sorabji.com: Words: Dialogues

By semillama on Friday, May 14, 2004 - 01:45 pm:

    or, conversations worth relating:

    Kazu: "How many babies do you want?"
    Me: "oh, two i guess."
    Kazu: "Not seven?"
    Me: "No."
    Kazu: "You hate babies."

By moonit on Friday, May 14, 2004 - 07:00 pm:

    Me: I'm skipping a period RIGHT NOW.
    Andrew: Yeah but your body is totally fucked up.
    Me: But I HAD an operation. And the last one was fine.
    Andrew: And the doctor said you would be fine now?.
    Me: Yeah.
    Andrew: AND YOU BELIEVED HIM? (shock horror kind of voice).
    Me: no.

By patrick on Friday, May 14, 2004 - 08:43 pm:

    so, like im a 'member' of some yahoo news groups that have dirty pictures. some of the groups are themed. somewhere along the way i must have hopped on a group dedicated to hair chicks. funny. everynow and then i get these random dudes ringing my bell because they see im logged on and assume i share their interest. i play the role and ive gotten some of most hilarious IMs as of late. here's one. 'accustat' is me.

    mistreau: your into hairy women correct?
    accustat: absolutely!
    accustat: you?
    mistreau: I was wondering if you have any info on a website where I can find more hairy women
    mistreau: And yes I am!, very much so
    accustat: i was kinda hoping YOU would know of some online joints
    accustat: you'd think women in personals would be more upfront about it
    mistreau: I know what you mean
    accustat: its like, it should be a checkbox, much like....say... eye color
    accustat: brown eyes, brunette, amazonian cooter bush
    mistreau: Yum!!1
    accustat: the yahoo group is the only place i've really found, but then again, i dont really do the pay sites
    mistreau: Yeah, unless there is like a 2$ trial I don't mess with them
    accustat: my wife would kill me
    accustat: besides, she'd think im a freak
    mistreau: Same here haha
    accustat: isnt it weird though...you see some of these images of chicks....and they are soooo hairy, and its like, oh my god, were they trapped in a time void, because its seems evolution/meme-wise, we are evolving away from the hair. its like you see some hot italian broad with cooter hair down to her knee caps and you have to wonder what sexy cave she crawled out of
    mistreau: you have broadband?
    accustat: nah
    accustat: i mean, i do, im at work, but its nothing im looking to take advantage of
    accustat: does your wife let it all hang out? mine doesnt as much as i wish she would
    mistreau: Mine doesn't either
    mistreau: She trims all the time :/
    accustat: pfffffft
    accustat: whats up with that
    accustat: who are they trying to please?
    mistreau: I know haha
    accustat: besides, my wife is a red head. they don't grow like kudzoo down there anyway
    mistreau: damn, that would be sexy if it did though
    mistreau: I love red hair haha
    accustat: i think my 'fetish' for the hairy chicks is the straight up 70s lookin italian type. hell, im even game for mustaches on chicks
    mistreau: hair everywhere is my motto
    accustat: well, hey dude, im gonna split, good luck in your quest for hairy broads
    mistreau: alight, good luck to you also

By Spider on Friday, May 14, 2004 - 10:04 pm:

    I posted this here once before:

    RxxxCxxx: yeah.. wtf
    Gallows fodder (me): i don't know. oh, you need to seal the wood with polyurethane first and then spray it with adhesive before and after you put the stuff on there and then coat it with sealant or some shit like that.
    RxxxCxxx: 'or some shit like that"... that is some mouth you have!
    Gallows fodder: dude, i was kidding!
    RxxxCxxx: i fucking hate computers
    Gallows fodder: ok
    Gallows fodder: []
    Gallows fodder: hee hee!
    RxxxCxxx: []
    Gallows fodder: []
    Gallows fodder: did you get that, or did it just look like :~(
    RxxxCxxx: uhh..
    Gallows fodder: what?
    Gallows fodder: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
    Gallows fodder: :O)
    RxxxCxxx: I AM AIN IDIOT
    Gallows fodder: oh, man! I didn't mean to send the bear smiley!
    RxxxCxxx: dude..
    RxxxCxxx: no.
    Gallows fodder: did you do something horrible to your CD-R?
    Gallows fodder: no what?
    RxxxCxxx: i don't know!!
    RxxxCxxx: i'm ready to SMASH
    Gallows fodder: your hardware?
    RxxxCxxx: CUT YOUR FACE
    RxxxCxxx: I GO NOW
    Gallows fodder: me???
    Gallows fodder: ok
    RxxxCxxx: BYE BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
    Gallows fodder: bye


