Things Your Parents Said Words: Things Your Parents Said

By Cat on Monday, January 1, 2001 - 09:44 pm:

    My father has a silly sense of humour and he loved to make us laugh.

    Every time we had visitors over, he'd say things like "I'm glad you came, we normally have bread and jam for dinner" and "around here, we have a rule that guests wash up." My brother and sister and I would wait and wait for him to say it and then groan like we were embarrassed. It's only been a few years since I realised he only did it for our benefit.

    He also said "you're crusing for a bruising" or "you're hankering for a spanking" if we were misbehaving. At other times, it was supposedly motivational stuff like "When the going gets tough, the tough get going".

    There's lots more and some of them make me smile so much when I'm feeling down that I sometimes dredge them up on purpose like a talisman against the misery.

    My mother wasn't as quote worthy but I'll hear her calling "rise and shine" when she wanted us to have breakfast for the rest of my days.

By Daniel ssss on Monday, January 1, 2001 - 10:51 pm:

    Those of us who got bounced upon the knee remember such things. Neither father nor mother did that. And. It has been too long to remember the rest. I give rest to the remembrances.

    But I recall my grandmother, and the bouncing knee, and the "rooop-peti-toup" of my Swedish grandmother caregiver friend and confidant as she would bounce me. When older, like four or so, I recall her telling me I was too heavy and she'd break her leg.

    Everything else -- which I have told myself that I heard them say -- are these supposed things I was told when I have no recollection of their saying anything, being told anything.

    I find it sad to be a parent without having had parents. It makes me realize, finally, that the thing I wanted most in life to be a success -- has turned out to be my most dismal my estimation.

    It means I was not a a good child to my nonexistent parents, and I am a nonexistent parent to my good children. Somedays I feel like that.

    My children think, or may think, or hopefully think otherwise. In another hundred years it won't matter.

By J on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 11:28 am:

    My dad use to say crusing for a bruising too,and he always said we'd tear up Jesus,if we could get our hands on him.

By crimson on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 01:52 pm:

    when i was a kid, our house burned to the ground. it was a total accident. my stepfather said that if it ever happened again, he wouldn't bother saving me (not that he saved me the first time). that terrified me for years. he also said that i was "book smart" but otherwise mentally retarded & incapable of amounting to anything.

    my real mother always called me a "witch". i was a pre-schooler. i didn't know what she meant. she just called me a horrid little witch. she continually told me that i "embarrassed her to tears". she finally abandoned me when i was six. i guess i'd embarrassed her one time too many.

    my stepmother told me i had damn well better get used to the fact that i'd never be beautiful. she pulled my hair a lot & screamed at me, telling me i was ugly. she also said i'd have screwed up the lord's supper, had i been there.

    on the good side, my real mother told me i was book-smart & that i'd be a star someday. my stepfather said i could do well in school, if i'd just pull my head out of my ass (i graduated college w/ honors). my stepmother told me that i was incredibly creative.

By J on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 02:06 pm:

    You are a shining star Crimsom:)

By Pug on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 02:37 pm:

    When I was a kid I never wanted to go see fireworks. I was petrified of loud noises of any kind. My Dad once tried to goad me into going to a display....when I refused, he became enraged and screamed, "you'll regret it!!!!!!"
    To this day I'm not sure what he meant by that.....

By Pug on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 02:40 pm:

    A big thing my grandfather used to say was "Yessiree Bob", and "Nosirree Bob"....
    My Dad would sometimes refer to me & my brother as "Chief"....nowadays I tend to call EVERYONE "Chief", with the appropriate level of insincerity....

By crimson on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 02:51 pm:'re too sweet. you're a shining star, too. you're so damn cool.

    another weird thing my mother used to say...she always told me i had "an ass like a ukrainian mule". both my mother & my stepmother were totally obsessed about my weight when i was a kid. my mother put me on a starvation diet when i was in kindergarten & i got put on another one when i hit junior high. i was told, even as a toddler, that no man would ever have me because i was fat & ugly. i proved that shit wrong in a hurry. i've never had a moment's problem scoring men. not in my youth & not now.

By semillama on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 03:28 pm:

    In order to get us to move, my mom would say "mootch over". My dad still says potty when he means toilet.

By Pilate on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 03:41 pm:

    My dad used to say "coping is for sissies". In other words, dealing with problems and trying to cope with them in terms of modern psychology is bullshit. You're a man. There's no problem you can't fight your fucking way out of. Grow up and get over it. Crimson liked this phrase when I told it to her and she used it in a song recently.

