the world/freedom What do you want?: the world/freedom

By la on Friday, February 10, 2012 - 07:10 pm:

    It's been a bit since I've done a mondo post about the state of the la for those sorabjites not getting my massive piles of twitter and facebook posts.

    I just turned 30 two weeks ago, which means I've been posting here about 12 years. Through good times and horrible, though mostly the bad because I always return here, to my security blanket on the internet.

    I started my first nannying job three days after my birthday, and have been working alone with the girls for a little over a week. I'm so glad there's two: it keeps me busy and it's so interesting comparing their personalities and levels of development. I've been teaching them how to be neater at mealtimes and how to pet a kitty properly.

    I have a job interview tomorrow at a gaming store a few miles away, but a mile from a bus line that's only a half mile from home. Not too shabby. If I got the job, I'd only work about 8 hours a week, but that would be my monthly student loan payment. I just made my first.

    I feel like I've been handed the world in these last few months. Given many chances and starting to work in areas I feel are worthwhile. I'm starting to make art again: writing and taking photos and playing the piano, doing my own arrangements. I stopped playing music in August after playing Gymnopedies during my grandmother's memorial service.

    I met a fellow on new year's eve and he showed up again at my birthday party and we've been hanging out: it feels wonderful. His whole face lights up when he's talking about exciting ideas and he's got the widest smile I've ever seen. We're doing aerobics together on Monday and I'm trying to get him to watch porn with me (and a few hundred other people) on Friday.

    There's been some weight loss too: I've been walking all over the neighborhood for ages, but my nannying job is only 15 blocks away and walking with the twins is a great way to spend an afternoon. I just weighed myself for the first time in almost two years and am only 10 pounds over what I was at at the end of highschool.

    But more than anything, I've been happy these last few months. I'm taking control of my life, wresting it away from loans and grocery-store dependence. I'm baking my own bread and did a pizza dough for the first time last night. I created financial plans for myself to pay down my credit while living comfortably in my own way.

    I've been exploring the idea that my major trouble (besides my personally strict morality) is my ability to process language. I've begun paying attention to different things during conversations: body language, facial expressions and tonality to augment my ability to understand and I think it's been helping a lot. I had no idea it was even something that existed until recently (audio processing disorder) and my desire for precise language seems to follow that thread. Who knows?

By semillama on Monday, February 13, 2012 - 04:43 pm:

    Sounds like you're on the right track, la. Good for you!

    For what it's worth, 30 is when things really turned around in my life as well.

By la on Tuesday, February 14, 2012 - 11:06 am:

    I've heard that from other friends as well: a good year & being able to navigate the world.

By la on Tuesday, February 14, 2012 - 10:05 pm:

    ...a text message breakup from something that was too early to be official. Crap.

By sarah on Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 10:44 am:

    text message break up. what a hoser.

    in any case, i second what sem said about 30. 30-
    39 are powerful, formative years. old enough to
    be taken seriously, young enough to still be able
    to party your ass off.

    30 was a huge event. 40 wasn't even a blip. 30
    was a scion tc. 40 is about to be a dodge grand
    caravan. gulp.

    tc to the max, girl. you know what i'm sayin'.

By la on Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 07:43 pm:

By sarah on Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 08:58 pm:

    that is so awesome.

By heather on Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 08:59 pm:

    I can't really follow what Sarah is saying, but it sounds like you're
    about a decade ahead of me.

    40 is amazing and magical and freedom and I am so so glad about
    how wrong I was.

By la on Wednesday, February 15, 2012 - 10:32 pm:


    I've got 15 more posts thus far, one scheduled to post each day.

    My bosses are letting me use their treadmill during naps! I'm going to start running again!

By Fa la la la on Thursday, February 16, 2012 - 12:08 pm:

    la, how many "bosses" do you have? really?

By la on Thursday, February 16, 2012 - 03:06 pm:

    Just two. I'm a nanny.

By la on Friday, February 17, 2012 - 08:06 pm:

    I've been doing massive amounts of soul-searching/writing inside my head. Deleted the tumblr. Apologized for my public breakdown.

    I've made myself so open to hurt, but that's made me more open to all the positivity around me. It's amazing. I'm having to redefine how I relate to the world.

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