I do believe in a real, honest-to-goodness heaven

sorabji.com: What is your definition of Heaven?: I do believe in a real, honest-to-goodness heaven
By Durk on Wednesday, July 1, 1998 - 01:33 am:
    For what it is worth I do believe in heaven. I bilieve it is an eternal place, in a heavenly realm, where God, well, resides. I do believe you have to have a relationship with God to go there. For what it is worth...

    email me...dbeechne@mnu.edu

By Holden on Wednesday, July 1, 1998 - 12:04 pm:
    I believe too!

By Our PetRock Who Art In Heaven Hollow Sounding Be My Name on Wednesday, July 1, 1998 - 01:31 pm:
    I believe in me.

    uhmmm, make that "ME".

By Brett on Sunday, October 4, 1998 - 02:05 am:

    So, if God is a liar, then we will all be doomed to a grave. Or, to hell. But, if he gives us a chance, then we have to take it, don't we?
    Furthermore, if God touches people, then wouldn't that tend to make the Bible the truth, if it touches you? Well, it touched me, and it can touch you too.
    God gives us a chance to go to heaven, and it is up to him to touch you. If he doesn't, then I am full of it and just dumb, at best. But before you tell me that I am full of it, then look at the sheer power that motivates you to type something against what I have to say.
    Remember, if what I am saying truly lacks power, then you won't have to reply; What I am saying will just be ridiculous. However, look at all of the negative replies that follow!

By PetRock on Sunday, October 4, 1998 - 11:40 am:

    Oops...too late for me Brett. You've already received mine....

By Antigone on Monday, October 5, 1998 - 12:02 am:

    Wow, what a circular way to create a weak tautology. Basically, if I write something that disagrees with you then the power that motivates me to do so proves the existence of god. If I agree with you, then the power that motivates me to do so proves the existence of god. What if I read what you write and fart spontaneously? Does that mean I'm touched by what you write? If so, where was I touched?

    See, I'm not responding to god, I'm responding to you. I guess, though, since you sit at the Right Hand of the Father, I must be responding to him, ya?

By Ha Ha on Monday, October 5, 1998 - 10:46 am:

    My head aches are starting again...

By Liam on Monday, October 5, 1998 - 01:40 pm:


    If you find that you tend to fart while writing about God, maybe you should take some of that stuff they sell on tv that helps those monks maintain their vows of silence while eating all those gassy foods.

By Brother Flatulus on Monday, October 5, 1998 - 04:18 pm:

    "And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled the house where they were sitting."

    -Acts 2:2

    I smell God.

By Antigone on Monday, October 5, 1998 - 06:37 pm:

    Actually, Liam, Beano (tm) works just fine for me. Also, lactose intolerance runs in my family (no pun intended) so I guess that's why I react so badly to cheesy belief systems.

By PetRock on Monday, October 5, 1998 - 07:31 pm:

    So are you saying that God smells like gassy farts?

    I always thought he smelled like well worn sneakers....

By Quidam on Monday, October 5, 1998 - 10:26 pm:

    I would really like to say something witty here. I guess I'll just have to wait for the spirit to move me.

By Liam on Tuesday, October 6, 1998 - 12:32 pm:


    LOL. Thanks for the Beano(TM) reminder. Lactose intolerance runs in my family (except for me) and there's a certain element of religious intolerance in one family memeber, i.e., my father. He is such an ass about the whole thing that no one in the family goes to mass at all now, except for my brother, and he goes to a Protestant church which drives my silly Catholic father up the wall. Never mind the fact that my mother is a Protestant.


    I actually like the smell of old sneakers. Strange, huh? I spent a $120 this weekend on a discontinued style of Nikes that I saw in some fashion spread that I decided I had to have. I must have gone to fifty stores, literally, until I found what were apparently the last pair in LA. They're air somethingorothers, blue and silver stipes, kind of space like. I'm sure John Glenn has a pair too.

By PetRock on Tuesday, October 6, 1998 - 07:59 pm:


    let us know if your sneakers have a faint God-like smell, ok?

    My father is Catholic (non-practicing) and my mom is Protestant too.

    When they were getting married, a friend of my grandmother's (on my mom's side) sent a letter saying that she would not be able to acknowledge the wedding since my mom was marrying *gasp* a CATHOLIC!

