I wanna know what the fuck this means.....

sorabji.com: What do you want?: I wanna know what the fuck this means.....

Hal on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 07:22 am:

    Ok so my life has been a shit hole of horridness in the last month or so. Life travling at a very quantum rate twards a very very icky place. Not to mention that the world of social graces has left me completely and I'm just about to give up on the whole human race.

    One minor yet very relevant part of all this has been Marcy. Oh yes, I'm sure you remember hearing about Marcy at least once or twice. She has been the fallen angel to my hell for about a year now. In any case, my stupid ass could never drop the relation, and thus here I sit bound and confused.

    First, let me explain whats going on: Summers over kids, and that means that all those little bastards have to go back to school, however it also means that all those college kids get to go back to. This includes Marcy, who will be leaving the homestead "Billings" and travling back to "Spokane." This trip was to occur sometime around the 1st or 2nd of this month. I know because she had class nice and early on the 3rd. We talk, blah blah blah, and to make a long story short. She's gonna come visit me on her way back, seeing as where I live is in direct path to her way back to SpoKompton. Funny enough, Hal can't make many Long Distance phone calls, no $ to do so and no Long Distance calling plan. So I can't really call her, but I don't hear anything from her for like 2 weeks. And I'm like what the shit is going on. So finally I lose track time again, yeah I hit a week warp again, where time/date/reality has no meanining and I lose where I am for a while. When I come too, its 4:00 AM on the 3rd. And I'm like wait a sec, she has class in like 6 fuckign hours. She's back I know she's back. And I'm like WTF IS GOING ON. So I wrote a little email, to say the least I was a little pissed off. Here is email:

    -Well I'm sure it will be a while before you get this, seeing as you probably just moved back, and you have classes in a few hours I guess.... It is the 3rd after all...... In any case, I won't make this long.


    Thanks for calling Marcy, thanks for emailing, thanks for stopping by on your way back.... Thanks for giving a rats ass....

    I'm sure there was some reason, somewhere, why I was ignored, forgotten,whatever you want to call it. I don't suppose it really matters. If you had wanted to talk to me, or see me you would have... That tells me something,
    what that something is precisely.... is that you don't.

    I guess I'll have to live with that, because there is nothing else I can do
    about it.



    To say the least, I was a little pissed off when I wrote it. Still am, I mean fuck. But hey there isn't really much I can do about it. Had she wanted to talk to me she would have called, or stopped by, or even fuckign emailed me for christs sake. However, I got nothing, no carrier bird came with message attached to feet. And well she's not my girl friend any more so its none of my fucking business I just wish I knew what was going on. But if she wants to talk to me she knows where I live, my Phone #, and my email address so she'll find a way.

    Funny enough, this morning about 4:00 am I got an email from her.... And although its a pretty simple one, it still leaves me feeling even more lost then I already am, (which I should mention isn't very plesant.)


    i need to call and talk/explain some things to you, but from the hostility of
    your e-amil, i'm not too sure i can.
    write and let me know i'm not hated.


    WTF... Someone give me something here, a rivaled guess as to the explination of things to me that needs to be done? I mean fuck..... I don't know I'm fucking babbling again.... I replied with a simple:

    Please Do.

    So maybe I'll hear something, but I'm not counting on anything here. The track record so far is pretty bad. As if my life weren't fucked enough right now, this has brought new meaning to "WORLD FUCK ME IN THE ASS NOW PLEASE!"

By Dougie on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 08:24 am:

    Dude, advice is cheap, and you can take it for what it's worth from this 40 year old man, but just quit this Marcy chick cold turkey. There are plenty of other ladies out there, and one day when you're doing laundry or comparing the price of Tropicana and Minute Maid OJ at the store or stoned out of your gourd at a concert, you'll chance meet some little filly who'll make your heart go pitter patter again, and all will be well with the world. Sounds to me like your "WORLD FUCK ME IN THE ASS NOW PLEASE!" is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

By Cat on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 10:00 am:

    I love it that you used "pitter patter" Dougie. You're cute.

    What he said Hal.

