Wine Bottle Label Weeds: Wine Bottle Label

By Cat on Saturday, October 14, 2000 - 08:22 pm:

    "Cloudy Bay, Marlborough, Sauvignon Blanc 2000.

    The Cloudy Bay vineyards are located in the Marlborough region, at the northern end of New Zealand's South Island. Grown under ideal conditions, the vines produce intensely flavoured fruit with distinctive varietal character. This is an elegant, aromatic wine with appealing fruit and crisp acidity.

    Produced and bottle by Cloudy Bay Vineyards Ltd., Blenheim, New Zealand. Imported by Cape Mentelle Vineyards Ltd, Margaret River, Western Australia. Approximately 8.0 standard drinks. Preservative (220) added. Product of New Zealand. 750ml ALC/VOL 13.5%"

By droopy on Saturday, October 14, 2000 - 09:31 pm:

    Nick Tosches - "Confessions of an Opium-Seeker."

    Ours, increasingly, is the age of pseudo-connoisseurship, the means by which we seek fatuously to distinguish ourselves from the main of mediocrity. To sit around a bottle of rancid grape juice, speaking of delicate hints of black currant, oaken smoke, truffle, or whatever other dainty nonsense with which nature is fancied to have enlaced its taste, is to be a cafone of the first order. For if there is the delicate hint of anything to be sensed in any wine, it is likely that of pesticide and manure. Of a 1978 Chateau Margaux, one "connoisseur" pronounces: "With an hour's air, this wine unfolded to reveal scents of sweet cassis, chocolate, violets, tobacco, and sweet vanillin oak. With another ten years or so, this wine may evolve into the classic Margaux melange of cassis, black truffles, violets, and vanilla." As if this were not absurdity enough, there is "a note of bell pepper lurking in the cassis."

    How could so sophisticated a nose fail to detect the cow shit with which this most celebrated estate in Bordeaux fertilized its wines? A true wine connoisseur, if there were such a thing, would taste the pesticide and manure above all else: he would not be a gouteur de vin but a gouteur de merde. But there is no connoisseurship of wine outside of those who know that the true soul of wine, l'ame du vin, is vinegar. It is in sipping straight those rare aged vinegars designated da bere that one truly tastes wonders: the real thing, an ichor far beyond the jive-juice of that industry of adjectives and pretense which was once the artless and noble drink of artless and noble peasants - peasants nobler and of greater connoissance than the moneyed suckers of today who have been conned into believing that the tasting of wine calls for words other than "good", "bad", or "just shut up and drink."

By moonit on Saturday, October 14, 2000 - 11:51 pm:

    apparently our wine is way cheaper than yours Cat.

    we seem to have more vineyards popping up every couple of months.

By J on Sunday, October 15, 2000 - 05:05 am:

    I don't really like wine,I like mead,champagne,and spumonti.I don't think I'd know a good one from a bad one,excluding the rot gut wine like MD or ripple.Oh,I like sangria.

By Pilate on Sunday, October 15, 2000 - 09:55 am:

    Crimson and I were recently mourning the general unavailability of our fave rotgut, T.J. Swann. I don't know if T.J. Swann went out of business or if you just can't get the shit here. It's atrocious and wonderful. Beats the hell out of any of that hoity-toity crap that people swill at wine-tastings.

    T.J. Swann is good rotgut. Thunderbird and Cisco are bad rotgut, and both of them taste like greasy kerosene. Thunderbird only works when you're already too drunk to care about bullshit like taste.

By Isolde on Sunday, October 15, 2000 - 01:53 pm:

    I love wine with dinner. Right before I left, I had a really good Riesling out of Navarro Vineyards (a winery about an hour or so away from my old house), which was excellent. I'm looking forward to getting more when I come back...yum...riesling and delicious vegan dessert!

By pez on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 12:21 am:

    my mom was drinking raspberry-scented wine with dinner. it smelled like dessert.

By Isolde on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 09:55 am:

    Raspberry scented wine? hunh? I'm very confused. Why scent wine? Someone please to be explaining this.

By pez on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 10:43 am:

    i don't know, all i did was pour it and it smells like raspberries.

By Dougie on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 11:18 am:

    Yeah Droopy, you're right about the pretension factor in wine drinkers. I went to a wine tasting at Gramercy Tavern (Rieslings of Germany) last year and people were saying things like "I get a nose of petrol" etc., and the sommelier who was leading the tasting was proclaiming "how magical it was that a common grape can be transformed into all those smells and tastes." Personally, I had a good time getting tanked. Some of the wines tasted good, some not.

