Spank the Beaver? Sex: Spank the Beaver?

By WanderingWillyTheWhacker on Thursday, January 6, 2000 - 07:42 pm:


    Beat the Meat
    Yank the Crank
    Slop the Dripper
    Lope the Mule
    Jerk the Gerkin
    Pound the Pud
    Spank the Monkey
    Flog the Dummy
    Jack Off
    Yank the Frank
    Punish the One-eyed Monster
    Spank ol' Hank
    Whack ol' Willy (hey,hey)

    Do the ladies have their own lingo for the deed?

    Just curious.

By Patrick on Thursday, January 6, 2000 - 07:46 pm:

    girls don't do this

    nor do they poop
    they "poot talcolm powder"

    Rhi, Sem, know who said that?

By Fb on Thursday, January 6, 2000 - 08:00 pm:

    Go ask your mom, I'll bet she shows you "slap the asshole"

By Nate on Friday, January 7, 2000 - 10:40 am:

    polish the pebble
    play with the little man in the boat

    when in doubt, make something up. that's my motto.

    rub the raisinette
    tickle the tiny tater tot

    and some ladies plumb the depths while massaging the monk

    spelunk and shine
    finger and fondle
    dabble the dinky dude and dam the torpedoes

    some go the tits and clit route

    but i can't think of anything for that.

    i'm not drunk. usually when i'm drunk i'll shout out something about masturbation. probably once in every hundred times about female masturbation.


    it must be great to be a lady. so many options.

By The Dinner Lady on Friday, January 7, 2000 - 10:48 am:

    They use the term 'masturbate' from what I recall.

By Nate on Friday, January 7, 2000 - 11:03 am:

    are you sure you've never said 'scrub the clam'?

By J on Friday, January 7, 2000 - 11:12 am:

    When I,m drunk I masterbate,I don,t know why,maybe a hundred times.How I wish Czarina didn,t lose the book with that masterbation poem by Mark Twain.

By Rhiannon on Friday, January 7, 2000 - 11:19 am:

    Patrick: that was our beloved Mr. Rollins.

By Patrick on Friday, January 7, 2000 - 12:03 pm:


By J on Friday, January 7, 2000 - 02:53 pm:

    Did anyone see that top 100 list of the best songs?Elvis Costello wasn,t even on it and there was hella people that shouldn,t have been on it.

By Patrick on Friday, January 7, 2000 - 03:52 pm:

    but the stones got #1, so I can't bitch too much, but then again, who decides these things.....i was never asked.....

By Gee on Saturday, January 8, 2000 - 06:02 pm:

    I think when most girls masturbate they actually Don't use the word "masturbate". they usually refer to it as touching themselves. that's how it seems to me, anyway.

    I saw a documentary-type show about men and their penis' called "Private Dicks". it was really fascinating. they kept showing naked men and one part of it was just one penis after another. young penis', old penis', white penis', black penis', wheelchair penis', sex-change penis' just kept going on and on. I was pretty shocked.

By Rhiannon on Saturday, January 8, 2000 - 07:21 pm:

    "Documentary-type" show, huh? ;)

By Rhiannon on Saturday, January 8, 2000 - 07:24 pm:

    PS. Having taken a good look at Nate's original male-term list, I have to ask:

    12 of the 13 terms are pretty clear and self-explanatory, but who came up with "lope the mule" and how?

By R on Saturday, January 8, 2000 - 07:25 pm:

    Excuse me, that was *ahem* WanderingWillyTheWhacker, not Nate.

By Mark Twain on Saturday, January 8, 2000 - 08:19 pm:

    Last night I stayed up late and masturbated,
    It felt so good, I knew it would.
    Last night I stayed up late to masturbate,
    It felt so nice, I did it twice.

    You should have seen me on the short strokes,
    It felt so grand, I used my hand,
    And you should have seen me on the long strokes,
    It felt so neat, I used my feet.

    Shake it, break it, beat it on the floor,
    Smash it, bash it, thrust it through the door,
    Some people seem to think that fornication's grand,
    But for all-around enjoyment, I prefer to use my hand!

By J on Saturday, January 8, 2000 - 09:16 pm:

    Thanks Sam!!!

By Isolde on Saturday, January 8, 2000 - 11:56 pm:

    You forgot wank. I think it's a unisex term, actually.

By . on Sunday, January 9, 2000 - 02:30 am:

    purging the tapioca sprayer

    boning up for my abstinence exam

    making a mansteak marinade

By Bk on Sunday, January 9, 2000 - 10:29 pm:

    choke the chicken

    stroking the snake

    playing the skin flute

    five-knuckle shuffle

By Not that Id know on Monday, January 10, 2000 - 09:23 am:

    Playing a round of five-on-one.

