Boogie Nights Worst movie you ever saw: Boogie Nights
By Jim on Saturday, February 21, 1998 - 08:17 pm:
    Horrible, Horrible, Horrible. Plus a fake dick. YIKES! Makes Howard the Duck look like Citizen Cain.

By Sorabji on Sunday, February 22, 1998 - 12:06 am:
    that scene with the kid throwing the snap 'n' pops was insane.

    all in all it was a pretty pissed-off account of the 70s.

    when i saw it and marky mark revealed his plastic cock the whole theater busted out laughing.

    somehow that was not the response i might have expected, but whatever.

    how Burt Reynolds got an Oscar nomination for that role is a mystery to me, but he must know the right people. Oscars are not about good work, they're about connections.

    but maybe i listen to too much (that being any) Howard Stern.

    it was too long.

    the movie, that is.

    many of the stories could have been left out.

    my favorite line from a porn movie is in this one where a man and a woman meet one day and fuck for 10 hours straight.

    after which the guy says to the girl:

    "Let's get married. Waddaya say?"

    and she says:


    western cinema at its highest.

By Pete on Monday, February 23, 1998 - 10:48 am:
    that was plastic?!? No!!! It can't be, not Marky Mark...but the 3rd nipple was real.

By Boogie Nights Schmoogie Nights on Wednesday, June 17, 1998 - 11:06 pm:
    When my eighth grade class went to Washington, D.C., the room that I stayed in had free porn and we also got "Boogie Nights." Scared the living shit out of me. Especially the part with the girl with rollerskates kicking the guy in the head. Shudder. Usually I like violence, but that was just TOO much. And by the time we got to the end, only one other guy was awake to experience the horror . . . the sheer horror of the Fake Dick with me. I have now been scarred for life. I'm only in High School! Why me? Why such an innoncent soul . . .

Ryan on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 12:52 am:

    This message board sucks! How about some comments that really matter...the movie was too long? The fake penis was too long? Whatever...if you don't like boogie nights, then suck!

By Nate on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 10:46 am:

    you go, girlfriend.

By Margret on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 11:07 am:

    I LOVED that movie.

    Does that mean there's something wrong with me?

By agatha on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 11:40 am:

    no, it means that there's something wrong with ryan.

By Nate on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 11:44 am:

    i think ryan loved the movie, too.

By J on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 11:55 am:

    The penis was too long.

By Nate on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 12:12 pm:

    ugh, i've heard that so many times.

By Patrick on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 12:44 pm:

    liar, you have no idea what it's like to have......

By agatha on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 12:47 pm:

    regardless of the fact that ryan liked the movie, the point remains that the boy is obviously not quite right.

By J on Wednesday, December 15, 1999 - 01:04 pm:

    Does anyone remember a skit on SNL with Jim Bullushi,he,s sitting in a bar trying to score a girl,they all ignore him,he sees a man across the room, girls all over him like a cheap suit.The man gets up to use the restroom,Jim follows they are peeing at the urinal,Jim looks over and checks out the mans equipment,then sees him stuffing paper towells down his pants,and he walks out the door.Jim starts stuffing towells down his pants till it sticks out about 4 or 5 feet,then he walks out past the mans table and the next thing you see is Jim proudly strutting out of the bar with 3 or 4 girls straddling his penis mobile.I might add that except for the background movie there was no speaking,it was funny.

By R.C. on Thursday, December 16, 1999 - 06:04 am:

    I hated 'Boogie Nights" too.

    But I keep wondering if I just didn't 'get it'. Was it supposed to be camp? Why wd a movie abt the dark side of pornography be camp? I mean, sure/Phillip Seymour Hoffman is everybody's darling now/due to his performances in "Flawless" & the upcoming "The Talented Mr. Ripley". But his character was so PATHETIC in "Boogie Nights"! Meaning pathetically played -- the guy practically had a big L stamped on his forehead. His dialogue sounded like it was delivered by a somnabulist. And Burt Reynolds was just so unctuous/even for a porn director. And whatshername -- Julianne Moore (I actually like her -- so why can't I remember her name?) was such an airhead as the porno community den-mother.