By patrick on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 12:03 pm: that from the Bizarre piece or is that from the book? ..i read an article by that guy, about that Bizarre i believe.....that guy intigues the hell out of me... the article he wrote, was
    outta sight.

    j, you don't like wine? champagne always promises a head full of hurting

By J on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 12:29 pm:

    No,I don't really care for it,but I'll drink it in a pinch.I went to a "fancy" dinner party,a couple of years ago.They served one course at a time,with a different wine with each course,some guy was telling us about the wines and it was all I could do to keep a straight face.I am so glad you read the Bizarre it's my favorite.If you subscribe online,you get $5 off and they send you neat stuff sometimes.Like that fart sticker I put on my ass pic,that came of a big refridgerator magnet,that has woman with whips,dildos and sheep and it's kinda like a colorform deal.Last thing I got from them was a blow-up Charlie Manson doll,that has a suction cup,so I keep him on the mirror on my bathroom door.You goota love it.I have never got a hangover with chapagne,really.

By patrick on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 01:39 pm:

    i have yet to see the ass picture.......

    nate, quit hording the ass pics.....let's see em already eh!!!!!

    oh my stars, champagne has to be the worst form of alcohol next to MD 20/20....the extreme carbonation drys my body out...i always wake up in such pain.......

By droopy on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 01:50 pm:

    patrick >>> it's from an article in the september 2000 issue of vanity fair about his odyssey through southeast asia in search of an opium den. it doesn't appear to be an excerpt from a book.


    I was born to smoke opium.

    Don't get me wrong: I am against drugs, having long ago forsworn their use and embraced the spiritual path as set forth by The Celestine Prophecy and that guy with the big, shiny forehead. Drugs Kill.

    Nonetheless, I was born to smoke opium. More precisely, I was born to smoke opium in an opium den.


    i like wine, by the way. i probably drink more of it on a day-to-day basis than i do any other type of alcohol. i kind of grew up drinking wine.

    i've never been to a wine-tasting, but i have been to a couple scotch-tastings where people talk about the taste of the salt air of skye in the whisky. if i have any kind of pseudo-connoisseurship, it's for single-malt scotch. but it has never prevented me from busting on a bottle of wild turkey rye.

By patrick on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 02:12 pm:

    oh right... vanity fair......that was great article..

    i was most intrigued by the photo of him, so timeless, an incredibly handsom guy....

    i've smoked opium once....i dunno of the actual purity of it, but it got me fucked an opiate type manner

By Nate on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 03:09 pm:

    i would like some opium, please. i'll trade you for an ass pic.

By Isolde on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 03:34 pm:

    A pic of your ass for some opium? Can you wait until December?

By Nate on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 04:05 pm:

    for the opium? my ass?


By agatha on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 04:50 pm:

    i smoked opium twice, both times i fell asleep within twenty minutes. apparently, it's not the drug for me.

By Cat on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 04:57 pm:

    I smoked crack once and I threw up for 36 hours which is probably why I'm not a crack whore today. All that unfulfilled potential down the toilet. Sheesh.

By Cat on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 05:30 pm:

    And on the other end of the drug spectrum...(warning this story contains pretentiousness, boring travel stories and anti-American sentiment)...I went to the Moet et Chandon caves in Epernay, France a few years back.

    If you do the tour they give you a glass of champagne at the end, so naturally I asked if I could just go straight to the grand finale and skip the educational part. Unfortunately, they declined my request.

    Anyway, so we're down in the caves with hundreds of thousands of bottles of overpriced plonk...and of course the obligatory overweight and overloud American tourist is filming everything, including the guide's nostril hair.

    (For the purposes of this story, we'll call our intrepid cameraperson...Betty).

    When we finally got to the bar at the end of the tour, they had all the different types of Moet and Dom Perignon lined up on the bar. Betty was chatting up the bar staff, probably trying to get a second glass of bubbles, the cheap bitch.

    So she's reading all the labels of the bottles...Moet demi sec, Moet Rose or whatever..and when she got to the Dom Perignon Brut she said (loudly of course): "Is that Dom Perignon Regular?". The barman nearly hit her and just spat out, "Madame, Dom Perignon is NEVER EVER reguuuular."

    It was funny. You should have been there.

By Isolde on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 06:36 pm:

    Is that Dom Perignon unleaded?

By patrick on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 08:03 pm:

    i have no opium, no means to get it.

    it's gone.

By Isolde on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 08:07 pm:

    I used to have opium, and ways to get it, but now I don't smoke anything.

By droop on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 09:30 pm:

    Santa Carolina.