    A new one:

    Spider's Dad: Did you eat yet?
    Spider: No
    Spider's Dad: Why not?
    Spider: Because I'm not hungry
    Spider's Dad: Even better

    (Jesus, I know I'm not thin but give me a break. I can't eat a thing in front of him without him commenting.)

By heather on Saturday, May 15, 2004 - 03:38 am:

    mine- did i complain about this already?

    me: so i suppose you're voting for bush again <grimace>

    dad: HELLS YEAH!!

    me: groan

    dad: i sure as hell ain't votin for someone who's PRO-ABORTION!!

    me: right, the killing has to be done after the person is born, eh?

    dad: that's not the issue

    [weird dad accent courtesy of me]

By Gee on Saturday, May 15, 2004 - 06:40 pm:

    Student: I was just wondering why no one told me when I'm supposed to pay my tuition.
    Me: Did you ask us when you were supposed to pay your tuition?
    Student: No.
    Me: That's probably why we didn't tell you, then.


    Julian: Are you talking to your boyfriend?
    Me: Yes. Yes, I am. (on phone) Ron, you're my boyfriend now.
    Ron: yay! Are you my girlfriend?
    Me: I think that's how it works.
    Ron: Woohoo!
    Me: We're just like Romeo & Juliet. You can be Juliet.
    Ron: What, so I have to die?
    Me: I have to die first!
    Ron: Do I really have to die?
    Me: Yes. In fact, I will have to insist that if I ever die, you immidiately follow me into the great beyond.
    Ron: Thanks, Mel.


By TBone on Sunday, May 16, 2004 - 06:51 pm:

    "Oh, you're talking about Gary Coleman. I thought we were talking about Vanilla Ice!" --E. (the Wadd) Waddington

By patrick on Monday, May 17, 2004 - 01:02 pm:

    Apparently Im a 'member' of some group that has a fetish in which guys post pictures of their wives or girlfriends. Other guys jizz on them, then repost them and the original poster guy gets off. Or something. Its really fucking weird.

    sm_co: Cum On Me Sweetheat
    rsm_co: ur a member of teh group
    accustat: oh
    accustat: really?
    rsm_co: my wife is posted there
    accustat: which one is she?
    rsm_co: holly
    accustat: nice
    rsm_co: i love her covered
    accustat: thats awesome
    rsm_co: u cum pics?>
    accustat: no
    rsm_co: ?
    accustat: kinda weird dont you think?
    rsm_co: not really
    rsm_co: lots of guys do it
    accustat: guys do lots of weird things
    rsm_co: so why u a member
    accustat: i like dirty pictures
    rsm_co: I send more pics to guys who do it on her
    accustat: so you solicit these images for the goo?
    accustat: thats so weird
    rsm_co: the guys love it
    rsm_co: they get special pics
    accustat: special?
    accustat: hm
    rsm_co: yep
    accustat: well, that makes sense since its especially weird that people devote such an effort to the practice
    accustat: are you german?
    rsm_co: nope
    rsm_co: she is
    accustat: figures
    rsm_co: ?
    accustat: germans have some of their weirdest libidos ive ever seen
    accustat: based on the porn i come across
    rsm_co: lets see u are a member of a group u live in Hollywood and u think the ppl here are lame?
    accustat: no no
    accustat: not lame.
    accustat: just weird
    rsm_co: lame weird same thing
    accustat: not to me
    accustat: weird people can be interesting
    rsm_co: and if we like doing this how are we anymor eweid than u r for being here
    accustat: you got a point
    accustat: i guess i am weird
    accustat: but i still dont jizz on pictures
    accustat: nor do i wear panty hose
    accustat: thats also weird
    accustat: that and pink chiffon sweaters. some guys do that you know
    rsm_co: ur a virgin
    accustat: me? no. ive had sex many times

By Gee on Tuesday, May 18, 2004 - 11:01 am:

    wha's wrong with Germans? I'm of German descent.