    It didn't make a lot of $$/but everybody raved abt that film. I cdn't understand why. I think the E! Television expose on that pretty blonde porn star Savannah was a lot more hard-hitting & realistic -- even w/out fake dick shots.

By cyst on Thursday, December 16, 1999 - 09:47 am:

    philip seymour hoffman was great in "happiness."

By Nate on Thursday, December 16, 1999 - 10:54 am:

    i was wondering if that was philip seymour hoffman.

    he reminds me of one of simon's friends.

By Patrick on Thursday, December 16, 1999 - 11:47 am:

    if you lived in LA, you might get a little more from it, knwoing the san fernando valley, i think thats all who were raving, peeps who live here and were apart of that in relity...

    Burt Reynolds is the biggest cock-sucking wife beating gigilo wannbe fuckface hair rag doucheface in hollywood....

By Nate on Friday, December 17, 1999 - 10:45 am:

    if i lived in LA i'd blow my fucking head off.

    jesus christ man.

By Patrick on Friday, December 17, 1999 - 12:45 pm:

    yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

By Nate on Friday, December 17, 1999 - 12:55 pm:

    so who has dirt on Magnolia?

By J on Friday, December 17, 1999 - 03:45 pm:

    Does that mean Burt Reynold?

By Nate on Friday, December 17, 1999 - 03:57 pm:

    naw, it's the next paul thomas anderson flic. i think it opens today in LA and NY.

    everywhere else on the 7th of the new year.

By Gee on Friday, December 17, 1999 - 04:48 pm:

    I like Jude Law.

    Can anyone tell how this is related? Because it is. Is really is.

By Nate on Friday, December 17, 1999 - 05:09 pm:

    Philip Seymour Hoffman is in that new Matt Damon movie with him... uh.

    The talented mr. riply.

    something like that.

By Patrick on Friday, December 17, 1999 - 06:01 pm:

    i puked when i got the latest issue of The Advocate on my desk this am only see Matt Damon on the cover.......BLEEEEEAGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

By cyst on Friday, December 17, 1999 - 09:16 pm:

    matt damon's out?

    I may see "the talented mr. ripley" even though I know it will be far inferior to "purple noon" just because I like watching movies about good-looking indolent rich kids.

By Patrick on Friday, December 17, 1999 - 11:34 pm:

    well know there are rumors, but he is big with some guys and often a celebrity interview makes for a good sell on our annual year end double issue.......i think he is a horrible actor and he reminds me of the people i hated in high school....

By Gee on Saturday, December 18, 1999 - 01:25 am:

    Nate: two points!

    He looked much much better with dark hair. But I would like to see his new movie anyway. I think Matt Damon looks kinda spooky in it.

By Czarina on Saturday, December 18, 1999 - 02:10 pm:

    Magnolia------first 2 hours excellent-------last hour unbearable to sit through------haven't seen it myself, but quoting a fairly reliable source.
    Same source also reports an interesting comment made by Matt Damon--------"If I were gay, Brad Pitt would be the man for me, I'd even have a poster of him on my wall." Hmmmmm Did anyone see him on the cover of Rolling Stone------I liked his dress, but he really needed to lose the
    playtex gloves.

By cyst on Sunday, December 19, 1999 - 01:50 pm:

    does anyone's local video store carry this movie?

By Antigone on Monday, December 20, 1999 - 12:37 am:

By Antigone on Monday, December 20, 1999 - 12:42 am:

    Track 9 of this CD has the theme music for Zardoz. (Allegretto (2nd movement from Sym No.7 in A, op.92) by Beethoven)

By Antigone on Monday, December 20, 1999 - 12:42 am:

    I don't work for Amazon. Really...

By BLAKESNAKE on Monday, April 3, 2000 - 05:32 am:

    Boogie Nights was great. You're not the king of me. It's my big dick. You don't do these things donkey dick. Your embarassing me billy go on-Yeah go on little billy. That movie makes me laugh everytime I watch it. It deserves some credit.
    It's pretty cheesy, but it's in my video collection.