    My mom used to tell me she wished to God she'd had the good sense to abort me when she had a chance. She also said I'd grow up to be "dead common", a favorite phrase of hers.

By Yo yo on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 05:03 pm:

    my mom, hummm i taped that bitches mouth shut so she couldnt say shit

By sarah on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 06:04 pm:

    stepfather #2: "you could be a very beautiful girl if you would just lose weight."

    when i went to main page just now, this is the message i got:

    This is

    Cosmetic surgery can help you achieve the looks that diet and exercise alone can't. We welcome you to our website so that you may learn more about the procedures available to you.

By Pug on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 07:39 pm:

    Step Parents are a blast, aren't they?
    It'd probably take me a year to bang out the classics that came out of my Stepdad's mouth...
    I remember one day coming downstairs to hear him ranting to my Mother about,...."Statistics SHOW that boys brought up singly by their mothers are more effeminate, blah blah blah, this is all your fault..."
    I just sat on the couch and took it all in as one more stupid rant from my Stepdad when he turned on me and said, "in case you didn't realize it, we're talking about YOU, Chuck...." It turned into a big sermon about how I needed to work out more....
    Like I said, his rants & stupidity could fill a book.
    My Dad wasn't the Paragon of Fatherhood----my Stepdad was subhuman.....

By Nate on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 08:48 pm:

    all my parents ever said was stuff like "we'll support you in anything you choose to do, nate"

    no wonder i have such a warped view of society.

By Pug on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 08:59 pm:

    There was a going thing w/ my Mom, where she'd try to dicourage me from ANYTHING I really wanted to do.....
    I'd ask her, "well, what do you want????"
    Her response was always, w/o fail, "I want what YOU want!"
    Untie that one...

By Pug on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 09:01 pm:

    When the Tough get going.....the Going gets weird.

By Pilate on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 09:10 pm:

    It's probably just as well that my kid doesn't post here. I could imagine the things he could post in a thread like this. All the dumb shit I've said.

    I have a creeping terror of turning into an evil stepfather. Which is ridiculous. I have a happy homelife and I love my kid. We get along great. It's just that the term "stepfather" in itself seems to conjure up terrible images of some firebreathing monster. I don't want to turn into that.

    I'm packing a bit of baggage about my own dad, but not too much. I used to spend a bit too much time being pissed off at him. Then toward the end of his life he became a really cool person.

    The thing is, I don't want to wait until I'm damn near dead to evolve into a proper human being.

By droopy on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 10:06 pm:

    i can remember my dad saying:

    "Lo, in the year 2001 I shall let thee loose upon the earth to cause great destruction. For I The Lord Thy God, Creator of all Things, am a vengeful God. For, Lo, the Earth is Sinful and an Abomination in my sight, and so shall thee destroy it by fire, by plague, by famine, or by other means so that there be great weeping and gnashing of teeth."

    my mom used to say:

    "you can get more flies with honey than with vinegar."

By Nelly on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 11:01 pm:

    My dad: "Afraid to DRIVE it, PARK it."

By Nelly on Tuesday, January 2, 2001 - 11:03 pm:

    My mother: "All boys want to get your panties down."

By J on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 12:42 am:

    My Mom used to say that too,Droopy,too bad she didn't practice what she preached.She made me feel like a piece of shit,you can't make silk out of a sow's ear,she is toxic.Made me walk with books on my head.

By sarah on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 12:42 am:

    here's one i just remembered... from my biological father: "You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word."

By droopy on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 12:55 am:

    if you do a half-ass job on something and can get away with it, my father used to say it was "close enough for government work."

By Daniel ssss on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 01:32 am:

    "when you shovel, keep your ass behind you and the shovel in front of you."


    "Today is all your sorry ass has. use it well."

By Pug on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 09:06 am:

    You ARE a proper human being.
    Did anyone ever tell your Dad he had delusions of grandeur?
    Your Mom was right.
    Your Mom was evil....but you seem to know this already.
    Your Dad was right.
    "Close enough for NASA"----my personal fave....

By dave. on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 09:41 am:

    everything was fuckin for my dad. fuckin this, fuckin that. it almost didn't sound like a cuss word when he said it. it wasn't at all threatening. it was as natural as whisky in your coffee, belt buckles, cowboy boots, harleys, smack, john prine, willie nelson, commander cody and finding god when your liver stops working.

