Seen something you wish you hadn't Have you ever...: Seen something you wish you hadn't

By Christopher on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 09:37 pm:

    OK. I have been doing independent consulting for the past couple of months. One of my clients is a well to do older woman, who has a huge amount of client data that I am building into a data base for her. I generally work at her house once or twice a week, for a few hours. I usually work in a small office in the basement of her house, and come and go from an entry door there. Today, She had to leave, and asked me to set the alarms for the house before I left. When I was finished for the day, I went upstairs, and was about to set the alarm, when nature called. I knew where the bathroom was, so I just walked in and took a seat. As I'm sitting there, I see 2 leather straps with snaps on them sitting on the edge of the bathtub. As I'm thinking to myself that they look like S&M regalia, I look over to the shower stall, and see an enormous dildo laying on the floor. I now take a good look around the bathroom, and realize that a total freakfest had recently taken place in this very room. A great big pump bottle of astro-glide is sitting next to the dixie cup dispenser. The leather straps would most likely have been used in tandem with the dildo. A pair of white cotton panties lies *shredded* in the tub.

    I flee.

    But first I set the alarm.

By eri on Monday, March 18, 2002 - 09:53 pm:

    I would have run, too!

By patrick on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 11:15 am:



    oh my I would have began snooping immediately.

    there seems to be a potential here for some sort of covert, subversive mischief just not sure what yet.

By Spider on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 11:49 am:

    Oh my. That's embarrassing.

By Antigone on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 02:08 pm:

    Just think, she was probably doing her thing while you were downstairs working.

    Maybe she was fantasizing about you.

By patrick on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 02:31 pm:

    i think that was the point for running, NOT to think such thoughts.

By Spider on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 02:42 pm:

    Antigone, you jerk.

By Christopher on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 02:46 pm:

    Mannish. A little heavy, but compact. Eficient, with a D.A. style hair-do. I sometimes classify such women as "Lou Costello Lesbians", because of their resemblance to the funny man himself. This seems to be an archetype in San francisco.

    I doubt she would be fantasizing about me.

    Still, I shiver at the thought.

By wisper on Tuesday, March 19, 2002 - 08:41 pm:

    i'm scarred for life just reading that.

By patrick on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 11:38 am:

    wisper. hello.

    (is it just me or do people emjoy ignoring me. rhetorical.)

    you emailed me a request. i replied and fulfilled. i didnt hear back. hotmail has history of eating outbound messages. did you receive said email?

    please continue discussion of creepy mannish compact woman with bizarre sex toys.

By J on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 11:52 am:

    I wonder if she has a big dog?

By Christopher on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 01:49 pm:

    Actually, she has a mid-size boy mutt, and it is obvious (to me), that the dog hasn't been tampered with Ala Marjorie Knoller. Now, THAT is a weird story...

    P.S. My posting skills have collapsed. Anyone care to tell an old sorabji-ite how to make an embedded link?

By Spider on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 02:27 pm:

    \ link{URL, text}

    No space between \ and link.

By Christopher on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 02:49 pm:


By Christopher on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 02:50 pm:

    Nope, I'm an idiot. can you post an example?

By Spider on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 03:25 pm:


    (That looks like this without the space:)

    \link {, Sure}

By eri on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 04:17 pm:

    I worked with this girl who used to go visit one of the elderly ladies in her neighborhood. This woman had been there forever and was alone, so Denise would go visit her. Apparently on the most recent visit Denise had made, this woman confided in Denise how she let her little dog eat her on a regular basis. Complete gross out!

    That story is sick, but for some reason, believable. If I had to have sex with that, I would be a little violent, too.

By Christopher on Wednesday, March 20, 2002 - 04:33 pm:

    I would love to know how that conversation proceeded...

    Old Lady: "Ach, things are not as they once were. In my youth, the boys would go crazy for me, but that was a long time ago, and the suitors no longer line up at my door, professing their undying love. I was so pretty.

    Denise: "Oh, I'm sure that you still turn the heads of the gentlemen at the shuffleboard club"

    OL: "Those dried up old prunes. All they care about is their grandchildren, and the roughage in their diets.

    D: "Now, now, I'm sure that some of them would just love to spend time with you. Maybe you need to remember the beautiful young woman who still lives inside you.

    OL: "Feh! If it weren't for Schotzy, my days would be filled with emptiness"

    D: "Well, I'm sure that Schotzy loves you too."

    Schotzy, a long haired german shepherd wags his tail.

    OL: mutters " You have no idea"

    D: "Excuse me?"

    OL: "I said that Schotzy is the only REAL man in my life. He treats me the way the boys did when I was young and beautiful"

    D: "You mean that he..."

    OL: "Yes. He munches on my rug as though I were a girl of 19. Such a good dog."

    D: "Oh. Uh, thats interesting. I'm happy that you have hobbies. I really have to run, now."

    OL: "Goodbye dear, I'll see you next week.

    Diane leaves, and as the door closes behind her hears the Old Woman calling "Come here Schotzy. Thats a good boy..."

By Hal on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 04:02 am:

    I think....

    I'm going to go vomit now.

By pez on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 01:06 pm:

    then call me hal. like you said you would.

By Fester on Thursday, March 21, 2002 - 10:20 pm:

    :: weeping :::

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