By Cannon7 on Friday, June 16, 2000 - 04:06 am:

    I want Heather Graham to sit on my face. But thats just me.

By Nate on Friday, June 16, 2000 - 09:51 am:

    no sir, that's not just you.

By Cat on Friday, June 16, 2000 - 10:18 am:

    Yes Mam, it is.

By Cannon7 on Friday, June 16, 2000 - 03:51 pm:

    Daaaamnnn.. anyways.

By Gee on Saturday, June 17, 2000 - 01:38 am:

    I hated Heather Graham. I didn't like her at all. she's got a pudgy face and she annoyed the HECK out of me when she was on "Twin Peaks". but then I saw her in "Two Girls and a Guy" and I think she's kinda nice now.

    I liked that movie so much.

By Nate on Monday, June 19, 2000 - 09:51 am:

    she has big eyes and a nice rack.

    and i've seen her muff.

By Jay on Monday, June 19, 2000 - 10:35 am:

    i like when she od's in "Drugstore Cowboy".

By patrick on Monday, June 19, 2000 - 12:20 pm:

    what did i tell you about the god damn hat on the bed?

By Biro on Monday, June 19, 2000 - 04:17 pm:

    Burt Reynolds wearing that same old "thing on his head" that looks like it is about to sprout wings and fly, that rug has gotta go. He is so bad its actually worth the money to see him....... and the irony is that he thinks he is so cool. One good movie(Deliverance) does not make an actor. Now, he should be in a John Waters movie, he would be great! Or has he?

By Isolde on Monday, June 19, 2000 - 09:52 pm:

    I wasn't overly impressed with any of the women in Boogie Nights, actually...there's only one thing _I_ was impressed by. Too bad it was fake.

By Dougie on Monday, June 19, 2000 - 10:35 pm:

    I've never walked out on a movie. Even if it sucks, I'm getting my money's worth, dammit. I took a date once to see Cook, Thief, Wife & Her Lover. Mistake. She walked out on it. I stayed til the bitter end.

By Isolde on Monday, June 19, 2000 - 10:43 pm:

    Owie. I'd never had to walk out on a movie until I saw Gone in 60 Seconds. I didn't even make the first half hour. I figure that yes, it sucks, but I refuse to torture myself. I'll just kiss the matinee fee goodbye. I refuse to torture myself. I used to buy tickets to movies I knew were bad so I coul dmake out, though...I learned that if I went to see good movies with that intent, I'd get pissed at my boyfriend for distracting me...

By dave. on Monday, June 19, 2000 - 11:46 pm:

    what fucking world do you people live in? i don't do diggity-dog, doublenegative nothing and i barely have time to wipe my ass. i just don't get it. something's got to give here.

    of course, if i did have time, i doubt i'd blow it on hollywood, blathering, wanker pissants.


By Isolde on Monday, June 19, 2000 - 11:51 pm:

    I do diggity dog lots. And I have time to wipe my ass. The secret? I never sleep.

By dave. on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 12:15 am:

    me either.

By Jay on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 08:18 am:

    The way i see it, if there is one thing, one thing on this whole wide world you have got to make time to do.
    It's wipe your ass.
    speaking of which, i wiped my ass yesterday while utilizing a public facility. while leaning to wipe i sort of lost my balance and had to put my hand down for support. The wiping hand. poop side down.
    I left a big do-do smear on the toilet seat. I feel sort of bad cause shit like that really grosses me out when i see it, but the fact that it was mine made it o.k.
    i think i might suffer from coprophilia.

By Czarina on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 09:35 am:

    Thank you for sharing that with us,it gives us a whole new perspective of you.

By Dougie on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 09:41 am:

    Yeah, I wanna shake his hand.

By J on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 11:00 am:

    Not until he washes it.

By patrick on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 12:20 pm:

    The Cook Thief Wife Lover is a brilliant movie....Peter Greenaway is one of the most vivid movie directors around. See The Pillow Book.....or Drowning by Numbers

By Jay on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 12:40 pm:

    yeah i kind of like the cook,thief, wife lover movie myself. different. can't say that about much these days.

