What is the significance when I stopped having these dreams and made my plans accordingly

sorabji.com: Dreamland: What is the significance when I stopped having these dreams and made my plans accordingly

By Nelly on Wednesday, December 19, 2001 - 07:46 am:

    I dreamed a theater dream last night
    like an old lover, coming back to threaten the safety marriage
    awakening an old inner life I thought was gone,
    (and now I am awake I summon the reasons
    the counter visions)
    who could leave me flat, reject me, drag me through the mud,
    I went to the auditions in the dream, somehow my job started it,
    Selden was in it, and some young students, tall boys, and he was encouraging them
    encouraging me, to try something, as he can do, backhand teacher that he is,
    and at the auditions, I was called to read, and I did so, by accident, listening for the good and bad,
    barely hearing my own voice,
    and was asked to wait by the stage manager, though I hadn't seen the director,
    and turning over the possibilities in my mind
    did he want me for Gertrude
    could I cancel one of my classes (or both?) to make rehearsals,
    would I be good enough, probably this was a false start, surely...
    I am waiting, he is talking to boys, should I wait and wait,
    or shrug my shoulders and walk on out
    the older dream of graduate school (all the missed classes) appends itself
    Is he asking, looking directly at me with his dark eyebrows, his jet black hair,
    am I single, do I want to go out,
    and I composing my answer, sure, too casual, i'll bite, too suggestive, o.k.
    or is he asking about my headshot and resume, and I, fumbling for explanations, will it slip, dissolve into
    wakeness, the window closing with a snap, Where is my resume? With the picture of my years ago self stapled to the front.
    or (now half awake) did he see me years ago, in something he's remembered all this time,
    (seeing) myself in Greg's arms, being carried like a sacrificial victim
    deposited into the chair, on the stage, before the paying eyes,
    to speak my dreams?

    What is the significance, when I stopped having those dreams, and made my plans accordingly, that I turn off the radio alarm, I sit here and write this, (but thinking ahead to the meeting in 1 1/2 hours, but writing)?
    The A+, am I not happy enough?
    Am I in trouble? do I want to be? ah...
    Will I tell you? And if I do, am I folding and putting away in a drawer, or does that bestow
    a significance....

By Hal on Wednesday, December 19, 2001 - 11:28 am:


    What are you eating before bed, or do you just do a line, smoke a bowl and shoot up a little bit???

    I never have dreams like that, most of mine seem to involve midgets.

By Nelly on Wednesday, December 19, 2001 - 05:08 pm:

    i thought of that.

    it was the noodles and shrimp with the tomato-ginger sauce at Doc Chey's...

By Hal on Wednesday, December 19, 2001 - 05:16 pm:

    Seafood will always do it...

    Yeah my guess is the seafood.

By droopy on Wednesday, December 19, 2001 - 06:48 pm:

    i'm just glad to see nelly writing something oh here.

By agatha on Thursday, December 20, 2001 - 02:33 am:

    me, too. i love it when nelly busts out.

By Czarina on Thursday, December 20, 2001 - 03:03 am:

    Eat more oriental,Nelly.


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