an unacquainted rage What is your definition of hell?: an unacquainted rage

By Cat on Wednesday, June 13, 2001 - 09:04 pm:

    My father had a heart attack 12 days ago and he's having trouble holding on to this place. I detest sympathy, so no consoling thoughtful words, please.

    What I do want is to know why I felt so angry last weekend. This horrible white and red spotted rage just consumed me at the strangest moments. It was in my stomach and blazing up my neck and I could even taste it.

    While I may seem quite aggressive on the boards, I'm actually a mellow person and there aren't too many people who have ever heard me raise my voice in anger. But this weekend, I sure made up for that.

    I got in my car and yelled at people for a minor traffic indiscretion, I abused an ex who called from the US to ask me how I was, I told my two best friends to fuck off (luckily they ignored me and hugged me instead), and I would have been rude to my favourite gay couple when they dropped in with a cake, but they are bitchy when crossed and I wasn't that brave.

    Even when there was nothing at all to be mad about, I fumed and ranted into the empty spaces around me. I was frustrated, yes, because I had a cold and wasn't allowed near my father or anyone in the family. But that still doesn't explain it.

    Is this a usual way to deal with grief?

By Trace on Wednesday, June 13, 2001 - 09:29 pm:

    Yes, when you don't understand it or have not accepted the situation yet. Give it time. I was the same way when my grandfather died earlier this year

By dave. on Wednesday, June 13, 2001 - 09:36 pm:

    i was indifferent about my dad's death. he spent so much time in prison that i never really got to know him.

    i sometimes wonder, when i see an unreasonably angry person, like someone in a checkout line unloading on a cashier for practically nothing, whether they're going through something like what you're going through. it quickly passes and i'm left thinking about what an asshole they are.

By moonit on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 04:58 am:

    I wasn't supposed to go to the hospital to see Nana. But when they decided she wouldnt make it, I was allowed in (i had a cold). When she was lying there making this awful growling noise all I wanted to do was run like fuck away.

    Even at the funeral I just wanted to take off.

    Some people get angry, some cry, and some run.

    Or would run but knowing my luck my family would tackle me to the ground and thats just freakin scary.

By patrick on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 12:00 pm:

    so that explains your heightened aggression this past week.

    im sorry to hear this whether you like it or not.

    there is no right answer to your question.

    people deal differently.

By semillama on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 02:15 pm:

    Get yourself a 12-lb sledge, a pair of safety glasses, some gloves and a bunch of sedimentary rocks.

By J on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 03:57 pm:

    Pounding nails into wood helps.

By moonit on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 05:08 pm:

    a punching bag may also be of use

    so far today one of the older - wiser cats has done something inside it shouldnt of, I've flooded the kitchen - with the washing machine, and the Little Fergus Monster-mowmow will not leave my hands alone. I forgot what it was like to have kittens

By Cat on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 05:44 pm:

    Nah, I'm calm again now. Or at least more peaceful, since I'm not really the tranquil sort.

    Padre's condition has improved markedly in the last 24 hours. They may even be able to attempt keyhole surgery on the weekend, which would really buy him some time.

    I should have known he wouldn't let a little thing like an artery ruin his chances of living to an age where I have to wipe his bum. He told me last night that's all he wants and I told him I was going to switch off all his machines. He's a funny man. I hope he gets to inflict his sick humour on my children and corrupt another generation.

By J on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 06:23 pm:

    God bless him,me too.

By Dougie on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 07:05 pm:

    Your pops sounds cool, Cat. I second J's blessing, on him, you, and J.

By agatha on Thursday, June 14, 2001 - 10:05 pm:

    Is this a usual way to deal with grief?

    doesn't matter. deal in whatever fashion you can, just make sure you keep trying to deal.

    (it's in my nature to say something else, but i won't)

By Czarina on Friday, June 15, 2001 - 01:27 am:

    I'm glad he's doing better.

By patrick on Friday, June 15, 2001 - 11:32 am:

    me too.

    I don't buy the whole "I detest sympathy" bit miss cat. This thread itself proves it to be bunk. I think you just wear that like a warm but itchy itchy sweater.

    Surely you've had grief before. So to ask if it's "usual" is impossible for anyone here to answer. We probably should ask you...IS IT?

    Agatha is most correct.


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