By Spider on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 10:04 am:

    Hal, I think your long-term bad mood (to put it one way) is clouding the way you think. Go do something that will chill you out. Take some days off, or this weekend go to a national park and absorb the scenery. Hang around some positive people. Talk to someone who knows you, who can assess your situation, and who will describe it to you in objective terms so you can get a better perspective on what's going on. To me it sounds like you're depressed and you're misinterpreting things/life as more negative than they are. But I don't know you.

By kazoo on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 10:38 am:

    Listen to Dougie.

    I don't know you either Hal, but I know this situation all too well.

    It does get better. I swear on my Boba Fett PEZ® dispenser.

By J on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 12:10 pm:

    You need some stray tail,asap.

By Daniel ssss on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 12:26 pm:

    From the Aging Gorrilla Hiumself:

    Write her, make whatever amend and apology you need to say in order to sleep at night, tell her, "Ok, explain. You're not hated" or something short like that. If she writes back and explains, don't ever ever ever answer her with more than a "thanks for the info, have a nice life' line. Always always be exceedingly nice to her...so you have nothing to regret. Kill her with kindness in as fwe words as possible, and do not send flowers or a new Mazda.

    Then take everything associated with her out to the desert and burn it. Put her email addy on your junk mail filter.

    And then with a clear conscious mind, a smile on your face, some change in your pocket, keep on a-walking. Avoid stray tail; so much is diseased these days. 'sides, get to know what you want and let go of the search and it oftentimes knocks on your door asking for a cup of raisins for her morning oatmeal.

    Always have raisins on hand.

By Gee on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 01:06 pm:

    poor boy. relationships (any kind) can so so suck so bad.

    I can't give you advice because my own life is so screwed up. I hope things work out for you. I want to know what she says, if it's not too personal.

By Antigone on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 01:52 pm:

    "Always have raisins on hand."

    I prefer dried blueberries, but other than that, ditto.

By TBone on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 02:38 pm:

    You've got a friend in town, remember?

    Come on over if you're feeling down. I'm around in the evenings more often than not.

    We can chill and chat if you like, or we can go out and find some music. I'll buy you a beer.

By pez on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 04:04 pm:

    listen to music, drink a lot of coffee, take long walks.

    that's really all i feel comfortable saying right now. but time can heal all wounds, if you let it.

By Antigone on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 04:39 pm:

    Oh, a double doo dah on the "take long walks" advice. There's nothing that lifts the mood more than exercize. I walked my way to contentment after being unexpectedly dumped last november. Walking helped 'cause I got to do something useful while running the same stupid conversations through my head for three hours.

    Walk that woman right outta your heart and mind, my friend.

    Then you'll be nice 'n' buff when the next filly comes along. That, or you'll meet some chick in the sierra club.

By semillama on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 05:57 pm:

    Excellent advice here, hal take it.
    Just get her explanation, nod sagely to yourself, and chalk her up as a lesson learned.
    Here's my advice: When someone offers to buy you a beer, don't hesitate.

    I think you should go hang out with T-Bone, bitch a bit, then find a place to start over.

    Maybe you could plan the next Sorabjifest. We'll show up.

By J on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 07:14 pm:

    What Sem says, just make sure you go somewhere when you get that beer where there might be some stray tail.

By dave. on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 07:20 pm:

    hal. go find a lawnmower, start it up and piss on the spark plug. get up, dust yourself off, and do it again. repeat until symptoms subside.

By Gee on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 09:52 pm:

    plan the next sorabjifest in Toronto.

    this is not a request.

By heather on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 10:15 pm:

    no toronto, sorry.

By Nate on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 10:29 pm:

    no kidding. toronto bites dick.

By Gee on Friday, September 6, 2002 - 11:36 pm:

    maybe you're confusing Toronto with your mouth, Nate.

    Look how snarky I am! isn't it cute? You can't hate someone as cute as I.

By J on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 02:13 am:

    look at my hairy nuts,there are none more hairy.

By Hal on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 05:41 am:

    Lol, I love thread degridation.

