever, no arguments, no nothing. like i said, i went there and left with no drama or fanfare. xmas day came and went without a hitch. i just minded my own business and left and partied in key west. so as hard as this might be to believe, i honestly have no idea exactly what spurred this letter and where all of this hatred comes from.

    my sister says she's obsessed with me - with what i do, what i say, what i think. i think perhaps this letter and her actions are a cry for attention. but i can't give her what she wants or needs. she's too angry and hateful. it's sad, but that's the way it is, the way it always has been.

    i think she wants me to treat her like a saint for her having gone through such a horrible life of sacrifice to raise me. well, i love my mother and i think she did the best she could, but my childhood was hardly ideal. yet, i don't blame her for that, nor my dad. it just was what it was. i don't really care about my childhood, haven't cared about it since i went to college 15 years ago. it doesn't matter what happened then. life has definitely gone and i'm doing just fine. i don't have any desire to dwell in the past, but it seems like she is.


    anyway, it's out of my hands. i'm not going to respond to the letter in any way. maybe the saddest thing of all is that i feel like i can live with being dead to her. in a way, i left "her" family behind in my heart a long time ago. having any sort of relationship with my mother always required so much effort, there's always problems and drama, her feelings are always hurt, she's always angry, and nothing is ever good enough, it's never how she wants it. i think maybe i've been dead to her for a long time. but that's the reality she's created for herself and i don't need to be a part of it.




By sarah on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 01:48 pm:

    yes yes, in terms of the forbidding. there always has been forbidding. she once wrote her mother a letter forbidding her to behave in certain ways when they were together, or when they visited each other.

    i was forbidden to behave a certain way when i visited them in florda. i wasn't allowed to disrupt their days or their plans with, say, needing to get something to eat. i was told to be polite and carry snacks around with me so that they wouldn't have to stop whatever it was they were doing to get me something to eat. there was quite a list of things that i had to do or not do.

    walking on eggshells. that's the way it always was, actually. never knew what i was going to do or say that would set her off.

    crazy, innit??

    the thing is, i can't even be mad. i just learned to go along with it, because i'm adult now and i don't have to live with her. but even that didn't work, in the end.

    the night before i left tampa i had a long talk w/ my grandparents about her and her anger with me, and the constant drama over the years. my grandfather, all doped up on prozac and xanax, left me with this final piece of advice, "We learned a long time ago, when it comes to your mother, to do the best you can, and after that, give the rest to God."

    so, that's why i'm giving it to sorabji ;)








By Spider on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 01:49 pm:

    I'm so glad you're handling this so well! You're strong inside and out.

    It's very bizarre that she thinks you had some sort of fight when you hadn't. Maybe she's having some sort of paranoid breakdown.


By Antigone on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 01:50 pm:

    You should post that, and her letter, on your site. Your reaction to all this is really excellent.


By patrick on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 02:05 pm:

    absolutely.

    are you concerned at all of the people she claims she speaks for, or are you completely confident she speaks not a word for them?


By sarah on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 02:19 pm:

    well, i was wondering why i hadn't heard from my grandmother since i've been back. she usually emails me about once or twice a week. but my mother has bought their loyalty. she and her husband bought them a new condo and pay the mortgage, so my grandparents are basically slaves to them now and especially wouldn't do anything to piss her off.

    i'm not sure about my cousin, aunt, and uncle. i wrote my cousin a email saying i got a strange letter from my mother that claims that nobody in the family is going to communicate to me, and said i wouldn't contact her again if she would just write me one email and either say yes, she is going to to communicate with me or no, she isn't. i haven't heard back, but i guess if i dn't hear back in the next week, then i've got my answer.

    my cousin and her family fall into the kind of camp that believes that nobody should admit to or talk about any bad things that happened in the past or bad things that currently are going on, that you just have to "go with the flow" and pretend that everything is okay. the problem is that my cousin and i went out drinking one night while i was there and *by her prompting* we ended up talking about my mother. in fact, she told me a bunch of stuff that her mother (my aunt, my mom's sister) told her about things my mother did when i was a kid that i never even knew about it. so perhaps my cousin went back to my mom and told her about the things we talked about that night? which, i never once badmouthed my mother, so i'm not sure what she could have told her anyway. i just kept saying how she is the one who is angry, not me - how all iw wanted was there to be forgiveness and peace, how i just want to stay out of the way. i said over and over how it feels like everyone blames me when my mother and i are at it, but i'm never the one who calls up yelling and screaming and making demands, or writing mean letters. she's the one who is mad.

    i don't know. honestly, it just doesn't even matter. what's done is done, and i'm not going to blame anyone or be angry. i'm hurt, but i've been hurt before in a variety of contexts. that's life. i'll get over it.



