a day without you

sorabji.com: Words: a day without you

By Isolde on Friday, August 11, 2000 - 07:07 pm:

    the recent stream on my "writing" thread got me inspired. or something. anyway.

    a day without you is trying to fight this feeling of being constantly on the edge of some huge monolith. i want to topple over but i lean back instead, and the adrenalin of the fear pounds in my head. a day without you leaves me feeling tense and nervous. i'm jumpy and strung-out and when i should just take a long walk to work off the nervous energy, i whirl around desparately trying to find something to occupy myself with. in a day without you, i remember the last day with you, and smile to myself while i'm counting cards.
    when you're not here, i have all those wierd little nervous tics. i shake my head more, move my braided hair from shoulder to shoulder, and tug little bits out. then i toy with them. i nibble at the base of my fingernails, promising myself that i won't actually bite them, i'll just toy with them, until they snap. i crack my neck more, toy with my watch more, laugh less. maybe things aren't as funny when you don't watch them too, but i think it's actually because i'm less nervous. my palms get sweaty thinking about the next time i'll see you, and i mock myself for it. i look at the clock more.
    in a day without you, my throat gets parched and my eyes are restless. i can't sit anywhere, i can't calm down, i just pace endlessly and do nothing at all while appearing to be in eight places at once. and since even numbers are unlucky, i'm just screwed.
    but then i start thinking maybe i'll see you the next day, and suddenly my heart starts to pound and i feel like i'm in junior high and the nervous energy peaks and i'm tempted to call a girlfriend and babble into the reciever like a slowly drowning ham radio operator. and i never do, because suddenly i do see you, and the world gets brighter and i laugh at something stupid again, just because i can.

    so am i going to get any contributions? or is this thread going to die before it even had a chance to live?


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