By patrick on Tuesday, May 18, 2004 - 12:33 pm:

    didnt say anything was wrong them.

    moreover, didnt say anything was wrong with those with German descent.

By Gee on Tuesday, May 18, 2004 - 03:06 pm:

    I can read between the lines! There's nothing wrong with my libido! It's a perfectly respectable libido. what's more, if my libido and your libido got into a fight, my libido would totally kick your libido's ass!

By patrick on Tuesday, May 18, 2004 - 03:14 pm:

    that was actually more closer to my point.

By Gee on Tuesday, May 18, 2004 - 05:40 pm:

    "more closer" teeheeheehee!

    it wasn't just closer. it was MORE closer.


    I'm sorry. It's been a long day. I love you all!

By patrick on Tuesday, July 20, 2004 - 04:48 pm:

    nastymmformore: Hi you and your wife looking for a hung blk man to join you?
    accustat: its possible
    accustat: what are your measurements
    nastymmformore: well my dick is 11" maybe 12" and fat
    accustat: hmm
    nastymmformore: the rest of me is 6'1", 210lbs, in shape
    accustat: thats considerable
    accustat: how about your sack
    nastymmformore: i am a heavy cummer too
    accustat: whats the diameter of your sack
    accustat: now see, thats a problem
    accustat: we dont like a lot of mess
    nastymmformore: my balls hang
    accustat: how low? becuase we need certain clearance for our devices
    nastymmformore: well i could cum before we meet so that most of it is out already
    nastymmformore: what do you mean clearance?
    accustat: you know. clearance. like on the highway, the bridges spec their clearance height so trucks don't go plowing into them?
    accustat: can i have measurements of your sack please? thats important
    nastymmformore: i guess they hang down maybe 3 or 4 inches
    accustat: no
    nastymmformore: i am not sure i have never measured how low they hang
    accustat: you arent understanding. how AROUND are they.
    accustat: not hang
    accustat: take a tape measure and measure around
    nastymmformore: oh sorry
    accustat: get with it man
    nastymmformore: didn't understand
    nastymmformore: hold on
    accustat: id like to hold on alright
    accustat: to a sock with a couple of door knobs in them if you get my drift big boy
    nastymmformore: probably my balls are alittle less then a door knob
    accustat: really?
    accustat: that might be a problem
    accustat: the wife has a thing for huge nuts
    nastymmformore: really
    accustat: yeah.
    nastymmformore: did you see my pic on my profile?
    accustat: if you cant give me a specific measurement, we might have to break this off
    nastymmformore: let me measure them then hold on
    nastymmformore: well if i am measureing right i would show 1 nut to be about 8" around
    accustat: 8"?
    accustat: she usually wont settle for anything less than 10"
    accustat: im talking softball size gonads dude
    nastymmformore: well if i measure both of them around my hole sake is 18" around
    accustat: im sorry. this must end.
    accustat: good luck

By V.v. on Tuesday, July 20, 2004 - 06:24 pm:

    Patrick,excellent postings,an dont ever give up,right? :)

By heather on Tuesday, July 20, 2004 - 08:39 pm:

    oh my

By V.v. on Tuesday, July 20, 2004 - 09:29 pm:

    "oh my"??? why???

By moonit on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 03:58 am:

    people are weird.

By moonit on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 03:58 am:

    people are weird.

By moonit on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 04:00 am:


By dave. on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 04:05 am:

    that's the spirit!

By Spider on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 10:31 am:

    Does anyone think they could find for me the story Cyst told us about the guy to whom she gave a handjob? When I did a search, I found references to "handjob guy," our name for him, going back to 1999, but I can't find the original story.

By Dougie on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 10:59 am:

    Why, you got another prospect for her, Spider?

By patrick on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 01:22 pm:

    why is the idea of spider reading about and even typing the word 'handjob' still titilating? after all these years spider.....

By Spider on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 01:56 pm:

    I'm glad I could bring you some small joy this morning. J

    No, for some reason, that story came into my head last night -- I remembered the guy saying something to her after...um, afterwards...like, "Please go now, there's something I want to watch on TV" -- so I wanted to see the story again to confirm.