By sarah on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 04:46 pm:


    oh man. now *this* makes me sad.

    in the box i found a book of short stories i wrote in 5th or 6th grade (earned a bullshit grade of B+). the text is all hand written by me, a lot of it in pencil. my mother had gone through the book with a pen and traced over my writing, presumably because it was fading away.

    that's not the sad part. the sad part is that on the dedication page i had written:

    "This book is dedicated to my dad, Joe Bruner, who is the light of my life."

    but my mother, trying to copy my 5th grade scrawl, wrote underneath it in different colored ink:

    "Also to my mom, Marilyn Reed, who is the light of my life. I don't know what I'd do without them."

    ouch.


    but i'm pretty psyched about having a few of the things in that box. for instance, my very favorite book when i was a kid "Rotten Ralph". if i have kids i definitely will read that book to them.

    in the story, the family's cat Rotten Ralph is a really bad cat, who gets in all sorts of trouble. he sits in dad's chair and smokes his pipe, and he gets into the lobster cooking for dinner, among other things. the daughter's name is Sarah. anyway, the family kicks him out of the house and after a series of misadventures ends up cold and alone at the circus. but then the family ends up forgiving Ralph and taking him back.




By agatha on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 05:19 pm:

    sarah- email me your phone number.


By semillama on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 05:57 pm:

    That's the most insane letter. It makes me really extra happy that i have a good relationship with my family. I hope that other membres of your family will step forward to support you.


By eri on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 08:51 pm:

    I am glad she sent some of that stuff to you. You can't pay for the sentimentality of your childhood books. Trace's mom gave all of them to her sister for her nieces (who are the same age as Hayley, ok 1 is 1 year older and the other is 2 weeks younger, but close enough). Trace asked for some of them (his favorites) for Hayley and she refused, saying that when Pat's kids were done with them then he could have them for Hayley. So he took a couple of them out of her garage, but mostly she gave them away. By the time Pat's idiot children (they are out of control brats who don't take care of anything and are dumb as a brick) are done with them, then Micki (who is 5 years younger) will be reading Stephen King novels.

    Just glad you have some sentimental posessions back.


By trace on Saturday, January 18, 2003 - 01:21 am:

    Sarah,
    I usually shy away from this type of conversation, but I am very sorry to read that letter.
    I remember when I got discharged from the Air Force on my 28th day of the 30 day basic training for stress fractures (hairline fractures on both ancles that can only be mended by breaking them completely) on both ancles (that just does not look spelled correctly). My mom sent me a letter while I was in med hold. she told me what I could expect when I got back in Harrisonville (not home).
    I had to pay rent, do my own laundry, buy my own car and pay my own gas and insurance, etc etc etc.
    She thought I was lying about what happened.
    And it was the first time she signed the letter Roxanne instead of mom.
    To this day they do not sign anything from Mom & Dad, it's always from Rex & Roxanne...

    Listen, this is not to minimize the hurt you feel or the nature of the letter from your mom.

    Parental relationships are hard enough to understand when you are growing up, but once you are out and on your own, maybe with a family or with a career or what ever, maintaining family relationships can be hell.
    If I were you, I would not be interested in repairing things...


By heather on Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 07:04 pm:

    damn.

    i thought my parents were hard to deal with.


    i was wrong. i am very sorry.


By J on Monday, January 20, 2003 - 01:04 am:

    It's a sad situation but also a lesson,I'm sure when Sarah becomes a mother,she won't be like hers,she won't pass it on. It does sound like your mother isn't in her right mind,but underneath her accusations,she has done her best in her way by you and I still think she loves you and maybe wants you to kiss her ass or validate it. I don't know,she could be bi-polar,have some kind of hormone imbalance or be going through menopause.I wonder is your stepdad is behind this and he knows how to play your mom?


