hmmmmmmm Worst book you've ever read: hmmmmmmm
By Jeffrey Scott Holland on Saturday, January 3, 1998 - 10:15 pm:
    Gosh, there are so many! It's a hard call, because I usually know in an instant if a book is terrible or not, and then I don't read it.

    The "worst" book I ever read was probably "Lincoln Vs.Kentucky" by G.W.Moody, a crotchety old man who lives about twenty minutes from me and has this book printed at great expense at a vanity publisher. It's an enormous, thick book with tiny 8-point type, and there is not one sentence in the entire book that makes complete grammatical sense. He rants a Twilight Zone perspective of history, with Abe being the one with mental illness, not his wife, and Harriet Beecher Stowe being a Voodoo Priestess, and he manages to paint every abolitionist as being a scoundrel in one way or another.

    Thing is, this book is so unintentionally hilarious and fascinating, I can't stop reading it. It's impossible to follow the narrative, so I just open it up like the Bible and jump in anywhere. So I can't really say the book is the worst, since it brings me so much chuckles. But it's easily the worst written, and the scary thing is, I've been told his relatives even proofread it for him before it was published!

By Cthulu on Wednesday, March 11, 1998 - 12:29 am:
    Tek war someone should tell captain Kirk to stick to commanding the Enterprise

By Haberdasher on Wednesday, March 11, 1998 - 01:57 am:
    That "Lincoln vs. Kentucky" sounds great--like
    Alistair Crowley with a sense of the absurd!

By Venatrix Mirjen on Thursday, March 19, 1998 - 07:33 pm:
    Local authors...ugg...
    We have one here where I am who writes biographies for children. I myself keep ending up with copies of them. They're all about obscure local people who no one cares about because they live in their houses (it's New England here) and the diaries are shoved up in the floorboards.
    And she tells me I can't write. The nerve.

By Mare on Thursday, April 2, 1998 - 01:25 am:
    The worst book I ever read? Easy.
    "Venus Envy" by Rita Mae Brown.
    Ms. Brown, a formula writer and unfortunately
    an employed professor of English at a southern
    university, wrote what must be the single most cliched, self-interested novel ever to sit on
    the shelves of the dreaded B & N.
    If you're familiar with her, you'll know that
    her first autobiographically based fantasy,
    "Rubyfruit Jungle," won her praise in many literary circles. Since then, she has taken the template of that novel and worked it like a five-dollar whore through all her other novels,
    some of which she gives co-authorship to her cat Sneaky Pie. It's always the same; Girl is born into a po' white trash family. Girl discovers sex with
    a boy cousin or the neighborhood retard. Girl discovers she likes girls better. Girl meets
    Ms. Perfect, who needs to be drawn out of her hetero hell world. Girl makes fools out of all male characters, then lands Ms. Wonderful. The end.
    Bullshit. As a dyke, I should know.

    Ms. Brown also offers a tome for aspiring writers entitled "Starting From Scratch," which basically
    instructs the reader to stop writing entirely
    until he/she has mastered 1-3 classical languages
    and has had the opportunity to study with the author directly.(I'm serious; read it if you dare)

    "Venus Envy" is by far the worst book I've ever
    read, and the only book I've ever thrown across the room in sheer disgust. Happy reading.

By PetRock on Thursday, April 2, 1998 - 06:28 am: thank you. It does sound awful.

By HotRod on Thursday, May 14, 1998 - 01:20 pm:
    Anything by Jackie Collins (unfortunately my mom's been known to read them and for lack of anything better, I've picked them up only to put them down two paragraphs later).

    I'm drawing a blank for worstbook, although I've yet to get more than a quarter of the way through Middlemarch by George Eliot, but that doesn't necessarily make it "worst".

Jon on Monday, December 28, 1998 - 11:07 pm:

    Oh dear. The worst? That's difficult because I suffer from an obsessive/compulsive thing that prevents me from putting a book down after the tenth page or so. So I've suffered through a lot of horrible books. I read really fast so I never have to suffer for long but no matter how fast you tear through the pages some novels seem to last forever. Uh, lessee... the last Stephen King thing was pretty bad. 'Insomnia?' Was that it? He basicly started to suck at about the time they started printing '6 MILLION STEPHEN KING BOOKS IN PRINT!!!' in anxious caps on the covers of his paperbacks. The man started telling his editors to fuck off and it shows; every novel is a bloated monstrosity that goes on and on like a bad Saturday Night Live skit. And it seems like there's a new one every other month. Trees must shudder when he sits down to type. In fact, it occurs to me that we could do a lot toward saving the rainforest (and inumerable I.Q. points around the English reading world)if we offed the big geek. Any takers?

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