By Agatha on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 01:22 pm:

    why didn't you wipe the seat off with some toilet paper? and why did you have shit all over your hand? i don't understand.

By Jay on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 02:22 pm:

    I was holding the used toilet paper in my hand and the shit side came down on the seat. the shit wasn't on my hand itself.
    i don't understand myself. i just find that sort of thing funny.
    besides its the janitors job to clean the toilet. thats what he gets paid for.

By J on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 02:36 pm:

    There is nothing a janitor hates worse than shit all over a toilet,you should have wiped it up,for the love of God have you no scruples?

By Czarina on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 02:41 pm:

    If you can't control your bowles,why don't you defecate at home?See how that janitor feels about cleaning up your disgusting mess.

By Jay on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 03:42 pm:

    I'm glad you all found it such an issue. as it turns out i just came from the bathroom and the shit was still on the seat. lazy janitor never touched it. now it's really on there.
    gonna take some spic and motherfuckin' span to get that shit off now.
    I can control my bowels. i didn't blow out all over the toilet like i just had a bowl of colon blow. i simply lost my balance while pivoting to wipe.
    what can i say it was one of those handicapped toilets. things are dangerous.

By agatha on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 04:17 pm:

    jay, i hope you get reincarnated as a janitor.

By Gee on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 05:01 pm:

    I read a book about the Pillow Book. it looks really interesting. If it were on TV I'd watch it.

By patrick on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 05:48 pm:

    i doubt it would be on TV, there is full male frontal nudity courtesy of Ewan MacGregor

By Nate on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 06:03 pm:

    holy shit. now i'm going to check that out.

By patrick on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 06:44 pm:

    i thought you might like that you cocksucking pig!

    and actually a lot of it is very gratuitous, in a harvy kietel kinda way

By Cat on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 06:59 pm:

    Nothing like a bit of gratuitous male nudity. Bring it on.

    Television nudity is the last bastion for equal opportunity.

By Biro on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 08:44 pm:

    Pivoting to wipe - good name for a novel or band. Wonder what sort of music they would play.... or novel it would be?

By Jay on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 09:10 pm:

    jazz fusion with an elvis singer

By Biro on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 09:24 pm:

    Lounge singer.... with humongous boobs and arse........... (hopefully wiped clean)

By Biro on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 09:37 pm:

    If television nudity is the last bastion for equal opportunity-howcome you never see male genitals, how isit that breasts are prevelant and dicks are not. Oh, there is the occasional male bum, and that makes news, so, where is the equality in that?

By Jay on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 09:51 pm:

    thats a no brainer. dicks are fucking ugly. who wants to see a veiney(if thats even a word) dick swinging around. breasts on the other hand are a thing of beauty. even most women think so. most women also agree that dicks are pretty ugly. not mine of course. mine has personality. personality goes a long way.

By Gee on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 01:24 am:

    you oughta take a lesson from your dick some day.

    Patrick, they might still show it on TV. it would be perfect for Showcase. they like to show stuff like that. Crash. Gia. Kids. they're showing this gay soap opera from the UK that has lots of male nudie-shots in it. I think I will suggest it to them.

By J on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 01:54 am:

    I like to look at male members,and I don't know why.

By Zephyr on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 04:31 am:

    It's ok J, lots of people do, and is there anything wrong with them? No, of course not!

    why the fuck am i not studying?

By Nate on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 09:47 am:

    doesn't biro mean goat?

    oh wait, that's birro.

    biro birro.


    maybe i don't know.

    one time i ordered a birro (biro?) burrito at La Azteca and they brought me the (more expensive) birro platter. then i said that I had ordered the burrito, so they brought me the burrito (birrito) and it had a big ol' honkin goat bone in it.


By Dougie on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 09:55 am:

    Every Friday at the deli near where I used to work, they had this West Indian/Caribbean(?)dish called goat roti, which was kind of like a stew with goat meat and vegetables wrapped in a large piece of flat bread. Goat's a little gamey, but it was really good, and you really had to watch out for the bones.

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