What the fuck is up with my libido?!?

sorabji.com: Sex: What the fuck is up with my libido?!?

Antigone on Monday, November 16, 1998 - 11:26 pm:

    OK. Here's the story. Untill three weeks ago I hadn't been in a relationship of any length for five years. FIVE YEARS. But now I am with an incredible woman who is everything I could hope for in my wildest dreams. She feels pretty good about me too. ;-)

    Second, I'm about the most monogamous person I know. Just thinking of cheating on the person I'm dating makes me feel physically ill. I can't even casually date two people simultaneously. I have to take a few months to leave my feelings for one of them behind before dating the other. (One of the reasons for the five year relationship desert, probably.)

    So, here's the problem. Since starting my current relationship my libido has increased wildly. My S.O. is very affectionate, so there's no lack of action for me (yippee!) but I'm now hugely attracted to every woman I see, so much so that I feel like flirting with every one that gets within 10 feet of me. Before I was quite shy, but now if I didn't restrain myself I'd hit on every woman breathing! I'd never cheat... ever, ever, ever... but I feel like I'm gonna frickin' explode!! What can I do?!?

By Sheila on Tuesday, November 17, 1998 - 02:01 pm:

    What problem?

    Have you consulted Satan's Severed Head?

    Did anything else in your life change at the same time?

    You will not explode.

    I'm happy for you.

By Antigone on Tuesday, November 17, 1998 - 04:56 pm:

    Satan's severed head has stayed strangely quiet recently. He just sits in the corner and chuckles liquidly once in a while. I think he's enjoying watching me writhe. (He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows when you've been bad or good, so don't fuck up, for Christ's sake!)

    And, no, not much else has changed recently, thank doG! The last few weeks have been enough... |-)

    And, what's the problem? I'm just not used to feeling like Don Juan on testerone therapy, that's all. I'm not quite sure how to handle it. I can only see my S.O. on the weekends (I work during the night, she during the day) and I work at a large university, complete with scads of cute co-eds. Sure, I used to look at the cute women all of the time, but I was discreet, ya know? But now I get the urge to say, "Say, baby, what's your sign?" all of the time. Totally out of character for me.

    And, I'm happy for me too. (Humble of me to say so, eh?) In fact, I'm giddy as a monkey in a banana shaving factory. Delerious as Frank Sinatra in a typhoon. Goofy as three pounds of penicillin dumped in an e-coli convention.


By Sarah on Tuesday, November 17, 1998 - 06:44 pm:

    have you considered masturbation?

    i'm also hugely attracted to almost every woman i see, but the autoeroticism seems to help take the edge off. you might consider giving it a try.

By Long Wang on Tuesday, November 17, 1998 - 08:46 pm:

    Hey, I'm as much of a fan of clearing the old snorkel as the next guy, but I'm also a great fan of redirecting libidinous energies. Certain sects of Taoism and Zen Buddhism incorporate building up sexual tension and then, instead of releasing it, using the energies in other ways. Male masturbation involves a sort of "shut down" (which is why men tend to fall asleep afterwords), and can sap your energies. Don't the French call it le petite morte?

    Anyway, try it; it can be a powerful drug. And then when it comes to the point that you just gotta blow a wad, have at.

By Antigone on Wednesday, November 18, 1998 - 02:54 pm:

    The French "little death" refers to all orgasms, not just male ones.

    Sigh. I told my S.O. about my hormones and she was none too pleased. (I have this annoying habbit of being completely honest.) Her reaction is understandable, I suppose. But, she assumed that when I was attracted to other women that it was the same attraction I have to her, which is completely not the case. For me physical attraction is pretty frivolous. I wouldn't even have a conscience about my current libidinous tendencies if they hadn't taken me so much by suprise. We're going to talk it out tonight. Wish me luck!

By J. on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 04:43 pm:

    Dude, I've been there too. Once Ur out of a relationship for a while, U don't really think about it that much. At least for me, it ALWAYS seemed that when I was single, I couldn't get a woman to give the the time of day. But once I was in a relationship, they all came out of the woodwork. Even now, after 4 years of being w/ my fiance`, I still feel a strong attraction to other women. But, all U need to do is harness that attraction, and focus it toward U and your girlfriend's relationship. Whatever U want to say to them, tell her instead. Any sexual thoughts pop in your head, call her and tell her that U were thinking of her, and use that creativity in ur lives together; especially in the bedroom...or kitchen...parking lot...LOL. Sorry, got a fond memory in mind. Gonna go tell her now.

    U'll be fine, just remember that U've got a good woman now. Don't endanger that bond w/ the attractions of others, rather use it to your advantage.

    Good luck!

By Antigone on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 04:56 pm:

    Good luck?

    J, that post is FIVE YEARS OLD. :)

    Wait...you're not "J" you're "J."


    Since I posted that I've broken up with that woman...twice...and have been dating someone else for the past year and a half.

    Oh, and the woman I was posting about above got married to the guy she dated after me. God help the poor guy...

By Spider on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 05:10 pm:

    So, have you gotten yourself under control?

    I was like that when I was on the pill, back in the day, as I know I've mentioned before. Holy mother of...it was insane. It was existentially disturbing, too, because it completely fucked with my concept of who I was. I always thought I was just a naturally very reserved and serene and unexcitable person, and no, it turns out I just didn't have the right level of hormones. So does that mean our personalities are no more sublime than just effects of the chemicals floating around inside of us? So upsetting.

By Antigone on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 06:09 pm:

    Why? You are what you are. If you don't eat enough, do you get grumpy? Same thing. You just take that for granted.

    Yes, I'm "under control," maybe a bit too much. My libido has taken a nosedive for some reason. I do think it's related to hormones, though. Guys are supposed to have their human growth hormone levels start dipping around 30, and I'm 33. Also, I haven't been exercizing regularly for a year. I need a shot of testosterone. :)

By TBone on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 08:20 pm:

    Oh, I get it. This J. is male.

    It's really really frustrating when you are in a bad mood and antisocial because of chemical/hormone imbalances, and you know it... but you can't help it.

    Then there's people with Bipolar Disorder. It's like having two or three separate friends... some are more fun to be with than others.


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