By kazoo on Monday, January 20, 2003 - 12:49 pm:

    Sarah,

    I'm sorry about all of this, but your strength and maturity is inspiring. And I'm glad that you got your things back.


By sarah on Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 10:57 am:

    i got an email back from my cousin yesterday:

    ***************************

    I'm sorry that you and your mother can't seem to communicate more effeciently. It is possible that SOMEDAY you and your mother will see eye to eye.

    Hope you had a great time in Key West.

    Take care,
    Andrea


    >From: "sarah"
    >To: "andrea"
    >Subject: ?
    >Date: Fri, 17 Jan 2003 09:30:10 -0600
    >
    >hi Andrea,
    >
    >happy new year! hope you and folks made it
    > back safely and uneventfully from florida.
    >
    >so, i got a letter and box full of stuff
    >today from my mother. in the letter it
    >says that everyone in the family will not
    >respond to any communications i may attempt
    >to have with them.
    >
    >is this true? are you really never going to
    >speak to me again? i hope not, that would be
    >terribly painful and obviously not resolve
    >anything. but if it is true, if you could
    >just please email me back once and let me
    >know either yes you will talk to me or no
    >you won't talk to me, just so i know - i
    >would greatly appreciate it.
    >
    >either way, please take care, Andrea. it
    >was great to see you over xmas and reconnect.
    >and good luck w/ ryan - i really
    >hope it works out the way you want it to.
    >
    >love,
    >sarah


By eri on Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 12:15 pm:

    So I guess this means that she is willing to communicate with you? I am assuming because she answered the answer would be yes, but that email was pretty vague.

    Good luck either way!


By patrick on Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 12:22 pm:

    it means to me shes happy to dodge the subject entirely, just like you said sarah.

    saying that sarah and her mother have a "communication problem" is an understatement if Ive ever seen one.


By sarah on Tuesday, January 21, 2003 - 12:50 pm:


    Sarah

    My heart goes out to you in tiny shattered pieces. I donít know the history of your family or why your mother is so angry but it is obvious she is full of hate, anger and rage. I can not begin to imagine how hurt you must feel. We (every person born to a mother) has this belief that Mothers never hurt their children, never abandon, and always, regardless of any pain their children inflict upon them, love their children unconditionally. Fathers abandon their children every day, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and yet as a society we accept that and forgive them much more readily than we do mothers because our exceptions of mothers is far beyond that of any father.

    Your mother is so full of rage and pain and feels so unappreciated that she has to lash out at someone. It sound like itís because you have forgiven, accepted, loved your father in spite of his failures and criticized her for hers? I donít know. I just know that you canít put mothers on a pedestal, they are not god like, they are strong but very fragile creatures. You have no choice but to end all contact and conversation to your mother. You could try to apologize, sincerely that meanís no buttís, no explation of why you feel the way you do, or mention of mistakes she has made. My guess is though, you have done that. So, cry your eyes out and say goodbye because she has no will to forgive. It sounds as if your father needs to do the apologizing though, because whatever he did to hurt her, still hurts and her way to hurt him, is to hurt you.

    Your mother can take herself away from you but she can not take the rest of the family with her. She does not have that right, and they may not even be aware of this ďcontractĒ she has made on their behalf. They may feel just as trapped by her need to ďcontrolĒ as you do. Love your family all out but never mention your mother, she doesnít want to exist to you, so be it, that is her choice, but not your family. She is trying to hurt you with all the things she thinks she can control, donít let her!

    Mothers should love above all but sometimes they donít. We all want to know that there is at least one person out there who loves us regardless of ourselves, our mistakes, our sins. Sometimes that is no one, sometimes itís a friend, rarely is the person we expect.

    Just so you know, I love you for the person you are, and I donít expect you to be perfect. I will forgive you when or if you ever hurt me and I expect with any friendship I will hurt and be hurt, thatís life, not the end of it. You need to talk we will talk, anytime OK.

    Big ol Hug
    Maurie


By sarah on Thursday, January 5, 2006 - 06:43 pm:



    last november i accidentally discovered (while helping a distant cousin do a geneology search on the internet) that my grandfather, my mother's father, died august 8, 2005. his obituary in the detroit free press turned up in a batch of google search results.

    since that one email above from my cousin, i have never heard from anyone else in my mother's family. it's been three years now.



