Canada Day (but also, a more general approach) Weeds: Canada Day (but also, a more general approach)

By wisper on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 04:34 am:

    i hate Canada day.
    Let me just state at this point that:
    it is very late
    i am very tired
    i have just been reading upseting bigot websites
    i am very hungry
    i appologise for the following message in it's entirety, and tommorow i know i'll regret it.
    but not tonight.

    i hate Canada Day. This hit me on the drive home from work today, when yet another radio commercial begged me to spend vast amounts of money to support my national pride on July the 1st. Eat me. Perhaps if the money were going to plant more trees, or save my beloved squeegie kids, or clean our air, or just in general make the country a better place. But no. Another year, another whack-off radio station trying to convince me that the Headstones(*) are a decent band. Eat me. I'm sick of this shit.

    I am not Canadian. I am human. I do not live in Canada. I live on earth, just like the everyone else, however my specific location and place of birth just happen to fall in the mid-south of a group of lines on a piece of paper known for taxation purposes as the country of "canada". I am not patriotic. I don't vote.

    Every year, specifically around holiday weekends, beer companies start playing these pathetic televison adds spouting the benifits of living within these lines. They tell us how fucking great we are and that we should be as loud and ignorant about it as most countries are. Incedentaly, that might just be the thing i love about 'us', we don't make a big deal about that shit. My favorite part of all this is that these are BEER commercials. They show these adds on holiday weekends.
    BEER: the substance that's directly responcible for KILLING more Canadians on holiday weekends than any other factor.
    Eat me.

    here's my commercial for ya-
    I am canadian. I hate beer. Don Cherry is the most annoying man on the planet. Real maple sirop tastes like crap. They cut down all our trees to build houses. I hate camping. I have only seen one real, live beaver in my entire life. I FUCKING hate hockey. Bob and Doug McKensie are not funny and never were. The Tragically Hip are an epidemic that must end. MTV owns Tom Green's ass. We're the second largest land-mass but we have no real culture at all. My name's Wisper and i hate canada day.

    oh! don't get me wrong, i can't stand July 4th either. Or any other blatent display of nationalism. I truly believe that partiotism is a virus that causes intolerance and war. National pride is a bullshit idea. If anyone really cared about this land marked as 'Canada' they'd do what i said before and clean up the fucker. But no. Sell more beer and promote some godawful bands(**) that keep coming back YEAR after year. And wave that white and red fabric around screaming about how great it is that you're not like those "gun-loving over-proud assholes" to the south. Please. Look in the damn mirror.

    In closing, i don't hate canada. I truly love that we don't have much of a military. I love that we have no NRA or 2nd ammendment to justify any ole' redneck owning guns.
    I just hate --[insert country here]-- Day.

    (*)although Hard Core Logo rules.
    (**)Disclaimer- not ALL canadian bands are godawful. Just most of them. I truly love a few.

By Cannon7 on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 05:34 am:

    Eh, lighten up hoser.

    With the lack of a military, a shitty national anthem, Lindros soon to be added to be physically retired, the drinking age limit going up yearly, etc.. we need all the national pride we can get.

By Cannon7 on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 05:38 am:

    And trust when I say this: you'd miss if it were gone, so stop your whining.

    Oh, and Don Cherry is just loud, not annoying (those qualities are easily mixed up)

By Dougie on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 08:08 am:

    I like the Canadian anthem -- a lot nicer than the US's. My favorite though is Italy's. Kind of a lopsided, drunken sounding march.

By Dougie on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 09:11 am:

    Plus, you guys have Gordon Lightfoot, and you speak both English and French. So cheer up.

By J on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 12:00 pm:

    Good thing Mapel Leaf didn't see that about hockey,he would just shit.

By patrick on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 12:09 pm:

    naw, Lindros is a dope and has it coming, the numbskull has had numerous concusssions much like that quarterback who plays for somebody whom i forget who recently retired cause he has the shakes and irritable bowel syndrome or something like that ya know ya know?

    I see Canada as a cultural hostage of the uS

By Jay on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 12:14 pm:

    steve young. played for the 49ers.
    looks like ted bundy. think jerry rice is gay?
    what sports figure looks most like a gangster?
    i'm from canada. i don't speak french.
    i like french toast. take that back. i hate french toast. like french fries.

By J on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 12:19 pm:

    Fuck I'm not going to be the one that says it.

By MapleLeaf on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 12:36 pm:

    What the fuck!!!!!!
    "FUCKING hate hockey"....I think maybe you should check the origin of your birth certificate... there has to be a mistake.