By Patrick on Monday, January 10, 2000 - 12:38 pm:

    i was in a karaoke bar on sat and one of the regular thai karaoke jockeys sung, "Strokin". I had never heard this song before and holy cow was that a good laugh...

    ".....stroke it to the east, stroke it to the west...I stroke it to the girl....that I love the best....casue I'm STROKIN..!!!!"

By WWTW on Monday, January 10, 2000 - 07:48 pm:

    Under the spreading chestnut tree the village deviate sat.
    He rolled his eyes, wiggled his ears
    and jacked off in his hat.

By Hal on Thursday, January 13, 2000 - 08:14 pm:

    I am going to throw in some wisdom of the world here....

    There are three types of PEOPLE (not just men) in the world.

    1. Those who masturbate and admit it.
    2. Those who masturbate and lie about it.(they do it more than the rest)
    3. And those who get sex so often that they don't need to. ( and they do it anyway )

    There was my wisdom.

By Carrie Ann on Monday, January 24, 2000 - 08:28 pm:

    I've always heard a woman masturbating, referred to as 'tickling the bean' or as Nate said, 'playing with the little man in the boat'.

    Fun fact for the day: The dolphin is the only other mammal (besides human) that has sex for a reason other than simply to procreate, but for recreational porpoises too.

By Carrie Ann on Monday, January 24, 2000 - 08:29 pm:

    Errr... for other 'purposes', that is.

    Couldn't resist that one. *grin*

By R.C. on Tuesday, January 25, 2000 - 04:53 pm:

    Acutally/I saw on Animal Planet that chimps fuck for the fun of it too.

By WanderingWillyTheWhacker on Sunday, February 13, 2000 - 03:08 am:

    If "Sparky", dry humping your leg, isn't masturbating, what is it?

By Ogdred on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 03:23 pm:

    My favorite: Boxing the Jesuit.

By Jay on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 03:41 pm:

    snappin' the radish.
    whippin' up a batch.

By Biro on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 06:07 pm:

    Womens words for masterbating.......... "digging for potatoes" "rummaging for relaxation" - "itching a scratch" -

By Biro on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 06:30 pm:

    It's strange but true, women in general are very uptight about admitting to masturbating. Why is that? Are we not human too? Or is it because man is threatened by the fact we do it? So we keep it to ourselves and become closet masturbaters! Very funny when you think about it.

By Mavis the one-handed bandit on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 06:45 pm:

    i'm not uptight about saying that i masturbate---i hesitate to call it "admitting"...makes it sound like it's supposed to be bad somehow...
    in fact, i have hired a skywriter.....

By semillama on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 06:57 pm:

    euphemisms in no particular order re: gender

    Shine your diamond

    Clean the curtains

    waking up the archbishop

    putting from the rough

    waxing the tadpole

    The Hindu rope trick

By Biro on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 07:37 pm:

    howsabout a billboard, cheaper.

By Biro on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 07:52 pm:

    Pooping, farting, masturbating....... men only? I think not. First date, no, second date let one rip, third date, if he is still around you got it made in the shade. I know a woman whose husband has never heard her fart (she must be the silent but deadly type........ )he has also never seen her on the John. She waits til he leaves the house before getting down to business. This is a purely personal thing I know, but it is a fact of life, we burp, fart, defecate. Maybe an annual event is in order. All those in favor LET IT RIP NOW.

    Personally, I am of the opinion that letting rip during sex is a NONO - before and after would be more appropriate - and remember if you cant laugh about it... you are not welcome here.

By patrick on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 08:16 pm:

    You are all fired!!!!!

    oh wait......wrong board!

By Cat on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 09:04 pm:

    Or Biro, you could try the internet. Post pics here!

By Jay on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 10:18 pm:

    Being a man i think our problem with women masturbating is that we feel they shouldn't have to. we are all more than willing to "lend a hand" at any time.
    speaking of this, has anyone heard the story thats going around about the girl who was masturbating with a live lobster?
    she had the tail inside her and was holding a lighter to its head which caused it to flap its tail. she was getting off on this but in the process some parasitic mud shrimp larvae from the lobster came off inside her. they hatched and grew and she "gave birth" to over a thousand shrimp.
    she died of shock and head trauma when she fell off the toilet.

By Biro on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 10:22 pm:

    Liar! I did not die of shock........ get the facts straight........ :-)

By Jay on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 10:26 pm:

    i had a feeling that wasn't an isolated incident.