By agatha on Thursday, January 5, 2006 - 09:26 pm:

    Now I'm sad about this all over again.

    Shit.


By sarah on Friday, January 6, 2006 - 12:11 pm:


    sorry dear. not my intent. it probably makes you sad simply because you're a mother, right?

    but i'm not sad. it just is what it is. i admit about once a year it bothers me, but it's mostly a sadness that my mother is so... well, she's just not well and with time and distance i can see it was pretty much always that way. her parents weren't well either, and i blame my grandfather for most of it anyway. i'm just sorry she can't help it and can't forgive and can't find the love inside herself.

    aside from that, the rest of the time it's mostly a relief not to have to deal with her shit anymore. it's been a pretty peaceful three years, free of family drama. it's liberating in a way.

    if it's any consolation, it's all fun and laughs and love on my other side of the family.




By agatha on Tuesday, January 10, 2006 - 10:01 pm:

    Well, you have a great perspective on the situation. I'm still sad that you don't have your mom to talk to, and I'm sad that she's silly enough to be missing out on knowing the wonderful person you've become in adulthood. Not that you weren't always wonderful, I'm sure.


By sarah on Friday, September 11, 2009 - 12:22 am:


    the last communication between my mother and me was that letter she sent me in January of 2003.

    until today, that is.


    she sent me a message through fucking facebook. some shit about thinking about how i am doing every day.


    wtf CRAZY




    and no, i'm not going to reply.





By platypus on Friday, September 11, 2009 - 12:52 am:

    I just got a random email from my estranged half sister whom I met once, when I was 12.

    I'm not really sure what to do with it. It's currently smouldering in my inbox like a little time bomb.

    Do we, I mean, does one, I mean, I don't understand families.


By Dr Pepper on Friday, September 11, 2009 - 01:53 am:

    sarah, i take that you don't want to talk to your mother? i am curious, but don't meant to be nosy.


By J on Friday, September 11, 2009 - 12:23 pm:

    Your mother will live to regret how she's done you hon,I personally would like to slap her upside her head.She's missing out on a lovely daughter and two beautiful grandaughters,it's her loss. How are your little crotchfruits doing?


By Dougie on Friday, September 11, 2009 - 01:20 pm:

    "Crotchfruits!" I love it!


By patrick on Tuesday, September 15, 2009 - 03:01 pm:

    fucking facebook...classic example of why not to bother.


By sarah on Friday, February 10, 2012 - 01:06 pm:


    From: Buxton, Nancy (N.J.)
    Sent: Thursday, July 15, 2010 11:46 AM
    To: 'syrup@syrup.org'
    Subject: Hello from Aunt Nancy

    Hi Sarah - I've thought and thought about sending
    you a note and guess it's time to stop thinking
    about it and just do it.

    I'd like to let you know that Gram has been very,
    very ill and has been permanently moved to an
    assisted living/nursing home in Rochester. On
    Mother's Day she had emergency surgery and the
    doctors took out 2 1/2 feet of her colon and she
    wasn't expected to live, but she's just finally
    had a major turn around and with medication and
    care she continue on the road to recovery. Gram
    has always wondered how you were and what you were
    doing but since her surgery she has inquired quite
    a bit about you and your life and she has always
    been sad about the situation between you and your
    Mom. All I said to Gram was that I'm sure you
    were happily married and probably did have
    children. If you would be interested in
    reconnecting with Gram I'm sending you her
    address.

    Irene Atkins
    The Sanctuary at Bxxxxxxxx
    street address
    city, state, zip
    (her mobile phone # is 313-xxx-xxxx)

    I'll close for now but I'd like to think we have
    all gotten a little older and a little wiser and
    I'd like it if we could heal wounds and move
    forward.

    I hope you're life is happy and that you're well.

    Love, Aunt Nancy


By sarah on Friday, February 10, 2012 - 01:07 pm:


    From: Marilyn Blough
    <xxxxxxx@hotmail.com>
    To: Sarah Cross
    <xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com>
    Sent: Wed, February 2, 2011 2:19:17 PM
    Subject: Family Photos

    Hi Sarah,

    I'm going through all of the my photo albums from
    ancient times and scanning everything of interest
    into my computer, backing them up, and putting
    some of them on disks.