    The horror....

    The horror................

By Antigone on Wednesday, October 7, 1998 - 12:04 am:

    Ya know, on the NPR program "What do you know?" last weekend, one of the questions was, "Who has the best sex? A Protestant married to a) a Protestant person, b) a Catholic person, c) a Jewish person?" And the answer was... Catholic!

    And, Liam, god smells like everything, but most religious people don't seem to want to admit it. I once got into an argument with a friend in college (I went to a conservative Lutheran school...) about whether Jesus farted, and if he did, did it smell? The argument made him quite livid. My friend, I mean. Well, it could have made Jesus livid, for all I know. I can see it now: Jesus giving me the finger through his stigmata...

    Christ, I am a sacreligious sumbitch.

By Brother Flatulus on Wednesday, October 7, 1998 - 01:14 am:

    "I believe Christ was a man like ourselves; to look upon him as God would seem to me the greatest of sacrileges"

    -Leo Tolstoy

    The average man like ourselves will emit somewhere between 200 to 2000 ml of intestinal gas per day (600 ml on average) in 13-14 passages. Farts are a combination of gases: nitrogen(N2), oxygen(O2), carbon dioxide(CO2), hydrogen(H2), and methane(CH4).

    By the way, I'm Catholic.

By Liam on Wednesday, October 7, 1998 - 01:44 pm:


    My sneakers happen to all be brand new (2 Nikes, 1 Addidas - I went a bit overboard this summer) and smell like glue and various other synthetic materials. Not sure what Jesus would think because I heard he wore Converse.

    My Mom's Dad refused to attend her wedding because the Catholic church insisted that she and my Dad get married in a small chapel since she was not a Catholic. My grandparents had come from Belfast, my grandmother was actually Catholic, but when she married my grandfather, who was Presbyterian, they agreed to raise my Mom and her brother in the Episcopol church. All this religious hypocracy has convinced me that I will have nothing to do with the bastards.


    LOL. Isn't it fun to tease people who take religion so seriously and just KNOW that they are right and have all the answers? By the way, for the record, I KNOW for a fact that Jesus did fart, and, for that matter, emitted other bodily odors as well. Back in those days, when cleanliness was not what it is today in France, I mean, everywhere except France :), I'm afraid Jesus walked around in clothing a little less pristine than what we have been led to believe from the art which purports to depict him.

By Sheila on Wednesday, October 7, 1998 - 04:14 pm:

    When am I going to learn: never judge a thread by its title.

By Brother Shoeleather on Wednesday, October 7, 1998 - 04:46 pm:

    "And [Jesus] said to them, When I sent you without purse, and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye anything?

    And they said, Nothing."

    Jesus thinks you spend too much money on shoes.

    I've never known a Catholic wedding in my family to go smoothly. The last one was my sister's. She had been to Mass since she was eight, but when she fell in love Catholic boy, she wanted a Catholic wedding. When they found out she hadn't been confirmed, we practically had to go to the Pope to get the wedding to happen. We did, and she got divorced two years later.

    My family comes from Co. Tyrone and Co. Longford. I'm no longer a practicing Catholic or a believer, but I can't help but look back on all the close-mindedness, rote rituals, crazy nuns who told me that host wafers bleed if you step on 'em, and just smile. I am glad I was brought up that way and not in some Modern, Forward-Thinking Church.

By Antigone on Thursday, October 8, 1998 - 12:05 am:

    I know y'all are gonna think I'm a real dorkmo, but... what does LOL mean?

By Liam on Thursday, October 8, 1998 - 12:25 pm:

    Lots of Laughs. At least that's what I meant when I posted it up above :)

By R.C. on Friday, October 9, 1998 - 01:31 am:

    Yes Liam! I remember coming across a xerox copy of an English translation of some apocryphal text that stated Christ wore Converse -- Chuck Taylors specifically. Red with white trim. But I cd never find anyone else to confirm it -- until now!

    "Blessed be the old-school runs, Converse, in all their glory. Yea, blessed be all who wear the canvas high-top Chucks, from generation to generartion. For although they be scorned by many, cast aside & forgotten, the Lord shall not forsake them. For theirs is the kingdom of substance-over-style."

    - R.C.


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