bad decisions Sex: bad decisions

By Bell_jar on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 05:41 pm:

    today is my 23 month anniversary for breaking my good streak of non-suicide activity... it's also my 6 month anniversary for making my first trip to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. i always feel shitty on the 20th.

    perhaps sex is the root of all evil. i hate myself (i was going to write that i hate men, but i realized that's not the whole truth). fuck fuck fuck fuck. they just want to fuck you and that's it. and what do I want? maybe that's my problem, i'm just floating along waiting for something, anything to make me happy. men and sex don't seem to do it, so why do i keep trying.

    i think i'm going to go slit my wrists.

By patrick on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 05:49 pm:

    maybe its the particular men you meet and the kinds of sex they have. You keep trying because not all men and not all sex is/are like the ones you experience.

By Kalliope on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 06:47 pm:

    no, we keep trying because we're all a bunch of horny bastards. male and female.

    girl, you need to get over the attitude that men are using you for sex. that's the kicker about society today. it's like we, because we're female, aren't supposed to enjoy sex the same way men do.

    fuck that.

    use them. sooner or later one will pop up and scare the shit out of you because you'll realize neither one of you can let go of eachother. it happens when you don't expect it to. so don't put expectations on everyone you screw. sometimes sex, is just that, sex.

    enjoy it.

    fish can't do it.

    hey patrick, did i tell you im in love *again*??? this world is my go-cart.

By patrick on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 07:22 pm:

    i wanna ride

By Isolde on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 07:44 pm:

    Yeah, really. Can I hang on to the bumper, at least?

By Safety officer on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 07:49 pm:

    Wear knee pads and a crash helmet.

By Isolde on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 08:06 pm:


By Safety Officer Cat on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 08:26 pm:

    Well don't come running to me when you break a leg.

By Isolde on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 08:31 pm:

    I'm a big girl. I enjoy life's go carting.

By Biro on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 08:48 pm:

    hey, stop having sex, start to think about what it is YOU want. You seem to think that all you are about is sex to some man. Get a grip.

By Jay on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 09:19 pm:

    slitting your wrists will solve all your problems. everything will be fine then. when your fucking dead. dumbass. make sure you put your hands in the tub so no one has to clean up the blood.

By Slick on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 10:00 pm:

    what you need to do is take control of your life, seek counseling, group therapy, whatever turns you on. Are you not an individual? Don't you have control in what you do in your life? Stop whining and start living. Slitting your wrists is a cop out. Stand up and be a real person.

By Charlotte on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 10:18 pm:

    why are women so bent on having a man .... isn't life more about living? Why do men try and squash the very qualities they loved about you as soon as you wear a ring? I love men, and have loved many men, my individuality is what they love about me - if it was my ladylike ways I would be a nun! If it was my housekeeping - sod that for a game of soldiers....... I would be dead! Just find out who you are and like yourself. There lies the key. Like yourself and, here is a revelation, people will like you back!

By SS on Tuesday, June 20, 2000 - 10:24 pm:

    I am having the most erotic dreams. Not that I am complaining. I even climax. Heres the rub, its not who is sleeping next to me. Do I go for it - have some gratutious sex (my choice :-)) or not. Shit, life aint easy.

By Kalliope on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 08:59 am:

    Speaking of dreams.....last night, I dreamt I was marrying my ex in Las Vegas. Thing is, Clinton was here last night. I woke up in the morning thinking it was him I married in my dream. It took me a few minutes to realize it wasn't him but Jeff. The worst thing about it was that we got married in some drive thru chapel. Jeff was wearing a jacket wayyy too big for his body and his head look like it had been shrunk they way they shrink the heads in Beetlejuice.

    Anyway, I felt bad having this dream about someone I used to love while I had someone else sleeping beside me. Silly thing to feel bad about, but still.

    I'm reading a book called "Animal Dreams" by Barbara Kingsolver. In it, the main character says "It takes your sleeping self years to catch up to where you really are. Pay attention to your dreams: when you go on a trip, in your dreams you will still be home. Then after you've come home you'll dream of where you were. It's kind of a jet lag of the consciousness."

    I thought it made sense.

By Jay on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 09:22 am:

    my sister told me to look into some of those Kingsolver books. good shit huh?

By Bell_jar on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 09:29 am:

    i think yesterday was just a sad day, and it just happened to be compounded by the fact that i had my first experience with meaningless sex. i thought i wanted it that way though. i was the one who initiated it, i was the one who told him that i didn't want anything else. i was trying to be a big bad ass who didn't feel feelings. i still don't want anything from the guy. i'm not sure why i did it.

    sex normally frightens the hell out of me. this guy was only the second guy that i've ever been with.

    freaking frack i have to be to work in two minutes.

By Kalliope on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 09:41 am:

    Jay-- yea, Kingsolver is way good. Read Animal Dreams or Bean Trees first tho. Poisonwood Bible is harder to get into. Ever read any Tom Robbins? The boy just bought me the newest book. (it's only out in hardback and i couldn't afford it---it's great having a sugah-daddy) It's awesome. I love Tom Robbins ooooohsooomuch.

    everyone needs to experience meaningless sex once in awhile. thing is, don't do it too often, cuz then you just end up lonelier than you were before. gotta mix the emotion with the cheap thrills. i think thats the best thing.

By Jay on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 09:20 pm:

    went to the book store today, just by chance. i was in the K section looking for a good used Kerouac book and found Animal Dreams by Kingsolver.
    I like it already.

By Kalli on Wednesday, June 21, 2000 - 11:05 pm:


    I'm re-reading it too. I wanna know what you think when you're done with it.

    My favorite parts are the parts when it's from the fathers perspective. It reminds me of Latin American authors...when you translate into English, it's like prose. There's some strange sort of surrealism that comes out in the words...

    Anyway, I'm ranting.

By Isolde on Thursday, June 22, 2000 - 02:21 am:

    I liked Poisonwood. I would have enjoyed more history and less Baptism, though.

By Jay on Thursday, June 22, 2000 - 08:19 am:

    I've only read the first fifty pages or so. like i said i just got it. but i did read that part about the jet lag of conciousness. cool shit.
    she's got a knack for descriptive imagery, sort of ala Truman Capote, but not quite.
    Truman the man.

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