UNUSUAL HOME MADE SEX TOYS (FRESH FRUIT)


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THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).

By KINKI on Wednesday, April 14, 1999 - 09:53 pm:

    Well I would like to hear from anyone who knows how to make any unusual female toys from fresh fruit. Grapes, melons and avacado come in very usefull if you want to know. PLEASE HELP, I'VE RAN OUT OF IDEAS.


By Not that kinki on Wednesday, April 14, 1999 - 11:24 pm:

    Won't grapes get lost up there?


By Swine on Thursday, April 15, 1999 - 12:19 am:

    i'd imagine if she can handle an entire melon, the grapes would probably just roll right back on out...


By But kinki enough on Thursday, April 15, 1999 - 12:50 am:

    Since we're on the subject, I think that if I were going to use a melon I would find the largest watermelon I could find, bore out a small a hole at one end, insert a banana and then start experimenting with positions. There's something about being fucked by a watermelon in the missionary opinion that kind of appeals to me.

    I've actually had the notion of putting a strap-on my favorite teddy bear (his name is Winston).

    I suppose you could put a strap-on on a melon. But I'm sure Kinki is a fresh-fruit purist. It might be cheating.

    I think I read somewhere that men can bore out a little hole in a water melon (to his dimensions, so it's nice and snug), then put it in the oven on warm for a while till I guess it's 98.6 and then insert and enjoy.


By Skottey on Thursday, April 15, 1999 - 09:03 am:

    Boring a hole in and fucking a watermelon, that is kind of a waste of a watermelon don't you think?

    I can think of a lot of other ways to get off besides fucking a watermelon.

    I would rather eat a watermelon. Actually, boring a hole and "eating out" a watermelon kind of sounds appealling. You could work it for a while and then tilt the watermelon forcing the juices to flow down into your mouth. Thus, simulating the juices of a woman flowing into your mouth as she cums with excitement. Of course it would be a lot sweeter than most pussies, but that is to be expected with fresh fruit.

    ...Gotta go, off to the market.


By ITS ME AGAIN on Thursday, April 15, 1999 - 05:08 pm:

    These are all very good ideas, I'll keeplooking at these suggestions, I'm going to try some out tonight, Thanx


By Melonlovergirl on Thursday, April 15, 1999 - 06:02 pm:

    My life will be on hold until I hear the results.


By Dave on Friday, April 16, 1999 - 01:27 am:

    I'm reminded of something I heard years ago about one of the local trollops: "fucking her is like fucking a warm jar of mayonnaise". I don't think I'll ever forget that one. When I'm in the advanced stages of Alzheimers, that's one of the things I'll be muttering. That and "you're so bored because you're boring".


By Fruitshagger on Friday, April 30, 1999 - 10:09 am:

    Well, I find nothing more saasfying than giving a carrot a good fucking. I regularly enjoy shagging fresh fruit. Am I weird?


By on Friday, April 30, 1999 - 11:43 am:

    y


By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Friday, April 30, 1999 - 01:38 pm:

    Oh god. Now I'm gonna be intrigued until I shag a warm jar of mayonnaise.

    Damn.


By Bagpuss on Saturday, May 1, 1999 - 04:55 am:

    I though mayonnaise came pre-shagged.


By Agatha on Saturday, May 1, 1999 - 01:44 pm:

    christ, that's revolting.


By Well fucked on Friday, May 7, 1999 - 09:43 am:

    Well this is the person who posted the message in the first place, I have to say I tried the wattermelon thing, very enjoyable! I advise all female to stick a carrot in a wattermelon and give it a good fucking! Nothing more enjoyable. Well, i WOULD SAY THAT i'VE ALREADY TRIED THE WARM MAYO TRICK, not too enjoyable. C'ya!


By Waffles on Wednesday, August 18, 1999 - 07:07 pm:

    clear here for sex and watermelons
    http://www.phallic.org/watermelon.gif


    and speaking of alzheimers (Dave), I grew up in a neighborhood that had it's resident kook with alzheimers...Ole Kate used to go around asking the boys if she could see "yer big banana....come here you fuck...gimme yer big banana" She used to also walk up to peoples porches and also the main road and start sweeping.....kinda sad about alzheimers but at the same time, when i am old and withering it seems kinda fun and playful to be in a state of such bliss and irregard...but I am sure thats a jaded way of looking at it...


By Bettey on Wednesday, August 18, 1999 - 11:25 pm:

    Ohmigod Waffles! THAT is the funniest thing I've seen in a while! Thanks for the laugh!


By Kalliope on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 04:08 am:

    too funny. one of my best friends was whining to me on the phone about his lack of sexual conquests since moving to manhattan...and was afraid the street vendors in brooklyn blacklisted him from buying anymore canteloupe.


By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 08:31 am:

    Oh great, thanks, Waffles. Now I gotta scrape up enuf change for a watermelon.


By Rhiannon on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 10:30 am:

    My aunt once lived in Brooklyn -- she said she
    used to buy watermelon from a guy whose sign said
    "Fresh watermelon...as sweet as your woman."


By Waffles on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 10:35 am:

    hey jim, it's summertime, they should be on sale!!!!