By Biro on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 10:30 pm:

    Its rampant in Florida....... lobster bonking is the rage. Better than sheep shagging, but I suppose you already know that!

By Jay on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 10:37 pm:

    oh yeah! i'm Floridas #1 sheep shagger.
    sort of like the Baltimore foot stomper.
    seriously though. a friend of mine emailed me that story. i was going to pass it along to you but wasn't sure if it was appropriate for wandering eyes.

By Downunderdude on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 10:46 pm:

    Thats a beaut mate! Us oz's have a lot of time and sheep on our hands. Drinking a tube of fosters and checking out the new ewes, sure makes the day go quicker. G'day mate! Keep up the sheep shagging.

By Biro on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 10:51 pm:

    Womens definition of men lending a hand....

    thats it.......... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....... he's asleep and the hand is between his legs.

By Jay on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 10:58 pm:

    me go china.

By Cat on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 10:59 pm:

    Biro, if you were a real Aussie you'd know roo rooting is where it's at. Those little buggers know how to show a bloke a bloody good time. They jump around more than the hottest sheila in Cunnamulla.

By Biro on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 11:07 pm:

    Try Australia....... sounds like the Sheilas are missing out on people lending them a hand.

By Isolde on Monday, June 26, 2000 - 11:23 pm:

    Yeah, really. But if you think that women shouldn't need help, wouldn't you argue the same for men? I think the female sexual appetite is equal to that of the male, after all.

By Gee on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 01:30 am:

    for the record, that lobster thing is an urban legend. it never happened. it's just a nice little story people tell their children to get them to go to sleep.


By J on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 10:41 am:

    Jay,you know about Dexter Fishpaw?

By Mavis on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 11:44 am:

    my favorite euphemism for
    cranking it is
    (yawn)"well, i'm gonna go send some boys down to the union hall..."

By Jay on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 01:15 pm:

    dexter fishpaw. i can't wait.
    hit me.

By J on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 01:29 pm:

    Dexter Fishpaw was Francine Fishpaw's (played by Divine)troubled son who was all crazy and sniffing inhalents and was busted for being the Baltimore footstomper in Polyester a John Waters movie.

By Jay on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 02:10 pm:

    now it rings a bell. I didn't remember the familys last name. i loved the way he'd get all freaked out right before he was going to stomp on some chicks foot.
    I love Babs, the 65 year old debutante.
    she was the same lady who was in the crib in Pink Flamingo's. sure you already know that.
    "oh mister egg man, i sure hope you brought some eggs for me today."
    funny shit.
    i love watching those movies with people who've never seen them before. although some people don't get the humor. their loss i guess.

By mistaswine on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 02:43 pm:

By J on Tuesday, June 27, 2000 - 02:59 pm:

    That's funny,where do you find this stuff Swine? Edith Massey played the debutante Cuddles Kovinsky,and Miss Edie (egg lady),she is dead now.My favorite part with her in Polyester was when she took Francine with her to get her debutante gown at a swanky clothes store.Francine has been on a bender and hung over,as Cuddles is trying to squeeze herself in a dress 10 sizes too small,Francine opens her purse and hurls.They are asked to leave,Cuddles just says " I knew we should have gone directly to Peck and Peck".

By Viking on Saturday, July 15, 2000 - 07:12 am:

    okay i'll add my tuppence worth....

    ride the chariot

    feed the ducks

    invite Mr/Mrs Palm and their five sons/daughters round for lunch.

    vist guru palm and the five pillars of wisdom

    burp the worm

    take captain picard to warp speed

    cast a spell with the purple wand and the hairy sack of magic

    hope that helps *cough*

By Scott on Monday, July 9, 2001 - 11:42 am:

    How about Going for a stroll in the bush down under.

By Ju on Saturday, July 28, 2001 - 01:03 am:

    Kit Kat shuffle.
    Four fingers, geddit?

By J on Saturday, July 28, 2001 - 01:52 am:

    You get extra points here for that.

By MMM on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 12:35 am:

    "Yank the Frank"..I'm kinda out of it I guess...My b/f's name is Frank...Next time I give him head or yank on him a bit it'd make him laugh to hear that one.

By on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 04:22 am:

    How about scald his balls? Nuke his nuts?

By WanderingWillyTheWhacker on Saturday, July 17, 2004 - 01:35 pm:

    Spanking the frank, of course Frank's, would really put a smile on his face :)

By Krukabman on Tuesday, June 20, 2006 - 06:08 pm:

    Women can always call it "Changing Batteries in the Dark"

    but you can ask anyone & thay will come up with a dozen for guys off the top of there head & draw a blank on euphemisms about women masterbating must be taboo :-(


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