    I have at least 10 albums full of photos beginning
    with the day you were born, along with
    certificates you received in grade school, your
    teen years with your friends, etc. I am going to
    scan some of those photos and other items into my
    computer and then I want to send the albums to you
    when I'm finished. You will enjoy them and in
    years to come your daughters will love to see
    picture of their mom when she was little.

    If you do not want me to send them to you let me
    know. Otherwise I hope to be done with this
    project by the end of the month and I'll package
    up everything and send them off. I do need your
    home address or what ever address you want these
    albums sent to.

    Love, Mom


By sarah on Friday, February 10, 2012 - 01:08 pm:



    From: Marilyn Blough
    <xxxxxxx@hotmail.com>
    To: Sarah Cross
    <xxxxxxx@yahoo.com>
    Sent: Thursday, February 2, 2012 8:40 AM
    Subject: HI

    You've just got to go to the website www.sarasota-
    ymca.org, click on "For Healthy Living," overview.
    There's a photo of 2 little girls at ballet class
    and when I saw the little blonde girl it just took
    my breath away .. looks exactly like you did at
    that age. I really miss that little girl.

    Love, Mom



By sarah on Friday, February 10, 2012 - 01:09 pm:


    i few years back i had to set up a yahoo email
    account to receive all manner of unwanted
    communications.








By sarah on Friday, February 10, 2012 - 01:12 pm:


    i just realized she has emailed me once a year, both
    times on february 2nd, two years in a row.



By semillama on Monday, February 13, 2012 - 09:40 am:

    The onset of one's mortality often does wonders for an individual's perspective.


By sarah on Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 10:47 am:


    morality and perspective, i'm not sure about that.


    this is just a chronicle of the one situation in
    my life where i am the eye and the rest is the
    storm.


    i don't have this information stored in whole
    anywhere else.





By sarah on Sunday, October 14, 2012 - 11:45 pm:

    read on October 4, 2012:

    Dear Sarah,

    Happy Birthday. I just can't believe you are 42
    years old. Where has the time gone?

    I know that since you've been an adult our
    relationship has never been easy. Many times I've
    tried to figure out why that existed, but I can
    only speculate. However, no matter what I've
    always loved you.

    I don't expect our interesting relationship to
    change but I do miss you and I'm sorry that I
    cannot be at least a tiny portion of your life. I
    am devastated that I never knew about your
    marriage and children until I found that
    information on the internet a little over a year
    ago.

    I'm hoping you and I can draw a line in the sand
    and cross over, leaving all of the yesterdays of
    the last 10 years behind us on the back side of
    the line and take our time getting to know each
    other again on the positive side. maybe just an
    email now and then to start. There's so much to
    talk about and tell each other. I always loved the
    way we could laugh together and talk for hours.

    (note: i don't know how she could have memories of
    enjoying events that never happened.)

    I would like to slowly get to know Charlotte and
    Natalie and I know that they are still too young
    to even realize that you have a mom, who they
    don't know but that time will come when they will
    ask and I don't want it to be a shock to them.
    <em><ul>I would like to start by knowing their
    birth dates so I can send cards and age-
    appropriate gifts.</ul></em> I would also like
    photos of the girls if you care to share that with
    me. I'd like to send photos of our family
    gatherings so Charlotte and Natalie can get to
    know the rest of their family. Maybe someday we
    can meet face-to-face when you feel the time is
    right.

    My address is 11111 Yada Street, Somewhere,
    Florida.

    No family is perfect and ours is truly not and we
    have all learned not to expect perfection from
    each other. We all have a loving and caring
    relationship, mind our own business, have left all
    past hurts behind and now when we're together
    those times are fun and happy. Wish you were a
    part of our family.

    Love,
    Mom



By sarah on Sunday, October 14, 2012 - 11:46 pm:

    and in case you forgot:


    By sarah on Friday, January 17, 2003 - 10:54 am:


    Sarah,

    You are never to contact me or anyone in my
    family, ever, for the rest of your life. As far as
    I am concerned, you have died. My family will not
    be contacting ou at any time, nor will they
    respond to any communications you may attempt to
    have with them. You will never know about the
    death of your grandfather or grandmother or anyone
    else in my family. Richard has been instructed
    never to contact you if I should die and you are
    never to be told where I'm buried. You have been
    totally disinherited. Also, you'll never be
    notified of any of the events in this family - you
    are no longer considered a part of this family.