By J on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 11:17 am:

    I got my gutter mouth on my own,I really worked at it.The only cussing my dad ever did was when he got really upset,he'd say "hells bells".

By agatha on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 12:01 pm:

    i can't even get started on my dad. maybe dave will do it for me.

    one thing my mom used to say is "now there's a tall drinka water!"

By TBone on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 12:12 pm:

    My mom would say, "I hate to nag, but..."

    Then she would nag me.

    She really loved to nag. She once nagged me to clean my room while I was in the act of cleaning it.

    She always said "Rise and shennanegans" when it was time for me to get up. If I was already up, she'd say it anyway.

    My dad could somehow say "chicken" in such a way to make it sound like an expletive. I thought it was halarious. He would often joke to people about the regular "Tobin family knife-fights."

By patrick on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 01:08 pm:

    my mom told me repeatedly...

    "you can't go around pulling your pants down and touching other girls in the neighborhood."

By Hal on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 07:45 pm:

    Just your neighborhood...

    But what about the other ones?

By Antigone on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 10:04 pm:

    Hal, have you said, "Dave, I'm afraid I can't do
    that" yet this year?

    Are you going to kill me for asking that?

By Gecko on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 10:41 pm:

    My dad had a penchant for streaching the truth to educate all the neighborhood kids on why they should not automatically trust old people.

    On several occasions, he would gather us all around and regale us with stories about the wonderful edible plants that could be found in the yard. I clearly remember the day he ate an entire fistful of crabapples with a huge fake smile just so that we would all follow-suit. We gagged and puked, and he would just laugh. The next week, it was Chokecherries. It took a full half dozen rotten snacks before we learned that the old man can not be trusted.

By agatha on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 11:03 pm:

    wow. that's incredibly mean.

By Gecko on Wednesday, January 3, 2001 - 11:15 pm:

    At the time yes.

    Now, I see it as a good lesson. He never tricked us into eating anything blatantly poisonous, and even if he had, we lived a block from the hospital.

    I moved away from home about ten year ago, and he is still as involved in the lives of the neighborhood kids as he was when I was young. This past summer I went back to visit, and he was in the back yard riding a unicycle while the neighbor kids worked on walking on stilts.

    Any 64 year-old who is crazy enough to try to teach himslelf to ride a unicycle is O.K. with me.
    If you want to hear about mean, I will tell you about the lutefisk dinner my folks serve each year at Christmas. Lye dipped cod. Now THAT is mean.

By Antigone on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 12:11 am:

    Yes, but the fruit soup makes it all OK.

By Czarina on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 12:11 am:

    ooooooooh,I think I'd like your dad.Where you been Lizard Lips?

By R.C. on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 04:09 am:

    When my Mom wd do something dumb/like the time she accidentally threw out her checkbook/Da wd say "Well, you know yr mother's not wrapped too tight..."

    To this day/he stills swears my mother was such a country girl "she didn't own a pair of shoes until she met me." (A complete lie/but we all still laugh.)

    And he loves babies! Let him anywhere near a baby & he becomes a cooing, blabbering, 75-yr-old idiot. Which is sweet becuz most men aren't *that* into infants. I guess it's becuz he has no grandchildren to fuss over.

    My Mom used to call me "common" every chance she got. Or "guttersnipe". She just knew I was destined to become the town tramp.(As if!)

    And Dad wd say "Ignore yr mother -- you know she was born old."

    (Altho' "guttersnipe" always made me laugh.)

By Gecko on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 10:20 am:

    I hope to be just as nutty when I am an old man.

    Sorry about disapearing. I had a bit of a job crisis, and as such have been really hit and miss on the whole internet thing. But the DSL was hooked up here yesterday, and I am oficially back...

By patrick on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 12:32 pm:

    Dave, take a stress pill, think things over.

By J on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 02:19 pm:

    Wow! Gecko,your dad sounds cool,I can ride a unicycle,but I learned when I was 9,this football playing type kid that lived across the street from me,was always trying to do it,and he just about killed himself trying to.I felt so sorry for him,he finally gave up.But to be 64 and trying that,what a trip!!!

By amanda on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 03:16 pm:

    what will we say to our kids?