    _______1 9 9 8
    Merlot/Cabernet Sauvignon


    This wine offers a blend of black cherry, plum and prune flavors with delicate hints of currant, smokey oak and herbal aromas. The unusual color of this excellent full-bodied wine is bright raspberry

    Produced and bottled by Vina Santa Carolina, SA
    Contains sulfites
    Imported by Medallion Wine Imports, Madera, CA 1.5L
    Product of Chile


By droopy on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 09:36 pm:

    damn good thing that the chileans have good wine, seeing as they can't walk out of their homes without being fried to a crisp.

    i'm toasted.

By Isolde on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 10:22 pm:

    The Chileans do have good wine. It's nice, isn't it? I don't know. Personally, I've never been a big white wine fan. Red is where it's at, for me.

By droopy on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 10:51 pm:

    i don't think i've ever seen a white chilean wine. probably because i haven't looked.

    the first person to turn me on to the wines of chile was a pianist from georgia (in the former soviet union). i was in a conversation with him and a few other people at a party in his honor. i can't remember what the conversation was about, but somebody, an american, said to the pianist (alexandre) that "americans are so lazy." (when it comes to interacting with people from other countries, america has its "betty" types and its apologists.) anyway, alexandre says "oh, the australians are much lazier" and goes on to give examples i can't remember. he also said something about new zealand having 6 sheep for every one person.

    i think i said it sounded like heaven. i was probably toasted then, too.

    lessee...then he says some nice things about australian wine. "but the best wine." he says "is from chile - the wine they make themselves." he had heard about it from some pianist from uzbekistan - "when he talked about it, tears came to his eyes."

    hey, sounded good to me.

    this is my pretentious story. it's the only one i've got.

    now i'm going to go back and watch the football game.

By Isolde on Monday, October 16, 2000 - 11:05 pm:

    It's a cool story. I remember in Greece, where we lived, there were a lot of vineyards. I guess I've always lived near grapes. Anyhow, I remember being little and wandering through the fields and picking a bunch of grapes against my father's strong advice. Those were bitter motherfuckers. Goddamn.

By Nate on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 03:04 am:

    tonight it is Madiran (Appellation Madiran Controlee) "Heart of Darkness" ... Imported by Bonny Doon Vineyard, Santa Cruz CA, USA. Bottled at 32400 Viella.

    There are no notes about the wine on the label, just the government warning and two pieces of ralph steadman art.

    from other sources:

    One first observes this
    glass darkly and more
    consume this dun and
    complete and utter
    streaming through the
    As searingly severe as
    to seem, this
    hearted rendition of
    might easily provoke
    upon a summer night.
    sommelier corkscrew
    seventh seal and cork,
    and shadowy figure. Is
    hard and unresolved
    emit cries and
    and fragrance of this
    tannat/cabernet franc
    out in an oversized
    into some sort of
    was clearly produced
    magician and it would
    consume it with all
    aromatic, owing to the
    wine as through a
    likely than not will
    brooding wine in
    silence, the winter light
    unshuttered window.
    Madiran is often made
    (comparatively) light-
    the classic appellation
    smiles if consumed
    Taking out one's
    and removing the
    one might espy a dark
    it Death? (More likely
    tannins.) One might
    whispers at the depth
    powerhouse poured
    Riedel glass or even
    magic flute. The wine
    by some sort of
    be a shame not to
    these women. Strongly
    high percentage of cabernet franc in the blend, the wine possesses a fragrance of pure wild strawberries.

    Varietal composition: 60% Tannat 40% Cabernet Franc
    Appellation Madiran Contrôllée
    Alc. by vol.: 12.5%

    it makes more sense when it isn't burroughed to death.

    as i might make more sense when not bonnydooned.

By Moonit on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 04:23 am:

    we have six sheep for every one person?

    I would of thought it was more than that.

    mum has started going to this organic butcher and the meat is so tender and tasty

    oh wait, sorry the subject was wine, my pregnant workmate S's partner is a brewer, and their friends run a winery a way out of Christchurch. Every year the winery have a rave. S said the first one they had was awesome. Acrobats and trapeze artists up in the ceilings (Christchurch has a circo-arts school), fire eaters, and great music. Plus a free bus in and out of the central city for those who bought tickets.

By Dougie on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 08:17 am:

    They really called the wine Heart of Darkness? Quel horreur.

By Isolde on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 10:12 am:

    That's great. All wines should be named "heart of darkness." Except for whites. A rave in a winery sounds like fun. I'm all about circus school. When I was little, I couldn't go to the circus because my parents were poor. Now I'm still poor, but I go to the circus anyway.