    You are a liar and a very evil person, continually
    perpetrating evil actions. I consider you a piece
    of human trash.

    I'm enclosing an itemization of the expenses we
    paid for your move from Hawaii to Texas - which I
    understand you believe was "a little help with the
    move." Well, if minimally $12,309.66 (for which I
    have receipts) spent in 4 months is such a little
    bit of help... I expect full reimbursement.

    Your Dad never paid child support (even though he
    was making over $100,000 a year at that time)
    until I took him to court after we were divorced
    for 5 years, I paid for your college education and
    he contributed $2,500 to $3,000 a year - I paid
    $6,000 just for room, board, and tuition - not to
    mention clothes, car, gas credit card, clothes,
    rent and spending money. Hmmmmmmm.

    I'm a mom who "was never around." But, strange
    that I worked all day and after I picked you up at
    5:30 p.m. every day, my entire life was devoted to
    making sure that you had dinner, clean clothes,
    went to events at school and church, worked so
    that you had a car, gas credit card, great
    clothes, had friends stay over, and a college
    education - hummmm. Always there for mother-
    daughter talks. I understand that you would prefer
    that I went on welfare, stayed home while you were
    in school, didn't have a decent place to live, ---
    but, hey, I'd have been "a mom who was around."

    You were loved boyond belief by me, your
    grandparents, Aunt Nancy & Uncle Patrick, but
    those are the people you accuse of abusing you.
    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

    I am having your personal web site monitored and
    if there is any reference to me or anyone in my
    family you will be sued for libel. You do not have
    permission to talk about any of us nor refer to
    any of us on your personal web site.

    I understand that you are seeing a counselor on a
    regular basis who it appears has not helped you
    one bit. I would highly recommend that you find a
    psychiatrist. You are a very mentally ill person,
    but a typical Bruner. Your Aunt Regina is "psycho"
    and your Dad is a "druggie, stealing, drop out,"
    and that's the family you seem to be able to
    relate to - an do it so well.

    I have destroyed all of your childhood
    photographs. You are a mean, self-centered,
    selfish, and uncaring individual who seems to
    thrive in that negative life-style rather than
    grow up and be responsible for your own actions.

    Again _*do not ever contact me again - I have
    erased you from my life in every respect*_.

    Marilyn Blough




By Dr Pepper just a drink not a Doctor. on Monday, October 15, 2012 - 12:12 am:

    Sarah, your mom a bi-polar?


By Spider on Monday, October 15, 2012 - 12:10 pm:

    I'm so sorry, Sarah.

    If I were you, I wouldn't respond, although I'd be tempted to mail back her 2003 letter and say nothing else.


By Antigone on Monday, October 15, 2012 - 12:41 pm:

    I'd say mail back the 2003 letter and ask if she still feels the same
    way, and if not to explain. It's been almost ten years. She could be
    a different person. Give her a chance to repent.


By moonit on Monday, October 15, 2012 - 10:47 pm:

    Wow Sarah. I would send back her 2003 letter too. And like Spider I probably wouldnt say anything else.

    We really need to margarita up sometime.


By droopy on Tuesday, October 16, 2012 - 12:49 am:

    i'm with the ladies. you're mother's not a different
    person. she's probably like my father. when he found
    out my sister had a daughter, he wandered back into
    our lives and acted like the past 20 years never
    happened. he's still the self-centered man he always
    was. you're mother doesn't want to "repent."
    everything is water under the bridge, no reason to
    talk about it.

    send the letter back and buy margarita ingredients.


By Antigone on Tuesday, October 16, 2012 - 02:12 am:

    Holding on to bitterness, no matter how justified, hurts no one
    but you.


By TBone on Tuesday, October 16, 2012 - 11:05 am:

    I'm with Team Antigone. Be cautious, set
    boundaries, but give her a chance to explain what
    has changed.


By semillama on Tuesday, October 16, 2012 - 02:22 pm:

    I don't know - I'd go either way. But maybe Sarah is not holding on to bitterness, but instead is trying to limit her children's exposure to a potentially emotionally harmful person. Might be ok to tentatively contact her - just in letters, ask for an explanation and frankly ask why you should trust her around your children. If it were me, I would be concerned about what she might tell my kids when my back was turned.