By Spider on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 02:30 pm:

    Well, I found it (here), but no mention of the guy wanting to watch TV. I know I read that line somewhere on these boards...

By V.v. on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 08:45 pm:

    Hmmm,only 10,000 threads to go...

By jack on Wednesday, July 21, 2004 - 08:59 pm:

    search monkey pants?

By moonit on Thursday, July 22, 2004 - 03:09 am:

    I mock you with my monkey pants.

    I cannot see the words 'monkey pants' without thinking of Oz.

By jack on Friday, July 23, 2004 - 01:16 am:

By droopy on Friday, October 27, 2006 - 12:22 am:

    earlier today on the #11 bus, the first of two buses i take to work. the bus driver is always the same woman. when i got on, she was apparently in the middle of a conversation with another woman on the bus.

    bus driver: he was a good kid! Everybody thought so. so what happened was, he killed one of my mama's friends and got sent to jail for 20 years. when he got out, he robbed his daddy and went right back to jail!

    other woman: terrible! i don't know where he went wrong! whatever happened to timothy? i thought he was a fine man when he was younger. i don't think i've seen him around for years.

    bus driver: oh, you've seen him! most of the time he sittin' outside of a convenience store on the sidewalk waitin' for somebody to walk by so he can ask 'em for money.

    other woman: really?

    bus driver: well he usually between a convenience store and a washeteria over in bedford. and all he does with the money is buy liquor. and you know he got epilepsy, has those grand mal seizures. i don't know what he thinks he's doin' drinkin'

    other woman: that's a shame. i can't believe he came out so bad

    bus driver: well, he did. i guarantee you've seen him around, you just didn't recognize him. he's just in a shambles. the person i'm sorry for is his mama! i just loved his mama, fine woman.

    other woman: his daddy was a fine man, too! a hard workin' man!

    about this time the bus pulls up to the dowtown bus transfer where i get off and catch the #7. on the 7 is a woman who sits in her seat with an open bible in her lap who, for the entire trip, loudly tells the bus driver about her new job, church activities, and other stuff.

    i get to the shop and one of the women i work with, shannon, is there. i tell her about the dialogue on the #7 and she tells me about her father.

    shannon: my father was a mean man, always got into fights. i'm surprised he never killed anyone. may have, for all i know. you wouldn't think it to see him, though. he a small man, thin and gangly; i don't know how he managed to win any fights at all. he brass knuckles, though, that he carried around with him. when he died, my mother told me: "i don't care would you do with any of his other possesions, but i want you to take those brass knuckles and get rid of them, throw them in a lake, anything. i don't want those things ever to touch bone again." but i kept them. i still have them.

By Spider on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - 12:07 pm:

    Me: Where do you keep the Lysol wipes?

    Dad: What for?

    Me: You have some raw chicken that leaked in the refrigerator and I want to clean it up.

    Dad: Oh, just use a wet papertowel.

    Me: No, I need to kill the germs. I don't want anyone to get sick.

    Dad: Ehhhh, it's fine.

    Me: Hey, I don't want to take any chances. Remember how I almost died from food poisoning when I was a kid, or the e.coli I got last summer?

    Dad: That's because you're weak.

By Dougie on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - 12:16 pm:

    That's awesome, Spider!

By Nate on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - 12:32 pm:

    vegetables are as likely to cause food-borne illness as meats.

    your dad, as always, is 100% correct.

    now i'm going to go eat some raw egg and sugar on toast.

By Spider on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - 01:15 pm:

    We were just talking about that! Ovs battuus, it's called in his dialect. Or however you spell it.

    I'll tell him not to eat whole celery stalks out of the bag without washing them anymore, since vegetables are as likely to cause food-borne illness as meats.

    He told me yesterday that when he was a kid, he used to eat entire apples, core and seeds and all. And also plum pits.

    Me: But why would you do that?

    Dad: We were hungry.

    Me: But plum pits aren't food. They go right through you.

    Dad: Ehhhh, good roughage.

By Spider on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - 01:29 pm:

    Oufs Sbat˙us

    Or in Italian, Uove Battate.

By Danielssss on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - 05:01 pm:

    Me: You are supposed to take the shells off the chestnuts before eating them.

