PAIN! Weeds: PAIN!

By Blindswine on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 12:57 pm:


    somebody's gotta tell me what the hell is going on with my foot.

    i went to bed last night a happy, healthy, slightly stoned man.

    i woke up this morning in excruciating pain.

    it's like some evil fucker spent the night kicking me in the achilles tendon while i slept.



    i had to limp into work like a pain-racked gimp this morning. i nearly pushed a sweet little old lady down an escalator in the WTC cuz she cut in front of me and forced me to land heavily on my wounded foot.

    man, i can't live like this!


    i could deal with it if i knew what the hell i did to jack myself up like this, but shit, man! all i did was smoke a joint and fall asleep.

    if one of you bastards out there is responsible for this by practicing santeria/witchcraft/catholicism or some other devilish shit, i'll find your voodoo-doll poking-ass and kick you in the kidneys (with the good-foot) 'til you piss blood!


    and sheila, if this is some kind of demonic Ur-Witchery you're using to try and corrupt the integrity of sorabjifest '99, it aint gonna work.

    i'll just have to upgrade the stun-gun to a taser and zap your ass from a wheelchair.


    is there a doctor in the house?

By Sheila on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 02:24 pm:

    ain't gonna work? are you listening to yourself? it is working.

    not that i would be inclined to dust my hands with such trifling chores as causing you to experience talipes contortus, i have my minions for that sort of grunt duty.

By Blindswine on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 02:31 pm:

    talipes contortus??!?!??


    you can have my stunguns, bullwhips, satanic severed heads and i'll even throw in a few south american filching toads...


By Markus on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 04:36 pm:

    I've always wanted a job where I could have minions, or even henchmen, lackeys, bootlicks, yes-men, toadys, sycophants, lackeys, or simple accomplices, but I'd probably have to settle for a sidekick.

By PetRock on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 09:25 pm:

    Blood clot? Possibly from sleeping on the ankle....I don't know for sure but I suspect that blood clots can cause excruciating pain.

By R.C. on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 - 10:32 pm:

    Had you done any hooping or handball that day? But if you'd injured yrself while awake/I'm sure you wd remember.

    Perhaps it was just a nocturnal cramp that took hold of yr tendons while you slept. Get thee a good masseuse ASAP & get that kink worked out. Meantime/try to get hold of some arnica in tincture form/mix it w/some tiger balm/smear it on the offending spot & tie up the spot w/an old cotton sock. Sleep w/it & see if you don't feel better in the morning.

By Blindswine on Friday, January 15, 1999 - 11:05 pm:

    i took the day off and went to a sports therapist.

    as it turns out, the problem wasn't due to disgruntled voodoo doctors, twisted christians, or Sheila's Ur-Witchery.

    i somehow managed to sprain my achilles tendon without realizing it until the pain (PAIN!) set in.

    it's been a hassle, but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much anymore and the doctor's office was mad cool.

    after getting rubbed down, jacuzzied up, and poked/proded in all sorts of vaguely pleasurable ways, she hooked me up to this electro-shock device that was supposed to reduce the pain.

    then she gives me the controls and walks out of the room.

    talk about getting in touch with your sado-masochistic side.
    being a gadget-lover, i couldn't help but start fucking with the thing.
    by the time she came back i had the little controller cranked up to the maximum and buzzing like mad.
    shocking the hell out of yourself can be a pretty cool experience.

    "uh.. sir? are you ok?"

    "y-y-YEAH i-i-m d-d-doin' g-gr-gr-GREAT!"

    anyway, it was a pretty good time.
    i'm feeling a little vacant in the head, but my ankle hasn't hurt since i hit level 8.

    and to top it off, all my whining and bitching scored me a 14-pill vicodin perscription.

    things are definitely looking up.

By MoooooonUnit on Saturday, January 16, 1999 - 03:48 am:

    I always felt sorry for sidekicks... they never get the girl... they ALWAYS have to get resuced..
    you know they're more trouble than their worth...

By Bagpuss on Saturday, January 16, 1999 - 07:01 pm:

    gimme one of those machines

By R.C. on Saturday, January 16, 1999 - 11:11 pm:

    Gimme one of those pills!

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