    I know I haven't been much of a poster lately, but I have been lurking, I have been reading the posts. I haven't dissapered I've just been well.... Lurking.

    Well Sem, took TBone up on the beer. Went and had one, we talked. Didn't talk about Marcy, which was fine by me. She hasn't called yet, kinda been sitting on my phone since I made that post, which funny enough I made right after I sent the "Please Do," email. Probably will for a while actually, sit on my phone that is. As for Marcy, its over and it has been for a while, any thoughts I ever harbored about getting it back together I've long since given up. But I still care about her, still love her. And even though I'd give my right fucking testicle to be with her (I say the right just because its the one that always sticks to my leg when I fly commando.)

    As for the walking, I've been doing a lot of that lately. One reason is it doesn't use any gas, which in my poor ass state is good because Gas costs a shitload of money. Another reason is, it gives me time to think. Not necissarily about her, just think. My life has been in a virtual shithole for a while now. The walking clears my head. Seen some weird shit walking around at 4:30 in the morning let me tell ya. One of these days I'll recount all that. Another thing I think about is some posts I've been doing. I now write a quasi opinion page for a website now. Its kinda my own little "Dave Berry'esc" little ramblings good stuff. A hell of a lot of it I wouldn't expect much of you to understand mearly because its about a game. But I think you guys might find it ammusing. You can find all of my up to date posts here:


    Read it, discuss whatever.... Its about 3:36 am, can't sleep again.... This is night 3 in a row where I haven't really slept more then like 2 hrs in a days worth of shit. So I think its time for a walk.... Enjoy the opinion shit, tell me what you think. By the way, to the people who read those posts on a regular basis I'm known as DwarfVader (I know cheesy as fuck.) I figured I'd mention that so you don't get confused as to who DV is.

By wisper on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 03:25 pm:

    i agree, no toronto. Although it would allow the 'mericans half price everything, it's like having a party at your own house. Sure it's a fine party but.... it's just your boring old house. Yawn.

    sorry Hal, had to say something. Okay. Focusing on thread now.

    Halbaby, i love you but stop being my creepy ex. I had to block his email and ICQ and phone #.

    oops, wait a sec..

By wisper on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 04:41 pm:

    anyway, you don't know why she didn't call or visit. Sept is a hectic month for students. I know you're angry, but being cock-like isn't going to get any sort of resolution. Wait till you talk to her. See what she says. See what happens. And if you're still pissed just never talk to her again afterwards. Let it go. No one is going to want to visit you if you continue to be psycho. Okay?
    Talk to her or don't. Let her explain or don't. But don't drag this on until she has to threaten all her friends and family with legal action if any of them give you her phone number. Don't make your life any shittier.

    And go for walks and all the above.

    Sorry if i'm being too immediate but i've been the girl in this story. Or so it would seem.

    luv ya Hal.

By Antigone on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 06:23 pm:

    Let the guy have his emotions, whisper. Just
    because he has strong emotions does not
    mean that he's a psycho.

By dave. on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 06:46 pm:

    fuck that. our job here is to set him straight. not to put up with his estrogen binge.

By dave. on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 06:49 pm:

    i mean, jesus christ hal, are you overdue for your pap smear or what? does your vagina need some attention?

By Hal on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 06:54 pm:

    Yes Dave btw.... Fuck you, you ass.

By dave. on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 06:59 pm:

    fuck me with what -- your sad vagina?

By Hal on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 07:04 pm:

    Yeah dave.... that... Ass.

By dave. on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 07:05 pm:

    bring it on, pussy.

By dave. on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 07:19 pm:

    terminal vaginization. no wonder she avoids you. i'm just trying to goad you into sticking up for yourself. how many billion women are on this planet? this one woman matters that much?

    i'm not anti-women, i'd turn it around against a woman suffering over a guy.

    it belittles you to put this much energy into someone you can't or shouldn't have.

By Hal on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 08:05 pm:

    Other then talking about it here, and the couple emails I've written there isn't any effort being put into it Dave.... My life doesn't suck because of her, she is but a mere tiny part of my life being the suck right now. Other things have way more of a contributing factor over that. No she is mearly something that adds a little spice to the suck.

