sorabji.com: What do you want?: Understanding

By eri on Wednesday, February 5, 2003 - 11:21 pm:

    OK, before I tell what I need to understand, a little background story.

    My cousin Liz (in Cali) is a single mother who has dated a total of 1 person in her life, who left her to share his roomates girl. Bad situation. Liz's mother (my dearest aunt) died when we were 16 and her father died last year. Liz has never had anyone to teach her so much as how to fill out a job application, things I take for granted she never learned. When she was pregnant and horribly dumped with no job skills her father and his bitch second wife kicked her out of the house. She moved into an illegally converted garage that is owned by a friend of my aunt. She has been there for the past 9 years. This friend of the family (Bobbie) has basically become family, because not only does she help Liz and guide her and give her advice, but she does right by the memory of my aunt and what my aunt would have wanted. We have become very close with her and she is basically family without having the blood connection, if you understand that.

    Bobbie's son has recently moved in with her (against her wishes and causing much trouble, but Bobbie won't kick them out because of his baby) Bobbie's pacemaker has been "off of the charts" three times in the past 4 months because of the stress of having the lazy ass son there. She had a finger removed due to cancer a while ago. Liz takes care of her and gets social security payments ($6.25 p/h) to take care of her, but Liz gives her the checks because Bobbie needs the money with the loser son there.

    Recently (like in the past week) they have found that the cancer has returned in the hand with the missing finger and it is in the other hand as well, and they also found a cancerous tumor in her adrenal gland.

    Here is where I need understanding. I don't know where the adrenal gland is or what purpose it serves and am therefore scared that the cancer is slowly eating away at her entire body. I love Bobbie and don't want to see anything happen to her, but it is a little too late for that.

    Another thing is that Liz will need help if anything happens to her. Don't get me wrong. Liz has come a LONG way in the past 3 years, working her way off of welfare 5 years ago and getting a stable job and getting promoted at that job, but even then only makes $9 p/h (in Hawthorne, Cali) and doesn't have a clue how to make ends meet on her own. She is still really struggling with finances and with being a good parent and with keeping her car running and legal, and working, and taking care of Bobbie. Liz's hands are full and she is a bit lost right now.

    I need to better understand Bobbie's condition to better be able to make sure Liz has the help she needs.

    Anyone who has medical knowledge and can help me understand what is happening with Bobbie, well any information or advice would be greatly appreciated.

By Spider on Thursday, February 6, 2003 - 08:34 am:

By Spider on Thursday, February 6, 2003 - 08:38 am:

By sarah on Thursday, February 6, 2003 - 10:32 am:

    the adrenal gland is the major regulator of stress hormones, like adrenaline and epinephrine. you cannot live without your adrenal gland.

    i'm sorry to hear about this predicament, eri.

By Spider on Thursday, February 6, 2003 - 12:01 pm:

    (Nitpick: adrenaline and epinephrine are the same thing. You can call the two hormones secreted by that part of the adrenal gland adrenaline & noradrenaline or epinephrine & norepinephrine. I still remember that from my psychopharmacology class 3 years ago, amazingly!)

By eri on Tuesday, February 25, 2003 - 05:03 pm:

    OK so Liz calls today with an update. Bobbie's stress level has gone up a lot. Her son is destroying her house and trying to hide it. No one can prove it is him. He is breaking windows and leaving the baby alone in the house while he goes out to get more pot. He isn't working....blah, blah....same old story. Bobbie still won't kick them out because of the baby.

    Her stress level has gotten so bad that at her last visit, it was determined that in two weeks she has had trouble with her pacemaker 4 times. Again her rates are off of the chart. The doctor has told her that her best bet (if she got rid of the stress) is 6-9 months. She is growing steadily worse at a rapid rate.

    Liz is understanding how bad the situation is and is doing everything she can to help out Bobbie, but now she has to come up with $300 to replace the windows in her apartment that Bobbie's son broke in a temper tantrum. She can't prove he broke them and he is not willing to help.

    So now, all I can do is hope that things become easier for Bobbie as she prepares for he worst. And I hope that Liz (although she understands) starts making plans for the next phase of her life, without Bobbie, while doing her best to take care of the one person who has been there for her and has helped her grow into the wonderful woman she is. Of course, I also hopes she actually starts dating soon, cuz she hasn't been on a date or even just had sex with someone for over 8 years now!


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