By mistaswine on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 10:23 am:

    i dig ralph steadman prints.

    my apartment decor has gone from "eclectic" to straight-up bat-shit crazy.

    you send me some of that wine and i'll send you a grip of jerk seasoning.

    scout's honor.

By Nate on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 11:38 am:

    yeah? really?

    my favorite from Bonny Doon is Cardinal Zin. Also decorated by ralph steadman.

    i owe sarah a bottle.


By mistaswine on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 11:54 am:

    nah. not really.

    i'm no fucking boy scout, man.


By patrick on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 12:38 pm:

    chilean wines are cheap too, trader joes is always pushin some chilean wine..$2.99 and up....for decent merlot, cabernet, sauvigan etc...

    I've been staying drunk on San Andres for sometime now

By Isolde on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 12:41 pm:

    I love Trader Joes.

By Nate on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 01:16 pm:

    i like it when you drink so much wine your poop turns black.

By J on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 01:31 pm:

    LOL!!! Maybe that's why you ended up with a tube up your ass:)I'm still laughing...

By NZA on Tuesday, October 17, 2000 - 11:26 pm:

    Prenzel Millenium Juice

    Future Shock

    Y2K Compliant
    Product of New Zealand
    22%Alc. 500ml

    The Prenzel Distilling Company Ltd
    Box 246 Riverlands Estate
    Blenheim, Marlborough
    New Zealand


    Prenzel Future Shock
    Millennium Pick-Me-Up

    A technological breakthrough! Specifically designed to lubricate the interface between human brain and surrounding electronic equipment, Prenzel's Future Shock ushers in a new dawn of harmony between machine and its maker. Future Shock is a hi-tech synthesis of the synthetic and natural worlds. Incorporating an electric colorant, it is derived from Cinnamon and Peppermint, reputedly the only two GM-free natural ingredients in the Y2K bug's diet. When you feel yourself suffering from information overload or that your system is about to crash, Future Shock offers immediate relief.

    Armageddon - Ice Cold Future Shock shot straight to the oesophagus.

    The Second Coming - Prenzel Cream layered on top of a cold Future Shock.

    Revelation - Future Shock in Hot Coffee - or vice versa.

    Apocalypse - Warn Future Shock poured over your keyboard.

    (OK so it's not wine, but it is one of the most fun labels I've read lately)

By droopy on Wednesday, October 18, 2000 - 11:52 pm:

    ya know, i was going to abstain from drinking (among other vices) and then my longtime companion showed up at my door with vietnamese food, a bottle of wine, and her laundry. how could i say no. we drank native wine.


    Ste Genevieve

    Texas Red

    An expert blending of select varietals has created a straightforward, subtly fruity red wine. Aromas of plum and cherry resonate with the spices present during the long finish of this smooth, crimson Texas Red.

    Produced And Bottled By Cordier Estates, Inc.
    Fort Stockton, Texas - Red Table Wine
    Alc. 12% By Vol. Contains Sulfites 1.5L


    it was good. really.

By Cat on Thursday, October 19, 2000 - 12:48 am:

    There's a winery in Alice Springs, Northern Territory, Australia. This would not be surprising if Alice wasn't located in the red hot centre of Oz...smack bang in the middle of one of the nastiest deserts in the World. Anyways, every New Year's Day they start picking their grapes so they can claim to make the first wine of the year (remember the topsy turvy seasons and all):

    First in the Millenium.
    2000 Early Red
    Chateau Hornsby, Alice Springs, N.T.

    The Shiraz grapes for this wine were picked on January 1st 2000. The wine is a lighter style of red wine possessing a vibrant purple/red colour. It shows delightful fresh fruit character on the nose and palate, while the finish is crisp and clean. It is an ideal wine to accompany most foods.

    12% ALC/VOL. Product of Australia. Serve chilled.

By IDIOT on Monday, October 23, 2000 - 02:19 am:

    I abstained from drinking once. It was the
    worst morning work break I have ever had.

    My mother drank Mogan David. Grapey, sweeeeet, awful, except, she liked it, so...

    if all you ever shared with your mother was a
    swizzle ztick, at least you had SOMEthing to share.

By J on Monday, October 23, 2000 - 04:23 am:

    Would you care to elaborate?

By G on Monday, April 16, 2001 - 06:20 pm:

    All I wanted was to find info on a frickin' bottle
    of wine and when I did a search for the
    company that imported it I ended up with this
    dumb site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Dougie on Monday, April 16, 2001 - 06:23 pm:

    Shit happens, G. Get over it.

By Nate on Monday, April 16, 2001 - 06:34 pm:

    jesus, what a moron.

    how convenient that it is this site that's dumb and not the frickin end user.

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