By Cat on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 03:20 pm:

    "Don't post on, it will just get you into a whole spaghetti load of trouble"

By Dougie on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 03:26 pm:

    I will probably end up using a lot of Homer Simpsonerisms, since I do now out of habit anyways. "DOH!" and "Nuke-u-lar. It's pronounced Nuke-u-lar" and "MMM, beer..." and my favorite Mr. Burnsism, "Hoy hoy" when you answer the phone.

    My parents used the standard "cruisin' for a bruisin" and my mom loved "just wait til your father gets home". I always hated it when my father often referred to the city where he grew up as "his old stomping grounds". He also said stuff like "don't you speak to your mother that way or I'll put you out on the street so fast it'll make your head spin" and "If you'd put it back in the same place every time, you wouldn't have to look for it" which was very helpful when you're ripping up the house looking for something.

By Dougie on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 03:34 pm:

    Oh yeah, when my dad was really pissed off at something and you'd ask him how it was going, he'd say, "Peachy. Just peachy."

By Antigone on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 04:24 pm:

    Dad: "It's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra in here!"

    Mom: "Like I give a flying fuck through a rolling doughnut..."

By Pilate on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 04:33 pm:

    My dad, upon awakening me in the morning: "Drop your cock and grab your socks!"

    My mom, any old time: "When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."

By J on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 04:41 pm:

    I so wish I could share Jesco White with y'all,his brother had got in a bar fight and went running home,and his daddy went outside and two guys shot them all,his daddy was killed,his brother lived,but took his gun in a bar and when they told him to get it out of the bar,he said it wasn't loaded,put it to his head and killed himself.Anyway Jesco visits his dads grave and he's talking about his daddy."All the names he called me,the little bastard,the son of a bitch,I knew he loved me".

By Hal on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 07:08 pm:

    No I don't belive I've said the words,

    "Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that"

    I do think I asked, "Dave, will I dream."
    But I might be wrong.

By agatha on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 07:45 pm:

    what are you two talking about?

    patrick, dave was talking about his dad. that was a little nutshell version of his dad's life.

By patrick on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 07:48 pm:

    and dave made a 2001 reference to Hal....i made another one, and now hal has made yet another.

    dave as in the main character in 2001 and HAL 9000 the computer in the movie.

    chop chop

By agatha on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 09:42 pm:


    i'm so confused.

By Antigone on Thursday, January 4, 2001 - 11:57 pm:

    Sorry. We're speaking Geek.

By semillama on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 12:46 am:

    Hail Jesco, the dancing outlaw!

    My mom used to say when she screwed up, "oh, fuckaduck!"

By Trace on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 07:29 am:

    My mom used to say, and still does i beleive
    "I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!"

By Dougie on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 09:18 am:

    Was she serious, or did she say it in a joking manner? (Hopefully the latter!)

By Trace on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 09:38 am:


By J on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 10:03 am:

    This is scarey Trace,I was a member of a holy roller church once,I lived with the female minister,she got all wacky on me one night,and started shaking me,and saying "in the name of Jesus Christ,Satan I rebuke you",she was just demented,I took off and that's the last I ever had anything to do her.A few years later they found out she had been dragging her dads body all over the state,he had been dead for about 8 months,but she was cashing his S.S. checks.Her church almost burnt down a few years after that,I just know she did it,and a year later she managed to burn it down for good.

By Betony on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 10:29 am:

    when i was a kid my mom told me i should say thank you whenever someone gives me something even if its dog poop.
    in high school she told me if i needed to insult someone i could call them a can of smashed assholes.
    i really never understood that.
    but now she is going crazy and after years of trying to control my life (in an attempt to make up for her mistakes) AND trying to get me to control my boyfriend's life, she has decided to go over my head and send a letter to him directly, to tell him how he should live.
    i have finally reached the point in my life where i can say "i hope i never end up like my mom"

By Trace on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 10:41 am:

    My mom is a holy roler, and they are scarey...
    I watched them do that thing to a lady whom they decided lacked personal hygiene, and man was the woman scratching and clawing trying to get away from them...
    Imagine this if you will....
    four people surrounding this woman, laying hands on this woman, with their right hands up in the air screaming "In the name of Jesus, satan I rebuke you, leave this woman" all the while she was scratching and clawing and screaming, trying to get away from them which makes them chant even louder

By J on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 10:52 am:

    Thats one of the main reasons I wised up,they use to lay hands on this poor kid that had downs syndrome,and he was terrified,they did it every Sunday at night service,come to think of it,thats what set Dorathy Bell on me,I questioned why they did that to the kid all the time when you could tell it wasn't working and it scared him so badly,it just seemed cruel to me.