    Son Z: I never do.

    Me: hmmm, are they tasty?

    Son Z: No they taste like shit. May be that's why I don't like roasted chestnuts.

    Me: Here, try one without the shell.

    SonZ: Hey, that's pretty good.

    Me: Do you think this is worm inside this one?

    Son Z; nO, IT'S COOKED ANYWAY. nOT MOVING. Ought to be safe to eat.

    Me: All right.

    Me: Tastes as bad as those shelss I'd bet.

By Spider on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - 05:37 pm:

    My dad and your son would be best buds.

By Nate on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - 08:41 pm:

    about two months ago I first realized how naturally salty
    celery is. celery is awesome. I feel strongly about this.

By Spider on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - 09:57 pm:

    He was going to put celery in his potato frittata (which is his signature dish and is seriously delicious) and I tried to make him understand that celery's flavor is too high and thin for the grounded, earthy flavor of the frittata.

    Yes, it's got a bite to it not unlike the bite of a marinated artichoke (which are totally acceptable frittata additions), but the artichokes also have a low, grounded note which celery lacks, and the celery would just taste off.

    I can't explain this articulately to someone with normal taste buds, so talking to him was a real challenge.

    He was making the frittata for a dinner party with his colleagues, otherwise I wouldn't have opened my mouth. I just didn't want him to show up with a dish that everyone is expecting to be delicious as usual and then spend the evening picking the celery out, either from the dish or from their teeth.

By Spider on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 - 10:13 pm:

    He also spent the evening telling me and my brother stories from his childhood.

    Fun fact: The river his town was built on had had its bridges bombed by the Allies during WWII, so he and his friends used to pan the river for shrapnel to sell to the traveling tinkers for money.

    Also: He believed in the Italian version of Santa Claus (La Befana) as a kid because one Christmas, he got some little figures made out of scrap paper and he knew his mother couldn't afford something like that, so La Befana had to be real.

    This makes me want to cry. For him and his mother.

    He's downstairs right now, watching Battlestar Galactica and fast-forwarding through anything that's boring. Which to him is most of it. He's hopeless.

    I was wrong, though, about him eating bread made with sawdust. That was the two priests we knew who had lived in Rome during the German occupation; I had gotten their stories mixed up. His family didn't eat bread, just polenta. This is why he laughs when we go to a nice Italian restaurant and sees polenta on the menu like it's something special.

By Antigone on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - 02:32 am:

    Two priests came round our house tonight
    One young, one old, to offer prayers for the dying
    To serve the final rite
    One to learn, one to teach
    Which was the cold wind blows
    Fussing and flapping in priestly black
    Like a murder of crows

By Antigone on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - 02:36 am:

    Nate, have you been watching "Wonder Pets"?

By semillama on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - 11:36 am:

    Do any of you follow "Shit My Dad Says" on twitter? pretty funny stuff.

    Kazu would have serious issues with your dad fast forwarding through any of Battlestar Galactica, Spider.

By Nate on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - 12:11 pm:

    kazu has serious issues if she was never tempted to fast forward through 'emotional' scenes between starbuck and apollo.

    i've never heard of "wonder pets."

    i do have an incredible dog, though.

By kazu on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - 01:23 pm:

    Yes, and all of Fat Apollo.

By Spider on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - 03:55 pm:

    I don't know where you are in the series, and I don't want to spoil you, but there are several huge (HUGE) moments he ff'ed through in season 3 that made me want to kill him a little bit.

    Then when you ask him what he thinks of the show, he'll say, "Eh, it's all right."


    He does this with movies, too. OF COURSE you didn't like [whatever] -- you can't enjoy anything if you just skim through it for God's sake.

By Nate on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 - 09:46 pm:

    I've been enjoying farscape more than bsg. bsg ultimately
    was pretty disappointing.

By semillama on Thursday, December 17, 2009 - 12:27 pm:

    Farscape was really awesome - I never saw the last couple of seasons though, so it's on our huge list of tv series to catch up on.

By kazu on Thursday, December 17, 2009 - 01:45 pm:

    I already know a whole bunch of stuff I wish I didn't know--but I am still looking forward to the revelation of them. But Sem hates me and won't stay up all night for a BSG Season Three marathon.


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