mail to SE Where are you?: mail to SE

By Sorabji on Friday, April 2, 1999 - 12:33 am:

    i hate typing out e-mail addresses. and subject lines. formality. it's like putting on a tie. i feel pissed off doing it, but proud once it is done. i think i will skip work tomorrow. no one will even know, since no one bothers to question me any more, they just nod and point. right now it is tome to sleep for 5 or 6 days straight, and to wake up with cottonballs in my cheeks. had lunch this afternoon with someone who has had a website up even longer than i. sometimes i wonder why people are always trying to sell me to me. i'm not buying right now. he wants me to play piano at his website's 5 year anniversary, and i'm perfectly happy to do it. it was my idea, after all . i never kept up with what the exact date of my website was, but it is sometime around november/december 1994. i lurch back a little further any time i talk about it, but you can be sure that december is an accurate guess, and i know you've seen these pages since the first, and as you might know already i am particularly drawn to people who are nothing more than there for years at a time; i've been on the telephone since late 1992. i remember gaping into the computer back then and knowing early on that this was different, that something was changing for me. it seems early now, but then it seemed like midnight, or yesterday, or next week. i'm enclosing a picture i took at a jewish diner on 22nd street (that had no burgers) this afternoon, and listening to a symphony in F on the radio. this afternoon i felt all of it pouring out of myself. everything there is, or was. the adrenaline, the energy, the confidence, the blood. it hurts sometimes to communicate with other people, it is so dark and happy sitting here like this. i've been locking the door behind me since sunday, and wrapping the whole apartment in aluminum foil. make that reynold's wrap. i'm not smoking pot, i just don't like the sunlight, and at night this room is a fucking tomb, so when i jolt awake at 4:30 after the wine dies and i'm stuck lying clammy in bed with my angry face cramming itself into the pillow and 3 hours before the radio kicks off announcing the day -- so when i jolt awake at 4:30 i am doomed to wait for sunrise, that hot pointer jabbing at the inside of my pectoral hunk of cartiledge ... i was going to make a point, there was a theme to this unbelievable attempt at a sentence, but it is too grandiose for a beerhead like me., why don't you forget about me tonight? last night i had drinks with someone else from tampa making it in new york. i'm not over it yet, i still once in a while heave and hock up the notion that i'm making it in new york. i won't get over it for 10 years, or until i get the next columbia house cd club shipment, or until i suck another cup full of sutter home cheap shit wine and then let my body sleep over the soldering gun of phlegm, not bone, in my chest

The Stalking Post: General goddam chit-chat Every 3 seconds: Sex . Can men and women just be friends? . Dreamland . Insomnia . Are you stoned? . What are you eating? I need advice: Can you help? . Reasons to be cheerful . Days and nights . Words . Are there any news? Wishful thinking: Have you ever... . I wish you were... . Why I oughta... Is it art?: This question seems to come up quite often around here. Weeds: Things that, if erased from our cultural memory forever, would be no great loss Surfwatch: Where did you go on the 'net today? What are you listening to?: Worst music you've ever heard . What song or tune is going through your head right now? . Obscure composers . Obscure Jazz, 1890-1950 . Whatever, whenever General Questions: Do you have any regrets? . Who are you? . Where are you? . What are you doing here? . What have you done? . Why did you do it? . What have you failed to do? . What are you wearing? . What do you want? . How do you do? . What do you want to do today? . Are you stupid? Specific Questions: What is the cruelest thing you ever did? . Have you ever been lonely? . Have you ever gone hungry? . Are you pissed off? . When is the last time you had sex? . What does it look like where you are? . What are you afraid of? . Do you love me? . What is your definition of Heaven? . What is your definition of Hell? Movies: Last movie you saw . Worst movie you ever saw . Best movie you ever saw Reading: Best book you've ever read . Worst book you've ever read . Last book you read Drunken ramblings: uiphgy8 hxbjf.bklf ghw789- bncgjkvhnqwb=8[ . Payphones: Payphone Project BBS . torturechamber . . receipts . contact