    There is no effort Dave. I know I can't have her back, that is why there is no effort. I may be retarded by I'm not THAT retarded.

By dave. on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 08:22 pm:

    denial. at your age, she or another woman is the only thing, besides terminal disease, that would plunge you to such depths. it's painful to watch.

    fuck it. be in caveman mode for a while, just don't get stuck there.

By Daniel ssss on Saturday, September 7, 2002 - 09:02 pm:

    Hey Hey! if you will all recall, the next sorabjifest is scheduled for the Christmas, Hannunkah, Winter Solstice, New Year time right here in Missouri....

    Hey shit, I guess I ought to start planning...all right, who's coming to St. Louis? May be we ought to schedule it in the warmer months so the adventuresome and noisy can camp outside next to the pool. Not the you can't do that in December...it's just a little colder then.

By TBone on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 12:37 am:

    It was good to hang out with you Hal.

    Things could be worse. You could have actually given your right testicle to be with Marcy.

    Don't be a stranger. It's not like I'm too busy. It's Saturday night and look where I am.

By pez on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 04:08 am:

    fucking saturday night. almost.

    but that's another story.

By semillama on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 12:51 pm:

    "...your sad vagina."

    Quite possibley one of the funniest things I've ever read here.

By agatha on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 03:49 pm:

    yeah, but i happen to know that dave was a total wreck when his last live in girlfriend gave him the boot, so whatever. he's just forgetting what it's like.

By dave. on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 03:50 pm:

    was that really necessary?

By agatha on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 04:02 pm:

    i'm afraid it was.

    love you, mwah!

    sad vagina was pretty funny, i must confess, even though it was mean. my vagina was sad last week, but now it's doing all right.

By Hal on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 07:02 pm:

    Well... I'm glad to know that Dave's at least been here before.

    Just talked to Marcy on the phone. Nothing...


    Thats all that I can keep thinking, we had a nice chat: This, that, whats going on, blah, blah, blah.

    Its funny, I keep recounting the part in High Fidelity after Cusak finds out his woman is living with Tim Robbins. He makes a statement that is the quote of the century as far as I've been concerned for the last few days.

    "Right now, you are having the greatest sex of your life, inside my head."

    I have an imagination, and for all the reasons she didn't call, or couldn't. I came up with the most horrible things that I could think of. Things that when she told me would crush my little tiny spirit and make it nothing but a rasin of pitty. None of those were even close to the truth, what happened. But reguardless they let my mind think it up till I found out.

    Its humbling, and at the same time scary to think of what my mind is capable of making up for me.

By Antigone on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 08:28 pm:

    "Things that when she told me would crush
    my little tiny spirit and make it nothing but a
    rasin of pitty. "

    The trick is to let it make those things up, but
    don't let them affect you emotionally.
    Otherwise, you crush your own spirit.

    Believe me, I know. I have a fertile
    imagination too, and it's managed to fuck up
    several relationships. However, when I
    ignored it completely, that was also bad
    because my imagination can often be right on
    target. So I've learned to let it go, let it run wild,
    but not let my heart run wild with it.

    Give that a try for about a decade.

By Hal on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 09:14 pm:

    Yeah thats what I'm learning to do...

    Its tricky shit though, because when you do just kinda let it go.... If you think for half a second about something while its making shit up. It owns you.

    Its crazy.

By Antigone on Sunday, September 8, 2002 - 09:50 pm:

    Well, after a while you just get tired of it
    owning you. I don't know, maybe my
    hormones just finally slowed down, but I have
    a better time letting the Id do it's thing while
    my SuperEgo says, "Cute, but where's your
    proof, you steenking bastard?"

By patrick on Monday, September 9, 2002 - 01:42 pm:

    if your smokin the cheeb, id recommend drying out for a month.

    that shit will compound girl-depression like mad.

By Hal on Monday, September 9, 2002 - 08:46 pm:

    No cheeb smoke....

    Too poor for it... And its not really my thing.


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