By Pilate on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 11:26 am:

    My kid was raised as a Holy Roller. A group of church elders ganged up on him once when he was just a small boy and tried to beat the devil out of him with sticks. They've laid hands on him and screamed at him a lot. He's been through several failed exorcisms. They also kept him locked in a closet for several days without feeding him until he agreed to speak in tongues.

By J on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 11:34 am:

    But back to things our parents said,when my s/o had to take a leak on the side of the road,and the kids were in the car,he'd say he was going to see a man about a dog,and he'd try to find a bush or something.They always thought he WAS going to see some man about a dog.One time after seeing the man about a dog,Amee just started crying,"he always says he's going to get us a dog and he never does,why can't we just go to the mall and buy one"? She was crying,so a told her what her dad was doing.

By J on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 11:38 am:

    Oops,sorry Pilate we must have posted at the same time.Your kid is so lucky to have you,God Bless You.

By Pilate on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 11:59 am:

    Thanx, J.

    I don't know how lucky the boy is to have me.....but at least I've never tried to literally beat the devil out of him. He's pretty messed up from his years in the church. He's afraid of going to hell and has bad nightmares about it. He's screwed up by it, but believes in it too. I think he believes in it a lot more than he lets on.

By Czarina on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 08:23 pm:

By Antigone on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 08:36 pm:

    Maybe that was 'cause those stilts are fucking
    huge. They look too heavy to me...

By Gecko on Friday, January 5, 2001 - 11:26 pm:

    Very nice.

    That picture is eerily similar to the scene I found in the back yard. Stilts close to that size, and this 64 year-old whack-a-doo, his unicycle laying in a heap in the rhubarb patch as he stands on the tailgate of his truck trying to get started on the stilts.

    It was a very Harry Chapin moment as I first noticed that he was doing everything he could to win my attention. It was really cool. I mush have spent an hour out there with him walking up and down the driveway on those stilts.

    (Never quite got the hang of the unicycle though)

By Cat on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 12:53 am:

    Sem come on Messenger

By Tom on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 01:28 am:

    Harry Chapin... *thinks* Bozo the Clown?

By Trace on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 03:07 pm:

    Lord, i thought I had it bad, it is a good thing he is out of there and with you now, Pilate.

By amanda on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 04:42 pm:

    my mother used to tell me how selfish i was.

    i find myself living in fear of being selfish.

    yesterday i was walking out of a building wondering about my normality when i realized that sane people are selfish. i want to be sane, so it is okay to be selfish. it is okay to say i don't want ketchup with my hamburger, it is okay to spend my own money on things i want.

    part of me wants to be selfish and to do things for me, but my mother made it so clear that wanting things is bad.

By Hal on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 06:07 pm:

    Your mother was obviously wrong.

    Splurge, go out enjoy, have your hamburger without the ketchup, buy something you've wanted with your money. You'd be suprised how good it feels.

By Czarina on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 07:50 pm:

    Antigone,that's because you obviously weren't from from a stilt implementing family!If you were,you would realize,that any stilts,were better than no stilts.[and I believe,the purpose of stilts,is,so one can appear huge]But you're right,they were too heavy for me.The others handled them okay,though.[But I have other varied talents.]

By Czarina on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 08:20 pm:

    My moms pretty cool.But something I can remember her telling Brucifer and I,relatively frequently was,"You two better quit scaring me!"and "If you two go to jail for putting hitchikers in your trunk,I'm NOT bailing you out!"

    Ya gotta love my mom.

By semillama on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 10:00 pm:

    sorry Cat, I went to bed immediately after.

    Not that I fell asleep fro another five hours...

By Larry on Saturday, January 6, 2001 - 11:14 pm:

    i like pickles onions and mustard on my burgers
    is that ok?

By Hal on Sunday, January 7, 2001 - 05:03 am:

    Larry... Are you alright...

By sarag on Sunday, January 7, 2001 - 05:42 am:

    sometimes i wanna take you down
    sometimes i wanna get you low
    brush the hair back from your eyes
    take you down, let the river flow...

By Tom on Sunday, January 7, 2001 - 05:45 am:


    Low, by Cracker. I haven't heard that song since it's big radio play days... 5 years ago?

By Hal on Sunday, January 7, 2001 - 07:39 pm:

    Whoa... Took me a second to figure out what that was...

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