Open Relationships Sex: Open Relationships

By Lapis on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 05:26 am:

    Oh gahd. Here's another of these annoying sexish topics Lapis brings up when she's slightly inebriated. How annoying.

    So I reread a Gulper #4 oday and it has this short little article about the ease and convenience of "open relationships" and it makes me go hmmmm a little. Again. I've been reading about various aspects of sex for a little over a year now.

    Now, how open is open, really? Do anything you want, but don't fuck anyone else? Only do things with certain other people? I'm sure this really depends on the degree of relationship and the people involved and never dreamed of giving it any more than a passing thought but....

    You fill in the blank.

    It's all felt pretty good, but there's no heart involved and I worry myself thinking about what other people (re: rebounding boy of the undefined relationship) will think. I'm not going to lie to him about anything, I'm not going to lie to anyone about myself, but it worries me a little that I seem to fall into bed easily and if it should be my place to do so.

    Open relationships isn't really the issue here, it never was. Too general. As always it's all about me me me and blah.


    Maybe I should try and keep myself out of these hanging out thingummies for awhile. I got pretty broken up a few months ago and am just now getting over it but I haven't really met anyone who I seem to like who can work around my schedule. I like being busy and all but I'd like to be able to plan my life.

    Stupid job. It's in the way of everything. I should quit and start a squat and sleep with everyone in sight.

By eri on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 12:09 pm:

    Lapis, I have quite a few friends in "open relationships". They are all quite different. Some say it's all good so long as both agree on the third/fourth person. Some are very picky and are open with a specific group of friends. Some are very open and enjoy group activities in their homes. It all depends upon the people involved I guess. aren't engaged to rebound guy so you should do whatever feels right to you. There is nothing wrong with going out with more than one person at a time as long as you are happy and honest about what you do.

By patrick on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 12:34 pm:

    i know its easier said than done but try not to

    "worry myself thinking about what other people will think."

    there's little point to that.

    in short, id say you're still a bit new at the love/sex/relationship thing. try not to try on too many shoes at once, you have plenty of time. its not something you should seek out in otherwords.

    you may find yourself in a situation that could perhaps fit the definition, or one of the definitions of "open relationsjhip". But i think quickly seeking to define a relationship or seeking a relationship on such a definition usually kills it before it has a chance to mature.

By Hal on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 07:41 pm:

    I can't even begin to comment on this thread.

    To many things to say, and not enough words to say them correctly.

    You are who you are, although rarely who you want to be.

By semillama on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:12 pm:

    You are who you pay "Bob" to be.

By Lapis on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:18 pm:

    I think this would have better qualified as a blog or something. It's a little babbly. Unemotional babble gossip worry.

    I hung out at the local dirty punky cheap bar with my friend Lauren last night and talked about all the zoobomb boys. There were two guys there who I've slept with in the last two months, they're friends too.

    I am beginning to be a slut. The thing about it is, I don't really care, I haven't the heart to care about what I'm doing.

    Whatever. I'm going to go play Risk and not drink and stay out of trouble for at least one night.

By agatha on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 12:05 am:

    <mother mode>Please please please use protection, sweet thing.</mother mode>

By kazu on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 12:34 am:

    <bigsister mode>please listen to mom okay.</bigsister mode>

By eri on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 01:26 am:

    I agree with the above stated message.

By Antigone on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 01:33 am:

    <bigbrother mode>Tell me who he is so I can beat the shit out of him.</bigbrother mode>

By TBone on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 12:19 pm:

    <dad mode>Where's my shotgun?</dad mode>

By Spider on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 12:45 pm:

    <maiden aunt mode>Don't sleep with people when you and they don't care. It's bad for your heart.</maiden aunt mode>

By patrick on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 01:06 pm:

    <skeevy uncle mode> take pictures. lots of pictures. <skeevy uncle mode>

By semillama on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 02:21 pm:

    <subgenius mode> If you're going to fuck some dude, FUCK THE HELL OUT OF HIM.</subgenius mode>

By Lapis on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 03:09 pm:


    I do, I do, I don't know, already broken, camera stays home, I do.

By Hal on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 10:09 pm:

    <other guy mode> damnit!!!! </other guy mode>

By blur on Wednesday, September 17, 2003 - 10:47 pm:

    Just get in line, Hal. Your number will come up eventually.

By moonit on Thursday, September 18, 2003 - 04:19 am:

    You guys make me laugh.

    Lapisez, you'd never be a slut. Although you didn't go to my all girls high school, so maybe you have a different definition.

By Lapis on Thursday, September 18, 2003 - 01:41 pm:

    It's my secret putting myself down that I don't do anywhere else. It's my proper protestant upbringing. It's my need for blame after going through several psychiatrists in high school. It's my tensformation from introvert to extrovert. It's something anything to keep from going home and thinking about the way I live. It's the only lie I tell myself.

    The last time I fooled around with anyone I stopped wanting to do anythin so he stopped wanting me to be there. He offered to call me a taxi, but I didn't want one and walked four miles home instead. To clear my head. I don't remember anything I thought on that walk, I don't remember things that I think when walking around anymore, it's almost a blank slate freshly wiped clean.

