I guess the dream always ends

sorabji.com: What is your definition of hell?: I guess the dream always ends
By 1of2 on Thursday, April 9, 1998 - 03:09 pm:
    Its almost funny, the way I've gone down the wrong path agin and again, letting time and circumstance be the determining factors in my life. When we were children something set us apart from the others. But there was always us to keep each other company, and to let each other know that it would be ok as long as we stayed together and protected one another. our thoughts were as one, but it was so natural that we didnt think about it. as we left childhood and neared the brink of adulthood and saw that the cruelty of children was merely becoming the cruelty of adults he couldn't take it and he left me here alone. and i tried and tried to stay afloat and make my way in the world and i did it for my family and i did it for my friends and i did it so that people might see that i was whole. and i learned that if you work hard and follow the rules that you can advance in the world until such time as you had reached your maximum earning potential and were let go because things had changed and they needed to be more profitable and the technology was dying and i needed to learn new skills to help build companies that would give me reviews and 2 weeks of vacation until such time as i had reached my maximum earning potential and was let go again because things had changed and they needed to help the board members be better members of society by paying the golf club dues and by having the right car in the right drive way in the right neighborhood behind gates. and i floated and carried on and watched my skills become more and more obsolete with each passing round of expectation and the friends went away and my other didnt come back and i began to understand that i am only half and he isnt coming back and there are no second chances and the church cant help and god has bigger fish to fry and i cant help but see that things dont change. i died when he did and the rest is broken glass and needles and i dont want to stay here anymore.


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