    I'm going to celebrate Canada Day by going to New York state for the day.....hehe.

    Fuck the French.

By J on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 03:35 pm:

    Come back when you can stay sometime Maple:)

By Dougie on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 03:59 pm:

    Fuck even the French Canadians, MapleLeaf, your countrymen?

By Isolde on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 06:10 pm:

    I like the Greek National Anthem. Half the time, even the Greeks can't recognize it. That is what a national anthem should be. I really hate the US anthem. Now, I realize that it's an old English drinking song and all, but it's terrible--how can anyone not drunk sing in the range it requires? Whatever. I hate the US. Maybe we should switch places, Whisper. Although I'm not sure I'd like Canada either, if they have ardent displays of nationalism. Do they have Boy Scouts?

By Gee on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 06:19 pm:

    Hard Core Logo is lovely. that's the part of the message I chose to focus on.

    the part where Callum Rennie licks a knife is delightful.

By Cat on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 06:27 pm:

    I hate the Australian one knows the words. A few years back, some high-ranking politician (I want to say the Prime Minister but that could be a lie) was caught out when they showed footage of him mumbling along to it.

    I wish we could have "Waltzing Matilda" as our anthem. Or maybe even sumpin like "I Love to Have a Beer With Duncan". Or "Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport".

By Cat on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 06:35 pm:

    I like Canada...I went to school there when I was just a kitten. I had come from the outback in Oz, so I really loved the elevators in our apartment building. Not even snow or pancakes for breakfast could outdo the thrill of pushing those buttons.

    I lied to all the kids at school about Australia and told them we didn't have running water and everyone rode horses to work. I should go back and confess.

By Murkin on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 07:39 pm:

    the tune to the "star-spangled banner" (the u.s. national anthem) was originally an english drinking song called "to anacreon in heaven."

    anacreon was a greek lyric poet who wrote mostly about love and wine. in england there were clubs devoted to him and people enjoyed writing *anacreontics* - poems about booze and sex.

    by the time they decided to put francis scott key's poem to music, the tune had already been transmuted in america into a military march and a political song called "Adams and liberty."

    so why not the national anthem.

By Dougie on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 08:07 pm:

    Because the tune sucks. How about changing it to Shenandoah, Red River Valley, even God Bless America would be better.

By Dougie on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 08:13 pm:

    Or Kentucky by the Everly Brothers. Or Purple Haze.

By Cat on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 08:29 pm:

    or the theme from "Friends"

By Dougie on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 08:54 pm:

    Fuck it. We should just take a poll of which country's anthem we like best, invade them, and take it for ourselves. Spoken like a true American.

By wisper on Thursday, June 29, 2000 - 11:14 pm:

    *deep, cleansing breath*
    I'm well fed, and got some sleep, and now as promised, i feel better.

    I just saw "Canadian Bacon" today, and laughed my hockey hateing ass off. Especially when the cop makes them change the anti-canadian graffiti on their truck to read in english AND french.


    And to clear things up, i don't hate canada. I hate canada day.

By Cannon7 on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 07:44 am:

    I love hockey.

    I play hockey.

    Yes, I am missing teeth (not many though!).

    And, fuck yew tew!

    Oh, and I drink Kokanee... sure beats that aussie piss. :)

By Jay on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 08:36 am:

    i always knew that story about francis scott key or whatever his name is (i'm a canadian so i don't give a fuck about the history) sounded way to patriotic to be true. like he was sitting there watching the "rockets red glare" getting all warm and fuzzy inside. probably hiding and shitting his pants.
    i like the drinking song story better.
    this nations nothing but a bunch of drunks and druggies anyway. fitting.

By Dougie on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 09:31 am:

    What is Kokanee? Salmon juice?

By semillama on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 09:49 am:

    Naw, people were werd about war back then. Ever hear about how in the early days of the Civil War, people would take day trips out to here the battle was just to watch?

By Jay on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 11:04 am:

    thats fucked up. sit around, have a picnic and watch young guys getting blown to bits by cannon balls. come on honey bring the kids!

By Isolde on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 11:44 am:

    I think our national anthem should be Prince's "Pussy Control."

By Jay on Friday, June 30, 2000 - 01:50 pm:

    or tool's "hooker with a penis"

By MapleLeaf on Wednesday, July 5, 2000 - 12:54 pm:

    Kokanee is a brand of Canadian beer produced in British's not bad but not a good as Molson Canadian.

    French or French Canadian...makes no difference....fuck the French!!!!!

By wisper on Sunday, July 1, 2001 - 02:17 pm:

    Let's hear it for seasonal thread resurrection!

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