    HA!


By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 11:02 am:

    LOL


By Jinafishes on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 01:04 pm:

    I heard if you're ever going down a girl, a good thing to try is puting a menthol cough drop in your mouth while going at it. Maybe you could stick a cough drop up there and then use the carrot. another thing is the banana, of course, I've never tried either, but aside from the stereotypicality of bananas, I hear they're good, and the cucumber, of course.


By Waffles on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 01:09 pm:

    cough drop, altoids, it's all hype, tried it, no extra sensation for her or myself.... I am positive the altoids/oral pleasure rumor was started by their marketing dept.






By Lucy Phurre on Thursday, August 19, 1999 - 02:57 pm:

    No, it does produce a sensation, which can be nice (although it's not for everyone), but you gotta use sugarless or you're gonna be dealing with a yeast infection.


By Shagster on Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 12:48 am:

    Try using a dried gourd.I'ts unfucking believable.Some gourds have little bumps on the outside which makes it all the more interesting!


By Sassychick on Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 12:29 pm:

    you guys are fucking lame, i mean come on, cant you find something better to use, everyone is just saying the same thing, cum on get creative, i once used my old nintendo rumble pack for a vibrator, i know this is about fruit, but my point is to use your emaginations.lol. well, good luck. and i hope i didnt ufend anyone.


By Christopher on Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 04:26 pm:

    I've never had relations with the fruit and vegetable crowd, but one time when I lived in New York, I was putting a bag of garbage in the trash can, and accidentally knocked it over. Out rolled a great big cantaloupe, with a conspicuous hole drilled into it. I looked at my neighbors differently after that.


By Nelly on Tuesday, January 22, 2002 - 05:13 pm:

    what about furniture:

    there's a line in one of Deacon Lunchbox's poems about "gettin' kinda fond of
    the hole in the sofa that I call Wanda"

    later on, i read somewhere, he changed it to Brenda because he was interested in a woman named Wanda and didn't want her to take offense. It doesn't rhyme as well though.

    this was the poem about the Hummingbird Hotel which I am wondering if it was the same one as was down the street from where i stayed in New Orleans. I was going to try having breakfast in the cafe when my brain made the connection. I ended up passing it by...


By agatha on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 03:04 am:

    nelly, play scrabble with me!


By IX on Thursday, January 24, 2002 - 04:56 pm:

    how about oranges????


By patrick on Thursday, January 24, 2002 - 05:08 pm:

    have you ever cut citrus fruit with an abrasion on your hand?

    Ever jerk off with shampoo?


    you go try oranges and report back.


By Czarina on Friday, January 25, 2002 - 12:18 am:

    Shampoo, Patrick?


By patrick on Friday, January 25, 2002 - 11:57 am:

    every guy, during adolescence or otherwise figured out at one point or another that shampoo or soap was NOT a lubricant for wanking. Anyone who says they didn't is a liar. A little soap in the "peepee hole" will wisen you up in no time.

    i suspect many of you are very uncomforable at reading this. she asked.




By FOXY ROXY on Tuesday, September 24, 2002 - 08:56 pm:

    TRY MAKING A WANNA BE DILDO OUT OF GLUE STICKS. I TRIED IT WORKS GREAT. BOIL WATER IN A POT YOU WILL NEVER USE AGAIN. THEN TOSS AS MANY GLUE STICKS AS YOU LIKE DEPENDIONG HOW BIG YOU WANT THE DILDO TO BE AND THEN POUR THE WATER OUT WHEN THE STICKS ARE SORT OF MELTED THEN ROLL THEM IN BETWEEN YOUR HANDS TO THE SIZE AND GIRTH YOU WANT. WAIT A FEW MINUTES UNTILL IT COOLS DOWN ENOUGH TO INSERT IN YOUR VAGINA BUT NOT ALL THE WAY COLD IT FEELS GREAT AND MAKES YOUR VAGINA ALL WET WITH THE EXTRA WARMTH. GUYS CAN TRY THIS TOO BUT THEY SHAPE IT INTO A VAGINA AND INSERT A HOLE LARGE ENOUGH FOR THEIR PENIS.


By heather on Tuesday, September 24, 2002 - 11:57 pm:

    sounds kinda toxic


By Joe on Monday, September 30, 2002 - 12:48 am:

    well, patrick, you are correct. it's worse when you have to explain to a woman that what she just did to you wasn't quite the "event" she thought she was creating!


By Vibrodude on Thursday, August 7, 2003 - 09:12 pm:

    Heh.. I made a great penis vibrator - thing really works like a champ. I've made an html file with pics of how to construct it.. Lots of fun. :) Email me if you want it.


By Hal on Friday, August 8, 2003 - 11:09 am:

    Seek professional help.


By TBone on Friday, August 8, 2003 - 11:33 am:

    I just saw someone walking his dog on a Segway. I've never seen one in person. They are goofy-looking contraptions. I want one.


By semillama on Friday, August 8, 2003 - 11:40 am:

    I would love to try one out. Just don't make the same mistake the resident did and turn it on before you get on it.