    I need to get away from everything. Without any way to get away, there's nothing I can do. I feel trapped where I am and my life is getting sucked away one day at a time (this is just to be dramatic).

    What Hal said.

By Hal on Friday, September 19, 2003 - 12:39 am:

    uh ok.

By Lapis on Friday, September 19, 2003 - 04:17 am:


By Oatmeal on Friday, September 19, 2003 - 07:34 am:

    Hah. you see in the mercury, those zoobomb kids got their bikes impounded? I really expected them to physically attack the cops. Speaking of local stuff, check out The article I was going to refer to was on the front page. weird synchronicity. It's by a Portlander named Claudia Baskind, and it's sort of a primer on real, pragmatic polyamory -- which is another word for 'open relationships'.

By semillama on Friday, September 19, 2003 - 10:05 am:

    I take it this isn't "Oatmeal Boy"

By Lapis on Friday, September 19, 2003 - 12:18 pm:

    Yes, dammit, but they've already got a lawyer. That reminds me to drag out Whitey and go Zoobombing after work tomorrow and donate money to the fund.

    Also it wasn't stated in the article that the police officers who impounded the bikes were (1) off-duty and (2) from Beaverton. They broke the chain and threatened the Zoobombers who were there with a taser.

By Oatmeal on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 07:06 am:

    I'm sure the police were in the wrong. they always are.

    How does Alan Graf make any money, always representing the downtrodden and oppressed of Portland? one is tempted to think that he deals drugs onthe side.

    and no, it's not "Oatmeal Boy". Whoozzat?

    Having open relationships doesn't make blind dates any easier. or less humiliating. That is all.

By heatehr on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 02:12 pm:


    you have to watch the names you take around here...

    oatmeal is not one you want

By wisper on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 07:52 pm:

    in fact, distance yourself form all breakfast cereals entierly, just to be safe.

    can we call you Biscuit?
    them's tasty.

By wisper on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 07:55 pm:

    p.s. eeeeYAAAAAARRrr, matey!

By TBone on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 08:27 pm:

    Captain Crunch is right out.

By Cream-of-Wheat on Sunday, September 21, 2003 - 05:37 pm:

    But I *like* oatmeal. *whines*

By Hal on Sunday, September 21, 2003 - 06:04 pm:

    I think I missed something.

By Lapis on Sunday, September 21, 2003 - 07:54 pm:

    I'm not sure. He's not working for nothing, he's working Pro Bono.


By semillama on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 11:14 am:

    do a search for "oatmeal boy" on the boards and see how much you really want "oatmeal" for a screen name after that.

By sarah on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 11:29 am:

    fucking shit, stop saying that name. it's just bad juju.

By kazu on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 11:37 am:

    jeebus, even I perked up a bit when I saw that name. And I wasn't even posting then.

    Didn't Dougie post under some breakfast names once? But that was funny.

    How about cheesy grits? Boo Berry? That stuff moonit sent me? Cheerios? Honey Nut Cheerios?

    Yes! Honey Nut is a great name! Especially if you are one of them man-types.

By Grape Nuts - Hal on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 11:48 am:

    I thought about this once.

By Nate on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 02:05 pm:

    while you're at it, search for "waffle boy" and have a laugh.

    it's been such a long time since we've had a good ol' fashioned sorabjiite blackball. our success rate is 100%.

By patrick on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 02:11 pm:

    that guy was such a retard.

    oatmeal boy was before my time.

By Frosted Flake on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 02:31 pm:

    alrighty, waffle boy.

By The Watcher on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 01:55 pm:

    <dirty old man mode> DETAILS. I WANT DETAILS.<dirty old man mode>

By The Watcher on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 02:00 pm:

    Open Relationship is another word for no commitment.

    In other words "I don't really give a rats a** about you. It's all for me."

    Of course we're all envious. But, it doesn't mean we'd actually engage in the practice ourselves.

By The Children on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 04:08 pm:

    is it good For The Children™©®?

By The Watcher on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 07:07 pm:

    Don't even say such a thing in jest.

    Or some politian will hear it and try to wright legislation for it.

    For the good of the children of course.

By Ophelia on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 11:11 pm:

    my friend is with this dumb guy who doesn't respect her and they are both only together for the sake of having someone when its convenient. she explained to us that she wants to have a boyfriend, but also wants to be able to hook up with other people. only problem is, she doesn't actually do it when she wants to, and he has absolutely no qualms about hooking up with other gals. she wants to dump him, has even tried to once or twice, but he sweet-talks her back into it, and she's convinced she'll be lonely if she leaves him. she is gorgeous and there are about 5 other guys who are very interested in her.

    this makes me so mad. he doesn't give a shit for her. ggggrrrah.

    sorry, this is dumb story and hardly new to anyone, but the reason i thought of it is that a bunch of my friends think that the reason they have issues is something intrinsic to open relationships. i think that an open relationship can work, just as long as the 2 people are on equal terms. the problem with my friend is not that she thinks she wants an open relationship. its that she's just not respecting her own rights in any sort of a relationship.

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