    Some things are best left in the past.


By platypus on Tuesday, October 16, 2012 - 03:02 pm:

    I'd send her a copy of the 2003 letter, myself. I'm
    grossed out by the attempt to insinuate herself into
    your life with this kind of demanding letter with no
    actual evidence of change.

    Some bridges aren't meant to be mended, and that
    doesn't mean you're holding on to bitterness.


By heather on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 - 03:03 am:

    "I'm hoping you and I can draw a line in the sand and cross over,
    leaving all of the yesterdays of the last 10 years behind us on the
    back side of the line"

    You know who says things like this? People who don't
    understand,
    people who don't really care how you feel and want to get what
    they
    want, people who are not willing to take responsibility and do
    the
    work they need to do.

    It's a fucking bullshit line and makes me want to burn you (not
    you,
    you know) to the ground.


By heatheroftheterribleformatting on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 - 03:04 am:

    rar line breaks rar


By Spider on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 - 11:17 am:

    Exactly -- "Hey, I'm not apologizing or anything, but I hope you'll just forget about all the shitty things I've done!"


By sarah on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 - 12:08 pm:


    thanks guys. yeah, i could go on and on about the
    deep abscess of bullshit stated and implied in her
    latest letter.

    words like speculate, devastation, shock.

    the primary reason now that i will continue to
    ignore her, is because her intermittent, brief,
    and nonsensical communications with me began only
    after she learned i had kids. she never had
    interested in building bridges before then.

    the lack of apology, the lack of ownership, the
    blatant rage and hatred. that barely even matters
    anymore.

    trust me, there's a part of me who would relish
    seeing her face to face so i can rip her a new
    asshole. i do it about twice a year, when i dream
    at night. i always wake up feeling so satisfied.

    what i really really want is for her to stop
    contacting me. i thought ignoring her would
    eventually make it stop. most people, when
    ignored, will give up and go away. her delusional
    persistence is scary. so now i feel like i have
    no other choice but to respond.

    we're going to sit on it for a little while and
    let the newness of her latest letter wash away.
    if at a later date we're still inclined, senor and
    i decided to respond thusly:


    Marilyn,

    My husband and I decided it is in the best
    interest of our family that we do not have any
    contact with you. Please do not contact us again.

    In the future if our daughters decide they want to
    contact you, they will have our full blessing. I
    very sincerely wish you the best.

    Sarah



By sarah on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 - 12:32 pm:



    btw. i LOVE you guys. LOVE LOVE. i need you
    too.

    thanks.





By Danielssss on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 - 03:54 pm:

    and make sure to send the old vitrilolic letter she sent you back with your kind regards. relationships are the thnings that teach us most about ourselves which we do not wish to learn. Don't be your mother is the best revenge, and no revenge is even better. With Tiggy on this: and your letter is polite and to the point. But the revenge taking side of me says to be sure to include the disinheritance letter.... love you too.


By sarah on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 - 04:55 pm:

    the line breaks make it read like slam poetry.


    i am triggered, but i can feel it already fade
    into nothing.

    WWBKD?





By moonit on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 - 07:29 pm:

    What would burger king do?


By Dr Pepper on Wednesday, October 17, 2012 - 08:11 pm:

    Sarah, We all love you!
    lol at moonit, but burger king will do nothing, but continue to do more output of burger out of grill.


By sarah on Friday, October 19, 2012 - 12:52 pm:


    @ByronKatie

    In this moment now, whose business are you in? Whose
    life are you trying to control from your mind?



By sarah on Wednesday, June 17, 2015 - 01:30 pm:


    a couple weeks ago i received a box that my mother
    sent to me. it contained a few items from when i
    was a baby - first pair of shoes, what i wore home
    from the hospital, a itty bitty sweater, a
    blanket, and -- randomly -- the paperwork from an
    old, expired life insurance policy from when i was
    a teenager.

    i showed it senor, my kids, and my dad and his
    wife when they were here visiting last week.

    my dad asked me if i thought it was time to
    contact her. i shrugged. senor said maybe.


    the turducken has asked two or three times about
    who is my mother. i reply the same each time - i
    tell her my mother's name, where she lives, and
    that she's never met her before. so far, that
    satisfies her curiosity.



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