By on Monday, March 29, 2004 - 09:37 pm:

    :)


By Mothafuckin pimp on Thursday, April 1, 2004 - 07:04 am:

    Yo wazzup yo. Foos. I gut da pimpin ass idea rait here yo. Strait from da hood. You need to attach da drill to da pimpin watermelon and fuck that instedd. HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.


By Da Hoodlum on Thursday, April 1, 2004 - 10:53 am:

    Yo Pimple!az bin a pumpin ma pimpkin az faz az muh han allows!!!!!!!!!


By Googler on Friday, August 6, 2004 - 01:48 am:


By Twisted on Saturday, August 14, 2004 - 01:40 pm:

    i have the ultimate vagina idea????? tried it... yessss.. under 20 dollas.. butttt... can only use this idea for 1.... day then you have to get rid of it.... the smell.....no no....?


By Clueless on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 12:54 pm:

    what do you call it when you have a sex with a fruit or veggie, or having a sex with either dolls , furniture, or a pillow? I needed a name?


By Mala-Dicta on Sunday, August 15, 2004 - 02:54 pm:

    You call it pathetic


By J0 on Friday, March 11, 2005 - 05:58 pm:

    hmmm some kinky stuff guys....your right man that soap stuff stings like a bitch!! never again =( traumatized =/ bye i needa go give myself a stroke


By Pathetic. on Friday, March 11, 2005 - 11:21 pm:

    Jo,Like patrick once said ," once you stroke your penis with shampoo and if the shampoo ever get in your pee hole, it will wise you up in no time". Yes, it is true as well as the suds of a soap will wise you up in no times!Too! have fun as usual!.


By Koyote on Monday, April 11, 2005 - 12:07 am:

    and as a friend of mine once said..STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM BEN-GAY!


By Tina on Sunday, April 24, 2005 - 10:36 pm:

    bananas work to


By Lopis on Monday, April 25, 2005 - 10:26 pm:

    Tina, what does banana has anything to do with Ben-Gay?


By V on Wednesday, April 27, 2005 - 01:22 pm:

    ??????????


By Dodi on Wednesday, April 27, 2005 - 01:32 pm:

    little do we know...


By V on Wednesday, April 27, 2005 - 03:55 pm:

    ...well I know a bit,Jack is stomping through "Westworld",like a demented "Yull Brinner" looking for the last of the humans,v and Dodi,next in the scrip,I need to burn his face off with acid.


By Yui-yuii on Friday, April 29, 2005 - 01:04 pm:

    I like anything about cum,huge cocks and,fruit fuckin......I am a boy who is 19 years old...turkish..f u send me e-mail I can tell you a lot of crazy ideas bout fruits and vegetables...you will be glad...


By V on Saturday, April 30, 2005 - 09:38 pm:

    Well im really in to vegetables,that why I post to Sorabjis.


By Fruity on Monday, May 2, 2005 - 12:01 pm:

    Dont carrots take root???if u put one up your vagina???errrg


By Sexmanic on Wednesday, May 4, 2005 - 12:04 am:

    If you want to get really wet use a fruit pop as a dildo (right from the freezer) it is awesome


By Cat on Thursday, May 5, 2005 - 04:31 am:

    "won't grapes get lost up there?"

    heh

    A question for the millenium.

    Cunt wine.


By jinx on Thursday, May 5, 2005 - 09:41 am:

    cheers!


By Jay on Thursday, May 5, 2005 - 08:33 pm:

    popsicles aren't fruit


By Sexmanic on Thursday, May 5, 2005 - 08:44 pm:

    they do make real fruit ones....they have chucks of fruit such as strawberries in them


By Cat on Friday, May 6, 2005 - 02:09 am:

    I like my chunky fruit popsicles to be attached to a male. Jes sayin'.


By Feelin great on Sunday, May 8, 2005 - 11:04 pm:

    Wat i enjoy doing is boring a hole in a rockmelon and then sticking a cucumber in the hole and then bouncing up and down and the cucumber


By A on Sunday, May 8, 2005 - 11:31 pm:

    How about you guys penetrating the lettuce or cabage? how about you gals injecting the corn on the cob?


By Pathetic on Sunday, May 8, 2005 - 11:39 pm:

    Kayote, will Ben-Gay will wisen you up in no time? I'll try that and will tell Patrick.


By Jess on Saturday, May 14, 2005 - 04:58 pm:

    Speaking of fucking house hold items, anyone ever use an electric tooth brush? that works too.


By HAHA on Thursday, May 26, 2005 - 03:31 am:

    the best why to get of with fruit is to rub it over yourself and then get the dog to lick it up


By Brit girl on Sunday, June 12, 2005 - 11:16 am:

    Isaw a thing in a british magazine, Try putting a alkeselser inside your vagina. nice


By Feeling great on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 01:26 am:

    does anyone no wat a alkeselser is?


By Caligirl on Sunday, May 28, 2006 - 04:39 pm:

    I have use corn on the cob? OMG it works and fells so good. I have tryed just about anything and everything


By Czarina on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 10:05 am:

    I think this is why we have the Department of Agriculture.

    To protect our fruits and vegetables from disease carriers.


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