|THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016).|
This guy was replaced with minister's kid who flunked out, and brought us Eric.
I call him Captain Faux Pas.
The name came to me 2 weeks before we actually met him as our new housemate. He works in the Swiss Chalet across the street and he was our waiter.
He said something strange about my debit card, something about how it has my first, middle and last name on it...something about me changing my name after getting married..? Something i thought was both strange and rude, especially for a waiter to say.
But anyway, he replaced the minister's kid.
A few days later there was a different coffee maker on the counter. He came down and told the rest of us that he put in his coffee maker because "that old one of yours looked like it was about to die"
Anthony says it was his coffee maker, and actually he just got it 2 years ago and it works fine.
"Oh, okay, well it was really dirty anyway."
Yes.....dirty.....with coffee stains.... it being a coffee maker....
and Captain Faux Pas was born.
A week or two later a jumbo bag of my chips went missing. If there is one thing i could kill people for, it would be the grave sin of recklessly eating my food. I found it torn in half on his floor. I left a generic angry note (Don't you hate when it comes to notes?) and found a fresh bag in it's place a few days later.
Not a good way to start off, Eric.
All of us were in the livingroom one afternoon and he came down to look at Rowlfe's movie collection. He's looking at the DVDs and we're asking him what movies he likes and we come to the conclusion that "Hey, if you like X and X, then you should watch Clerks, if you haven't already seen it." Not only had he not seen it, he had never heard of Kevin Smith or any of his other movies. Call me an elitist snob if you want, but I still think it's freaky that he had no knowledge of him or any of the other movie titles. So he picks up the Clerks box and reads the back, and then "Is this movie in black and white?" (yes) "Awww, FUCK that! I don't watch that black and white crap."
He gets home from work at around 2 or 3 am. And then he would have friends over. Nothing like 6 drunk guys screaming about hockey while you're trying to sleep. But they were pretty good about shutting up when you threatened them.
Then some DVDs went missing. I don't want to get into that, but we got him to pay for them, and his friends aren't welcome in the house anymore. This was months ago, and things in that respect have been okay since. Although we did get a moment of funny when we were checking what was gone....
"So far it's Hulk, Spiderman, X-Men, Unbreakable and Pulp Fiction.."
"I'd better check if Dr. Strangelove and Citizen Kane are still... oh good! they are! I was SO worried, since this is clearly a film connoisseur at work here."
Anthony had a large bottle of wine. One day he opened the fridge to find the bottle empty and a note shoved in it:
'Hey man, didn't look like you were going to drink this. I'll get ya back next Friday'
Anthony HAD been drinking it, slowly, over the course of a week, a glass each night with dinner. You know, like ADULTS do? The most fucked up part it that there was only about a half cup of wine left in it, plenty to get drunk off of... if you're a 9 year old. So why drink it? (He never did "get him back")
I think he bathes in cologne. You can tell when he's just come in or out of the house because the doorway reeks of it.
He is a serial house key loser. I don't even know how many sets he lost. More than 7. He's spending a fortune on getting keys cut. Then he'll take the spare keys and loose those. I fucking hate this kid, but he's not even a kid, he's 24. And at first, when he would lose his keys he would climb in the back window, which is on the main floor, and our bed is directly below it in the basement. This resulted in more than a few nights of us jumping out of bed at 4 am with baseball bats. We asked him to just CALL if he was locked out. "But I don't want to wake you guys!"
Anthony had enough of him losing the spare key, so he attached the set to a giant piece of cardboard that said 'PUT THESE BACK IMMEDIATELY AFTER YOU USE THEM'. So those disappeared.
And Anthony left a note- 'Where are the spare keys?!?'
And Eric left a note back- 'I lost mine so I took them to work with me. Isn't that what they are for?'
Really, now, what do you say to that? *sob*
I will laugh about this one day.
I quit my job remember? The week after that I was watching a movie and Eric came down the stairs. "Don't you work today?"
"No, I quit last week."
"Really? Looking for another job?"
"Uhm, not at the moment, I'm watching a movie."
"Oh, so you quit your job and now you're just sitting around on your ass."
And then he just walked out the front door.
What. The. Fuck.
CAPTAIN FAUX PAS!
Last night he came into the living room on his way to work with a big wad of bills. He hands the cash to Rowlf.
Rowlf- "What's this for?"
"You already paid for august. You paid first and last when you came."
"The deal was you were staying until September, was it not?"
"So August is your last month, which you already paid for."
"*mumbles something* We'll talk later." then he leaves.
Nothing to talk about, fucko.
He tried to move out once before, in May, but he failed a credit check, so the apartment complex turned him down.
I'm hoping to get a new job by September so i can take the room and we won't have to deal with this shit ever again.